*** HANDGUN CONTROL, INC. DICTIONARY ***
AMAZING FIREPOWER - a) holding more than two shots; b) makes a loud 'boom' which could hurt the ears of a child.
ARMOR-PIERCING AMMO - Any round capable of penetrating 5 layers of aluminum foil, or a heavy sweater. Must be banned.
ASNER, Edward - An actor world renowned for his brilliant portrayal of a major metropolitan newspaper editor; truthful, hand- some, virile yet kindly and honest spokesman whose veracity is unassailable when he speaks of the need for gun control.
BILL OF RIGHTS - A piece of parchment written by dead white males, that is either worthless or sacred, depending on whether the portion under consideration agrees with us.
BRADY, SARAH - Saintly daughter of FBI agent, who grew up with guns, then decided they are wrong for the rest of us. Similarity of philosophy to that of Adolf Hitler has been exaggerated.
CANNON, HOWITZER, ELEPHANT GUN - Any weapon having "amazing firepower" (above), eg, any firearm more powerful than a .22 blank starters Pistol. Must be banned.
CIVILIZATION - Those parts of the world where guns are outlawed (like New York City, or Northern Ireland).
COP-KILLER BULLET - Either a hard, non-expanding bullet, or a soft, expanding bullet, depending on which isn't banned yet.
CSGV / HCI - Socially responsible organizations of honest, concerned, truthful citizens of the highest integrity who only want to keep Saturday Night Specials out of the hands of criminals.
CRIMINAL - Anyone possessing a gun, if we get our way...
CULTURE OF GUNS - Those Americans still capable of original or independent thought. Must be reeducated to understand that we, not they, know what's best for them. (We haven't ruled out "camps"...)
DEADLY ASSAULT RIFLE - Any open-sighted firearm that will fire two or more consecutive rounds without major inconvenience to the user. Must be banned.
DEADLY SNIPER WEAPON - Any weapon capable of accepting an optical sighting device. Must be banned.
DEADLY "STEALTH" WEAPON - Any gun with a quiet or muffled report, e.g. air guns. Must be banned.
DEADLY ASSAULT PISTOL - Aww, hell, even we don't know what this is.
Better ban 'em all, just to be sure...
GUN - Any oblong metallic object capable of harming a child, even if he drops it on his foot. Must be banned IMMEDIATELY.
HESTON, Charlton - An obscure, little-known actor who once had a minor role in a movie about the Bible; has been known to espouse the pro-gun propaganda of the NRA. Probably a student of Soviet disinformation techniques.
HUNTERS - Sadistic uncivilized cretins who wantonly massacre morally superior peace-loving woodland creatures with assault rifles and elephant guns, then leave the carcasses to rot while they (the hunters) drink beer. Many seem to worship severed heads. Must be taxed to clean up their contribution to urban violence (the current $75 Million in fees stupidly goes to husband more animals for them to shoot).
JUSTIFIABLE OUTPOURING OF RAGE BY VICTIMS OF 12 YEARS OF ECONOMIC VIOLENCE - Riot.