Sheep Wanted (Cleveland County/Norman area)
Date: 2009-09-13, 12:32AM CDT
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

You: In possession of ~25 ewes and a ram of any breed.

Me: 29 year-old media worker who has recently been laid off from a $69,000 a year job and cannot find work anywhere in the goddamn world. I've been out of work since March and I have basically given up on life and am now reduced to living with my parents on their 20-acre quasi-ranch, so I've decided to raise sheep, sell organic vegetables and resign myself to never being able to pay off my $65k in student loans. I have a ten year-old pickup truck with 150k miles I can use to pull a trailer, about $4000 in savings I can use to get started and absolutely no training in raising sheep. I can, however, shoot, edit and market web videos or build you a super cool website (that's what a sixty-thousand dollar education and a decade of media work will get you instead of practical life-skills). I'm single because I'm broke and living with my parents, and I have no children because I can't ever fucking afford to have a family of my own so I should have plenty of time to spend being a shepherd and hoeing the garden. If you know anything about growing organic squash I'd be forever in your debt if you'd share that with me too. I have been educated at a top-tier school so I feel I am competent to explain to the sheep the subtle nuances of Kant and his Critiques of Judgment and Reason (both Pure and Practical). Further, I can show the sheep how to construct an article with either a delayed lede or in an inverted pyramid. In addition to my 10 years of media work I also volunteered in my spare time so I feel any lambs produced of this union would come away with a strong sense of community service and personal responsibility. I'm at an all time low in terms of self-esteem, so if the sheep are difficult or are highly critical I'll probably shoot either them or myself—save us all the hassle. As a (former) media worker I feel that I am uniquely qualified to lead sheep around all day long, as I have been leading around the intellectual sheep that comprised my audience for ten years. I promise not to fuck the sheep.

First they came for the textile workers, and I did not speak out—because I was not a textile worker;
Then they came for the auto workers, and I did not speak out—because I was not an auto worker;
Then they came for the finnacial services workers, and I did not speak out—because I did not work in finnacial services;
Then they came for the insurance workers, and I did not speak out—because I did not work in the insurance industry;
Then they came for me, and there was nobody left to speak out for me.

Quoted:
Thats not really funny.

Quoted:
Not sure which is funnier, the gallows humor or the fact that he can't spell financial correctly.