Well for those of you who care (and if you don't, PISS OFF!)

Patrick was Roman. He was captured and enslaved by the Irish to tend sheep and do other shitty jobs. St. Patrick brought civilization and the teaching of Christ (as well as literacy) to the savages of Ireland and for his trouble he was excommunicated! (Those Buggers!)

In about 10 hours I am going to start drinking and eating food that gives me “The Wind” (Corn beef and Cabbage, an Irish American favorite). I hope all of you enjoy this special holiday (please don’t be too hard on the liver and brain, you never know when you’ll need them) and stay safe!

In honor of St. Patrick, I’m going to make [green] Green Receivers! [/green] and any orders for said receivers received via my e-mail today (by midnight tonight) will be a cool 25% off listed retail (plus shipping to the FFL of your choice…If your one of my dealers reading this and getting pissed, don’t worry, the same discount applys to your price)

Seamus [email protected]

Aye, lad.  Though ye be from the "wrong" side of the Irish Sea, we are clansmen.  Slante![beer] As well as Up Your Kilt![beer]

Semper Fi!

Ken Little
of Clan Little

[b]"May ye be half an hour in Heaven before the Devil knows your dead".[/b]
The Irish Rovers.

[b][green]
 Irish Prayer
 
Murphy was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.
 
"Please Lord," he implored, "let it be blood!!"
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [/green][/b]

[b][green]
"I've Lost Me Luggage"
 
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. "No," replied the Irishman. "I've  lost all me luggage!"
 
"How'd that happen?"
 
"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [/green][/b]

[b][green]Water to Wine
 
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
 
"Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
 
The priest looks at the bottle, sniffs it, and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  [/green][/b]

[b][size=2][green]The Reunion
 
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why, of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks, "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
 
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."

"Of course," says the second. Curious, the first asks: "Where in Ireland?"
 
"Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't believe it, Me too! Lets have another round of drinks to Dublin."
 
"Of course" The second man can't help himself so he asks, "What school did you attend?" "Saint Mary's", replies the first man. "I graduated in '62."
 
"This is becoming  unbelievable!!!" They say in union.
 
About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar."What's up?" he asks the bartender.


.  


"Nothing much," replied the bartender. "The damned O'Malley twins are drunk again!"
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  [/green][/size=2][/b]

[b][green]The Brothel
 
Two Irishmen were sitting a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."

Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye,'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation."

Then they saw a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity... one of the girls must be quite ill."
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  [/green][/b]

[b][green]Lost at Sea          


Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lampigorously. To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth.

This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!"
 
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted.
 


.




After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to piss in the f#$&*% boat, ya arse!"
 
[center]    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
[size=4]H a p p y S t. P a t r i c k's D a y![/size=4]  [/green][/b][/center]    

[b][red]    Unfair Fight

During the Easter Rebellion of 1916 a company of the infamous Black and Tans were scouring the countryside around Dublin, hoping to head off the Irish Republicans before they could reach the town.  

Suddenly on the crest of a hill there appears a short little red-haired guy wearing shabby clothes and an old cloth cap. "Brave dogs of those English bustarrrds, are ye? Come up here and I'll kick yerr arrrses ferr ye!"
 
At that the Company Commander turns to his Corporal and says, "Take 10 men and go deal with that Irish upstart!"
 
The Corporal and 10 men go over the hill to kill the little Irishman. Ten minute later the little Irishman appears again on the crest of the hill.  "Ye English bustarrrds!" he yells. "Come on the rest of yez!! Come on, I'll have yez yet!!"
 
The Company Commander is getting somewhat annoyed, so he turns to his Sergeant and says, "Take 20 men and kill that little guttersnipe!" The Sergeant and the 20 men disappear over the crest of the hill.

Ten minutes later the little Irishman appears at the top of the hill again, his red hair sticking up and his shirt a bit torn. "Ye English SCUM!" he yells. "I'm just warmin' up!!! Come and get wat ye gut comun!!!"
 
At that the Company Commander loses patience and says to his Lieutenant, "Take 40 men and personally WIPE THAT IRISHMAN OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH!!"  

The Lieutenant gulps, but leads 40 men over the crest of the hill. Ten minutes later the little Irishman is back.  His clothing is all torn and his face is covered with blood and snot, and he yells, "Is that the best yez can do???  Yer bloody WIMMIN!!!! Come on, come and have a go ya bunch of Jessies!!!"
 
Furious, the Company Commander turns to his Adjutant and yells, "Take 80 men over that hill and don't come back until you've killed that damned Irishman!!" The Adjutant gathers his men and they ride over the hill to their fate.  Five minutes later, one of the troops staggers back over the top of the hill. He's covered with blood and his uniform is torn off.  
 





"Commander!!" he yells. "Go back!! It's a trap!!! There's TWO of them!!!"[/red][/b]

"Garryowen"

[Verse 1]

Let Bacchus's sons be not dismayed,
but join with me each jovial blade,
come booze and sing and lend your aid,
to help me with the chorus:

"Chorus"

Instead of spa we'll drink down ale
and pay the reckoning on the nail,
for debt no man shall go to jail
from Garry Owen in glory

[Verse 2]

We are the boys who take delight
in smashing Limerick lamps at night,
and through the street like sportsters fight,
tearing all before us (Chorus)

[Verse 3]

We'll break windows, we'll break doors,
the watch knock down by threes and fours,
then let the doctors work their cures,
and tinker up our bruises (Chorus)

[Verse 4]

We'll beat the bailiffs out of fun,
we'll make the mayor and sheriffs run,
we are the boys no man dare dun,
if he regards a whole skin (Chorus)

[Verse 5]

Our hearts so stout have got us fame,
for soon 'tis known from whence we came,
where're we go they dread the name,
of Garry Owen in glory (Chorus)

This song is without a doubt one of the best pub crawl'n, toe tapp,n beer drink'n songs out there. It was written by Stan Rogers and one of the best renditions is sung by The Irish Decendants. Get on Napster and give it a listen.

BARRETT'S PRIVATEERS

Oh, the year was 1778, HOW I WISH I WAS IN SHERBROOKE NOW!
A letter of marque come from the king,
To the scummiest vessel I'd ever seen,

               CHORUS:
               God damn them all!
               I was told we'd cruise the seas for American gold
               We'd fire no guns-shed no tears
               Now I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier
               The last of Barrett's Privateers.

Oh, Elcid Barrett cried the town, HOW I WISH I WAS . . .
For twenty brave men all fishermen who
would make for him the Antelope's crew
       (chorus)

The Antelope's sloop was a sickening sight,
She'd a list to the port and and her sails in rags
And the cook in scuppers with the staggers and the jags
       (chorus)

On the King's birthday we put to sea,
We were 91 days to Montego Bay
Pumping like madmen all the way
       (chorus)

On the 96th day we sailed again,
When a bloody great Yankee hove in sight
With our cracked four pounders we made to fight
       (chorus)

The Yankee lay low down with gold,
She was broad and fat and loose in the stays
But to catch her took the Antelope two whole days
       (chorus)

Then at length we stood two cables away,
Our cracked four pounders made an awful din
But with one fat ball the Yank stove us in
       (chorus)

The Antelope shook and pitched on her side,
Barrett was smashed like a bowl of eggs
And the Maintruck carried off both me legs
       (chorus)

So here I lay in my 23rd year,
It's been 6 years since we sailed away
And I just made Halifax yesterday
       (chorus)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Written and recorded by Stan Rogers