Little David comes home from first grade and tells his
father that they learned about the history of
Valentine's Day.

"Since Valentine's day is for a Christian saint and we're
Jewish,"  he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving
someone a valentine?"

David's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't
think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a
valentine to?"

"Osama Bin Laden," David says.

Why Osama Bin Laden," his father asks in shock.

"Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American
Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a
valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not
all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And
if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to
Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start
going all over the place to tell everyone how much he
loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."

His father's heart swells and he looks at his boy with
new found pride. "David, that's the most wonderful thing
I've ever heard."

"I know," David says, "and once that gets him out in the
open, the Marines could blow the crap out of that
motherfucker!"

Geoff Metcalfe made a funny today. Sorry if I butcher it.

Osama is walking along and finds a clay jar with a wax plug. He is curious to see what's inside so he pops the plug. Out pops a genie and she says "yippee, I'm free!!! And now you get to wish for anything you want and I'll do it for you. Osama say's "you're a woman. I don't need anything from a woman. Go away."
The genie says "if I don't do anything for you I have to go back in the jar for a thousand years. Please let me grant you a wish." Osama is walking away and says over his shoulder, "okay, in the morning I want three american women in bed with me doing what they do best." The genie says "great, I can do that."
In the morning Osama wakes up with Lorena Bobbitt, Tanya Harding and Hillary Clinton. His ~!@#$% is missing, his leg is broken and he doesn't have any health care.