[b][size=3]BE ANY MORE OF A PAIN IN MY ASS?!?!?!?[/B][/SIZE=3]

It's driving me to [img]www.ar15.com/members/albums/Chimborazo%2Fbeer%2Egif[/img]

We are 60 days form closing on the new build and I am at the end of my rope too.

Hey, I want a new home and a [img]www.ar15.com/members/albums/Chimborazo%2Fbeer%2Egif[/img]

The home prices under Caliban rule are quite expensive, I need another [img]www.ar15.com/members/albums/Chimborazo%2Fbeer%2Egif[/img] I've been whoring my self at night saving up for a new home [img]www.ar15.com/members/albums/Chimborazo%2Fbeer%2Egif[/img] Please don't tell anyone about my whoring at night [img]www.ar15.com/members/albums/Chimborazo%2Fbeer%2Egif[/img]

Wait til you try to remodel it..........

Wait until 12mo later and you find something wrong with it.

[b]Chimborazo[/b], I take it you haven't actually "closed" yet? You ain't seen nothin' yet! [whacko]

Be sure you READ AND UNDERSTAND ALL DOCUMENTS  [U]BEFORE[/U] YOU SIGN...
Bwaaahaahaahaaa....

You mean I have to read all those papers?.....and understand them?.....There are millions of those! One copy for the lawyer, one copy for the bank, and one copy for myself!

ARRRGH!.....I just signed and signed until I drop!

For what it is worth......Since 1996, my house value went up $150K....good investment. Can I save that much in 5 years?....Hell no.

Post from The_Macallan -

Having been a closing attorney for various title companies for more than twenty years, the way I always explain it to new homebuyers is very succinct:

After showing the young couple six inches (don't go there!) of stacked papers, I say to them:

Before you sign this paperwork, let me explain to you two things that the law presumes:

1. That you read everything you sign.

2. That you understand everything you read.

That's it! If you complain about it later the Judge will simply look at you, dolefully, and ask you 'Sir, Madam, is that your signature?'

You can bring in all of your elementary school teachers and have them explain about your reading abilities, etc., but the Judge will just say 'If that's your signature, case closed, you lose.'

About that time the young couple is getting mighty anxious about what they're signing, etc., and that's when I tell them.

Well, you can certainly take the time to read all of this stuff, that, quite frankly, even though I drew it up, I'm not certain I've ever read, but we will need to postpone this closing, 'cause it will take you several days with a Black's Law Dictionary by your side.

Just remember this rhyming couplet and you will know [u]everything[/u] you need to know about what you're about to sign:

[size=3][b]If you pay, you stay.
If you don't, you won't![/b][/size=3]

Pretty simple. It works with car loans, too![:D]

Eric The(Simple)Hun[>]:)]

Little did you know that one of those millions of fine-print forms you signed was actually a quitclaim the broker stuffed in the stack signing your house over to him.  HE is actually the one with 150K equity in a house and you're just renting from him. [:D]

That's the bottom line....that I understand. No, the house is under my name not the broker. The bank want their money back that's all. If I don't pay back my loan, either I will sell the house or they will auction it off to collect.

If you keep on paying, nothing will happen.

I won't tell as long as you don't work my corner.  I've gotta make a buck too ya know.

February 22nd if all goes well.  But just today I decided to switch lenders.  I hate this.

I've been renovating since august and working seven days a week since then.Last week I dragged a 20x16 rug and threw out my back.now my wife is thinking about selling and moving ahhh women they never make up their minds.

OK, you guys asked for it:

Home Buyers
Real Estate
Jargon Translation Guide

by FatMan (Last updated in 1995)

Park-like Setting - A lake in the basement and tons of dog shit in the yard
Fireplace - There's been a fire in this place
Fenced Yard - Neighbor raises pit bulls and is not known for feeding them well
Family Neighborhood - Kids running, yelling and playing in the yard 24 hrs. a day
Needs TLC - Bring a bulldozer
Handyman Special - Bring two bulldozers
Hardwood Floors - Heavy smell of animal urine required removal of carpets
F/HA Heat - Broker is full of hot air because the heat is on to sell the house
Close to Public Transportation - Train tracks in your back yard
Showplace - Prior owner had 6 kids, 4 dogs, 3 cats, 2 mortgages and no taste
Recent Roof - 3rd layer of shingles added 15 years ago
Totally Renovated - Previous owner's brother "Sid" painted the house last year
Foreclosure - Crime ridden area drove property value below mortgage balance
Owner Anxious - see Foreclosure
Bring In All Offers - see Owner Anxious
Established Neighborhood - Houses were built before the Civil War
Older Neighborhood - Houses were built before the Revolutionary War
Mother/Daughter - Illegal 2 family with common entrance and utilities
Legal 2 Family - see Mother/Daughter
In-Town Setting - No off street parking
Cul-de-Sac - French for "Through street to landfill not finished yet"
Below Market Value - Optimistic owner originally priced it $10,000 too high
A Steal - Home under foreclosure as owner is serving time for theft
Multi-use - Owner uses home to live in and deal drugs from
Rural Setting - 32 miles to nearest sign of civilization
Quiet Street - Heavy Metal rock band next door is currently "on tour"
Mrs. Clean Lives Here - Owner is old bald lady with one hoop earring
Move right in - Flood washed out previous owner's possessions
Cottage - Sheetrocked garage
Doll House - see Cottage
Starter Home - see Doll House
Equity - Something everyone else seems to have
Mortgage - Repay $4 for every $1 you borrow
Title Insurance - What you need in case your $1000 lawyer didn't do his job
Oversized Lot - Property is 15 ft. wide and 700 ft. deep
Has Potential - Has termites
Contractor's Home - Built with bits and pieces left over from other projects
1/2 Bath - Solitary commode in middle of unfinished cellar
Finished Basement - Curtains stapled to window frames, posters on cement walls
Professional Landscaping - Owner paid neighbors kid to mow lawn once-a-week
Mature Trees - Invest in a chain saw and a chipper now
Service Entrance - Back door
Formal Entryway - Front door
Smaller Home - Front and back door share same hinge
Tree Lined Street - Root-buckled sidewalk should be replaced to avoid lawsuits
New Thermal Windows - Brick wielding youths destroyed the old windows
Protected Wetlands - House is on a flood plain
Brand New Condo - Building constructed of toad shit and waxed paper
Owner Financing Available - House is so bad, owner will pay you to buy it
Creative Financing Available - 40 year note, 6 points, 18% rate, $900 fee
Rustic – Outhouse
Secluded - Accessible by helicopter only, groceries must be air-dropped in
Light and Airy – No air conditioning
Partially Fenced – 30% of fence burned in local KKK "misunderstanding"

I sold my condo and purchased a house. 14 days from offer to close on the house, possession 2 days after closing.

Smooth as glass.

Waaaaaaaa Waaaaaa

Want a real sob story?  I'm the guy who used to deal with you @$$hole home owners.  I used to work for a company that built entry level housing, starter homes, you know the type.  Every damn one of those homeowners wanted their f'ing dream home at a row housing price.

You don't get custom carpentry for 120 grand.  Drywall texture is not an exact science...there will be inconsistencies in it.  If you wanted custom cabinets, you should have paid for them.

Man I can tell some stories about the crazy people I had to deal with.  The DAMN WOMEN were the worst.

Good luck to you!

I figure right about now, the only other thing on your mind, besides closing the deal, is looking for BOXES! Big boxes. Lots of them.

 

Drop me an email with any questions that you have. I am a broker/lender and can be on your side when no one else is.[:)]

Drop me an email, I may be ale to hook you up with a program that will make your down payment and closing costs for you. No shit no cost.

I've done several real estate deals, including an apartment building.
One thing I learned (the hard way) is to spend the extra money on a lawyer.
It's well worth the cost.
Can you really trust some one making a commission on your purchase having your best interest as his/hers priority ?

For me MOVING is the worst part...

At our first closing I remember everyone being in such a good mood and really friendly. Once the checks started flying around the room I realized why. They were all getting paid, with our money! Walking out my wife asked "Do you feel like you just got mugged?" I told her yes by a bunch of smiling well dressed muggers.

-elliott

I wish you good luck and a happy life in your home. Make sure you get Mortgage Insurance on top of the Homeowners Insurance. Also some kind of disability Insurance would be good. Trust me I almost lost my house when I got hurt on the job 6 months after I bought. If it wasn't for my parents God knows. Don't get upset if something breaks. Don't fight with the wife since she will get the house and maybe your guns. plan what room your going to be buried in since you pay for 30yrs refinance and pay for another 25. Other than that enjoy it.

It's a total nightmare. I'm going back and forth with the landscapers now, and I bought $3200 in just SHUTTERS today!