Having a real tough time lately.  I have a daughter by this woman we were never married.  At the time she got pregnant I was dating another girl.  Anyway, for some reason I kept going back and forth between them, and yes I know it was stupid.  So Long story short, I get joint custody etc. and marry the other girl.  I love my wife but just cannot shake the kids mom.  She has something that I can't get over.  Anyway she and I didn't speak for a while and now she has a kid to some guy who made off for parts unknown all the while she's seeing some married guy.  When I think about it I get knots in my stomach.  We talk every day for hours mostly and I see my daughter often.  I miss her to hiogh heaven and it is affecting my already shaky marriage.  I wish these feelings would go away but they haven't for over 5 years and it is tearing me apart.  It seems that the only time I can manage is if I don't see her which is tough because of the kid.  She makes comments about our former relationship how I messed up and all and now it's too late blah, blah, blah!  So I have decided to reup active duty Navy.  Entertained this a year ago and backed out but went to recruiter on Thursday and he says need a waiver because the old one expired but he said no problem it will clear again anyway.  Waiver is for an arrest record like 10 years ago so whatch all think I should do?

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Of course she does, it's called a Vagina.

Idiot.

Now that we have that out of the way, what you need to do is realize that reason you can't shake the past relationship is that you keep feeding the feelings, memories, etc. You are in a pretty messed up situation that won't get better because you decide to duck out. You want advice. Here it is; it's worth what you paid for it.

Give some long hard thought to whether you are going to honor your marriage and commitments.

Then commit yourself to that and discuss with your wife.

If you decide to go active I would only do it

1) with your wife's agreement and support, after discussing and clearing the air.

2) as a way to remove yourself from the present situation if you think you can't handle any temptations until you get this out of your system.

3) if it doesn't prevent you from meeting your obligations to your daughter, for example, if she'd be better off with you around to intervene, stay there and do it.

Good luck and keep us posted.