How about one of our more literate members take a stab at writing a pitch for Billy Mays to use on TV for selling Mail Order brides.

I have a couple ideas, but I'm busy

Ha-ha since I started it I will start.

BM: Hello everyone, we have a fantastic new product today. What we have here is the mail order bride 2009. Coming from such good countries as Russia, Ukraine, Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia and more! Don't be confused with imitators these are the real deal looking for a great family like in America. The MOB 2009 features include, on demand pie delivery system, good wife and housekeeping skills, x35 voice command, which is the ultra newest design/mode that limits back talking.These ladies are totally into hunting and gun collecting, it is taught to them from childhood. These ladies also are taught the "Good wives guide of the 1950's when they are young until they are purchased, so you know their good.(Not sure if that's right but close enough) Furthermore, don't miss out on this fantastic once in a life time deal these deals are going fast. Call 1800-555-5555 today to put your bride on hold. These brides come with the manual, no struggling to figure out what they are thinking, follow commands great, and the best deal yet no s/h charges. The price is only 1000 US dollars, that's right only 1000 dollars! but wait there's more if you call in the next 10 minutes we will throw in the french maid outfit, and stripper heels free of charge. So go ahead and take the leap in your new exciting life today.




Howd I do?

years ago,

in Tulsa and OKC there was a 1 hr program that use to come on that was a infomercial for a company located in Tulsa for this purpose.

the infomercial was brutal.
just fucking brutal.

we use to get drunk, eat nachos and watch it for the carnage. the shows were titled stuff like "JUNGLE GIRLS  I, II, III and IV".

it would show "jungle" girls posing in waterfalls..most were not Univision material if you get my drift.
it had a sleazy looking guy for the voice work and the intros. i think he was the father of the owner of the company.

I wonder if anyone has a clip.

Good start.  I think it should start with "BILLY MAYS, HERE..."  It also seems most appropriate to write it entirely in CAPS.