This sucks. A friend is dying of cancer; they don’t expect him to make another week. The wife just asked me today that she would like me to say something at the service. I said I would.

The hard part is that the guy wasn’t a choirboy. He has a checkered past, which led us apart for several years. He did clean up his act when he got married and had a child, which is when I did come back (reluctantly) and have been a fair friend. I told him when he straightened out, that “You lied and deceived me, you have to earn my trust back. It isn’t going to easy. OK?” He accepted my words, and did a real good job since then. Apparently I was the only old friend that did this, so now I am the oldest friend he has/had.

Does anyone know where to start on writing a eulogy? I haven’t looked on the web yet, thought I would ask you guys first.

Well it sounds like he straightened up for his family.Good place to start.

Tell the truth.  You don't have to go into details of the man's past.  Maybe how you met, some good moment you had together, or maybe something he did to make you a better person.   It need not be long either.  Be careful of trying to put this friend in light he does not belong.  You may, trying to be kind, place your reputation in a bad light and insult the people there if you say he was something he was not.  If you have a hard time saying something nice, look for something he did well and share that with the people.  Funerals and eulogies are not for those who have died as much as for those who have been left behind.  

A few suggestions...

1) Pick a theme.  For instance, you could focus on the fact that this guy turned his life around to become a decent dad, father and friend.

2) Flesh out your eulogy by describing a memorable experience that you had with this fellow.  Pick something that illustrates the positive side of his character.

3) Be natural.  Since you'll be speaking in front of a group, it's important that you use language with which you're comfortable.

4) Be brief.  Hit the important points but don't ramble.

5) Rehearse the eulogy a time or two so you can speak freely without being bound to a text.  You might want to prepare an outline or a set of index cards to use instead of a script.

[*sigh*]

A tough one.

A few point I memtion may be obvious but i'll mention them anyway.

If he is a person who has religous beliefs then you could make mention of his involvement with this. If not, its best to avoid this as it may cause further grief for the family.

Its best to mention the good things he can be best be remembered by and not dwell on his loss, you may mention that.

Despite the flaws a person has there are always some good things, some fond memories. Stories of things that you and others remember of him, how he was as a father and husband, etc ...


Now, I hate to make assumptions but I think I can safely assume that he wasn't the church going type, right? (no offence).

I mention this only because many ministers/reverands/pastors i've seen will mention at the funerals of their deceased member(s) that we should not be sorrowful for the loss of the person but to rejoyce in the fact that this person will be in a better place.
It is this reason that I said previously NOT to bring up religous matters if he wasn't religous (I know you know that) as it may leave the family feeling that their loved one may...[loss of words].. not reap of the rewards of heaven.

I know its hard and I hope this is of some help to you.

Down South we do things a bit differently at funerals. While we don't exactly put the f-u-n back into funeral, a bit of humor in the eulogy never hurts.
"Old so-and-so was like the Chinese proverb: he led an interesting life".

Stress his good points, overlook the bad. After all, the funeral is for his relatives, not for him. Good luck.

Guzzler, Thanks.

Friends Make A Difference

Some people come and go in our lives,
like passing ships, nameless faces or forgotten dreams,
never meant to be part of our lives, but they are.

Kindred spirits who come into our world,
they touch our hearts and make a difference in our lives.
They give us the gift of friendship so that we are not alone.

Friends share simple, ordinary times in our lives,
moments that become memories that stay in our hearts forever
and we will never, ever be the same.

You may want to mention things that he did with his wife & daughter, a special vacation etc.

Sit down and talk to him.  Ask him what HE wants you to say about him.  You might be surprised.

I have many fond memories of.....


I remember ............


I remember thinking of him when.........


I remember always being able to talk to ----about "Anything" no matter how sensitive the subject.


Whether you knew ------- for a short time or a lifetime you will always remember him for the way .............

I hope that you will all join me in a prayer for my friend.....