THE "TWO-COW" THEORY OF WHAT MAKES . . .


A CHRISTIAN:
You have two cows.  You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

A SOCIALIST:  You have two cows.  The government takes one and gives it
to your neighbor.

A REPUBLICAN:  You have two cows.  Your neighbor has none.  So what?

A DEMOCRAT:  You have two cows.  Your neighbor has none.  You feel
guilty for being successful.  You vote people into office who tax your cows,
forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.  The people you voted for
then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.  You feel
righteous.

A COMMUNIST:  You have two cows.  The government seizes both and
provides you with milk.

A FASCIST:  You have two cows.  The government seizes both and sells
you the milk.  You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:  You have two cows.  The government taxes
you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who
has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:  You have two cows.  You sell one, buy a
bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:  You have two cows.  The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You sell one, and force
the other to produce the milk of four cows.  You are surpised when the cow
drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You go on strike because you
want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You redesign them so they
are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You reengineer them so they
live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows but you don't know where they
are.  You break for lunch. You elect a porn star to parliament. She removes
her top during a session of parliament. No one cares about the cows anymore.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You count them and you have
five cows.  You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.  You count them
again and learn you have 12 cows.  You stop counting cows and open another
bottle of vodka.

A MEXICAN CORPORATION:  You think you have two cows, but you don't know
what a cow looks like.  You take a nap.

A SWISS CORPORATION:  You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you.
You charge for storing them for others.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You enter into a
partnership with an American corporation.  Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You worship them.

THE TALIBAN:  You have two cows.  You turn them loose in the Afghan
"countryside" and they both die.  You blame the godless American infidels.