Question for Dad's

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Question for Dad's (Page 1 of 2)

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:30:27 AM EDT

How long until you were able to relax after bringing baby home? I'm completely on edge worrying if I'm doing everything right. He saw the Ped yesterday, and all is great. The problem is me. How did you cope?

Any help would be great.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:31:39 AM EDT

[#1]

I plan on using beer.

My wife is due with our son on June 17th.

It is our first.
So this is a tag.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:32:09 AM EDT

[#2]

You're toast, you will never relax again.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:33:02 AM EDT

[#3]

Just relax. You're not going to break him.

They're not nearly as fragile as 1st time parents think.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:35:43 AM EDT

[#4]

Question for dad's what? His hammer? Hammers can't respond to questions very easily.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:37:06 AM EDT

[#5]

Fatigue.

I remember our first baby the first day: I just lay on the bed with my clothes on that night, and every time the baby made a sound I was wide awake and checking things out.

Within two days I was sleeping through her crying, since my wife had things well in hand –– and there was nothing I could do anyway (i.e., breast-feeding).

Best wishes and don't sweat it. Baby stuff is, well, baby stuff. By the time you need serious parent-fu, you'll have been gently brought along the learning curve and will be as well-prepared as anyone could be for the teen years and their "exciting challenges."

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:37:27 AM EDT

[#6]

Quoted:
Question for dad's what? His hammer? Hammers can't respond to questions very easily.

Shit, see I'm slipping. This is my first bust by a grammar Nazi.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:37:47 AM EDT

[#7]

My son (our first-born) was born premature, at 29 weeks, and spent the first month and a half of his life in the NICU.

We were so glad to have him home, finally, that it was the first time either of us could relax (collapse would be a better word) since he'd been born. FWIW, he's 5 now and prefectly healthy, with twin baby sisters no less.

Rest while you can, 'cause it'll be a while before you're fully rested again... but it's totally worth it!

One more thing –– don't fall asleep holding the baby in a recliner or on a couch. Ever. Trust me on this.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:38:11 AM EDT

[#8]

My son's are 6 and 13, I haven't quit worrying yet.

I had to drive home at night in a snow storm a few weeks ago and my mom made me call her when I got home safe, I'm 33. I don't think you ever quit worrying about your children.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:38:27 AM EDT

[#9]

You'll figure out how to relax on the second one. Until then, focus on just doing things good enough not perfect. The odds are low you'll kill him no matter how much stuff you forget or screw up. Forget about yourself Dad. You'll live through it too.

Welcome to the club.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:38:35 AM EDT

[#10]

after ten kids and raing them for thirty years before the baby left for university, i can tell you you will need to yell HELP alot

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:38:45 AM EDT

[#11]

About 18 more years, brew.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:38:48 AM EDT

[#12]

My son is 8 yo now, but I can remember when we brought him home from the hospital my wife and I kept waking up at least once an hour just to check and see if he was still breathing (he was healthy, nothing wrong with him, we were just newbie parents). After a couple of months of this, my mother-in-law (who bore 6 children), share this little gem of wisdom with us: "Babies aren't made out of glass". In other words: By all means take reasonable care, but don't stress out over it. Having said that, I think it wasn't until he was 4 or 5 months old before my wife and I relaxed into the parenting role. But I feel for you, my friend, first babies are scary as shit... we're all parental amateurs.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:39:12 AM EDT

[#13]

Quoted:
My son's are 6 and 13, I haven't quit worrying yet.

I had to drive home at night in a snow storm a few weeks ago and my mom made me call her when I got home safe, I'm 33. I don't think you ever quit worrying about your children.

Your son's what are 6 and 13?

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:41:03 AM EDT

[#14]

Quoted:
Fatigue.

I remember our first baby the first day: I just lay on the bed with my clothes on that night, and every time the baby made a sound I was wide awake and checking things out.

Within two days I was sleeping through her crying, since my wife had things well in hand –– and there was nothing I could do anyway (i.e., breast-feeding).

Best wishes and don't sweat it. Baby stuff is, well, baby stuff. By the time you need serious parent-fu, you'll have been gently brought along the learning curve and will be as well-prepared as anyone could be for the teen years and their "exciting challenges."

Mom had a rough time (blood loss, surgeries, etc) so I was playing mom, and dad for the first few days. I lost 15lbs (I can stand to lose more), and have slept 10 hours since last Saturday.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:41:09 AM EDT

[#15]

You don't stop worrying, ever, but you get so used to the worry that it's normal around 8 months old, generally.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:41:23 AM EDT

[#16]

Quoted:
How long until you were able to relax after bringing baby home? I'm completely on edge worrying if I'm doing everything right. He saw the Ped yesterday, and all is great. The problem is me. How did you cope?

Any help would be great.

First born: until the second is born

Second baby: about 2 weeks

Third baby: until you get him/her home

It is natural to worry. You, the mom and the baby will do fine!

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:41:56 AM EDT

[#17]

The first baby is a stresser. The second one is a snap. It'll get better and you'll be a pro in no time. The worrying never stops tho.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:42:44 AM EDT

[#18]

Quoted:
How long until you were able to relax after bringing baby home?

I began to relax (a little) when my little tyke started all-day school in 1st grade.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:43:05 AM EDT

[#19]

When they go to college?

I don't know. Mine are 7 and 9 and I'm not relaxing yet.....

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:45:15 AM EDT

[#20]

Quoted:

Quoted:
Question for dad's what? His hammer? Hammers can't respond to questions very easily.

Shit, see I'm slipping. This is my first bust by a grammar Nazi.

In other words, I have nothing worthwhile to add.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:45:21 AM EDT

[#21]

Quoted:

Quoted:
How long until you were able to relax after bringing baby home?

I began to relax (a little) when my little tyke started all-day school in 1st grade.

Sending them to school made me worry even more.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:48:17 AM EDT

[#22]

Just remember that babies cry. And cry and cry and cry. Did I mention that they cry alot? They cry when you are watching TV. They cry when you are trying to eat dinner, And most importantly they cry at 3:00 AM when you are trying to get some sleep for that big day at work. Learn to appreciate the crying when you can, and tune it out when you cant. Dont let the crying stress you out.

Get as much sleep as you can and whenever you can. Work out deals with your wife where you take turns watching the baby while the other one sleeps.

And yes, babies are tougher than you think. Just dont drop them on their head on the kitchen floor and you should be all set.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:48:57 AM EDT

[#23]

It never ends my friend.I know this much for sure 5 year old boys should be issued helmets from the doctor.If it helps my wife would not could not change my sons clothes for the first few days,that was my job,she was afraid she would "break" him.We both just figured out to relax and found our groove.But the worry is there for lack of a better term "till the day you die".But the hugs and smiles are beyond worth it.Good luck and enjoy every moment they grow up very fast.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:49:16 AM EDT

[#24]

My boy is a little over 2. At times he still gets poked while sleeping to make sure he's breathing.

Everything will be fine, babies are very resilient. I really never slept peacefully until he started sleeping though the night. That was when he was about 12 weeks old(I think).

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:50:07 AM EDT

[#25]

Quoted:

I plan on using beer.

My wife is due with our son on June 17th.

It is our first.
So this is a tag.

The hard part will be finding a nipple that fits the bottle.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:50:26 AM EDT

[#26]

Daughter just turned 2.

I'll let you know if I ever stop worrying.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:52:52 AM EDT

[#27]

Quoted:

Quoted:
Fatigue.

I remember our first baby the first day: I just lay on the bed with my clothes on that night, and every time the baby made a sound I was wide awake and checking things out.

Within two days I was sleeping through her crying, since my wife had things well in hand –– and there was nothing I could do anyway (i.e., breast-feeding).

Best wishes and don't sweat it. Baby stuff is, well, baby stuff. By the time you need serious parent-fu, you'll have been gently brought along the learning curve and will be as well-prepared as anyone could be for the teen years and their "exciting challenges."

Mom had a rough time (blood loss, surgeries, etc) so I was playing mom, and dad for the first few days. I lost 15lbs (I can stand to lose more), and have slept 10 hours since last Saturday.

You're already relaxing, if Condition RED has been lowered enough for you to post here. Seriously.

To put my first comment in context, our first delivery was hairy. Really, really hairy. There was a moment there that the consensus in the room was grim, and I thought I was losing both of them. But mom and daughter are still here, 25+ years later.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:53:48 AM EDT

[#28]

I have three kids, 13 year old girl, 9 year old boy and 4 year old girl. I have forgot what it was like to truly relax. It will be fine though, believe it or not the joy really does out weight the pain.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:56:20 AM EDT

[#29]

It doesn't take too long. Hints inbound...

1) Babys like being held, dads like sitting in a recliner watching the toob, babys don't care what's on...

2) Hold them firmly. I'll never understand how a man who would not drop a football under any circumstance carries a baby like it's a loaf of bread. Babys like to be held.

3) Diapers only stink if they belong to someone else's kid.

4) Don't sweat the small stuff. Babies don't care if the house is dusted and swept perfectly. Laundry and ironing bore them beyond description. Babies don't make a big deal out of dishes sitting in the sink. They do like to be held.

5) Nothing is more important than a baby as far as that baby is concerned. You might as well enjoy being his servant.

6) Don't expect Mom to do it all. She also needs time to kick back and just enjoy being Mom. Did you know you can fold laundry while watching football? Works for almost anything on the toob. As long as you're putting up laundry, Mom will think you're the hottest thing since Erroll Flynn.

7) Be Dad. You know, the guy who is always there, always patient, loving unconditionally, and giving to the point of death. It's a great job. Don't mess it up because Junior gets to pick your rest home.

8) Take time to still be in Love with your wife. The harder it gets the harder you have to work at it. Let Junior know how much you love his Mommy. Let the whole darned world know.

9) Take Junior with you when you are out running errands. Babies dig that kind of thing for some reason. Perhaps it's because they like to be held?

10) Be flexible. Babies can't tell time.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:56:38 AM EDT

[#30]

Good work my man! You never really "stop" worrying about them, but every day that passes now will give you confidence that the miracle you have made with your wife is real, and he's not going anywhere. Try to get some rest bro.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:58:04 AM EDT

[#31]

Quoted:

< snip >

Great list/post, but you forgot an important one:

- There is absolutely nothing "magical" about a Diaper Genie...

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:58:06 AM EDT

[#32]

Quoted:
When they go to college?

I don't know. Mine are 7 and 9 and I'm not relaxing yet.....

You will NOT relax when they go to college! Believe me, you won't.

You just have to accept less information and less access and be more trusting.

It NEVER gets "easy" unless you just quit and desert them, which I would NEVER do.

So just accept that it NEVER gets "easy.

Posted: 3/27/2009 11:59:02 AM EDT

[#33]

Quoted:

You'll figure out how to relax on the second one...

That's what I thought... until the second "one" turned out to be two.

Posted: 3/27/2009 12:01:31 PM EDT

[#34]

You'll never relax completely now, not like you used to. There's a brand new worry to occupy your mind.

It's not bad, just something to get used to. You have a new life in your hands.

Posted: 3/27/2009 12:01:40 PM EDT

[#35]

Quoted:
How long until you were able to relax after bringing baby home? I'm completely on edge worrying if I'm doing everything right. He saw the Ped yesterday, and all is great. The problem is me. How did you cope?

Any help would be great.

You have a Son, relax use beer.

I've a Daughter, I'll use something a bit heavier.........

Posted: 3/27/2009 12:02:10 PM EDT

[#36]

Quoted:

Quoted:

< snip >

Great list/post, but you forgot an important one:

- There is absolutely nothing "magical" about a Diaper Genie...

Made someone "magically" hand over hard earned cash. The ones that take normal kitchen bags are the best. They have a little trap that squeezes the bag shut.

Posted: 3/27/2009 12:04:21 PM EDT

[#37]

When the second one was born I relaxed. The first is all new ground, I still remember how nervous I was with my first and she is almost 19 now................... Good luck

Posted: 3/27/2009 12:04:25 PM EDT

[#38]

Quoted:
Just relax. You're not going to break him.

They're not nearly as fragile as 1st time parents think.

+1

Kids are amazingly durable within reason.

Posted: 3/27/2009 12:06:59 PM EDT

[#39]

Quoted:
It doesn't take too long. Hints inbound...

1) Babys like being held, dads like sitting in a recliner watching the toob, babys don't care what's on...

2) Hold them firmly. I'll never understand how a man who would not drop a football under any circumstance carries a baby like it's a loaf of bread. Babys like to be held.

3) Diapers only stink if they belong to someone else's kid.

4) Don't sweat the small stuff. Babies don't care if the house is dusted and swept perfectly. Laundry and ironing bore them beyond description. Babies don't make a big deal out of dishes sitting in the sink. They do like to be held.

5) Nothing is more important than a baby as far as that baby is concerned. You might as well enjoy being his servant.

6) Don't expect Mom to do it all. She also needs time to kick back and just enjoy being Mom. Did you know you can fold laundry while watching football? Works for almost anything on the toob. As long as you're putting up laundry, Mom will think you're the hottest thing since Erroll Flynn.

7) Be Dad. You know, the guy who is always there, always patient, loving unconditionally, and giving to the point of death. It's a great job. Don't mess it up because Junior gets to pick your rest home.

8) Take time to still be in Love with your wife. The harder it gets the harder you have to work at it. Let Junior know how much you love his Mommy. Let the whole darned world know.

9) Take Junior with you when you are out running errands. Babies dig that kind of thing for some reason. Perhaps it's because they like to be held?

10) Be flexible. Babies can't tell time.

VERY, VERY GOOD ADVICE ! Babies just love to hang out with Mom & Dad. They especially like "doing" errands. So much to see. It will get both you and them lots of attention. Babies REALLY like attention. Take them with you everywhere. They like being with you.

They don't break easily, but be careful.

Posted: 3/27/2009 12:07:17 PM EDT

[#40]

Quoted:

Quoted:
How long until you were able to relax after bringing baby home? I'm completely on edge worrying if I'm doing everything right. He saw the Ped yesterday, and all is great. The problem is me. How did you cope?

Any help would be great.

First born: until the second is born

Second baby: about 2 weeks

Third baby: until you get him/her home

It is natural to worry. You, the mom and the baby will do fine!

+1 this is so true, unless of course your in my situation and you have three girls, then your worry just changes in content as they get older.

Posted: 3/27/2009 12:09:50 PM EDT

[#41]

Quoted:

One more thing –– don't fall asleep holding the baby in a recliner or on a couch. Ever. Trust me on this.

Uhh, no. Explain.

Posted: 3/27/2009 12:11:01 PM EDT

[#42]

Quoted:
You're toast, you will never relax again.

Posted: 3/27/2009 12:14:09 PM EDT

[#43]

I've always had the attitude that unless you wind up in some horrible million-to-one medical drama, everything will work itself out, just use common sense and it'll be fine. Which is very good. How long was it until I could "relax"? We're going on almost five years now, and so far the answer has been "never".

http://www.walkowiaks.com/images/June%202006/The%20Girls/All%20four%20after%20birthday%20cake.jpg

So I have to agree with everyone who says "just roll with it", and being exhausted will overtake being nervous quickly enough. About a month after we had our second set of twin girls home from the hospital, their eleven month older twin sisters were still getting up during the night I hit what I'll call "the wall". "Going to work" was no excuse for me as Mrs. Dual couldn't take care of all four herself in the dark, and she had to be up to take care of them during the day too.

I was so tired, one night, I only half woke up to them crying, dreamed I made a quick detour to the bathroom to relieve myself before picking up a pair of girls, and wound up pissing the bed for the first time in over 27 years.

We were both pretty

for about a year, we just accepted it, went with it, because we knew it wasn't forever.

And yeah, we stripped all the furniture out of the first floor of the house, covered it with play-foam, and put that safety-gate into the kitchen pass-through window for a REASON.

Posted: 3/27/2009 12:14:54 PM EDT

[#44]

As others have said... Being a dad is the end of a stress free life.

After a few months my MIL came to take him overnight so my wife and I could relax.... I was all good until I saw the car drive away. I actually got sad and worrisome for my lil son's safety...

Now that he's a toddler, I am saving his life every 30 seconds.... He's in the cupboards, he's playing with wires

... Yeah... Its very stressful, but its fulfilling at the same time!

Posted: 3/27/2009 12:18:36 PM EDT

[#45]

Quoted:

+1 this is so true, unless of course your in my situation and you have three girls, then your worry just changes in content as they get older.

QFMFT

I have 2 daughters. I know what you mean.

Posted: 3/27/2009 12:18:57 PM EDT

[#46]

Well were on 14 years now,havent relaxed there is always something out there to hurt them.......Maybe at 22years I wont worry as much...but I doubt it...Im 40 and my parents still call to check to see how Im doing...

Posted: 3/27/2009 12:30:20 PM EDT

[#47]

Two sons - 20 (in college) and almost 17 (high school).

You will never again fully relax. But, wow.... it's worth it.

Posted: 3/27/2009 12:34:33 PM EDT

[#48]

Yeah, you will be ok...... I drove like a damn grandmother on my way home from the hospital with the first kid. They are pretty damn tuff, I know cause #1 likes to use #2 as punching bag when we aren't looking. They are only 3(oldest) and 6months(youngest) and I haven't broken one yet. You're good man, you'll be fine.

Posted: 3/27/2009 12:34:35 PM EDT

[#49]

Quoted:
How long until you were able to relax after bringing baby home? ...............

For me, never.

I still worry about my kids.

Posted: 3/27/2009 12:35:56 PM EDT

[#50]

Quoted:

Quoted:

One more thing –– don't fall asleep holding the baby in a recliner or on a couch. Ever. Trust me on this.

Uhh, no. Explain.

Well, I really didn't want to give the new Dads here nightmares.

I review every non-medical pediatric death in this state, it's what I do for a living.

You would likely be amazed at how many infants suffocate and die because a caretaker fell asleep with them on a sofa, in a recliner, or on/in an adult bed. Infant sleep-related deaths are the second-largest group of non-medical deaths to all children under 18, second only to vehicular deaths, and most of them are preventable ones (such as the positional asphyxias I'm describing) as opposed to the relatively few true clinical SIDS cases with no contributory cause.

There. Sorry.

(I'll gladly delete the above if the OP would prefer –– pretty heavy subject.)

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