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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:39:10 PM EDT
I attended a local renaissance festival yesterday. I figured that with all the mead fueled ruffians running about with swords, maces and daggers, it would be a good idea to protect myself. I had my Desert Eagle holstered in plain sight on my right hip. Unfortunately, the weight of it it kept pulling my tights down, so I decided to ditch the holster and just stick the barrel down into my cod piece. Later on, I'm just standing around the food tents minding my own business and enjoying a turkey leg and a tankard of Dr. Pepper, when this fat guy in a Charlotte Hornets jacket and a chain mail helmet comes up to me and and identifies himself as the "king's constable". He then asks me "what manner of arms I have about my person" and "what is my business in the king's realm?". I told him I was just waiting for the 2:15 joust to start and could he please point me in the right direction. He then starts going on about dangerous weapons being prohibited "on ye olde faire grounds". The last thing I wanted was to have this turd try to confiscate my weapon, so I just turned my back and started walking toward the crowd that formed around two juggling midgets riding a goat. The "constable" follows me yelling his head off, until I finally lost him by ducking into a Porta-Potty. After about five minutes I figured the coast was clear and I emerged from the stinking can only to find that I had somebody else's wet shit smeared across the back of my leggings. After quickly making my way to the parking lot, I kicked the bottom half my costume under a Mini Cooper parked next to me and drove home in my underwear. As if all this weren't bad enough, I woke up this morning with a fever and reddish yellow pustules all over my body. I think I might have contracted the black plague.
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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:40:39 PM EDT
[#1]
LMFAO in on one!
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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:41:59 PM EDT
[#2]
DISENGAGE....DISENGAGE....DISENGAGE !!!!!
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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:42:56 PM EDT
[#3]
6/10. Not enough ye olde cussing and no pics of the ren fair babes.
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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:43:13 PM EDT
[#4]
OK.
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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:43:17 PM EDT
[#5]
shit smeared leggings huh
 lol
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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:44:22 PM EDT
[#6]
OMG TMI ye bastard.
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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:44:24 PM EDT
[#7]
lol
This will get good. |
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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:45:13 PM EDT
[#8]
Quoted:
shit smeared leggings huh lolLOL would love to see them try and peace tie a pistol. |
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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:45:24 PM EDT
[#9]
I'm gonna go ahead and tag this with a few of these
. |
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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:45:44 PM EDT
[#10]
ehhhh.... wtf.
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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:46:16 PM EDT
[#11]
Dibs on guns, er swords?
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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:46:44 PM EDT
[#12]
In. Large handguns and tights don't mix!
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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:47:00 PM EDT
[#13]
You wore tights?
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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:47:05 PM EDT
[#14]
pics of two juggling midgets riding a goat or BS
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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:48:07 PM EDT
[#15]
I certainly give this one points for originality.
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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:48:42 PM EDT
[#16]
Quoted:
ehhhh.... wtf. +1 WTF! |
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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:50:05 PM EDT
[#17]
Thanks for the laughs. GD has been a little dull lately.
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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:52:40 PM EDT
[#18]
My wife and i both were
btw, she's actually a cast member in the Ren Fair |
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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:52:43 PM EDT
[#19]
oops. double
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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:54:25 PM EDT
[#20]
That was funny
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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:56:04 PM EDT
[#21]
you must be hung like a mandingo brother if you can fit a Deagle in your codpiece
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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:57:30 PM EDT
[#22]
A lot of potential - but nothing seemingly catch-phrase worthy.
These kinds of posts need catch phrases. |
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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:59:08 PM EDT
[#23]
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Posted: 3/23/2009 8:59:21 PM EDT
[#24]
LMAO
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Posted: 3/23/2009 9:01:34 PM EDT
[#25]
Quoted:
I attended a local renaissance festival yesterday.Fail I figured that with all the mead fueled ruffians running about with swords, maces and daggers, it would be a good idea to protect myself. I had my Desert EagleFail holstered in plain sight on my right hip. Unfortunately, the weight of it it kept pulling my tights down, so I decided to ditch the holster and just stick the barrel down into my cod piece.Fail Later on, I'm just standing around the food tents minding my own business and enjoying a turkey leg and a tankard of Dr. Pepper, when this fat guy in a Charlotte Hornets jacket and a chain mail helmet comes up to me and and identifies himself as the "king's constable". He then asks me "what manner of arms I have about my person" and "what is my business in the king's realm?". I told him I was just waiting for the 2:15 joust to start and could he please point me in the right direction. He then starts going on about dangerous weapons being prohibited "on ye olde faire grounds". The last thing I wanted was to have this turd try to confiscate my weapon, so I just turned my back and started walking toward the crowd that formed around two juggling midgets riding a goatuh...Fail. The "constable" follows me yelling his head off, until I finally lost him by ducking into a Porta-Potty. FailAfter about five minutes I figured the coast was clear and I emerged from the stinking can only to find that I had somebody else's wet shit smeared across the back of my leggingsFail. After quickly making my way to the parking lot, I kicked the bottom half my costume under a Mini Cooper Failparked next to me and drove home in my underwearFail. As if all this weren't bad enough, I woke up this morning with a fever and reddish yellow pustules all over my bodyFail. I think I might have contracted the black plagueFail. |
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Posted: 3/23/2009 9:05:27 PM EDT
[#26]
EDC a Desert Eagle, Metal.
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Posted: 3/23/2009 9:05:41 PM EDT
[#27]
dupe
I mean you should have bladed that crap at 45 degrees, and gone back to the festival you ain't a king if'n ya got shit all over ya |
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Posted: 3/23/2009 9:09:51 PM EDT
[#28]
Quoted:
A lot of potential - but nothing seemingly catch-phrase worthy. These kinds of posts need catch phrases. "So I had my Degale in my cod piece when........ I heard a suspicious sound... 
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Posted: 3/23/2009 9:09:55 PM EDT
[#29]
Quoted:
6/10. Not enough ye olde cussing and no pics of the ren fair babes. Aye, ren faire babes. |
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Posted: 3/23/2009 9:13:12 PM EDT
[#30]
Ye left out one part...
After evacuating teh shitteh in ye shitty tights ye asked the juggling midget "CAN YE SMELL IT?" and he puked on ye crotch... THEN ye shucked them under the Mini and rode home in ye drawers. |
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Posted: 3/23/2009 9:25:23 PM EDT
[#31]
So this is one time when blading at a 45-degree angle isn't a good thing?
If you are participating as an archer or knight, you have your personal defense in hand :)
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Posted: 3/23/2009 9:27:23 PM EDT
[#32]
YOU WILL NOT TOUCH MY CODPIECE!!!11!!!
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Posted: 3/23/2009 9:27:53 PM EDT
[#33]
Dibs of guns, ammo, and optics
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Posted: 3/23/2009 9:30:57 PM EDT
[#34]
Quoted:
Quoted:
6/10. Not enough ye olde cussing and no pics of the ren fair babes. Aye, ren faire babes. Verily. Posteth pics of yon fair maidens, lest I call bovine excrement. |
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Posted: 3/23/2009 9:37:26 PM EDT
[#35]
too freakin funny
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Posted: 3/23/2009 9:37:31 PM EDT
[#36]
and just stick the barrel down into my cod piece.
YOU WILL NOT TOUCH MY COD PIECE! YOU WILL NOT TOUCH MY COD PIECE! Hell, Scott_In_OKC beat me to it. I mean you should have bladed that crap at 45 degrees, and gone back to the festival
He actually bladed at 180 degrees, THEN returned to the Fair! |
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Posted: 3/23/2009 9:38:30 PM EDT
[#37]
I really don't even know what to say.
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Posted: 3/23/2009 9:42:55 PM EDT
[#38]
...WHAT?
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Posted: 3/23/2009 9:59:41 PM EDT
[#39]
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Posted: 3/23/2009 10:10:02 PM EDT
[#40]
Quoted:
YOU WILL NOT TOUCH MY CODPIECE!!!11!!! Good advice, if you're at the Ren Faire. 
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Posted: 3/23/2009 10:15:38 PM EDT
[#41]
Little John: Don't you worry, never fear. Robin Hood will soon be here.
[Blows fanfare on bugle and stands at attention] Bugs Bunny: Yeah, Mr. Wise Guy. Now you're gonna get it. Robin Hood'll fix you, brother. [after a long pause, Little John looks to the distance, shrugs his shoulders and leaves] Bugs Bunny: Eh, where was we? Little John: Don't you worry, never fear, Ro... Bugs Bunny: Yeah, I know, Robin Hood will soon be here. He robs from the rich and he gives to the poor. Yoho, he goes skipping, tra-la, through Sherwood Forest, helping the needy and the oppressed. Ah, you've been saying that throughout the whole picture! Well, where is he? Little John: Aw, you should not talk mean like that, because there he is. Robin Hood: [Appears in live-action] Welcome to Sherwood. Bugs Bunny: [pause] Naw, that's silly. It couldn't be him. " |
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Posted: 3/23/2009 10:18:26 PM EDT
[#42]
Quoted:
I'm just standing around the food tents minding my own business and enjoying a turkey leg and a tankard of Dr. Pepper, when this fat guy in a Charlotte Hornets jacket and a chain mail helmet comes up to me and and identifies himself as the "king's constable". He then asks me "what manner of arms I have about my person" and "what is my business in the king's realm?". "King's Constable" Sounds more like a royal dipshit to me. |
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Posted: 3/23/2009 10:19:59 PM EDT
[#43]
In.
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Posted: 3/23/2009 10:20:24 PM EDT
[#44]
So was it against some rule to carry there? Or was the guy just being an ass? You guys have open carry, right?
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Posted: 3/23/2009 10:20:58 PM EDT
[#45]
Could Ye smell it?
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Posted: 3/23/2009 10:21:15 PM EDT
[#46]
Interesting....very interesting. So these tights you were wearing....
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Posted: 3/23/2009 10:21:50 PM EDT
[#47]
in on one...
Was it held on private property? |
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Posted: 3/23/2009 10:25:15 PM EDT
[#48]
Quoted:
I woke up this morning with a fever and reddish yellow pustules all over my body. I think I might have contracted the black plague. Quarantine your ass!  
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Posted: 3/23/2009 10:38:26 PM EDT
[#49]
Short of Million Mirmidons March I can't think of any event less carry-friendly than a "Ren Faire"
and other than the Ren Faire babes...TURN IN YOUR MAN CARD. |
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Posted: 3/23/2009 10:39:05 PM EDT
[#50]
and a tag.
Ronman, is it you? |
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