Anything ever happen to you in your life that made you seriously consider suicide?

USPC40

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No.  Never.

Life is like the stock market.  There are good times and there are bad times.  But the general trend is upward.

Yes, and I think few people can onestly say other wise. And I still have homicidal feelengs towards a guy I used to work with.But I won't act on either due to my daughter.

[smoke]

Of course.
Almost anyone who's ever known [u]real pain[/u] has "considered" it.

No, no trick.  I've thought about it a few times in the last 2 1/2 weeks.  I've experience the worse pain (emotionally) I've ever known recently and you get to the point where you just want it to stop.  The only thing that has kept me here are friends that care about me.  I'd never do anything to hurt those I care about.  Up until recently, I never thought I would ever consider suicide.

USPC40

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Considered it?  Sure, but never seriously.  I'm currently experiencing the worst sinus headache of my life and because of perscription medication there is nothing effective that i can take for it.  I'll joke about it right now, but I'll get through this and be done with it.  I think the only thing that could make me contemplate suicide seriously would be losing my wife and my children.  If anything ever happened to them, I couldn't think of a reason left to live.  I pray that I never have to deal with that situation.

Back when my dad died when I was 14, I was very angry and self destructive, and could have possibly ended up doing myself in by some of the things I did, but not intentionally like putting a gun to my head or slitting my wrist.  It would have been an after effect of the self destructive behavior I was in.  My mom forced me to see a good therapist, and even if I did consider her a flake, she did help me tremendously.  She was the support system I needed when I didn't have relatives willing or able to help me.

I'm not sure I know what exactly you've been through recently that has made you contemplate it, but the things that are earth shattering to us now are tomorrow's trivial crap.  Or maybe not trivial crap, but certainly less severe than we thought when the event actually happened.  Think back to your childhood and the major bad things that happened then, and I'm sure you'll at least have one or two that made you think your life would never be normal or the same again.  Chances are, they aren't nearly as important or debilitating as you thought they were then.  As my best friend in college said, "This too shall pass."  I recite those words every time something bad happens in my life, and they always ring true.

I had a girlfriend cheat on me with one of my friends in high school.  At the time, it was the most personally hurt I had ever been by someone I had allowed that close to me.  At the time, I doubted I'd live through it.  Now, I can't believe I got so worked up over someone who obviously didn't love me as much as I loved her.  I can only thank her that she let me know that I should be looking elsewhere, even if it did seem like life was over at the time.

Then again, there have been times where I have only been able to make it through with the strength and love of God to help me.  It is because of those times that I have faith.  Stay strong, and this too shall pass.  I pray God's strength is with you now.

God Bless Texas

... Not even close. Been though some awful tall piles of shit in my life too.

USPC40 I think allot of people that are having hard times in their lives think that there must be an easier way to cope with the pain and problems. I think allot of people think about suicide. After some rational thinking and talking to trusted friends and/or relatives or a clergy member. Very few act on these thoughts. Most people realize that it is not a solution. In fact it could causes more problems for them and it defiantly hurts and destroys people around them. A very few do act on these thoughts and commit the final act of suicide. So I have to say this if you or a friend of yours are having serious thoughts of suicide this is not a subject that armatures should deal with. We all need help sometimes with things in our life. There are some very good suicide prevention hotlines in this country. And that is a very good first step to take along with talking to a trusted friend or relative or clergy member. Even if you can not find a hotline in your area you can find one on the internet. And they will all talk to you or whomever needs the helping hand. If you can not find one e-mail me and I will help you find one!  

I would like to suggest that you seek the opportunity to talk to trusted friends (as you are with this group) speak to a pastor, or speak to a counselor at school, work, etc.  This is a serious problem that can be overcome, and it will pass as been said by others.  Speaking with others will help you through this passage of life quicker.

Much speed,

Jeff Allen
[email protected]

I never considered doing it, no. I have thought about it in the abstract a time or two, especially as a depressed teenager (is there any other kind?).  I decided that it was a very selfish act as it would hurt the people you love and a stupid one as well, as it would only gratify the people you dislike.
If I were dying of a degenerative disease that caused humiliating disability or extreme pain, I might think about suicide.  Otherwise not.

shooter, why?
Does suicide [b]always[/b] have to be irrational?

I pretty much came to the same conclusion a while back, but the pain still sucks!

USPC40

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I appreciate your concern.  I have talked with friends and that's why I'm still here.  I know it would be a stupid and cowardly thing to do.  I was just wondering how many of us have been through intense emotional pain that they thought only suicide would stop it.  This whole ordeal had been draining and new to me, but I'll make it.

USPC40

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USPC40 I think allot more people than you expect have had these feelings. Most probably would not admit it. You are not the lone ranger. Remember this "The same fire that melts butter hardens steel".

I am glad you are talking about it. Now take the next step and ask for help. I Think you sounded depressed in one of your other posts. I hope you get better.
                   

I haven't ever thought of it, but there are several people who frequent these forums who have encouraged me to take my own life.

2 in 18 years of being a Police officer or Deputy Sheriff I have always had the same thoughts after covering a suicide. First it is a tremendous waste of human life, that in itself is irrational. I don't feel that the thought of suicide is irrational but following thru with it is.

Everyone has to deal with pain,hardships and problems that is part of life. Learning to deal with and cope with these things makes us stronger and wiser. The techniques we use or learn like reaching out to others or digging deep inside ourselves makes us stronger. The struggle of coping with pain and hardship makes us stronger. Learning how to find the resources to cope with these problems makes us stronger. When we make it though these things we are a stronger and better person for ourselves and others around us. Suicide does not allow us to obtain these things and that to me is irrational.

I have never been able to get used to seeing the tremendous amount of destruction and pain that suicide causes to friends, family members and even to the EMS and Law-enforcement people on the scene. To me causing that much pain to loved ones or another human being is irrational.

The one thing that I have always thought is that if this person could have a second chance and see there life in a few years down the road would they still commit suicide? One thing that I have seen is that people that "truly" attempt to commit suicide and fail never try it a second time. I guess what I am trying to say is that I think people that are feeling this much pain and/or are overwhelmed act irrational at the time.

2 why would you say or feel that suicide is not irrational?          

Only when I read threads like this one [:D]

Thank you to everyone that emailed me and left their comments here.  I truly appreciate the support and kind words.  It's amazing just how much some people care about a total stranger.  I don't want anyone to think I was typing the original message with a gun to my head.  I just thought that maybe hearing about other peoples pain would help me.

USPC40

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That which does not kill us makes us Stronger.

also,

DON'T GIVE THE SONS A BITCH'S THE SATISFACTION.

Yeah, I know what you mean.  It does suck - I have to idea what may have caused the pain you feel, but I know from my own experience, you simply want it to stop - or at least ease up a little bit.  Life really doesn't seem to hold much hope right now, but believe me there is hope - as many others have said when the lad swallowed the penny - this too shall pass. (trying to inject a little humor there).

If you need to talk about it, it sounds like you've got some freinds that are there to listen - and if they get tired of it (cause they always seem to before we do) take up slasher of beer_slayer on their offer - or email me, I'd be happy to correspond and help out anyway I can.

Yes. Some of the reasons I don't though is that I love firearms so much, and that I would miss how happy I get when buying many many more in my lifetime. Also, I wouldn't want to be a statistic, and hurt my fellow hobbyists by doing such a bad thing with one of them. Besides, it's funny how one day you could care less if you got run over by a truck and the next your doing something you really enjoy. Makes you think how the shitie stuff does pass, and it's worth hanging around for after all.

Yeah, but let me give you some advice, no drugs and drinking, cause then you just wake up with scars and headaches from things you can't remember and the emotional pain is still there.

The only thing that helped me was helping others and learning to forget myself and my stupidity.  You have to tell yourself that you are a lot better off than you think you are and quit whining.

I know some shrinks if you need to talk.

Just after losing my 13 year old daughter. Didn't because I realized I'd only hurt the ones I left behind that much more. But I came close.  

As a rule, suicide is definitely [b]not[/b] rational.

But, did you ever read (or see) "The Shootist"?

[i]He was lucky.[/i]

I understand what you are saying 2. I watched a friend of mine that was 32 years old die a painful death from Cancer. When we talk of a fatal and painful disease that is a different story than dealing with emotional pain. I understand what you are getting at and if I understand you correctly I agree that would not be an irrational action.

not sure if you guys will really get this one - but here goes.

hope and belief are corrupt systems upon which we generally as a society base most of our systems.  hope by it's definfition (though nice in it's thought) has no 'power' to it

belief is also powerless as it is by definition - "feeling with no proof" (look this one up in the dictionary!)

we say things to each other like "hope you get better" - "hope you win" - etc etc etc etc on and on.

what are more powerful states of being are 'trust and knowing' - when you say "i trust you will have a good day" - then you personally have a stake in their day and it is not an empty nice word.  

i KNOW in my god - it is far more powerful than belief.  wanting to commit suicide is merely a by product of the systems of hope and belief that we are fed as children, then it's drummed into our heads via tv and movies and renders us powerless.  hope floats?  BULLPUCKY!! - it's the anchor that will take you to the bottoms of despair!!

here is another example where modern 'tv' psychology has let us down- the "glass box around our heads syndrome".   let's say for example when we are born - we have a clear glass box round our heads.  as we grow up and crap happens to us - we make marks on the inside of the box to remind us of what hurt etc.

by the time we get to adult hood - most of us cannot see outside the box - only faint outlines!!  so when someone does something crappy to you - realzie the they most likely cannot see outside their box, and it's not really you they are dealing with, only a painting on the inside of theirs.  does this make sense at all?

now i'm not saying to take it from them - just realize that most people - even sick and pathetic ones - really are doing the best they can!

so if you are going to blow your head off - do it for the right reasons (trick answer as there really aren't any if you really recognize what i just wrote!!).

steve

i know from my own personal experience this year, it has helped to know that i'm not alone in how i feel.  this february i was almost killed in a car accident that was my fault.  while very slowly my body healed, even now, i know my mind has not.  i'm normally the funniest person in the room at any given time and now i've been reduced to a cowering and shy, depressed and cold person.  i am getting migraine headaches all the time and i'm having problems with my home life. i just dont see life as holding out anything that is giving me any sense of hope... and i have for the last few months beat myself up over the fact that everyone else was sooooo damn happy and optimistic and why wasn't i? well if it helps you to feel any better, this world does hurt in ways that are almost unbearable, ways that stretch your mind body and soul until you think they can no longer hold. my advice is to express your feelings to any and all that will hear what you have to say. surround yourself with those who you love and trust the most, and try as much as you can to do the things that you normally enjoy (even if they dont feel fun anymore, i know all about that) my biggest mistakes so far have been to avoid counseling and to avoid being in public and out of my safety net of home.  only now (after 9 months) am i finally forcing myself to come out and talk to everyone i can.  the holdiays are always a stressful time of year and i'm sure that especially this year there are millions of americas who are experiencing SEVERE depression right now. my choice and your choice is either to stay as we are or to get back to where we have been or where we want to go.  i will never forget when my uncle commited suicide, it broke my heart in ways that i cannot even at his moment (nearly ten years later) properly relay.  i couldnt understand how he must have felt, as i can hardly understand how you must feel.  it is my prayer that you will find even the smallest glimmer of hope and hang onto it, best wishes.
colin
[email protected]

USPC40. Mail call.

I'm always available if you need someone to talk to.

I'd commit suicide if I could get it in writing from god I'd go to heaven and get 72 virgins for doing it.  

This is gonn a sound strange, but read it thru...  Since you are here, it will make more sense than you think.

Making useful steel is a long process, and takes some work.  To start with, Iron ore is dug from the ground...

The ore is melted, and impurities (Carbon, other elements, dirt, dross) are all blasted away with a couple thousand degreed of heat and pure Oxygen.

The purigied "pig" iron then has carefully measured additions - usually trace amounts of Carbon, Nickel, and Chromium.  Some other elements may be used for special applications...

The now alloyed Iron is steel.  But, its journey is not yet over...

The Steel is cast, drawn, or rolled into useful industrial shapes.  We will concern ourselves with rods for the moment.

These rods are reheated, placed in dies, and struck with TONS of pressure while still hot.  This is forging, and is used to align the grains in the steel and to compact the grain structure, giving it strength.

The rods are then drilled thru (see where I'm going here?) and broached to final dimensions and internal countours.

These drilled rods are then again placed in dies (with mandrels inside) again heated, and again struck - forged.

The drilled rods are now machined to final dimensions, finished, and installed in rifles.

Now, take a moment to parallel this with yourself -

you are born ("dug out")

The process of heat and pressure begins.

As the pressure mounts, you are nearing a critical stage in your personal "forging" process - strengthening.

After the steel is forged, the pressure and heat are released, and the strength remains - at the pressure is released from you, you are stronger for the experience, but uno longer under pressure.

I have never met anyone who has had "voids" that would truly ruin them while being forged - provided they found the strength to continue.  It is this strength that is now being tapped by you, and which will be incresed by the experience.  I have been "forged" many times before - and they have always left me stronger for the experience.  So, too, will you.

FFZ

Imagine, yes. Seriously consider? No way. Nonexistence (religious beliefs aside) must be so terribly [i]boring[/i]. This life is a gift. I've had a few young friends die in their early twenties from illnesses - and could never, ever willingly forego all that time on earth to make a bout of depression end. There's just too much to do. Only a noble cause is worth risking one's life.

Hell, it's just some chemicals in the brain misbehaving anyhow. Fvck those little b**tards, I say. Most times I get depressed, I can't find any logical reason for it, so I do my best to shrug it off. I mean, I could have been pulverized under a billion tons of collapsing building at the WTC. But no, I'm still here to enjoy that morning coffee, crappy television, and to nurture my newfound AR15 addiction.

(have gone from virulent anti - to hitting almost deadeye at 100m with open sights!)

In fact, I'm looking forward to embracing my curmudgeon days in about 40 years or so. I want to be the crankiest, grumpiest old ar-15 loving fart; a figure of menace the likes of which local brats will never forget. I want to deliberately drive too slowly, piss everone off asking them to repeat things, complain about the weather, smell like moth balls, and be generally dismissive of everyone younger than me.

And who the hell would want to pass [i]that[/i] up? ;)

Permanent solution to a temporary problem.

There are situations were a person could not be faulted for thinking or even committing suicide.

For instance, lets say there is this guy named Joe.  He has no family, no real friends that he can talk to or depend on.  He also tends to be fairly shy.  As a result, he cannot do the whole small talk thing and really has no way to meet or relate to normal people.  People who meet him don't realize he is shy and just assume he is weird and either ignore or try to avoid him.  Joe is a nice guy, would not hurt a fly, but because he cannot connect with others, finds himself alone often.  His situation only gets worse, because the longer he is separated from being around others, the more difficult it is for him to relate and create bonds with other people.  Joe realizes one day, that he may be staring down 50 years of being alone before he finally dies some natural death of sorts.  If Joe were to kill himself, nobody would care because Joe has nobody that cares about him.  Finally, lets say Joe also doesn't believe there is a God or that there is any higher purpose to life.

I don't believe it is too much of a stretch to say that there are people like this out there.  In fact, I know these types exist because I have met them.  Can anyone really fault someone like this for wanting to kill themselves?  How would someone like this improve their situation?

By the way, this isn't me if you are wondering, so no one needs to worry about me killing myself, as if anyone would care.

MR_BUNGLE

I too dream those dreams....

I already have my cane bought that I will smack
the locals kids with as I walk around town yelling, "Out of my way you whippersnappers!"

??  Why was he lucky?

Speaking as someone who has been through a serious illness recently, I can say without any doubt in my mind that there are valid reasons for wanting to kill oneself.  Emotional pain isn't one of them, IMHO.

Oregon's assisted-suicide law goes to the core of the matter -- if someone knows that s/he will be dying slowly, painfully, and certainly, I see absolutely no reason to force them to go through such a death.  Attorney General Ashcroft should be ashamed for trying to use federal power to nullify that law.

A teenage relative took his life not too long ago.  It is something that exists.  

For me, I'm not sure how well I can put it into words.  I have a very strong desire to live.  True, there are things that I believe would be worth risking one's life for...all that noble stuff. However, I have made a conscious decision that suicide is something that I wish to strongly avoid since I feel it would not accomplish one of those honorable goals and actually tear them down.

If I were Klingon, then the above would read:

Ask bin Laden!

I've contemplated it, yes.

Even gone so far as to try it. One step from it, anyway.

I could never pull the trigger, though. I was going to shoot myself, and I couldn't, because as much as I wanted my pain to stop, I didn't feel justified in causing pain to my family and friends.

I don't post here a whole lot, but I do read. And talking to my family, friends, and even reading this board kept me alive. Especially this board. It helped lighten things up a bit. I can only thank all of you for that.

And beyond that, as I was contemplating pulling the trigger, I realized that I had lived though all this crap before. And I might even live through all sorts of crap again. But weren't all the small, really good moments in between worth it?

They are, to me. [:)]

So I just live each day now, my pain ebbing off, looking for another of those good moments. Living in the realm of Possibility.

I "attempted" it on a couple occassions several years ago, so I know what you must be going through...  Thankfully, I'm still here.

Call me at 217-593-6211 if ya want to talk!

Did he say homicide ??????

USPC40- You're doing the right thing by talking. Don't be ashamed about how you feel; you're human, and we all have feelings. Keep talking, like you have been, and get it all out. Don't go the drugs/alcohol route, as this will exacerbate the current "problem". It's natural to feel pain, and believe it or not, the experience can be a gift, in that it will strengthen the soul, so to speak. Take care of your whole self, spiritually, mentally, and physically, and don't be afraid to ask for help. Write me as well, if you care to- I know what it's like to hurt, and it always passes if you do your part. There's still an awful lot to live for, such as shooting trips, hunting, women, sex, fast cars/powerful trucks, air shows, gun shows, vacations, trips, sex, movies, books, friends, family, sex, dining out, this whole internet thing, sex, and realizing dreams. You're not alone, ever.


Best wishes,