8) How will a ban on Masturbation be enforced?

Strictly! Among other tactics, we plan to:

* Place random Masturbation-checkpoint roadblocks in America's cities where motorists will be stopped and their cars searched for signs of Masturbation by police with finger-sniffing dogs.
* Add the phrase "Masturbation-Free" to the Pledge of Allegiance and require everyone to recite this and other Loyalty oaths when buying food or receiving health care.
* Create Masturbation-Free zones around schools. As harsh as the punishment for Masturbation will be, we'll double it if the Offense occurs within 1000 feet of a school.
* Make anti-Masturbation research a huge priority. The thousands of scientists and engineers who now waste their time on trivial matters like Baldness and cosmology should be permanently diverted to developing an effective Anti-Masturbation plan and a space-based Missile shield.
* Create a National Secret Police Force to investigate incidents of Masturbation, terrorism, Flag-burning and hippie drum circles.