My wife and I are going on vacation in a couple of weeks to Yellowstone. We are going with 12 of her family members in three other family units. We will be there for 5 days.

The question is this: The remainder of the group is either unwilling or unable to go out to eat, buy souvenirs, do activities while we are in Yellowstone. We would like to do these things. Is it wrong for us to do part of our activities with the group and some on our own or should we spend the whole time with the entire family?

Quoted: My wife and I are going on vacation in a couple of weeks to Yellowstone. We are going with 12 of her family members in three other family units. We will be there for 5 days. The question is this: The remainder of the group is either unwilling or unable to go out to eat, buy souvenirs, do activities while we are in Yellowstone. We would like to do these things. Is it wrong for us to do part of our activities with the group and some on our own or should we spend the whole time with the entire family?

Go out own your own. I did it when I went with my immediate family and I was 16. Just dont go showing off all the new toys you brought. I cant sand hanging around with family 24/7


ETA: I went to the poconos not to yellow stone. A little vacation cabin up in the Poconos. All the new yorkers go up in the summer along with Jersey folk The girls from jersey are serious drunks. Pie was easy to get even for a fatty

Go and do what you want, have fun, how is it hurting anyone?

Oh and we deamand pictures comrad pictures

Quoted: Go and do what you want, have fun, how is it hurting anyone?

The only reason I ask is that I got the "sure go ahead and do what you want. We don't need family unity anyway" speech from my mother in law this morning.

You will NOT want to spend all day, for 5 days, with just the family.
Make it known upfront that you two will be spending some alone time.

Quoted: Quoted: Go and do what you want, have fun, how is it hurting anyone? The only reason I ask is that I got the "sure go ahead and do what you want. We don't need family unity anyway" speech from my mother in law this morning.

tell her to pound sand.  i hate the guilt trip bullshit

Quoted: Quoted: Go and do what you want, have fun, how is it hurting anyone? The only reason I ask is that I got the "sure go ahead and do what you want. We don't need family unity anyway" speech from my mother in law this morning.

Tell her youl be back in time for dinner My mom tried that trick, I countered with were together to much as it is Then again I was still living at home.

Quoted: The only reason I ask is that I got the "sure go ahead and do what you want. We don't need family unity anyway" speech from my mother in law this morning.

Bail.

Or better, Bale, as in Christian Bale. Try abusing her, it might work.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Go and do what you want, have fun, how is it hurting anyone? The only reason I ask is that I got the "sure go ahead and do what you want. We don't need family unity anyway" speech from my mother in law this morning. tell her to pound sand.  i hate the guilt trip bullshit

Tell her to "Get behind thee Satan". Mother-in-laws were created to be a pain in the ass.

Quoted: Quoted: The only reason I ask is that I got the "sure go ahead and do what you want. We don't need family unity anyway" speech from my mother in law this morning. Bail.

I thought of that last night before this happened. My wife reminded me that they have $420 of our money for the trip that is non-refundable.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: The only reason I ask is that I got the "sure go ahead and do what you want. We don't need family unity anyway" speech from my mother in law this morning. Bail. I thought of that last night before this happened. My wife reminded me that they have $420 of our money for the trip that is non-refundable.

Just go and ingore her. If its an inlaw or not. Tell her family unity is dinner together.

I got tired of the guilt trips at 17 I told her either drop the guilt trip or I would move out at 18. She dropped them and just nags when I dont load the dish washer. Apartments are pricey in NYC for college folk

ETA: You sound Italian. Never can tell mom NO

Wrong thread

Quoted: ...they have $420 of our money for the trip that is non-refundable.

My guess is the loss would be worth it.

You won't win. Either go on the trip and do what you want, you'll never hear the end of it.
Don't go on the trip and you'll lose some cash and youll never hear the end of it.

The only thing close to winning would be to go on the trip and do the family thing the whole time. Keep your mouth shut and act like you are having a good time. Vow never to get ropped into something like this again.

Quoted: Quoted: ...they have $420 of our money for the trip that is non-refundable. My guess is the loss would be worth it. You won't win. Either go on the trip and do what you want, you'll never hear the end of it. Don't go on the trip and you'll lose some cash and youll never hear the end of it. The only thing close to winning would be to go on the trip and do the family thing the whole time. Keep your mouth shut and act like you are having a good time. Vow never to get ropped into something like this again.

theyll bitch for ever if he doesnt agree to go on the future trips. The best bet is do what you  want. Theyll leave you out of the next get together

We've done it with both sides of the family with generally less than great results.  We won't do it anymore, love the families but vacations are for relaxation, not old stress.

I'd start the conversation today with everyone, via e-mail is best.  Suggest you all pick a number of activities that everyone would want to do together, horseback rides, rafting, dinner at Old Faithful Inn.  Have each family be in charge of a dinner or two as well as a night of dishes or two.  This tends to set the expectation that you won't be around all the time for others.  Evenings with the family are fun, daytime is yours though.

I would go and do what "You AND Your Wife" want to do. The wife must always be happy for several reasons

Quoted: My wife and I are going on vacation in a couple of weeks to Yellowstone. We are going with 12 of her family members in three other family units. We will be there for 5 days. The question is this: The remainder of the group is either unwilling or unable to go out to eat, buy souvenirs, do activities while we are in Yellowstone. We would like to do these things. Is it wrong for us to do part of our activities with the group and some on our own or should we spend the whole time with the entire family?

So, what are they planning on doing?  Cooking in each night and hiking around?  If you can't afford to go on vacation, you shouldn't be going, IMHO, and they certainly shouldn't be guilting you for making the most of your vacation if you can afford to.

so, let them do their thing.  Split it up, go out to eat  just the 2 of you 2 nights, and eat in the campsite 3 nights.

If you invite them to come along, and they decline, you've done your job.

Quoted: My wife and I are going on vacation in a couple of weeks to Yellowstone. We are going with 12 of her family members in three other family units. We will be there for 5 days. The question is this: The remainder of the group is either unwilling or unable to go out to eat, buy souvenirs, do activities while we are in Yellowstone. We would like to do these things. Is it wrong for us to do part of our activities with the group and some on our own or should we spend the whole time with the entire family?

I don't understanding this. Are they going to sit in their cars and read while fasting?

Quoted: Quoted: Go and do what you want, have fun, how is it hurting anyone? The only reason I ask is that I got the "sure go ahead and do what you want. We don't need family unity anyway" speech from my mother in law this morning.

Your MIL sounds selfish and childish.  If they are paying for 100% of everything, then their request is somewhat reasonable, even if rude.  Anyway, my wife's family just got back from a huge family reunion in Yellowstone.  They had several group activities, but most of the time people broke off into families or smaller groups and did what they wanted to.  Worked much better that way.

If you go a do Yellowstone right, there will be very little time for shopping or eating out anyways.  I have been there three times and still haven't driven on all the roads yet.  Easy to spend a day in the Norris Geyser Basin alone.  It is a park that required patience and time to observe.  Fascinating place to go.

Dude, it's your vacation too!  If you don't take advantage of all that you are able to while at Yellowstone because of this, you'll have to punch yourself in the dick.

Quoted: Quoted: Go and do what you want, have fun, how is it hurting anyone? The only reason I ask is that I got the "sure go ahead and do what you want. We don't need family unity anyway" speech from my mother in law this morning.

"MIL, I love you but I can't miss you if I don't leave"

Be in charge of the daily activities and schedule long arduous hikes that will make the fat & lazy suffer so much they won't go the next day

Brian

We are staying in a 6 bedroom, 4 bath rental cabin that is in West Yellowstone, MT. The total cost of the cabin is $475/night + 10% tax = $2090. We have ten adults so that is the basis of dividing up the cost and the cost is $210 per paying adult. For my wife and I, our cost is $420 for lodging alone or $105/night. Not too bad considering that it's in the middle of nowhere and the house is fairly large. Most hotel rooms in the area are between $120 and $220 a night.

My MIL bitched about the cabin rental costing that much and said that we should go and camp in tents instead. That was quickly voted down.

My MIL has come up with a food budget of $14 per person per day based on all 10 adults chipping in equally. She said that was the maximum that everyone could afford and still go. Breakfasts are instant oatmeal or cereal, lunches are PB&J or lunchmeat, and dinners are pasta or casserole with some chicken or canned tuna.

My sister-in-law's husband said that he doesn't want to drive their car and asked if they could ride with us. Based on his past performance I said that I wanted the money for half of the gas and half of the park pass before we left. He said that I would have to spend the money for gas and a park pass anyway and he wasn't going to pay. So I told him very unpolitely "then walk you damn leech." They somehow convinced my in-laws, who have very little money, to rent a large car and take them and my wife's other two sisters. They don't have to pay for gas or anything.

Our activities that we have planned are:
Wednesday: Travel from SLC to Yellowstone.
Thursday: Go into Yellowstone, see Old Faithful, return to cabin.
Friday: Go into Yellowstone, see Mammoth Hot Springs, return to cabin.
Saturday: Stay at cabin and relax.
Sunday: Get up at 5:30 am, drive from Yellowstone to SLC so everyone except my wife and I can go to church.

ETA: I was told that regardless of what my wife and I choose to do we OWE it to everyone else to pay what would have been our share of the food.

Quoted: We are staying in a 6 bedroom, 4 bath rental cabin that is in West Yellowstone, MT. The total cost of the cabin is $475/night + 10% tax = $2090. We have ten adults so that is the basis of dividing up the cost and the cost is $210 per paying adult. For my wife and I, our cost is $420 for lodging alone or $105/night. Not too bad considering that it's in the middle of nowhere and the house is fairly large. Most hotel rooms in the area are between $120 and $220 a night. My MIL bitched about the cabin rental costing that much and said that we should go and camp in tents instead. That was quickly voted down. My MIL has come up with a food budget of $14 per person per day based on all 10 adults chipping in equally. She said that was the maximum that everyone could afford and still go. Breakfasts are instant oatmeal or cereal, lunches are PB&J or lunchmeat, and dinners are pasta or casserole with some chicken or canned tuna. My sister-in-law's husband said that he doesn't want to drive their car and asked if they could ride with us. Based on his past performance I said that I wanted the money for half of the gas and half of the park pass before we left. He said that I would have to spend the money for gas and a park pass anyway and he wasn't going to pay. So I told him very unpolitely "then walk you damn leech." They somehow convinced my in-laws, who have very little money, to rent a large car and take them and my wife's other two sisters. They don't have to pay for gas or anything. Our activities that we have planned are: Wednesday: Travel from SLC to Yellowstone. Thursday: Go into Yellowstone, see Old Faithful, return to cabin. Friday: Go into Yellowstone, see Mammoth Hot Springs, return to cabin. Saturday: Stay at cabin and relax. Sunday: Get up at 5:30 am, drive from Yellowstone to SLC so everyone except my wife and I can go to church.

Based on the above - bail out and eat the $420.  Sounds like a miserable way to spend 5 days with a bunch of jackasses.

brian

My vote is valium.

I go with 50 of my family every other year and share two huge beach houses on the Outer Banks of NC.  Dinner is the entire family together every night.  Each different family gets one night to cook.  So you get a week's vacation and only cook and clean one night.  

During the day it is do whatever you want.  My wife and I love to eat out so we go out for lunch every day.  Then we either come back to the house and hang out with the family or sometimes we go off and do our own thing.

This is what we have found works for us.  Then we are not sick and tired of the family after a week.

I also have relatives like yours.  We only go every other year to give certain family members two years to save the money up for the trip.  But EVERY TIME WE GO there are the same family members that are broke and didn't plan for the trip at all.  So while my wife and I are sharing a peck of oysters at Awful Arthur's those cretins are eating Burger King

Quoted: My wife and I are going on vacation in a couple of weeks to Yellowstone. We are going with 12 of her family members in three other family units. We will be there for 5 days. The question is this: The remainder of the group is either unwilling or unable to go out to eat, buy souvenirs, do activities while we are in Yellowstone. We would like to do these things. Is it wrong for us to do part of our activities with the group and some on our own or should we spend the whole time with the entire family?

Heck no it is not wrong, you are on vacation too.  

I have gone with my in-laws the last two years and it has been fantastic.  We each do our thing in the morning and then we meet up around 5PM and eat then go do something as a family, like play putt putt.

When we go with my folks, or I should say they go with us in their car, they do what we want to do and they are cool with that because they don't get out much.  But occasionally they would go off and do their thing while the wife and I did ours.

Quoted: Quoted: Go and do what you want, have fun, how is it hurting anyone? The only reason I ask is that I got the "sure go ahead and do what you want. We don't need family unity anyway" speech from my mother in law this morning.

If family unity is driving a few hundred miles to stare each other in the eye all day 24/7 tell her to pound sand.

If you give in you will be stuck on crappy family vacations for the rest of your life.

Quoted: Quoted: We are staying in a 6 bedroom, 4 bath rental cabin that is in West Yellowstone, MT. The total cost of the cabin is $475/night + 10% tax = $2090. We have ten adults so that is the basis of dividing up the cost and the cost is $210 per paying adult. For my wife and I, our cost is $420 for lodging alone or $105/night. Not too bad considering that it's in the middle of nowhere and the house is fairly large. Most hotel rooms in the area are between $120 and $220 a night. My MIL bitched about the cabin rental costing that much and said that we should go and camp in tents instead. That was quickly voted down. My MIL has come up with a food budget of $14 per person per day based on all 10 adults chipping in equally. She said that was the maximum that everyone could afford and still go. Breakfasts are instant oatmeal or cereal, lunches are PB&J or lunchmeat, and dinners are pasta or casserole with some chicken or canned tuna. My sister-in-law's husband said that he doesn't want to drive their car and asked if they could ride with us. Based on his past performance I said that I wanted the money for half of the gas and half of the park pass before we left. He said that I would have to spend the money for gas and a park pass anyway and he wasn't going to pay. So I told him very unpolitely "then walk you damn leech." They somehow convinced my in-laws, who have very little money, to rent a large car and take them and my wife's other two sisters. They don't have to pay for gas or anything. Our activities that we have planned are: Wednesday: Travel from SLC to Yellowstone. Thursday: Go into Yellowstone, see Old Faithful, return to cabin. Friday: Go into Yellowstone, see Mammoth Hot Springs, return to cabin. Saturday: Stay at cabin and relax. Sunday: Get up at 5:30 am, drive from Yellowstone to SLC so everyone except my wife and I can go to church. Based on the above - bail out and eat the $420.  Sounds like a miserable way to spend 5 days with a bunch of jackasses. brian

I wouldn't bail. Drive your car. Stay in the house that you paid for. Fuck their "meal plan". Do your own thing. Enjoy one of the most incredible places in the world.

Also you don't need a whole day to see Old Faithful.

I would bail.  that money is not worth my time being miserable and dealing with crap like that.

Quoted: My wife and I are going on vacation in a couple of weeks to Yellowstone. We are going with 12 of her family members in three other family units. We will be there for 5 days. The question is this: The remainder of the group is either unwilling or unable to go out to eat, buy souvenirs, do activities while we are in Yellowstone. We would like to do these things. Is it wrong for us to do part of our activities with the group and some on our own or should we spend the whole time with the entire family?

So why are you going to Yellowstone?  Do they intend to sit in the rooms?  

You can get together to eat inexpensively, but I see no reason not to go out and do activities, you don't need to spend money and ride horses, etc etc but you can walk and drive etc.  Invite them along.  And as far as buying souvenirs, Why?  you can always walk through or avoid the shops altogether.    

What about the day and evening programs?

How the heck can they guilt trip you for going to Yellowstone and then not wanting to do anything?

That said, if they are overextended to make the trip, you ought to be able to have a good time on a budget, just be aware of their situation and not put them on the hot seat by doing things that may cause problems with their kids.  

If they aren't able to get out and do things because of age or other inabilities, well they shouldn't expect you to reduce your activities to their level.  

You might have to step up and take all the kids on a few activities.

Quoted: We are staying in a 6 bedroom, 4 bath rental cabin that is in West Yellowstone, MT. The total cost of the cabin is $475/night + 10% tax = $2090. We have ten adults so that is the basis of dividing up the cost and the cost is $210 per paying adult. For my wife and I, our cost is $420 for lodging alone or $105/night. Not too bad considering that it's in the middle of nowhere and the house is fairly large. Most hotel rooms in the area are between $120 and $220 a night. My MIL bitched about the cabin rental costing that much and said that we should go and camp in tents instead. That was quickly voted down. My MIL has come up with a food budget of $14 per person per day based on all 10 adults chipping in equally. She said that was the maximum that everyone could afford and still go. Breakfasts are instant oatmeal or cereal, lunches are PB&J or lunchmeat, and dinners are pasta or casserole with some chicken or canned tuna. My sister-in-law's husband said that he doesn't want to drive their car and asked if they could ride with us. Based on his past performance I said that I wanted the money for half of the gas and half of the park pass before we left. He said that I would have to spend the money for gas and a park pass anyway and he wasn't going to pay. So I told him very unpolitely "then walk you damn leech." They somehow convinced my in-laws, who have very little money, to rent a large car and take them and my wife's other two sisters. They don't have to pay for gas or anything. Our activities that we have planned are: Wednesday: Travel from SLC to Yellowstone. Thursday: Go into Yellowstone, see Old Faithful, return to cabin. Friday: Go into Yellowstone, see Mammoth Hot Springs, return to cabin. Saturday: Stay at cabin and relax. Sunday: Get up at 5:30 am, drive from Yellowstone to SLC so everyone except my wife and I can go to church. ETA: I was told that regardless of what my wife and I choose to do we OWE it to everyone else to pay what would have been our share of the food.

Fuck that shit, stay at home.

I just read the other information.  I'm rapidly approaching the bailout suggestion also.  Budget for meals?  I guess there are both control freaks and $$ involved.  

Do what you want to do and if they don't like it tell them they can complain after they get home, because you aren't going to be around while there.

Lock the bedroom door while you are there, or let them walk in to complain while you two are making mad monkey love, or at least looking like you are getting ready to or just finished.  But it sounds like they would interrupt and bitch even then.

If they can't afford it, that's not your fault, whoever set it up should have realized it, or they should have said No then.  The $$ issue should have made camping the standard and if somebody wanted to spend more, and not camp, then they should have opted out. If you aren't together all the time oh well.

And after a little more of this drama before the trip, it would be a perfect
time to convince the wifey not to go on any more of these trips.

Next year, have a plan for yourselves.

Quoted: And after a little more of this drama before the trip, it would be a perfect time to convince the wifey not to go on any more of these trips. Next year, have a plan for yourselves.

My wife agreed at lunch today that this is likely our last family trip with these people.

Going with the In-Laws????       Stay home.

Quoted: Quoted: And after a little more of this drama before the trip, it would be a perfect time to convince the wifey not to go on any more of these trips. Next year, have a plan for yourselves. My wife agreed at lunch today that this is likely our last family trip with these people.

Oh sweet jesus you're still going?

Can you carry there?  Now is the time to pull out the crazy bat shit vietnam uniform and tell them you will kill you're own food

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: And after a little more of this drama before the trip, it would be a perfect time to convince the wifey not to go on any more of these trips. Next year, have a plan for yourselves. My wife agreed at lunch today that this is likely our last family trip with these people. Oh sweet jesus you're still going? Can you carry there?  Now is the time to pull out the crazy bat shit vietnam uniform and tell them you will kill you're own food

Sadly yes I'm still going. My wife told me that if I want an AR next month that I will be going.

this is not a vacation

Quoted: this is not a vacation

No, it's more of something to be endured at this point. The bright side of it is that I get a new rifle out of the deal.

Go, make the best of it, and plan now to never go with them again.  I would definitely plan and do whatever you want to do while there.  See any and everything that is Yellowstone.  If the rest of them can't understand why you would want to explore a landmark like Yellowstone than let them sit at the cabin and stare at each other.  I can't imagine that many adults not wanting to explore such a trreasure.  Sounds like the mil may just be telling you what she wants and making it sound like that is what everybody else wants too.  She may just be a manipulative and controlling bitch, although you may already know this.

don't even go. or go do what you want an enjoy it.

Quoted: Quoted: And after a little more of this drama before the trip, it would be a perfect time to convince the wifey not to go on any more of these trips. Next year, have a plan for yourselves. My wife agreed at lunch today that this is likely our last family trip with these people.

Good move!  My inlaws have dropped hints about vacationing together.  My wife and I agreed that it's something better done without.  The idea is to relax.

Quoted: Sadly yes I'm still going. My wife told me that if I want an AR next month that I will be going.

Maybe you could give some advice to Strat57 on the art of the compromise

Brian

I'm sorry, but when I go on vacation, I want to EAT.  Don't chip into their food fund and bring/find/cook your own.  Let them eat peanut butter sandwiches while you enjoy some good local food or your own good cooking.

Preferably in front of them.  And if they ask for some, just laugh.