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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:26:50 AM EDT
[#1]
If I was transported back in time with my Glock still in it's holster, I'll tell the townsfolk whatever the fuck I think they need to hear.
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:29:44 AM EDT
[#2]
I'm red headed, left handed, and Catholic. There's nothing I can say or do, no matter how diplomatically and tactfully, that would save me.
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:31:10 AM EDT
[#3]
I doubt I'd be able to explain it in any terms. I hardly bother to do so now. It mostly makes eyes glaze over.
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:31:16 AM EDT
[#4]
I'm an atheist with not a buckle nor britch on me, and likely a full head taller than those guys. Bring it on.
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:32:00 AM EDT
[#5]
I would use my futuristic knowledge and expertise from watching the television show to go MacGuyver on them and build a tank from within my cell to break out and demolish the whole town.
Realistically? I don't know. Anybody from today's time period will act and talk much differently from anybody of that one. They'd probably think you were nuts for that alone.  You could try and explain it all using knowledge of the history of the outright murders they committed. Try and get them to burn the ring leader instead. 
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:32:04 AM EDT
[#6]
lol I wouldn't talk to anyone. I'd play mute. Then secretly pull a Tony Stark in the blacksmith shop and rule the world. |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:32:26 AM EDT
[#7]
Fuck em, i'd be headed to Texas
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:32:49 AM EDT
[#8]
ummm. no i don't think so but since there is no electricity then why would i have to explain a computer to them in the first place. now the cloths would be difficult to explain since i am wearing a donkey kong shirt and a mario bros hat. that one could be interesting and i could very well find myself in the tank for wearing something that looks to be "in league" with the devil.
do we get to be armed for this exercise??? |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:34:46 AM EDT
[#9]
Sorry Subnet, but your Glock and all your clothing disappeared during your trip back in time. You are standing naked in the town center at 11:00am on market day. What now? |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:36:13 AM EDT
[#10]
Then, I'd pose for the ladies. EDIT: After I told them a witch stole my clothes, and tried to have her way with me. "She went that away!". Once the men folk are out of sight in the woods looking for the wicked one, it's "Helooooo ladies". 
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:36:59 AM EDT
[#11]
I'm Roman Catholic, I wouldn't stand a chance with those types.
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:37:46 AM EDT
[#12]
I can't rememer....if I weigh more than a duck or less than a duck that makes me a witch
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:38:28 AM EDT
[#13]
im a welder as such it wouldn't be too hard to pass myself off as a poor quality blacksmith. ive also spent my whole life living in a small close minded christian reformed town founded by the dutch.
it wouldn't be all that different, so id be safe 
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:39:05 AM EDT
[#14]
I design computer chips for a living. We even call some of the stuff that happens in the FAB "Black Majic".
There is no way I would survive the Puritans if I even attempted to tell them what I do. |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:40:04 AM EDT
[#15]
Good point. I have a hard enough time trying to explain what I do in modern times. |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:40:13 AM EDT
[#16]
Become a blacksmith and start building automatic weapons.
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:41:23 AM EDT
[#17]
As a firefighter? I'd probably be welcome. As a paramedic? Hello rope or pond.
I won't even start with being an electrician. |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:42:18 AM EDT
[#18]
I'd just bow to whoever is in charge, and say
"I have come as summoned, master"  I might die, but I'll take a ringleader down with me. Hopefully, the sane ones of the bunch would use that as an excuse to get rid of the others in the ringleaders "coven". |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:44:21 AM EDT
[#19]
I'm the mechanic on the Chariot of Fire.
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:45:22 AM EDT
[#20]
If I had my laptop with me, I'd distract them with hot, asian, girl-girl porn and make my get away during the furious fapping.
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:46:41 AM EDT
[#21]
There is no way I could explain what I do... and to take the corollary of what I do back to what they had in those days, I'd be a woodcut artist! I've never done that.
I would just tell them I am a Constable. 
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:47:36 AM EDT
[#22]
their all english, best to use unshaven toothless scotts instead. |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:49:03 AM EDT
[#23]
Fuck with me and I'll make the sun go bye bye!!
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:49:13 AM EDT
[#24]
Where the Cherokee and Commanche would have scalped you and taken your family as slaves. And if you survived that, the Spanish would have taken you to one of their outposts and made you dig latrines for the Spanish colonists. Texas was not even close to settled in 1692. |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:50:38 AM EDT
[#25]
It was all about stealing land.
The "witches" were widows with land and accusers were neighbors that wanted it. 
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:52:11 AM EDT
[#26]
If I did explain my current occupation then they would lose all hope for the future and collectively poison themselves on a noxious potion of mayapples, sweet woodruff and the dung of the meadow vole.
Time travel can be very dangerous. Especially if you have a boring job. |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 11:52:24 AM EDT
[#27]
Nobody enslaves peekay on my watch. |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 12:02:15 PM EDT
[#28]
and I know how to draft up the deeds! Get some kindling and a torch
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Posted: 7/21/2008 12:06:08 PM EDT
[#29]
Fortunately, our profession hasn't changed in 400 years.
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Posted: 7/21/2008 12:07:38 PM EDT
[#30]
Lawyers burn good, hell is full of em.
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Posted: 7/21/2008 12:12:31 PM EDT
[#31]
Now you have just proven that we are witches because everyone knows that things that burn are made of wood. Dammit.
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Posted: 7/21/2008 12:25:28 PM EDT
[#32]
Don't make me turn you into a newt! I could always invent the class action lawsuit a couple of hundred years early! 
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Posted: 7/21/2008 12:27:40 PM EDT
[#33]
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Posted: 7/21/2008 12:28:06 PM EDT
[#34]
I may be the last of the guys who can shepardize with the paper books. "I think we learned that first semester..."
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Posted: 7/21/2008 12:30:27 PM EDT
[#35]
well, the conversation would start with me saying
"Listen up you primitive knuckle heads" |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 12:30:29 PM EDT
[#36]
Have you been accused of witchcraft? Do you know someone who has? Call 1-800-AIMLESS We are not certified specialist in any type of law. No representation is made that the quality of the legal services to be performed is greater than the quality of legal services performed by other lawyers. Unless otherwise noted, not certified by the Queens Board of Legal Specialization. |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 12:32:14 PM EDT
[#37]
I am an atheist chemist. I would be fine though. It would be easy to create some experiments and call myself Jesus.
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Posted: 7/21/2008 12:36:53 PM EDT
[#38]
Are we assuming that we eat the crazy making moldy grain or that we only eat pure foods?
Because if I eat the psychedelic rust wheat.....well....to the stake I go... |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 12:38:46 PM EDT
[#39]
I think I learned about that first ... oh ... wai... I can Shepardize in a pinch, but Key Cite has made life so much easier. Next week Aimless I will have to introduce you to my multifunction scanner-printer-fax so we can get rid of all those sheets of carbon paper. |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 12:38:49 PM EDT
[#40]
 I LIKED to Shep cases the old fashioned way.
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Posted: 7/21/2008 12:40:52 PM EDT
[#41]
In fact, one of my ancestors was tried, convicted and hung for witchcraft.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Proctor |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 12:42:43 PM EDT
[#42]
After I explained to them how to grow 200 bu./acre corn and 60 bu./acre wheat. They would worship me and my "witchcraft."
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Posted: 7/21/2008 12:52:03 PM EDT
[#43]
There were no phones to call with - you would have to pay the town crier to announce the service.
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Posted: 7/21/2008 12:52:06 PM EDT
[#44]
Bunch of ladies in the woods committing sexual acts
and you think I would not be in the middle of it?
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Posted: 7/21/2008 12:52:47 PM EDT
[#45]
Unfortunately I weigh the same as a Duck, so I'm fucked no matter what.
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Posted: 7/21/2008 12:59:28 PM EDT
[#46]
Considering my choice of religions, I'd say it's highly likely I'd probably be dancing a jig for the Devil in short order.
<-----------------------Practicing Wiccan For the record, none of the the Salem "Witches" were burned. Nineteen were hung, one was pressed to death (crushed under a heavy weight) and no fewer than four and no more than seventeen died in prison. Also, seven of those known to have died were male. That sort of blows the "they were all victims of male conspiracy" feminist revisionist history right out of the water. |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 1:04:34 PM EDT
[#47]
Giles Corey. His last works were "More weight". My wife and I went to Salem a few years back. |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 1:12:48 PM EDT
[#48]
Oh I've submitted documents that were done with carbon paper. I don't miss that stuff. (I started young, I'm not that decrepit) When I first started one of my secretaries still worked part time for some 90 year old geezer. She worked for our firm half days and worked for him a few mornings a week. She used to secretly bring his work over to me to have me look it over to make sure he wasn't screwing anything up and getting himself in trouble. She used to bring in these old divorce settlements and various contracts that were done in the 60s and before. No one who learned to type on a computer is going to ever be the kind of typist those old secretaries were. |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 1:18:11 PM EDT
[#49]
I would have to go all "charmed" on their ass.
My last name is Warren and Charmed was based on a fictional Warren from Virginia who got killed at Salem Mass. I caught that little detail in the show because my Grandmother used to tell us stories about a witch in the family in the 1800's. The Charmed character was based on a real Warren who was tried. So I guess I'd be pretty much fucked.... I'd try to take out Cotton Mather and get my name in the history books. If I gotta go through all this, can I at lease have Shannen Doherty corner? |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 1:19:35 PM EDT
[#50]
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