Miss Magnum and Godblesstexas
Of course, I have always had the highest regard for women in general, and specifically those who are armed. What I did was indeed quite childlike and something to be regretted. I am not someone to shy away from getting what I most certainly deserve. I was not just a bad boy, I was a very bad boy. Needless to say, I demand, nay, implore, I be taught a lesson with extreme enthusiasm. If this is not done quickly, the temptation to continue this anti-animistic behavior shall rise up within me. Please make good your word. If not for our mutual growth, then for "mother" nature.
Godblesstexas sir,
It may strike you as humorous, I did indeed hit a knot in said Elm tree. Poetic justice had the last word. As the great spirit in the sky would have it, the tree fell on my head. The blow was so severe as to cause a complete loss of male function (if you know what I mean). In addition, the few IQ points I had were reduced by no small amount. However, through this sad flow of events, I have been offered a position chairing the Texas state chapter of MENSA. It will be nice to be home again. I went to college and was married in the Dallas area. All of my out-laws still live in that great state.