Had a couple noteworthy calls recently.

The other day we responded to a diabetic emergency. We arrive at the house and from the outside, it appeared mostly normal, run down, but that's about par around here. Upon entering the house, we are met by a refrigerator in the center of the living room, surrounded by 6 foot tall piles of garbage, several of them. The walls and ceiling are covered in roaches and various other insects, thick to the point they are raining down on us as we are working. The house was filled with a very, very strong ammonia smell, from all the animals living in it pissing and shitting everywhere and even the patient had yellow stains on her night gown where the animals were also pissing on her. She was pretty ripe herself, we're pretty sure she hasn't had a shower or bath in several weeks at a minimum. We did our thing, loaded her up, transported, and even after scrubbing everything in the back, you could still smell her the next day.

Last night we got a chest pain call, fairly routine, we do our thing and transport the patient. As we are clearing up, another unit comes in, and my partner goes to see what they brought. He comes back to the truck and tells me that we need to go, now. We go in with the other unit and they're hauling ass to the trauma room. I get in there and what did I find? Some guy that decided to suck start a shotgun and missed anything vital. He took off half his face but didn't hit anything life threatening. The strangest part was he was talking almost normally, despite having most of his face off. He was answering the ER doc's questions just fine, although he claimed it was an accident.


There's my two most recent stories worth telling. Post yours!

Sounds like you guys need to try febreze and give the guy a few pointers from kurt gobang, I mean kobain.

Got a run for severe abdominal pain and rectal bleeding. Figured it was an elderly person but when we landed on scene it was a w/m in his late 30's.
It seems he 'slipped in the shower
' and landed on a large cucumber that was at just the right angle to completely enter his asshole and lodge itself there in. Had a hell of a time not busting out laughing all the way to the hospital. When we gave report and the Doc came in, the first thing he said to the patient was " Why did you do that? That's just NASTY!"
Yep, everybody lost it. That is my giggle for the week.

I was told this story about 30 years ago by a local EMT.  There is a local night club that has a motel next to it.  They get an emergency call to the motel.  When they get to the room a guy answers the door in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. The EMT's ask him what the problem is.  He says "I don't know, I think her cummer is stuck"  They enter the room to find a naked woman on the bed, obviously having an epileptic seizure.

Quoted: I was told this story about 30 years ago by a local EMT.  There is a local night club that has a motel next to it.  They get an emergency call to the motel.  When they get to the room a guy answers the door in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. The EMT's ask him what the problem is.  He says "I don't know, I think her cummer is stuck"  They enter the room to find a naked woman on the bed, obviously having an epileptic seizure.

ROFL

tag

Quoted: tag

Quoted: Got a run for severe abdominal pain and rectal bleeding. Figured it was an elderly person but when we landed on scene it was a w/m in his late 30's. It seems he 'slipped in the shower ' and landed on a large cucumber that was at just the right angle to completely enter his asshole and lodge itself there in. Had a hell of a time not busting out laughing all the way to the hospital. When we gave report and the Doc came in, the first thing he said to the patient was " Why did you do that? That's just NASTY!" Yep, everybody lost it. That is my giggle for the week.

I was at a climbing instructor's course with a woman who worked as an anesthesiologist, she mentioned that this happens waaaaaay too much in her area (somewhere in FL.) she'd seen all manner of veggies and things like 20oz pop bottles. Said the worst part about the entire thing was the 'repeat customers.'

I wouldn't even know where to start.  There's some crazy, bat shit stuff that goes on in this world.

Quoted: I was at a climbing instructor's course with a woman who worked as an anesthesiologist, she mentioned that this happens waaaaaay too much in her area (somewhere in FL.) she'd seen all manner of veggies and things like 20oz pop bottles. Said the worst part about the entire thing was the 'repeat customers.'

what about a frozen fish?

Quoted: Quoted: I was at a climbing instructor's course with a woman who worked as an anesthesiologist, she mentioned that this happens waaaaaay too much in her area (somewhere in FL.) she'd seen all manner of veggies and things like 20oz pop bottles. Said the worst part about the entire thing was the 'repeat customers.' what about a frozen fish?

she didnt mention any of that.... it seems that the guys and gals in that area preferred salads to seafood

I'll add something a bit less dramatic but yet still funny. Back in the late 90's, my FD got toned out to an old lady's residence. Her emergency? Her cat was in a tree. Evidently she bought into the old cartoon/movie cliche of firefighters coming to get cats down out of trees. LOL. She had a habit of making calls of this nature to all the local emergency services and everyone knew her well.

The funny thing was, some of us looked at each other and started to respond. We called 10-8 (in-service) as we pulled out of the station. Immediately afterward, the chief came on the radio. "Signal 8 (meaning disregard) on this call and go back to the barn (station) now. The cat got up into the tree of its own will. The cat can get back out when it gets ready."

We probably never made any points with the old lady that day. But it was worth a few laughs for us.

Quoted: I'll add something a bit less dramatic but yet still funny. Back in the late 90's, my FD got toned out to an old lady's residence. Her emergency? Her cat was in a tree. Evidently she bought into the old cartoon/movie cliche of firefighters coming to get cats down out of trees. LOL. She had a habit of making calls of this nature to all the local emergency services and everyone knew her well. The funny thing was, some of us looked at each other and started to respond. We called 10-8 (in-service) as we pulled out of the station. Immediately afterward, the chief came on the radio. "Signal 8 (meaning disregard) on this call and go back to the barn (station) now. The cat got up into the tree of its own will. The cat can get back out when it gets ready." We probably never made any points with the old lady that day. But it was worth a few laughs for us.

we get bullshit calls like that a lot too. we actually responded to a walmart parking lot to jump start a car once.

We recently had a call to the PD for a report of a beaver swimming in the ocean

hmmm....lets see.... The other night we got a call for a priority bleeding on a 6 y/o male. When we arrived it seems the mother had called 911 because junior was just sitting on the couch watching tv and got a minor nosebleed.


Or how bout the cardiac call we got a couple weeks ago only to show up at the place and find out the 23 y/o male had a minor panic attack and was fine, yet when we were checking his pulse my partner noticed his right hand from the wrist to fingertips was massively swollen. When we asked what happened it seems he missed his vein when trying to shoot up with heroin into his wrist. He refused treatment and his wife drove his dumbass to the ER.

Quoted: hmmm....lets see.... The other night we got a call for a priority bleeding on a 6 y/o male. When we arrived it seems the mother had called 911 because junior was just sitting on the couch watching tv and got a minor nosebleed. Or how bout the cardiac call we got a couple weeks ago only to show up at the place and find out the 23 y/o male had a minor panic attack and was fine, yet when we were checking his pulse my partner noticed his right hand from the wrist to fingertips was massively swollen. When we asked what happened it seems he missed his vein when trying to shoot up with heroin into his wrist. He refused treatment and his wife drove his dumbass to the ER.

wow.....you've got to be joking.  I've heard of overprotective mothers but DAMN

As for the 2nd story....I bet a lot of people call 911 about panic attacks....but after trying to shoot up herion?!?!?!  I can't imagine how pissed you guys were at that, I would have felt like punching him in the face....maybe he'll get an infection one day and lose his arm like in Requiem for a Dream

I thought the stuff stuck in the ass was a joke in the medical community....My dad decided to tell me all the fun stuff people would come in for when he was doing his residency.  I was shocked then, but now not much surprises me since common sense seems to be a topic that is no covered in school anymore

He had actually tried shooting up the heroin 12 hours prior. We made sure and escorted him down to his wife's car as he was a frequent flyer with my partner having responded to his BS calls before....she wasnt gonna put up with any BS from him this time. It was my first and not soon to be my last encounter with him.....

Quoted: Quoted: Got a run for severe abdominal pain and rectal bleeding. Figured it was an elderly person but when we landed on scene it was a w/m in his late 30's. It seems he 'slipped in the shower ' and landed on a large cucumber that was at just the right angle to completely enter his asshole and lodge itself there in. Had a hell of a time not busting out laughing all the way to the hospital. When we gave report and the Doc came in, the first thing he said to the patient was " Why did you do that? That's just NASTY!" Yep, everybody lost it. That is my giggle for the week. I was at a climbing instructor's course with a woman who worked as an anesthesiologist, she mentioned that this happens waaaaaay too much in her area (somewhere in FL.) she'd seen all manner of veggies and things like 20oz pop bottles. Said the worst part about the entire thing was the 'repeat customers.'

G/f is a nursing student right now and she got to tour the "room of dumbass." It was sutff in jars that the hospital had removed from buttholes. Lightbulbs, bottles, veggies, small mammals, snakes, pretty much anything you can think of

couple quick ones...


I work in a large ED in Dallas.  We get the random object up the ass thing about once every other month.  But the one that gets me are the guys that come in with Priapism (google it).  The trt sometimes involves 18 gauge catheters and will have even the most hardcore nurses turning their heads.

But for laughs, I find the guys that get cockrings stuck on their members to be hysterical.  Usually they are covered in every slippery substance they could find in their house in a failed attempt to remove the ring.

You have to cut those off (the ring, not the other part) and the tool used looks like a wicked Dremel tool from Hell.    Their face is priceless when you get that badboy fired up to something crazy like 20,000 rpm and start heading towards the twig and berries.

cool stories, keep em coming!

Another one that will stay with me for years, not gross or anything...

We get our share of OD's and often they are unconscious or close to it.  But PCP and meth, that's a different animal.  We had EMS arrive with our ambulance patient, she's maybe 100lb and 5'3" but she's got 3 beefy EMS guys working like crazy to hold on in the stretcher.  She's insanely combative for about 3 minutes, then she will pass out cold.

She will stay out for about 3-4 minutes, then wake back up and start punching, scratching, biting, etc.  On, off, on, off, like a light switch every 3-4 minutes.  EMS is hanging around trying to help out with restraining her while myself and 4 other nurses are trying start lines, get blood, get her on a heart monitor, VS, get orders for a sedative, restraints, etc.

Quick note, I work in a very diverse work environment.  In this particular patient's room, there was a couple of black coworkers, two hispanic EMS guys, an Asian EMS guy, and another  couple white nurses.

The lady wakes back up and starts going around the room throw out the most vulgar, racist, hurtful insults she can think of.  She's start on one side and just started working her way around the room.  References to sexual preferences, the N***** word, she's not holding back.

I'm the last one she comes to.  And she stops and says, "And you... YOU!  You're the fucking worst of the bunch.  You fucking AGGIE!"


ID badge gave me away...


 

tag

My boss at my old job was also a firefighter for one of the small towns in the area and had some funny dispatcher stories. One was a tone out for a seizure at a burger king. Dispatcher calls out on the radio "We have a flopper at the Whopper" Guy was fired on the spot. Next one took place at the local porn shop, man suffered a stroke. My boss said they couldn't stop laughing all the way to the scene at the words "We have a STROKE victim at the porn shop"

Quoted: My boss at my old job was also a firefighter for one of the small towns in the area and had some funny dispatcher stories. One was a tone out for a seizure at a burger king. Dispatcher calls out on the radio "We have a flopper at the Whopper" Guy was fired on the spot.

Quoted: My boss at my old job was also a firefighter for one of the small towns in the area and had some funny dispatcher stories. One was a tone out for a seizure at a burger king. Dispatcher calls out on the radio "We have a flopper at the Whopper" Guy was fired on the spot.

I am SO saving that one!

I have dispatched a "fall down, go boom." before. That was a kick.

Whats fun is being taken to the hospital and the ambulance has a small accident along the way.

I was going in to the hospital to get some blood work done when I saw an ambulance pull in front of me at the ER. They hopped out and were hurrying this guy into the trauma center, I wont forget what I saw. Apparently the guy tried killing himself by swallowing a bunch of pills and when that didnt work he shot himself in the head at an angle taking away part of his forehead. He ended up dying but it was still a fucked up thing to see, I was pretty tense getting my blood taken after seeing that.

Quoted: Quoted: tag

About 14 years ago I was having a bad day so I went out for a hike. Got about 1/2 mile in, stepped on a wet log, slipped, and snapped my left ankle 90 degrees.

I straightened it (ouch), and managed to stand on one leg.

Then dug out the cell phone, and called 911. Told the dispatcher what happened.

His response was "Oh Shit!"...

I some how remembered the name of the trail I was on, and provided good instructions. I then sat down and waited.

Just sitting down was enough to lose cellular coverage. I couldn't call out, and the 911 operater couldn't reach me.

After about an hour, fire and EMT showed up, and carried me out.

I'm an RN in a level I trauma center. I have seen the shotgun vs face thing several times. Its strange watching someone try to talk to you when the lower half of their face has been blown away. People need to pull the trigger with their toe. When they use their finger they have to reach too far and turn their head as they reach.
My favorite foreign object patient was a guy that told me in triage that he was all stopped up and hadn't taken a dump in three days. The X-ray clearly showed what turned out to be two golf balls and a large jar. He said his friends must have played a joke on him while he was drunk. I have been real drunk before but I don't think I have ever been that drunk. The guy lost three feet of his bowel, It died because he waited so long to get help. He will shit in a bag for the rest of his life. Hope it was worth it.

By the way, fall down go boom= FDGB a common term where I work.

During a football game in college, I was assisting on a tackle and I somehow got my hand under the perp's facemask.  Well, when we all fell to the turf, the bottom bar of his facemask snapped my wrist clean in two  I got a trip to the ER. A few minutes after I got there, they started bringing in all of these accident victims.  A truckload of Indian dudes had rolled over somewhere and all of these dudes were being brought in to the ER. So they rolled me out into the hallway (They had started an IV and oxygen on me) Well, there I was, sitting in this hallway with several very obviously dead stretched-out Indian dudes.

We had a guy on our FD that got his job because of certain quotas. One day
we were paged out on a house fire at the end of a street in the business district, of
course everyone and their brother ran out of the stores to see what was going on.
Well the fire truck rolls up to the hydrant and the dipshit fireman jumps out of the
truck to catch the hydrant, grabs the hose wraps it twice and steps on the end, yells
for the truck to go. The driver mats the throttle and the truck starts humping it up
the street, now for the fun part, the dipshit wrapped a 1 1/2" nozzled attack line
instead of a 2 1/2" long lay, 200 foot later the hose isn't stretching any farther and
the hose starts unwrapping itself from the hydrant at a very high rate of speed
causing one heck of a whip. A local businessman was standing within feet of the
hose and it peeled him right in the head, removing him right out of his shoes (that
isn't bull, his shoes were at least ten feet from where he laid unconscious), the
hose then removed a 1 1/2" round tree about 6 feet up then took out two 6'x12'
plate glass store front windows before smashing a car fender and bouncing up the
street. It was very fortunate that someone wasn't killed by the hose, there was
probably 5 pounds of steel on the end of that 200 foot rubber band.

Quoted: Whats fun is being taken to the hospital and the ambulance has a small accident along the way.

My Paramedic instructor (who is kind of a local EMS legend and NEVER gets to live this down because she knows every firefighter, medic, cop, and ER worker in three counties), FLIPPED an ambulance on a nearly empty road when she was a new medic herself about 15 years ago.

She claims two dogs ran out in front of the rig. Her partner did not see the dogs.

There was no patient, but the fire student doing a ridealong in the jump seat was a bit perplexed when the world started doing somersaults.

I remember as a kid my friends dad was a LEO and there was one story that he always told of a domestic dispute where someone got stabbed by their wife with a frozen carrot and almost died.

I can't recall whether somebody told me this or whether I read it here previously...but...


There was an older couple that used to sit out back (naked) on the porch in a fairly desolate part of the world.  Gramps was a bit on the heavy side and his trusty wicker chair finally gave up and the seat cracked while he was sitting down.  Unfortunately, his gear went through the broken wicker.  When he tried to get back up the wicker would come back together as he started to rise.  Gramps was caught in a painful and embarassing predicament.

Granny couldn't figure out a way to get loose.  

"Hello?...911?"

Happened last night got a call complaint was from a guy who got a tattoo the day before on his forearm and it was hurting........

If I'm lying I'm dying.

I'm working dispatch one evening, and the local nursing home calls. Well instead of requesting an ambulance like they usually do, they said they just need someone to come down to help get a patient off the toilet?

Why you may ask?

Because his balls had swollen up with sever edema and they couldn't get them out of the toilet after they flopped in there. His ballsack was stuck under the rim of the bowl and the seat. And get this, they only called after trying to get him out for about 15 minutes.

So i toned out an engine and heavy rescue to go make the "recovery". I never had so many phonecalls from other dispatch centers and people giggling enroute on the radio.

I think they ended up KYing it up and slipping it out.

We had a call for a 80 year old male w/  severe constipation. When we got there, he was complaining that he has not been able to shit for a week or so, and the pain had finally got to be to much.  When the medic showed up, we got him out of bed, and moved him to the stretcher. As he lifted his leg to get on, lets just say the problem corrected itself.  

The medic still had to transported him to the hospital, man I was sooo glad to not be a transporting department.

Have way to many stories to count, it is amazing how some people live in such filth.  

 

Quoted: Have way to many stories to count, it is amazing how some people live in such filth.

I can't tell you how many houses I've been in where there's nothing but trails from room to room . .

Iwasn't around for this, but my wife remembers being tapped out for "motor vehicle accident with reported ejaculation (supposed to be ejection). The worst part was she said it TWICE- they say the whole dispatch over again.

Somehow she managed to get herself under control but my wife says every time she keyed the mike for about 10 minutes all you heard in the backround was people screaming with laughter.

I had one close to yours. We live in what most of yall call the boonies,so our calls are always in BFE. I was the only experienced emt on duty that day my driver was a little squirt of a thing who couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag. I'm also a woman who has 5 brothers so it ain't much that scares me. We got dispatched to a difficulty breathing in the next town we were 2nd due unit. We marked up responding and as usual I go over in my head what I might need on this call so I start telling squirt what he needs to get from unit and bring in when we get on scene. O2 and all that good stuff. Well we get ot the house and the first problem is there is no driveway and the house sits right on the side of  steep hill right beside the road, grass up to your ass not musch of a path going in. So I help get stretcher down hill, squirt ain't much help. Knock on front door and this huge big man (looked like from deliverance) waiting on banjos in background. When he spoke you could tell he had the mental knowledge of a 4 year old. So I asked him if he called 911 and he said yes that his mom was having trouble breathing. So he tells me to go in the house to her bedroom on the right. Well like you as soon as I stepped in of course it was in some dog shit and the piss smell from all the cats was enough to knock and elephant down, I had to dodge feces all the way down the hallway which was only 2 feet wide with piles of clothes newspapers and other trash piled to the ceiling. I finally came to a door and knocked and announced myself and pushed the door open, well imagine my suprise when the door was pushed back closed at me. So I'm thinking OH NO more crazy people in the house and I only have squirt with -------Oh no were is squirt!!!!!!! I can;t see him , so I push the door again and again it closes on me . So I anounce myself again real LOUD and this time I keep my hand on the door and push with my body cause if some asshole is behind the door he was getting his face smashed in by 244 lbs of woman!!!!!. I hold the door open and when I get enough nerve to look behind it ,there was -----No one there, but a huge pile of clothes and shoes. (laugh now, I did). Then I found a women laying in the bed who had obviously been dead for several days, she was very cold, blue pooling in the back and rigor was setting in . So i asked the man(boy) for a phone  so I could call the sheriff department which is our protocol for unwitnessed deaths. So of course you have to wait on scene till they arrive also I had to call her family doctor and see if he would pronouce her which he did, and then the man started calling all his family members, so all these freaky people stared showing up and I had to keep everyone away from the body. I actually had squirt get me a face mask out of unit and kept it on with a little oxygen due to the smell and fumes and to keep from passing out. He got to go outside and watch for sheriff. So finally they showed up all paperwork was done and signed, so the next thing was to get her out of house and into unit to take to morgue cause she didn't have a funeral home. S o due to the fact she wasnt going to bend any and we coudn'e get the cot in the house I had to take her out in a sheet carry, which as hard cause like I said I just had squirt with me. So I knew it wasn;t going to be pretty, I asked the sheriff to keep everyone in the back of the house and we proceeded to carry ( drag) her outside to the cot. We dropped her several times cause squirt couldn't hold his end up, of course I apoligized and asked God to forgive me. We got her on the cot now we had to get cot up the steep hill to the unit. We strapped her in good and proceeded up hill and yes we dumped the cot over several times trying to get up, I'm so glad the family didn't see us . Needless to say we got er done and it took me days to get the smell off me and out of my unit.. ( Oh by the way squirt quit after that ,said something about he didn't sign up to walk in feces and carry dead bodies out.) I tried to talk him out of it told him it wasn't always like that knowing darn well I was lying.
Hope you enjoy the story and we do have to laugh about it or we will go insane!!!!!!.
I really enjoy the banter between emt's and medical professionals. --------Julie

I do medical transcription.  I have typed x-ray reports about Barbie doll heads in the rectum, match box cars in the rectum, vibrators, light bulbs, etc.  The strangest thing ever was an ER report of a woman who decided that it would be a fantasy for her boyfriend to stick a loaded gun in her cha-cha and the damn thing went off, blowing everything in its path away.  I don't know if she lived or not, but I bet she wished she was dead if she survived that.  

A highschool buds brother was an LEO.  Once a can of mace exploded in his cruiser as he was on patrol.  Same guy caught a couple in the act one night.  Spotlighted the vehicle and asked the driver to step out (as the driver is usually the guy, gives the girl a chance to put somewthin on).  Two chicks got out.

Couple weeks ago... I responded to an attempted suicide. Guy had used a 28" Wingmaster Shotgun to try to kill himself. The gun barrel was so long that when the guy tried to put his mouth over the barrel and pull the trigger, he had problems squaring up his line of fire and blew off the left side of his face, resulting in a non-fatal wound.

The scene was made secure and fire and medics began to bandage the guys face and head. While they were working on the guy, he was seated up right in a chair and conscious. He asked one of the fire guys, "Is it really that bad?"

My partner and I just looked at each other and started cracking up. My partner yelled at the guy, "You tried to blow your head off with a 12 gauge.... taking half your face off... yes it's that bad."

Quoted: snip

paragraphs are your friend.


thanks for sharing the story, and welcome to the site!

Quoted: Couple weeks ago... I responded to an attempted suicide. Guy had used a 28" Wingmaster Shotgun to try to kill himself. The gun barrel was so long that when the guy tried to put his mouth over the barrel and pull the trigger, he had problems squaring up his line of fire and blew off the left side of his face, resulting in a non-fatal wound. The scene was made secure and fire and medics began to bandage the guys face and head. While they were working on the guy, he was seated up right in a chair and conscious. He asked one of the fire guys, "Is it really that bad?" My partner and I just looked at each other and started cracking up. My partner yelled at the guy, "You tried to blow your head off with a 12 gauge.... taking half your face off... yes it's that bad."

that sounds exactly like what happened to the guy i was talking about.

sorry once I get started ,you know  and I will enjoy all the stories.

Quoted: Quoted: Couple weeks ago... I responded to an attempted suicide. Guy had used a 28" Wingmaster Shotgun to try to kill himself. The gun barrel was so long that when the guy tried to put his mouth over the barrel and pull the trigger, he had problems squaring up his line of fire and blew off the left side of his face, resulting in a non-fatal wound. The scene was made secure and fire and medics began to bandage the guys face and head. While they were working on the guy, he was seated up right in a chair and conscious. He asked one of the fire guys, "Is it really that bad?" My partner and I just looked at each other and started cracking up. My partner yelled at the guy, "You tried to blow your head off with a 12 gauge.... taking half your face off... yes it's that bad." that sounds exactly like what happened to the guy i was talking about.

yeah.... seems like it's a pretty common thing.

Another story from a few weeks ago.

We get a call for a jumper on a freeway overpass. I respond code 3 along with two other units and my supervisor. My SGT and I are the first to arrive on scene. We park a couple hundred feet south of the freeway on-ramp; from our position we begin looking up at the overpass trying to locate the jumper. I tell my SGT I can't see him, and ask if I should jump on the freeway to see if I can locate the "jumper".

SGT replies by saying: "Yeah I can't see him either. Hell with it.... either he jumped, making him highway patrol's problem, or he decided not to jump and left. Let's clear the call and go get some coffee."