Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
 Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
 Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
 How do I set my laser printer on stun?
 How is it possible to have a civil war?
 If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
 If God dropped acid, would he see people?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
If you're born again, do you have two belly-buttons?
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
What happens when none of your bees wax?
Where are we going?  And what's with this handbasket?
If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane  crash, why isn't the
whole airplane made out of the stuff?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move
10 miles away?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you
hear them speak?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how
cold is it going to be?

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called
builts?

Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you
don't have?

When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss??  It sounds like a
near hit to me!!

Do fish get cramps after eating?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosylabic"?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything
outdoors?

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not adoor?

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when
someone threw a gun at him?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"
She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

How can there be self-help "groups"?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If somoeone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage
situation?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow?
Only to be troubled and insecure?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
What's another word for thesaurus?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do steam irons have a permanent press setting?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
If two women get married and have an argument, who gets the last word?
An unarmed American with health insurance is called a Canadian.
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed Up?
I believe 5 out of 4 people have trouble with fractions.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up
with "Quit while you're ahead?"
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
Women should put the pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
If American women us small forks and spoons to feed babies,
what do Chinese women use? Toothpicks?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the post office? What
are we supposed to do...write to these people? Why don't they just
put their pictures on the stamps so the mailmen can look for them while
they deliver the mail?
Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits
by Picasso.

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
others here for?
STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Clones are people too.
No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning could be if it didn't zigzag?
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Think "Honk" if your telepathic.
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. It drove the mime next
door nuts!
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?


...And finally, "Irregardless" is [b][i]not[/b][/i] a word!  [;D]

DAMN YOU PEOPLE!!!

[=D]