User Panel
Posted: 10/1/2007 9:12:34 PM EDT
from:datelinehollywood.com PAMELA ANDERSON, RICK SOLOMON BLOOD TESTS REVEAL BOTH HAVE EVERY KNOWN STD Las Vegas – In a surprise decision, Nevada state health officials approved the marriage license application of Pamela Anderson and Rick Solomon on Monday after blood tests revealed that both are infected with every sexually transmitted disease known to man. “Usually we wouldn’t let somebody with gonorrhea, hepatitis C, HIV, genital warts, and 39 other STDs get married, but in this case, there’s no harm if they infect each other,” concluded deputy health commissioner Nathan Schiffrin. Anderson, the former “Baywatch” star who was previously married to Tommy Lee and, for three months, Kid Rock, could be wed as early as today to Salomon, who co-starred in a sex tape with Paris Hilton and was formerly wed to Shannon Doherty. The couple had hoped to get married late last week in Vegas, but were delayed when they had to present blood tests to state health officials in order to get a license. “It’s a pretty simple process in most cases,” explained Schiffrin. “Usually we find nothing and tell them they’re free to go. When we occasionally do find an STD they didn’t know about, we just need a note from a doctor that they are receiving treatment and the signature of both parties that they are aware of the risks.” Anderson and Salomon’s blood tests, however, were the most complex the state of Nevada has ever undertaken. It took 11 staffers working for four days to conclude that the bride and groom are both infected with all 43 known STDs. “Of course we assumed at first that the tests were malfunctioning, but eventually we realized that wasn’t possible and we ended up bringing in a specialist from the Centers for Disease Control to confirm our findings,” Schiffrin added. According to CDC records, Anderson and Salomon will bring together the most STDs ever combined in a legal marriage since records started being kept in 1922. “We’re both so thrilled to have found a spouse who won’t judge us for our potential to infect them with dozens of disgusting illnesses,” Anderson and Salomon said in a joint statement. Not everyone is pleased with the outcome, however. “Because confidentiality rules prevent us from knowing whose blood we’re testing, we wasted days figuring out if it’s possible for two people to have so many STDs,” noted Schiffrin. “If we had just known it was Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon, we would have looked at the results and immediately said, ‘Well, duh!’” |
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This is my surprised face:
This is my LMAO face: ETA is this some kind of record or something? |
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Well, Pammy does in fact in real life have Hep C. She will eventually die from cirrhosis of the liver. She got it from Tommy Lee, when she shared a tatoo needle with him. Hep C virus attacks the liver and there is no known cure for Hep C. |
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That may be true, but where as you would get some pretty nasty stuff from Ms. Anderson you would most likely enjoy doing it.
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Sounds like those two were meant for each other. Isn't luv grand?
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Enjoy throwing a hot dog down a hallway? Not I, sir. Not I. |
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There's a credible source. If it was true, this would be the biggest HIPAA violation ever.
Funny though. |
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You have to take in to account the architectual design of that hallway though. |
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Because confidentiality rules prevent us from knowing whose blood we’re testing, we wasted days figuring out if it’s possible for two people to have so many STDs,” noted Schiffrin. “If we had just known it was Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon, we would have looked at the results and immediately said, ‘Well, duh!’”
That is why I find it hard to believe |
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Touche. |
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I would have thought The Onion would have had this scoop first.
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Too bad I know for a fact that NV doesn't require a blood test....
I got married in Vegas. Nice try onion. |
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Agreed, though I have a hard time discounting it all the same. Fame has it's price. |
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HIV is a standard STD.
NObody releases that information, especially about rich, powerful people, EVER. Good for a laugh, perhaps not all that far from reality, but obviously not a real press release. |
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www.eonline.com/news/article/index.jsp?uuid=ca456927-e917-4d82-9ba0-4f4678d187a8&entry=index&sid=rss_topstories&utm_source=eonline&utm_medium=rssfeeds&utm_campaign=rss_topstories
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Me too, but we will use your dick! I will just watch the video |
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i test for these things..and i'm pretty sure IF, she got hepC from Tommy- that she could have gotten it the old fashioned way and its not from a tattoo needle. her list is strong with possibilities. |
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damn she definitely was riddin' hard and put away wet |
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Who gives a shit about their STD's? When can we expect another sex tape?
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A virgin....a fucking virgin???? What a retard. This all has to be a joke. If she did indeed have all 43 std's known to man then how the fuck did he come up w/ her being a virgin....amongst every other fucking detail about pamela anderson's past life.... Idiots...both of them. |
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There's an idiot here, but it's not Pam or Rick...it's you. Do you believe this too? ZAC EFRON RUMORED TO BE DATING MASTER CHIEF Hollywood – Rumors have been circulating that “High School Musical” star Zac Efron is dating Master Chief after the two showed up together for the video game launch of “Halo 3″ at Universal City last week. “This relationship has been going on for several months and they finally decided to go public,” said an insider. Efron recently ended his media-created relationship with Vanessa Hudgens and has reportedly been spending a lot of time with Master Chief Petty Officer John-117, star of the “Halo” trilogy. “As many people know, Master Chief is a private individual who has never been seen without his armor and helmet,” said the insider. “We’ve all heard the rumors that he’s gay, but it was still quite a shock to see him out with Zac at such a public event. I never would have guessed he liked his guys so young.” PerezHilton.com and TMZ.com recently posted a photo of Efron and Master Chief in Malibu, but neither have said anything about what sort of relationship they have. “This is the ultimate Hollywood power couple,” said Us Weekly writer Alex Clayton. “Zac is huge with teenage girls, while teenage boys all worship Master Chief.” The revelation solves the long-running mystery in the video game community of why Master Chief has been wearing a “commitment ring” for the past several months. “We had all been thinking he was seeing Samus from the ‘Metroid’ games, or maybe Link from ‘The Legend of Zelda’ if the gay rumors were actually true,” said Dan “Shoe” Hsu, editor-in-chief of gamer magazine Electronic Gaming Monthly. Not everyone is surprised, though, particularly those who have fought Master Chief in battle. “He’s a great warrior, but frankly, I started to get suspicious when he kept wanting to ‘cover my rear’ during our recent battle to prevent the covenant from setting off the Halo rings and destroying the universe,” said the Arbiter, an alien who fought alongside Master Chief in “Halo 3.” Added Cortana, a female artificial intelligence who was once implanted in Master Chief’s helmet: “I’ve been saying that Master Chief is a huge f*g for years, but no one believed me.” Cortana, who was not invited to the “Halo 3″ premiere event, ended up crashing the party. “I’m pretty sure I heard Master Chief tell Zac he’d like to get his hands on his Covenant-held Forerunner structure,” she said. “We all know what that means.” In a late development, there is a photo of Master Chief now circulating on the internet that shows him wearing only his helmet and nothing else. Insiders say Master Chief recently took the nude photo to send to Efron. Us Weekly writer Alex Clayton says, “I’ve seen this photo of Master Chief, and he’s very much a man. Talk about your planet Reach. Wow. This guy can cover some distance.” datelinehollywood.com/archives/2007/10/01/zac-efron-rumored-to-be-dating-master-chief/ |
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Let me highlight that part in red so you don't have to call me an idiot again.... |
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Thats funny stuff and I wouldnt be surprised, but that article is Soooooooo fake.
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No from the context of your post, I'm pretty sure you got owned. |
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