It's just too terrible to believe!!!

BERKLEY, CA (API) – Citing a continuing threat to national security, Bush  administration officials announced that the bombing of the city of Berkley, California commenced earlier
today.  “In light of the expressed beliefs of a majority of the citizens of Berkeley, which most Americans find tantamount to treason, we had no choice but to take this drastic action,” said White House Spokesperson Ari Fleischer
during a hastily assembled press conference.

“The President realizes that this is a drastic step,” continued Fleischer, “but, he and his advisors feel that this is the will of the American people.”

Many Americans are appalled at the behavior of the inhabitants of the ultra-liberal northern California enclave. “I don’t know how to express my disbelief that those who are so quick to embrace the freedoms this country provides, but are first in line to bash it,” said Brian
Deckyr, 28, of Xenia, OH. Deckyr’s response was mild compared to many, especially those of people on the east cost.

“Those bastards in Berkley should have been in the Trade Center,” cried Jamison Kausey, 25, of New York City, “then they might be singing a different tune. That is, the ones who survived, unlike my wife and 3 month-old daughter.”

Indeed, A CNN-Washington Post poll showed that an overwhelming majority of Americans favored the action. 93% felt that Berkley was full of “leftist wingnuts with no conception of reality,” while 87% were in favor of the
bombing. 57% offered to drop bombs themselves.

According to sources at the Pentagon, B-52 bombers destined for Berkley left Barksdale Air Force Base in Louisiana shortly after midnight local time. In the only known use of nuclear weapons since World War II, the first plane dropped a cold-war era bomb that detonated 8,000 feet directly above the sleeping city. A half-hour later, the second plane dropped a similar bomb that detonated at ground level.

“The first nine-megaton bomb,” said Pentagon spokesman Lt. Col. Lionel Mandrake, “was to ensure that we achieved maximum damage and casualties. The second bomb was just to
make sure that our opinion was expressed effectively.”

On the ground, some were apparently tipped to the bombing and tried to flee the doomed city. However, in the hours before the strike, California Governor Grey Davis ordered
the National Guard to establish a fifty-mile perimeter around the area. “I have ordered that any citizens leaving Berkley be turned back. Should they refuse, they will be shot,” said the Governor’s office in a press release issued
minutes before the first explosion.

“In Berkeley, protest was a pastime, kind of like softball is elsewhere in the country,” said a staffer in Governor Davis’ office. “Their protests, which were often either protest for protest sake alone, or a reason to get together,
smoke pot, and try to get laid, were insipid and selfish.  They had no clue what they were doing.”

Ain't that some funny stuff??

CB

Cute!
Who wrote it?
I don't think the last 2 paragraphs work. Look at the gov's web site: [url]http://www.gray-davis.com/[/url] The ba$tard [i]loves[/i] Martin Sheen! They probably rent a love pad together in Berkley!

Maybe you could substitute something about Santa Monica being over run, or standing by to be bombed next, as it is the only {?} communist township in the U.S.

Got it off the 'Cal' BB while perusing it after reading about the loonie Berkeley councilmutt that is all for the Taliban.  I agree about the Davis graphs.  I was thinking along the lines of "The city of San Francisco has rescinded its determination that city employees can utilize their health care benefits for sex change operations after military recon aircraft were spotted overhead.  Military sources say, on condition of anonymity, that they're " fed up with those nancies in SF f---ing with our way of life" and that "the east bay is glass so we're gonna make a nice set of costume jewelry earrings for California's ears"

CB

Wishful thinking...

Don't tease me like that, you bastard!!

I hate those freaks in Berkley.  I heard on the radio that every time they have one of there rallys the fire depatment has to take down there American flags.  Because if they don't the freaks will try to steal them and burn them.  It made me so mad one of my close friends had to talk me out of driving down there and fire bombing the freaks during there last rally.  I still think about going down there from time to time.  MMMMM burning freaks...

Larry

That's cute. Sounds like an awful lot of work, though. Couldn't we just sell the whole state to Russia or something? That way, we'd make a profit, and free up a few more planes for bombing Afghanistan.

Gosh, when I read that I was just about to go buy a lottery ticket I was so happy. [;)]

I guess we can only dream about things like this.  Hey, did ANY of you ever think we'd see what happened today - that [b]public[/b] schools across the US would recite the Pledge of Allegiance, simultaneously, with special emphasis on those seemingly taboo words "under God"??  

Strange what a little terror will do to a nation, hmm?

Be safe.  Watch your 6.

CMOS