A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon arrival the doctor said that he had invented a machine that would transfer a portion of the labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the knob at 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to bump the machine up a notch. The doctor then  adjusted the machine to 20%.  The doctor checked the husbands blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing.  At 50% the husband was still holding up fine, since this was obviously helping out his wife he encouraged the doctor to transfer all of the pain.  The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were absolutely thrilled.  Everything was great until they got home and found the mailman dead on their porch.

[:D]

"Dead puppies"

Little Johnny and his dad came across his puppy, dead in the back yard.  Daddy explained that Tiddles had gone to heaven.  "So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?" asked Johnny as he fought back tears.
At a loss for something to say the father replied, "Tiddles'legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for
Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Tiddles up to heaven".

Little Johnny seemed to take Tiddles' death quite well. However, two days later when his father came home from work Johnny had tears in his eyes and said, "Mommy almost died this morning."  Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook the boy and
shouted, "What do you mean Johnny? Tell Daddy!"
"Well", mumbled Johnny, "Soon after you left for work this morning I saw mommy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she was shouting,
"Oh J****! I'm coming, I'm coming!" and if it hadn't been for the milkman holding her down she would definitely have gone, Daddy".