you know i wnat to hear em'.

i was sort of buzzed and my frind was between buzzed and drunk. i had 2 he had 6. we went most of the way to his house, got dropped off by my other friend, and procedded to wander in a BIG fiels and 0230 ish. then we walked to his house (1/2 mile) and crashed. even went to church the next day (sunday).

it was great! he vowed to do more field wandering with me.

post your stories...

OffRoad

Me and my buddies (3 of us total) bought a huge bottle of store brang vodka and proceeded to see who could drink the most.  I won. but the funniest part came when My buddy grabbed a tupperware bowl and puked in it.  I woke up later that night to see the dog, named Chunks, licking up my buddies throw up out of the bowl.  I got such a good laugh from that one.

[):)]
NSF

i'm 17. i'll be 18 october 2.

Lol, under-age drinking leads to teen preganancies, un-wed mothers, gun violence, poor SAT/ACT scores and various other maladies.  Just say No.

[):)]
NSF

Off Road,

Were you drunk when you wrote that? Your spelling is horrendous!

Nothing I ever did while drunk was funny.

-elliott

Many moons ago, while visiting my brother in his dorm at Penn State (Spraul Hall, I think it was)I got drunk and jumped from an indoor balcony into the middle of a study lounge table where some granola types were playing Dungeons and Dragons.  I don't know whether my "Banzai!" scream or my body slamming down in the midst of their graph paper and 97-sided dice frightened them more.  In any case, the expressions on their pasty little faces was priceless.

to nsf jojo:

so far everything i've of yours i have agreed with and have ususally found funny but that was kind of weird.

the drinking age is mostly a suggestion, we have real beer in canada, and we don't have sat's. i look old enough to buy because i've had cops ask me if i'd had anything to drink at checkpoints. i said no, and i wasn't lying. but that was a diff night.

and... unlike you and the womenz you have i don'r have one, and haven't had much experience with them *cough cough*. and IF (i stress if) i got a chick pregnant i would stick around, because, i have been taught that even if you f*ck up you stay with the sitcha and make the best of it.

clearly yuo're overestimating my skills with the womenz. i thank you for that.

OffRoad

wait, sorry. i just saw the lol in front of your post. oops.

The worst thing that ever happened to me drinking was when I was 18 and just off to college.  My friend threw a new years eve party and I think over the period of 2 hours I had something like 28 shots of tequila.  I was sitting near the table with the shot glasses and they always had three people and four shot glasses.

So, after a bit I make my way up the stairs of my friend's townhome on all fours, and end up upstairs where this girl I dig is talking with this long haired guy and I get a bit ticked.  So I scare him off and tell her I love her, to which she replies "You don't love me!  You're drunk and leave me alone!"  At that point she heads downstairs and I sit there for a few seconds, or it could have been an hour, because at this point I started blacking out and drifting in and out of conciousness.  The next thing I remember is puking, some of it even coming out of my nose.  The weird thing is that it's one of those three sectional staircases that go up then turn 90 degrees, then turn another 90 degrees.  Somehow I managed to puke all the way to the bottom of the stairs, bringing up some friends to check on me.  I started blacking out again, and remember various things, including my roomate and some gay guy cleaning up the puke, when the gay guys said "Did he eat corn?!"  Then I blacked out completely and woke up at 11am new years day covered in my own vomit and begging god to just kill me then.  I'm pretty sure I should have died of alcohol poisoning.  But the worst part was when I realized I had locked my keys in my car and had to unlock it with a coathanger while being hung over and covered in dried puke.

The funniest drinking story, at least to me, is when I had just turned 20 and my friend threw a party with some college girls he had met.  I had met one of them at a previous party and was very interested in her.  So, at this party I spent time with her and she tried to outdrink me.  I was 6'3" and 280lbs at the time, and she was 5'8" and 120lbs.  Needless to say after the fifth screwdriver she was a bit on the drunk side.  She threw me down on my friend's living foom floor and proceded to climb on top of me and attempt to suffocate me by kissing me.  I vaguely remember the party host saying "Look!  Joe's a circus ride!"  Then, the next thing I know, she sit's up while still straddling me, her eyes go as big as saucers, and she pukes all over me ruining my favorite shirt.  Being the gentleman that I am, I took of my shirt and carried her to the bathroom where I even held her hair while she continued to puke.  Once she was finally done I dropped her off at the guest bedroom and told her I'd check back on her later, which I did, to make sure she didn't puke anymore and die.

Did I mention I don't drink anymore? [:)]

God Bless Texas

I can't remember.


My friends tell me I'm quite entertaining when intoxicated.

I do remember once, at a very fancy company party with an open bar, guzzling a bottle of champagne. Now, champagne doesn't mix too well with rum and Coke. Or escargot.

Threw up at the table on my boss' wife.

Not a very good career move.

A couple of years ago at the original TBRS shoot, I "pretended" to toss another AR15.COM member's AR into the campfire...  I nearly died that night.  [:D]

ZED: If you're reading this, it was only a JOKE!!!

I just remembered.

I once tried to "six pack" a stripper at a bachelor party. Boy, was she pissed!

But, she didn't leave.

It seemed like the right thing to do at the time.

My friends tell me I have done lots and lots of funny stuff, but I can never remember what. In a way thats a good thing.

1982, age 20.

I got drunk at a party at this clubhouse that was part of an apartment complex and ended-up, ahem, nailing this chick on the bench in the men's locker room to the sound of Romeo Void's "Wouldn't it be better". In fact, as we're doing it my older brother walks in, sees us butt nakked on the bench, starting laughing and just walks out. he he Strange response, right?

So, I thought I'd do the right thing, so I called her the next day and asked if she would like to go out.

So I go to her house and it turns out she [i]looked[/i] like the singer for Romeo Void. 5' tall, 300 lbs. Now I know why my bro was laughing.

To this day every time I'm with my buddies and that song comes on (which, thank God is not often anymore), they all look at me and laugh.

I will never live it down.

Funny stuff only happens when your friends are drunk and you aren't!

But sometimes you have to be drunk too in order for it to really be funny.

Ever been told jokes by some drunk idiot?  They suck.

I ot one. dis one timer i sawr a niked lidy whenz we and us outback oftree.
buts i cants meber when'z
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[;D]

Well it was about five years ago, but this was seared into my brain. I was drinking heavy with a friend at the local bar. Well I was amrried at the time, and I got into an arguement with my then wife. So my buddy and I went to his place and continued to drink on into the wee hours. About 2 or 3a.m. we had this wild idea to walk down to the lake. Well it's the middle of winter and about right at freezing outside. So down from his house is a spill way from the lake that empties into a dry creek bed. So we start at the creek bed and then down (or rather up) the concrete spill way. We walk about 150 or so yds. (remember I was drunk!) and I make the comment that," Damn it's really dark, I can't see a damn th...," SPLASH!!!!!!!!! right into the lake. Yep the cocrete just ends and it was straight into the lake, way over my head and damn was that water was cold. Ya know I didn't realize it either, but the wind was blowing pretty hard too, or at least I noticed it more. Get that seared into my memory? Needless to say I don't go to that lake anymore.

When I was about 23 a buddy and I were out at a poolhall and drinking some funny tasting draft, we only had about 4 or 5 pitchers between us so I was ok. On the way home I got REALLY queasy and asked him to pull over, he goes "WHAT" and I begin to launch in his truck. I put my hand over my face because I didn't want to puke in his truck (rookie mistake) so the vomit rocketed back into my face and chest and hair (I've go hair down to my shoulderblades) he start laughing, saying "This is just like high school" and pulls over. I open the door to puke and fall out...into the street. He goes "We're gonna get arrested!" so I climb my way back into the truck and went the rest of the way home with my head hanging out the window, wet with puke. We got to my apartment, my hair in a big Einstein thing. My wife (girlfriend at the time) thought I was in a fight, I go to the bathroom, turn on the tub, vomit into the toilet while getting undressed ( pretty impressive dexterity huh?) and roll over into, and fall asleep in the half full (of cold water) tub.......maybe you had to be there

I was at a party in Manhattan on the 25th floor balcony of this place.  Had a bit too much wine and spewed off the balcony.  The cabbie 25 floors below was NOT happy when it nailed him.  I came in off the balcony, went downstairs and redecorated the bathroom in macaroni & cheese.  My friend was afraid, I'd never make it home, so he made me stay there, but I had to sleep in the bathtub ...just in case.

ummm, what wash the question again?
wlliyey

I was 3 days away from turning 21 when we pulled into Seattle to take on tigers after a Westpac onboard the USS Enterprise.

We were allowed Liberty the next morning and those of us who didn't have tigers (family) to bring back onboard decided we would do what Sailors do best in a port.

We hit the bar, We hit it at 10am. Drink early and often was most of our mottos back then. I distinctly remember drinking White Russians thinking that the milk does a body good.

We drank till around 3pm at the firt place and decided we would grab a bite to eat somewhere with seafood. I must have been visibly nackered because the waitress wasn't to keen on serving me any more alcohol but with my natural charm and ability to win friends and influence people I was able to keep my liver on the ropes. I ate Calimari for the first time and was very impressed with its durability. I tried to send it back due to it being a bit tough but the waitress tried to take my drink instead. We left shortly after that.

Most of the fellas were going back to the boat to grab some sleep and were going to meet up with me and my bestest buddy Jim later at a club we had heard about earlier in the day. I was still thirsty.

We went back to the first bar of the day and sipped a few cocktails until I decided I had to take a short nap on the bar. This apparently is a major social mistake in Seattle and we were asked to leave. They didn't seem to mind me napping in the Phillipines.

We were close to the area that the Kingdome used to inhabit. There was some road construction work going on the area where we were wandering about. Jim and I decided that
instead of visiting the club and meeting up with our friends we would rearrange the traffic barriers to our liking and as a act of kindness to the good citizens of Seattle. I don't remember how many barriers we moved but I do remember while Jim was moving one I screamed "Cops"! He tried to run while hauling this traffic barriers and ending up tripping and doing a very nice face plant. He had some road rash on the side of his face and forehead. He was a big hit the next morning at muster.

Jim was a bit disturbed at there not actually being any police around, that I had tricked him into running and tripping. If there had been  any police we would have been taking a ride, I'm sure. Anyway, he decided that he was going to take a bit of payback and threw and wild roundhouse that wasn't even close to landing but if it had I probably would have been done for the night. He threw a couple more wild punches at me.

Jim was much smaller than me and I really couldn't see tagging him so I decided alternative measures should be used. I told him if he didn't stop trying to lay me out I was going to piss on him. He danced around a bit, he was a stocky redhead about 5'6", and threw another punch. I had had enough, I unzipped and ran at him, he started to run at me and saw I had let it flow and turned and ran the other way. I gave chase with the golden flow.

There we were, two grown men in the downtown Seattle area running around in the middle of the street with blinking traffic barriers everywhere with me trying to piss all over my best buddy who had a very nice case of road rash on his face. The chase didn't last very long till I ran out of ammo and we decided to head back to the boat.

Jim died in 1996 of germ cell cancer at the age of 30. He left behind a wife and two small children.

I still miss him.

My buddy gave me a handful of "munchies" at a party once. I thought they were jumbo sized Beer Nuts. Turned out to be Alpo dry dog food. Mmmmmmmmm.... Ate them all. Good crunch, but a little dry.

I peed on my carpet thinking it was the toilet; I pissed in a Burger King (but not the bathroom); puked a lot, the usual.

The funniest drunk story I have was my brother's drinking contest with his college roommate.  They bet on who could drink a full bottle of fortified wine each night for a 4-day period; the first night was Thunderbird, the second Night Train, the third was M/D 20-20, and I forgot the last.  We had to drive to the ghetto to even find the stuff.

Anyway, the first night began with beer, then vodka shots, then hard boiled egg shots, then the Thunderbird.  My friend and I were hanging out with my brother and his roommates in his kitchen, my brother was laughing and joking, then while everyone else was talking, my friend and I noticed that my brother had gotten quiet and was looking a little green.  All of a sudden he did this huge projectile vomit on the floor in the center of the room.  The next thing he did was rip open his shirt, buttons flying everywhere, sit in the middle of the puddle, and splash himself with his own vomit like a child in a wading pool.  Everybody was cracking up.

We left and came back a couple hours later, and found my brother curled up naked in a tub, groaning "oh God...Oh God...Oh God...Oh God"!  So this was the first night of the contest, and they kept going for 3 more nights after that.

Ive Laid more pipe than Exxon[:D]

Boy, did I regret this one in the morning...[:D]

[img]http://wsphotofews.excite.com/035/cz/AA/ft/re76387.jpg[/img]

TTFTHogs...
Great story, but friends..if you've never been in the Navy then some of you wouldn't understand.  

See the military likes to drink, BUT the Navy considers the ability to drink to excess (at times wretched - pun intended)an Honorable Pastime.  Even those poor shipmates that have spent their tours on Eastlants and Euroduty wouldn't understand.  The Westpac was truly a world unto it's own, and must have be experienced to fully appreciate it's true essence.

My drunk stories, well...they're just too good, but as I have a son that frequents this board, I'd rather just appreciate them in my memories.

However there was this one time when we landed in Cubi Pt. after a trip back from Diego, had 3 days of crew rest and liberty and since Olongapo was just a short trip across Shit River the 7 of us...... well perhaps not right now.

Good God Man!  I've seen better looking roaches!  If my crap had a butthole, it would be far more attractive!

Damn you nailed her too?!?

I've got a whole lot of stories, more than you all have time for, but here's a good one!
Many years ago, when life was much simpler, I used to attend these "Summerfests" sponsored by usually small Catholic churches in the country.  They used these for fund raising, etc.
Was in my first year of college, so deceided to "attend" the fest on the way back to school.
They planned these things really well, with home cooked goodies, and all the very inexpensive beer you could hold. Lot's of fine ladies too.  What they failed to do however was to provide adequate  restroom facilites.  They had ONE porto-potty for men, and ONE for the women, so the lines were soooooo long!  Being the type that can drink one, and get rid of two, I found a secluded spot in a ditch about 5' deep where I could relieve myself without being seen.  I probably visited that ditch about 8 times over the course of the afternoon.  The fest ended, and I headed back to school, and went straight to bed.  The next morning my "johnson" was swelled to about the diameter of my wrist, and all my fingers looked like very fat bratwursts, cause you see that ditch was filled with poison ivy!  The next few days @ the clinic were pretty embarrasing!
BTW, before this I had never had poison ivy before, even though I spent all of my youth playing in / around it.  Now many years later I can get within 5' of it and get it, and now I drink one beer, and get rid of three!

Could you guys please stop posting that picture?  I usually check the groups here when I'm on break from work and eating.  I just gave away half a bag of potato chips that I couldn't finish.Please, no more.z

Someone please explain these to me.

1GUNRUNNER,

Hard boiled egg shots means swallowing hard boiled eggs whole.  I have no idea why my brother decided to do this!

I  turned 21 back in May and went to work that day; college summer job...grounds crew at a tennis club.  Basically I work with a bunch of alkies.  Having said that, my boss wasted no time taking us all to the bars during lunch to celebrate.  The rest of the day was highly unproductive.  But don't worry, I was still able to operate the lawn tractor...kinda.

A couple weeks ago one of my best buds turned 21 and that was about the drunkest I've ever been.  When his sister dropped me off at my house at the end of the night my friend was having problems retaining his stomach contents in the back of his dad's BMW, so he had a little "pit stop" in my driveway.  When he was done I tried picking him up and putting him back in the car.  I work out frequently and figured lifting him would be no problem for me.  Apparently,what you have to do when you're drunk is divide you strength by your B.A.C.  Not knowing this, I fell over with my friend landing on top of him.  He was the definition of dead weight.  Between his sister's boyfriend and me he was dropped probably about ten times.  The best part was explaining his injuries to our boss the next day.

In a couple weeks another one of my friends turns 21.  He weighs about 245lbs.  It should be really interesting to see how we gethim home.  Fortunately he doesn't bench 365lbs. and isn't a complete spaz...oh wait...[BD]

A friend got drunk after a wedding last year and on the way home decided to jump out a direct trafic on a busy road, keep in mind he's in his tux.
Well, lo an behold he stops the oncoming cars and it is, of course, a cop car.
He throws himself to the ground, still in his tux, and puts his hands on his head.
They hauled him off to jail and let him out 12hrs later, no charges filed.

Well, let's see. A few years ago, I went to a friend's keg party.  I went there with the intentions of getting drunk (NOT Good!).  I arrived with my girlfriend and a huge glass mug.  I paid my drinking money and proceeded to down mug after mug of beer.  At one point, I staggered up to the keg to fill my mug again and accidentally squirted beer on some guy's feet that were propped up on the keg.  He was bare foot too.  I apologized and he said,"No big deal.  I needed to wash them anyway."  After a while, it finally caught up with me.  I was sitting at the bar next to my girlfriend.  I couldn't lift my head.  She kept telling me I had enough.  I agreed as I puked all over my shirt and on the floor.  Then, she quietly cleaned up after me, got my car keys and took me outside.  She told me to wait while she got the car.  I was holding on to a bush which didn't give much support because I fell into it.  My girlfriend pulled me out of the bush and sat me in the car.  The whole way home I was making sounds like I was about to puke again.  She kept asking me if she needed to stop the car so I could stick my head out.  Luckily, I held it in until I got home.  I couldn't get out of the car, so I opened the door and proceed to puke up beer until it made a nice puddle in my driveway.  I finally got out, girlfriend helped me inside and into bed.  Undressed me, cleaned me up and waited for me to sober up.

That was one hell of a girlfriend!  She didn't even complain the next day.  She just asked if I was OK and suggested I apologize to my friend who had the party.

I haven't gotten drunk since then.

USPC40

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[i]swallowing hard boiled eggs whole[/i]  Ahhhh... you guys busy this weekend?

"She didn't even complain the next day. She just asked if I was OK and suggested I apologize to my friend who had the party."




Hell of a Girl!

I hate my best friend's wife but I don't say anything because he seems to like her.  Anyway she always has to go with him when he goes out with the guys, and one night I had what I now to believe to be 30 beers in the space of about 25 minutes.  I began to tell her every bad thought I have ever had about her.  My friend, including her husband laughed their asses off.  She was supposed to be my DD that night, but they had to leave for Camp Pendelton the next day, and left me there.  Her way of saying she disapproved of my words.  I made it home OK but the thought of beer made me sick for 3 weeks.

I've done many dumb things while intoxicated. One that always sticks out the most is when I was a junior in high school. my friends and I had just finished off a jug of cuervo and a few cases of Blue Boar.
We were all on this hill with dry grass and I couldn't remember where my cigarette went. We were all looking for it when my buddy says that he saw smoke coming from behind me. Okay, so we all start looking around until all of my friends start busting up, as messed up as I was I had no clue what was going on until I realize that my pants were on fire.
Seems that I had stuck a lit cigarette into my back pocket. I've never been able to live that one down to this day.[flame]
On the other hand I did see my friend projectile puke about four feet into a toilet with no mess that night.[puke]

Alex  

There were three of us drinking, though one was a non-drinker and only had a rather token mouthful. Another was a beginner, and he only had about 4 shots outa the bottle, so I guess that I got all the rest.
Drunk munchies hit late at night when all places were closed, so we walked over to the university to the vending machines. Puked right next to the vending machine, then bought a load of junk food from the machine to refill. Staggered home with the other dudes in tow, fell down in my driveway. 'Twas the most comfortable cold concrete I can remember. Eventually got up, and went inside. I think that's when the chilli juice went.

Forget what the next day was like.

Olongapo... I've lost too many brain cells in that place.  I've lost a lot of other things there as well, but it's the brain cells I miss the most.

I have to many but one sticks out.
I was 16 and in high school, I had been out drinking with friends cruising and haveing fun. Well I got home and I knew I was real drunk,and trying to figure out away that mom and pops would not find out, mom was waiting up so I went in said good night real fast and went to bed. When I laid dowm on my bed the whole world was spinning, man what a cool feeling, so I laid there pretending I was on a roller coaster man what a ride. Anyway about an hour into this after mom goes to bed I start feeling real sick like  I am going to puke, so I go into the bathroom and do the deed,[puke]
man I puked everywhere except for the toilet, and I still had my socks on so I got puke all over the floor, well my dad comes into the  bathroom and says what in the hell is going on in hear, then he goes what in the hell did you have to drink tonight, smells like a brewry in hear, I said nothing dad I think I got the flu, I dont think that worked, anyway dad was pissed so he said you are going to clean this mess up, he said go into the garage and get a mop and clean this mess up.
Well at the time we were remodling our bathroom and my mom had put a tempary shower curtain up for the bathtub, it was not real secure to the wall. Anway I go out into the garage and get the mop. We had 3 stair steps to go up or down to get to the garage, can you see the picture, trying getting a mop and carrying it up stairs when you are drunk at that age, man I about got killed by that mop, after I got the mop I was walking up the stairs tripped and the mopped got all tangled in my feet and the handle beat me in the face and I fell flat on my face. Well I picked myself up, with vomit drenched socks and walked back to the bathroom tracking vomit all through the house, got into the bathroom and began to clean up the mess, well anyway try  to use a mop when you are drunk, that damb thing beat me up again, I ended up falling into the make shift shower curtain, it broke off the wall and I ended up falling right into the bath tub full of water because I was useing the water to clean the floor. So there I sit it the bathtub,wet,and this shower curtain sitting on top of me. Anyway my dad and mom just stood there with this look on there face of just anger and shock, they said to me just go to bed, so I climbed into bed with drenched socks and all. Well I could hear my mom and dad in their bedroom just laughing there full head off, but boy the next morning my ass was in deep trouble. That is just one of many if have to tell.

 Went off roading with a buddy in his huge CJ7 jeep with monster springs and tires, got back to my family cabin and decided to have a few. My buddy drank a 12 pack of beer and I proceeded to pour black daniels straight into a coffee cup and drink all night sitting out in the beautiful outdoors. Eventually I went to sleep and realized that I had consumed all of a 2 liter bottle of jack minus one partial coffee cup I poured my friend. Woke up in horrible horrible condition and took like 2 hours to get shoes on so I could go outside and pick a tree to puke on for a long time. I was in bad shape, but worse when we left to go back to town and go back to work the next day. That 20 mile dirt road of huge drops and washboard was bad enough, but the 200 mile ride in that tall stiff jeep was absolute torture. To this day I can't drink a drop of that stuff. This happened over 20 years ago... I was lucky that that much alcohol did not kill me.

drunkin_bastard

why in hades did  you dig up a 6 month old post?

first time i ever got drunk was my freshmin year of college. it was the first time i'd even had anything more than a beer. I split a bottle of gordons vodka with my roommate.  
I was puking on and off for three dyas after that. At the time i had a job in the cafeteria dishroom. i stood at a trough in front of a conveyer belt and peoples trays went buy i scraped the food off into a disposal. anyway, i went in to work the morning after and puked four or five times into the food trough as i scraped disgusting meal remians into the trough. I'd just spray my mouth out with the sprayer for the disposal. the guy next to me sure got a kick out of it.

three years later i drunk myself into the emergency room. now i stopped going to excesses after that. now i rarely drink (tonight is an exception.)