Because of the recent terror attack, new airline safety measures are expected to be in effect.
These include a thorough search and security check of all airplanes and airports before passengers are allowed to board, as well as a complete closure of curbside and off-airport check-ins. All airline passengers are being advised to arrive up to 3 hours before the flight due to security delays!

In an effort to help speed up the check-in process, I have come up with a novel idea. Some individuals, due their religious, professional or personal affiliations could be considered “safe” and checked through w/o delay. This would give security more time to concentrate on  those who were left, and speed up the boarding queue.

Below is a partial list. Help to fill it out, then we can forward it to the FAA!   [;)]

[b]Considered SAFE[/b]
Any member of the Heritage Foundation
Any member of the National Football League
George Clooney
Members in Good Standing of any [i]Orthodox[/I] Jewish Synagogue
Anyone belonging to the National Rifle Association
Any employee of the RAND Corporation
Jesse Ventura
Members of the Daughters of the American Revolution
Any longtime resident of Macon Georgia or Hazzard County Tennessee
Card carrying Teamsters or Longshoremen
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Members of the Hell’s Angels {All Chapters}



Should we start a list of those who may be suspect, and will need body cavity searches before being allowed to board?  [}:D]

[b]Considered Suspect[/b]
Any resident of Berkeley, California
Rosie O’Donnell
Any member of the Million Mom March
Any member of PETA {and Chrissie Hynde}
Any French Foreign Nationals
Travelers observed arriving in ricemobiles

I can't think of anybody you could pay enough to do a cavity search on Rosie. Well, maybe Madonna.....