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Posted: 11/1/2006 7:18:16 AM EDT
[#1]
I hope you weren't opening the door to drive the car!
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Posted: 11/1/2006 7:18:30 AM EDT
[#2]
Ripped my hand open climbing down from the roof of the bar in Wall, SD. I had to drive to Philip and get stitches.
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Posted: 11/1/2006 7:51:22 AM EDT
[#3]
Dislocated elbow,,,tripped over a electrical cord late at night T-Day weekend to Drunk to drive myself in waited till morning and drove my self to the Emergency Ward,,,,,,sucks having your Elbow Popped back in,,,,,I would'nt pass out with the stuff they gave me than the Doctor says 'Hit'em with the Morphine' the Battle was on I squirming like a MuthaFucker,,,,arm has never been the same and nobodys fault but my own.Self Pity is'nt Grand
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Posted: 11/1/2006 7:52:03 AM EDT
[#4]
I fell/jumped out of the back of a Duece ana half and damaged my knees. The forced march the next day was one of the most miserable times of my life.
I am grateful that I do not drink to drunkeness anymore. |
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Posted: 11/1/2006 7:53:31 AM EDT
[#5]
Got into an arguement with a buddy over which submission technique was more effective:
Rear Naked Choke Or Ball-squeeze His wife found us both passed out on the deck. Sheep |
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Posted: 11/1/2006 7:56:00 AM EDT
[#6]
Puked my guts out in the shower till the early hours of the morning.
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Posted: 11/1/2006 7:56:19 AM EDT
[#7]
I just threw up in the back of my mouth a little |
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Posted: 11/1/2006 7:57:17 AM EDT
[#8]
Snapped my left wrist in half, $40K in hospital bills later, it's working again
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Posted: 11/1/2006 7:58:05 AM EDT
[#9]
He was only partially naked and I was the only one holding balls. Sheep |
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Posted: 11/1/2006 7:59:30 AM EDT
[#10]
I dont remember
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:00:09 AM EDT
[#11]
When I was young and dumb, after divorce from my first wife, I put a cigarette out on my arm. Now I look at the small scar as a reminder that no woman is worth all that. Too many others out there.
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:01:52 AM EDT
[#12]
I was chock-full of liquid courage and decided I could kick some big guy's ass.
I got a couple cracked ribs, I think his hair got mussed a bit.I don't drink anymore. 
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:02:19 AM EDT
[#13]
I remember once that the floor jumped up and beat my face to a bloody pulp. Fucking floor chipped my tooth, put a gash in my lip, and bloodied my nose
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:03:10 AM EDT
[#14]
got really drunk, tried to 'hide the duke' in my friends toilet, slipped off the lid and blew my knee out.
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:04:22 AM EDT
[#15]
Some chick had some pepper spray, so I decided to spray myself in the face with it to see what it felt like. I was drunker than a bear cub in a fermented apple factory. And fuck! That shit hurt. I did some push-ups for a while to relieve the pain a little. Had a few more shots of whiskey and all was good for the rest of the night.
But I'll be damned if I didn't wake up the next morning with what felt like the worst damned sunburn I've ever had. The only relief was to stand in a cold shower for several hours. |
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:05:09 AM EDT
[#16]
Still cheaper than marriage!
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:08:36 AM EDT
[#17]
Drunk, wearing sandals and riding a 50cc Honda motorcycle. Yep, I was DUMBFUCK drunk. Luckily, it was on dirt when I spilled. I abraded the first metatarsal-flange joint and the metatarsal ridge TO THE FUCKING BONE. Took months to heal.
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:09:12 AM EDT
[#18]
Oh yeah, like THAT makes it less GAY. 
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:10:15 AM EDT
[#19]
I was in a buddy's back yard drinking beer. His yard looked exactly like my yard (tract houses
 ) and I got the bright idea to light my hand on fire with a little Zippo fuel. When you're shitfaced, the line of demarcation between a *little* and a *LOT* is hazy and difficult to discern.I seem to have SOAKED my entire arm in fuel that ran out of my cupped hand. I was not fully apprised of the situation prior to igniting the fuel on my palm. My entire arm was immediately engulfed in flames. I tried to slap the fire out against my leg, but because the back of my arm was fuel soaked, the fire just took a little road trip. I can assure you that should you ever find yourself on fire, the phrase "Stop. Drop. Roll." is non-existant in your mind. In a near panic, I, in my drunken confusion, raced around the yard looking for the dog bowl to extinguish my arm. Minor problem; no dog, no dog bowl, no cooling water. Fuck. After what seemed an eternity, enough fuel burned off my arm to allow me to smack the fire out entirely. The folks at the party were laughing hysterically. I was less than cheerful. I am fortunate to have recieved nothing more than second degree burns and blisters over my left forearm. I have no scarring, but have never again lit myself afire. I *have* been lit on fire by others, but those are stories for another time... I hate being set on fire. |
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:10:18 AM EDT
[#20]
Many of you guys need to rethink your drinking.
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:10:49 AM EDT
[#21]
Same here. But my wife does. Something about me puking on the bed and turning our hotel room in Jamaica into a vomit paradise... |
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:12:54 AM EDT
[#22]
NO SHIT! I NEVER get near anything with a motor, a sharp edge or flaming when drunk. In fact, I try to stay as close to the floor as possible when drunk. I have NEVER held another guy's balls, drunk or sober. That is teh ghey! |
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:15:35 AM EDT
[#23]
then you haven't tasted life
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:18:23 AM EDT
[#24]
I've never hurt myself physically while intoxicated.
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:19:18 AM EDT
[#25]
I haven't tasted another guy's jizz either........... |
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:20:22 AM EDT
[#26]
So, have you tasted YOURS? 
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:21:58 AM EDT
[#27]
Eh, I was in high school when I set myself ablaze. Now I like to fly electric RC airplanes low, fast, and at night when I'm drinking. Hones the reflexes--if you can keep from wadding up your airplane when you're flying inverted a foot off the ground at night, then a crosswind landing is cake...
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:22:01 AM EDT
[#28]
I KNEW someone would say that........... NO, no snowballs for me |
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:23:27 AM EDT
[#29]
Fifty-three stitches in my wrist from breaking a window (was locked out of the house; parents were out-of-state). I was sixteen.
Fell off of a bridge when I was seventeen, but thankfully landed feet first into the water below. That one could have ended very badly... I was pretty well tanked. |
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:25:46 AM EDT
[#30]
You are crazy. The least of my electrics will draw blood. My hotliner will remove fingers. Not that I would fly any of them at night, much less DRUNK. |
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:25:57 AM EDT
[#31]
It was near pitch black outside and for some reason I was running in full sprint. I blindly ran right off what was a rapid 3 foot drop in ground elevation. Landed (and skidded, thanks to my lateral velocity) knees first on a hard dirt road with bunch of pebble sized rocks strewn about.
Picking rocks out of your skin isn't fun. ETA: the boxers fracture after punching someone in the face is up there too 
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:37:45 AM EDT
[#32]
Heading up for a backpack trip in the Mt. Hood wilderness area (see avatar). This was about 20 years ago. I was riding in the bed of Toyota pickup, sitting in a lawn chair, handing a bottle of beer to the driver. I DID NOT MAKE THIS UP.
The driver leans out the window to say thanks and proceeds straight where there is a turn. My brother in a heroic move grabs the steering wheel and makes the turn. At this point Newton’s law kicks in and I continue in a straight line. I, being a young strong buck, grabbed the side of the truck bed and hung on...I hung on long enough for my brain to register the burning sensation coming from my leg as it was being turned into hamburger by the fast spinning wheel. Thinking quickly, I let go at about 25 mph and proceeded to become a human tumbleweed. End result: burns and fucked up knee. Beer continued to kill the pain and we caught fish. 
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:39:16 AM EDT
[#33]
My IFO (eflite 1360kv outrunner/3s Thunder power1320/1038 APC Slo-fly) will merrily draw blood as well. That's why when you're flying around yourself, you try to NOT crash into your own legs! But hey, I fly airplanes so a group of machine gun nuts can shoot them down--every flight is the maiden, 200 guys shooting at your airplane, and toss in a 20MPH tailwind just for giggles. Obviously, my idea of challenging may be a bit skewed....
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:43:22 AM EDT
[#34]
I was on a cruise with my extended family. The entrance to the main bar was a revolving door. It wasn't one of those automatic ones, it was a push type. And it didn't have any sort of mechanism built in too govern the speed; the faster you pushed it, the faster it spun.
So at around 5am, VERY drunk, we decided to see how fast we can spin the door and still dart through. After doing this a few times with it spinning at a moderate pace, we decide to see just how fast we can get the door moving. Turns out very fast. I decide that I am gonna give it a try, even though it was pretty much impossible. I size it up, and make my move. I get most of my body in the opening, but my trailing shoulder gets pinned between the door and the frame. Worst. Pain. Ever. I wasn't able to move that arm for a couple weeks. When I got back home, I had an MRI done, it didn't show any major damage, but it still took a year before my shoulder didn't ache with every movement. On the plus side, the door busted too, so it was a victory of sorts. |
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:47:17 AM EDT
[#35]
Nothing too bad. Just a wicked bad headache after headbutting everything in sight the night before (including metal door frames)
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Posted: 11/1/2006 8:49:53 AM EDT
[#36]
I was living in Waynesboro, VA in 1988 and for July 4, me, the wife(then GF), a few friends were shooting off fireworks. When they ran out, I got the bright idea we could use black powder to make field expedient fireworks. I got second degree burns on my right hand. Hurt like a sum bitch no matter how much I drank. I toughed it out until 2 am and then went to the emergency room at Waynesboro's lil ol hospital. They put some cream on it that immediatley took the pain away. Silver sulfine ?? They also gave me a few codiene aspirins and I was good to go. I am much more respectful of balck powder since then.
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Posted: 11/1/2006 9:03:42 AM EDT
[#37]
That isn't screaming sig line....
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Posted: 11/1/2006 9:04:15 AM EDT
[#38]
I have to relate my buddies stories.
Jason is a big guy, the kind that intimidate most men and all women. He would get shit faced and always end up hurting himself or in trouble. One night we are drinking heavily and he decides to play basketball. He grabs the rim (not regulation height) and pulls down after a dunk. This goal is mounted to a large peice of PVC pipe (yeah it was ghetto). He proceeds to try and see how far it will come. Just before he has it almost to his chest the PVC pipe snaps knocking out ALL of his teeth on his bottom jaw! The teeth weren't broken, they were knocked clean out of his fucking jaw. As I am watching this toothless guy spew blood EVERYWHERE I look down and notice this strange rock lying by my feet. I pick it up and my jaw dropped. Here we are picking up teeth and my drunk ass wife is telling us about a little cartoon dinosaur who told her to put the teeth in milk??? It wasn't the craziest thing to happen all night so fuck it, in the milk they went. After a night in the ER and some emergency dental surgery ALL of the teeth were saved and reinstalled in his big broken ass jaw. He didn't talk much through the wiring that held his shit together but he did loose a lot of weight from the liquid diet. I have at least 5 more on him but I thought I would share the best one! Edit to add: The doctors said if we had not put the teeth in mlk they probably wouldn't have been able to save them. |
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Posted: 11/1/2006 9:09:02 AM EDT
[#39]
Did you pay the repair costs that resulted from your drunken stupidity? |
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Posted: 11/1/2006 9:12:54 AM EDT
[#40]
Stabbed myself in the hand with a knife. I cooked up nasty leftover steak from the previous night in a styrofoam container, since I was in a hotel room I had no utensils other than my bigass cold steel folder. I was pretty amped about this steak so I stabbed right into it to hold it up so I could really tear into it with my teeth. Unfortunately I forgot styrofoam does not = hard. The knife went through the steak, through the stryofoam, and into my hand. Luckily it went mostly between fingers and all I got was a NASTY DEEP cut which I can still see today. |
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Posted: 11/1/2006 9:15:57 AM EDT
[#41]
Ohhh, FIREWORKS WHEN DRUNK! One July 4th, I bought a shell-type set that had a good assortment. And I had some blackpowder.... After setting off a few of the shells, I wanted something that went higher. I found a steel pipe of correct diameter, stuffed it into the ground and then put about a tablespoon of BP in the tube. Upon dropping the lit shell, I retreated to a safe "bunker". The shell went up with a THUNDEROUS roar and reached apogee BEFORE exploding. Seems like the BP I had put into the tube ignited BEFORE the lofting charge and therefore, the bursting charge was delayed. I watched the burning time fuse as the shell descended above the neighbors some three doors down who were also shooting off fireworks. It was WAR! They tried to lob shells my way, all of them falling short. I then took a Texas bottlerocket and lit the fuse while holding the stick in my right hand. Before the motor ignited, I threw it in their direction. When I got the timing right, it would reach apogee right at the time of motor ignition and would travel SIDEWAYS at about 50 feet AGL, acting like a cruise missle toward my neighbors. They responded with rockets fired at an angle, trying to lob them into my backyard. Oh, the days of fun. |
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Posted: 11/1/2006 9:32:30 AM EDT
[#42]
Fireworks wars are some of the best. I have had tons of fun doing that.
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Posted: 11/1/2006 9:36:15 AM EDT
[#43]
Whenever I drink too much, and try to brush my teeth, I always do it too hard and jab my gums and tongue really hard.
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Posted: 11/1/2006 9:37:21 AM EDT
[#44]
Hey man, they are lucky that they didn't get sued for over serving us and having an attractive nuisance of a revolving door with no speed governor.
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Posted: 11/1/2006 9:41:42 AM EDT
[#45]
Stubbed my toe and ripped off my big toe nail.
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Posted: 11/1/2006 9:47:20 AM EDT
[#46]
I was running down an asphalt hill at night only to stumble once the road started to incline. Face down I went, hands didn't get up fast enough. Bounced chin on the roadway. Split my chin, bit through my tongue and broke my jaw. Wifey wasn't too happy with me that night.
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Posted: 11/1/2006 10:07:58 AM EDT
[#47]
Stationed in Germany, working swing shift. A big snowstorm hit and they close the base.
My buddy and I (neighbors, we live off base) decide to split a giant bottle of Wild Turkey and go sledding. I was hung over in the base hospital the next morning getting x-rayed, broke 3 ribs when I crashed into a stone fence post. |
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Posted: 11/1/2006 10:13:10 AM EDT
[#48]
are you a marine? |
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Posted: 11/1/2006 10:15:12 AM EDT
[#49]
Fell off of a 6 foot ladder while replacing some recessed light fixtures at home. Broke BOTH of my elbows at the same time. Right arm was worse with both bones in the forearm shattered to pieces all the way to the elbow. Four surgeries and two years have slightly repaired them.
I am in the process of stopping drinking now. M.L. |
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Posted: 11/1/2006 10:20:53 AM EDT
[#50]
I don't remember the circumstances, but when I was 19 I was shitfaced and for some reason I was running. It was dark and I caught a clothesline right in the neck at full speed. Pain....sky....impact...sky...more pain. It went something like that. I had a hell of a bruise for a few days too.
On another occasion I took a kick to the face from a friend who I provoked. He was a black belt, but overweight. I told him he was full of shit when he said he could hit me in the face with a kick (I'm over six feet and thought he couldn't do it). He refused to attempt it until about the 5-6th time I called him a pussy. It left a mark .
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