My daughter is only 5 months old, so she hasn't been around long enough to enter this competition.  My stepson, now...
His most bizarre action actually took place while I was still dating his mother.  He was an undisciplined, spoiled four year old and still in daycare.  
One day, he shytte in a handpuppet at daycare.  That's right, he took a puppet in the restroom and defecated in it.  How he got the notion to do it and the mechanics of how it was accomplished are still unknown.

My two teenage daughters still try to install
AOL on my work PC at home every time a free CD
comes in the mail.  In spite of being told at
least 50 times that the damned thing [b]doesn't
have a modem[/b] in it!

Boot computer, 6 AOL icons on the desktop.

Grrrrr....fdisk......format......install wizard....

PS - you've got mail...

Sixteen-year-old niece has affair with 34-year old guy, quits school, loses job, and then threatens to move out.

My 6 year old son takes crap in underwear, then hides crappy underwear under 2 year old son's bed and tries to blame it on the 2 year old. Only flaw in his plan was, the 2 year old wears diapers, not underwear.

I bought three wooden ammo crates that were lined with galvanized tin.They came from the Alcan plant that was sod to Fiochi[spelling]that was sold to Smith and Wesson.Remember when they sold ammo.Anyway they were sitting on the floor in the downstairs living room.I kept smelling something.Finally I decide the cat was peeing somewhere and I was going to ring his neck for him.Like the cat but I wasnt puttin up with that.While I ws in the computer room I hear the lid swing open and something like water being poured into a bucket.Go in and the kids are watching cartoons.Go to the crate open it up and about 3 inches of pee in the bottom.Im so shocked I dont even loose it.Ask my oldest if he did it .He said no at first.[lie]I get mad about him lying.Ask him why he did it.Says he doesn't know.There is a full bathroom 6 feet away.I go thru it and ask him agian why he did it.don't know.I get even madder.I say several times you lift the lid pee and set it back down come back [several times to get 3 inches in it.Its 2 foot bt 4 foot]answers yes till I get to why?I dont know!Then he saves his life by saying Why were you using it.I dont know why but this strikes me so funny I didnt even stand him in the corner or swat his rear.Beside I must have looked like a lunitic for interrogating him for 20 minutes asking why.He's was five thats why.Besides if thats the worse he does,I consider myself lucky.I'm already Blessed.

Both of my daughters have pulled idling cars into reverse once (my wife has been told to shut the car off but she hasn't at least twice).  When my oldest was two she thought she would be helpful and make a bottle for my youngest by pouring the water into a twenty dollar one gallon can of formula!  My oldest followed grandpa onto the roof of his house while he was shingling it.  She just climbed the ladder at two years old.  Planerench out.

My 4th grade son logged in as a friend's younger brother (2nd grade) and aced a computerized reading test.  Plan goes awry when the second grade teacher realizes that her student probably did not ace the test for a book that his older brother was required to read.

I make my son write a letter of apology to his teacher.  I also explain to him that he is in a great deal of trouble at school.  It also turns out that my kid only made 80% the first time he took the test - under his own login - so I get after him for a low grade.  The reason he took the test a second time for someone else?  The older brother had not finished the required book yet - and younger brother needed the points right then to attend a party.  When asked if this seemed wrong at all, the kid explains that he might not have done it, "if I took just one more minute to think about it"

The resolution?  My kid's teacher ignores it.  The computer reflects my kid with a score of 100% for the test.  My son begins to understand that he might have a future in computer crime.

This happened a couple of years ago.  It still gets brought up when we discuss the power of peer pressure.  And the "if I took just one more minute to think about it" still applies to some of his decisions.

Cyoung, HOLY $HIT! How did you handle that! I run into it all the time in my line of work with kids.
BrenLover

[url]http://www.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?id=48684[/url]

*********[b]Contains graphic content not suitable for some readers!![/b]**********


One of my 17-year-old twin girls has a boyfriend.  He's actually a pretty decent guy, but I still have a problem with him messing around with my daughter.  Anyway, I come home and see Gaby's twin Kathleen sitting on the couch doing her homework, very unusual.  See normally does her homework at her desk in their bedroom.  I ask her what's up and she says, "Gaby is getting busy with Chris in there."  I didn't really believe her, so I went down the hall opened the bedroom door.  Sure enough, my daughter is in a 69 with her boyfriend.  I screamed (like a girl, I might add), "WTF!!!!"

Now the funny part:  Gaby's reaction to being caught is to bite down so hard on Chris's penis that she draws blood.  He screams in pain, she releases him and sits up and yells, "Daddy!"  Of course, sitting up causes her to sit back right on her boyfriend's face.  Chris is still crying in pain his cries muffled by my daughter's butt, his hands holding his tooth-mangled penis.  

I actually started laughing at the 2 of them.  It was the funniest thing I had seen Gaby do since she was 10 years old and attacked the garden hose with a knife because she thought it was a snake.



"Do who you will,
just please don't bite your boyfriend's penis again."

HOLY SHIT that is hilarious!  Poor guy though.  Oh well, serves him right I guess...but then again, if I was doing that, I wouldnt want to have my dick bit off.  Being 16 myself...

My god in heaven...if my girlfriends dad walked in on something like that...

First off I'd prolly get killed.  If not that, I'd be so frickin embarassed I'd never be able to see her dad again.

Talk about being in one AWKWARD position (no pun intended).

Good to see not all people flip out when they realize horny teenagers will be horny teenagers.

rg00red: LMAO.  Time to take away some car keys and pay Kathleen to be an informant. Has Chris been back since?  If he is, you should be on the look-out...

If my GF's dad caught us like that, he'd probably tell my GF he was taking her Mauser away and I could forget about using his Brownell's discount.

Kharn

I didn't punish her.

They are still dating, although I think they probably had at least a temporary cessation of oral playtime.  Kathleen is dating Chris's cousin and everybody is happy, happy.

And there was no way I could punish her for doing that.  I was messing around with my wife long before she turned 17.  Besides, Gaby is a smart girl, she won't do anything really stupid.


"Doing it in the car is pretty damned fun,
just don't get stains on the car seat."

When my oldest daughter (now 22, married, with a child of her own) was 5 she "cleaned" one of my guns to surprise me.  Too bad she disobeyed my instructions never to go near a gun without me.  Even worse, she used steel wool to "clean" off that nasty black gunk called bluing on [i]every[/i] part of the pistol.

Oh well, who needs a WW2-vintage P35 with tangent sight in near perfect condition?


Edited to add:  If you teach a kid to break down a weapon, make sure they know what stuff to use to clean it.


"Do what you will,
just don't clean daddy's guns."

Sounds like the word shame doesn't exist in Chris' vocabulary....

"Cars don't cause accidents, people do, and people in cars cause accidents. And accidents in cars cause people."

Let's hope you don't become a grand-dad before your time :^)

I already am a grandfather.

My oldest had her son when she was 20.  He's 2 now, cute kid.  I'm not taking care of him though.  My kids know that they are on their own when it comes to raising children.  I raised them, now I'm retired from the parenting business.


"Do what you will,
just keep that brat away from me."

Well, when my son was 2 years old, I went outside Sunday morning to get the newspaper and he locked the door behind me. So there I am, standing outside in nothing but a pair of jogging shorts and tennis shoes, holding the paper, trying to get this 2 year old to unlock the door...while he is sitting just inside it, playing with some toy.