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Page General » General Discussion
Archived [ARCHIVED THREAD] - Every man needs to know how to _______ (Page 1 of 3)
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Posted: 4/5/2006 2:25:54 PM EDT
A couple buddies and I came up with a list of what every man should know how to do.  In no particular order we came up with the following list:

Start a 2-stroke engine
Carve a turkey
Operate a manual transmission vehicle
Handle a firearm safely
Make love to a woman
Ride a bike
Hang a picture (level and centered on a wall)
Know that a 2x4 is actually 1.5" x 3.5" in dimension
Siphon liquid (with only a hose)
Train a dog
Operate a motorcycle
Change a diaper
Hammer a nail, bolt a bolt and screw a screw (without injury)
Draw a map to your house
Hook up a computer
Cook at least one impressive meal (from scratch)
Swim
Tie a bowline, square, overhand and hitch knots
Tie a tie
Toss a baseball, baseball, and frisbee (and be able to catch one tossed to you)
Throw at least one effective type of punch and kick
Dress game
Start a roaring fire (gas grill not included)
Amended
Sharpen a knife effectively
Jumpstart a car
Shave
Spit
Fell a tree
Fold the American flag
Play chess, poker, black jack, and Risk
Read a map
Use a compass
Be polite
Administer basic first-aid and CPR
Basic sewing/mending

Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:28:25 PM EDT
[#1]
Chop down a tree.
Shave (even if you don't)
Spit
set points using a dwell meter.
load a trunk
jump start a car

Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:28:32 PM EDT
[#2]
Gut something besides a fish, like a squirrel or a deer.
Change a tire
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:29:18 PM EDT
[#3]
Eat pussy properly.

Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:29:43 PM EDT
[#4]
Retime a magneto.
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:30:16 PM EDT
[#5]
Dress himself.
Wipe his ass.
Tie his shoes.
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:31:08 PM EDT
[#6]
the basics of forging metal

cutting steel with fire.
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:31:42 PM EDT
[#7]
Quoted:
Dress himself.
Wipe his ass.
Tie his shoes.


thats why we have wives
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:33:52 PM EDT
[#8]
Take any weapon apart even if they never seen it before

Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:34:13 PM EDT
[#9]
Read a compass;

Rede an spel gud

Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:34:26 PM EDT
[#10]
Change the oil in a car, basic car maintenance.
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:36:34 PM EDT
[#11]
Quoted:
Eat pussy properly.


That should be number one.
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:36:59 PM EDT
[#12]
Drive a manual Transmission

Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:37:03 PM EDT
[#13]
Kill silently.
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:37:28 PM EDT
[#14]
 
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:37:30 PM EDT
[#15]
Masturbate?

Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:37:55 PM EDT
[#16]
Quoted:
Drive a manual Transmission


I forgot to add, read.  
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:39:05 PM EDT
[#17]
Fart and clear a room.
Make babies laugh.
wipe ass with leaves.
Ride fat chicks, get caught and still look cool.
Wreck on a motorcycle, and still look cool.
Cut down a tree with an axe.
Cut down a tree with an chainsaw.
Operate heavy equipment.
Drink all night, then go to work all day, then repeat.
Operate all hand and power tools.
Know what/where a clit is, and how to treat it.
Throw a ball.
Catch a ball.
read a map.
Read a compass.
Start a fire without matches.
Live off the land.
Unclog a stool.
Wire a house.
Fix a window.
Take care of livestock.
Butcher said livestock.
Hunt and fish.
Play golf.



EDIT: forgot to add, Smoke cigerrettes and cuss like mad.
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:40:29 PM EDT
[#18]
Fight effectively with his fists, a knife, sword, axe, pistol, rifle, and shotgun. (not saying you gotta be Rambo but you should at least be able to look like you know what you are doing.)

Navigate, or at least read a map and be able to find north.

Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:41:15 PM EDT
[#19]
Shed a tear for a fallen comrade.

Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:41:33 PM EDT
[#20]
Quoted:
 
No worries, we don't exclude wimminz from doing any of the things on the list.
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:43:15 PM EDT
[#21]
Quoted:

set points using a dwell meter.


Not to mention 'grease the axles on a Conestoga wagon'.  

Setting points is no longer an "everyone needs to be able to do this so they can tune their own car" skill, it is a "very, very few people need to even know what this is, except for those who choose to drive classic cars" skill.  I know how to do it, but I wouldn't include it on the list of things to teach my kid.

Jim
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:43:46 PM EDT
[#22]
Cogito, ergo sum.

Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:44:43 PM EDT
[#23]
Quoted:
Quoted:
 
No worries, we don't exclude wimminz from doing any of the things on the list.


lol, no no - I was just trying to figure out how to teach my son all of these things.  No worries, he'll have to figure out the "Make love to a woman" on his own.  I'm not that good of a scout.
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:48:01 PM EDT
[#24]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
 
No worries, we don't exclude wimminz from doing any of the things on the list.


lol, no no - I was just trying to figure out how to teach my son all of these things.  No worries, he'll have to figure out the "Make love to a woman" on his own.  I'm not that good of a scout.


Judging from another thread, that might just be one of the things a female teacher instructs him in.

Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:49:16 PM EDT
[#25]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
 
No worries, we don't exclude wimminz from doing any of the things on the list.


lol, no no - I was just trying to figure out how to teach my son all of these things.  No worries, he'll have to figure out the "Make love to a woman" on his own. I'm not that good of a scout.


Quick pass over the mountains, then concentrate your expedition in the valley.
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:49:20 PM EDT
[#26]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
 
No worries, we don't exclude wimminz from doing any of the things on the list.


lol, no no - I was just trying to figure out how to teach my son all of these things.  No worries, he'll have to figure out the "Make love to a woman" on his own.  I'm not that good of a scout.


Judging from another thread, that might just be one of the things a female teacher instructs him in.


I'm afraid my son will be part of the 30 something crowd going "damn....none of my teachers wanted to teach me that"
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:49:27 PM EDT
[#27]
Well, I'm good on all of those except I have no clue how to "bolt a bolt."  Anyone?  

Edit:  I would add:  a man should know how to build a house--at least the basics of concrete work, framing, wiring, HVAC (ductwork), how to sweat copper and figure out how to make shit run downhill in the DWV, siding, roofing, hanging doors, trim, etc.  

He should know how to sharpen a knife to "shaving sharp."

He should know the various etiquette principals of being a gentleman.    

More to come.

Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:50:03 PM EDT
[#28]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
 
No worries, we don't exclude wimminz from doing any of the things on the list.


lol, no no - I was just trying to figure out how to teach my son all of these things.  No worries, he'll have to figure out the "Make love to a woman" on his own. I'm not that good of a scout.


Quick pass over the mountains, then concentrate your expedition in the valley.


Better slow down at the pass.  
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:52:01 PM EDT
[#29]
Drink 80 proof bourbon without mixing it.
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 2:59:02 PM EDT
[#30]
Obligatory Heinlein "What You Should Know" quote:

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.

Link Posted: 4/5/2006 3:01:03 PM EDT
[#31]
Dunk a basketball

Link Posted: 4/5/2006 3:03:19 PM EDT
[#32]
Quoted:
Chop down a tree.
Shave (even if you don't)
Spit
set points using a dwell meter.
load a trunk
jump start a car


That's one I still haven't learned... and I have a new set of points to put in my Porsche... although I will probably switch to an optical trigger.  

Points are SO 30 years ago!  
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 3:06:54 PM EDT
[#33]
Subscribe to threads without writing "tag"
Know what 87 means
RTFM
Clear browser cookies & history before his wife comes home
Encrypt .jpg & .mpeg files
Get free pron
Find a wife/gf/(both) that is "willing" without being "asked"
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 3:14:12 PM EDT
[#34]
Make love with out the aid of a woman
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 3:19:29 PM EDT
[#35]
Quoted:
Make love with out the aid of a woman


Fag
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 3:19:35 PM EDT
[#36]
Quoted:
Make love with out the aid of a woman


If I were you, I would rephrase that to "by yourself".
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 3:21:09 PM EDT
[#37]
Fold the American flag
Discuss something rationally
Admit when he's wrong
Fight for when he's right
Be able to duct-tape someone to a wall, telephone pole, etc. without hurting them (unless intentionally)
Lead a snipe hunt
Tell a ghost story that will truly frighten the snot out of a bunch of Cub Scouts
Discuss the basics of using fire in any situation (camping, welding, cooking, grilling, shooting)
Belch
Be respectful of ladies, until they prove themselves to be otherwise


And lastly, be able to spell.  
Quoted:
Know that a 2x4 is actually 1.5" x 3.5" in dimention
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 3:21:17 PM EDT
[#38]
Quoted:
Shed a tear for a fallen comrade.


+1
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 3:22:19 PM EDT
[#39]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Make love with out the aid of a woman


If I were you, I would rephrase that to "by yourself".




guess I didnt even consider that option. I was thinking from a survival point of view.
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 3:23:59 PM EDT
[#40]
pray.

Link Posted: 4/5/2006 3:24:21 PM EDT
[#41]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Make love with out the aid of a woman


If I were you, I would rephrase that to "by yourself".




guess I didnt even consider that option. I was thinking from a survival ponit of view.


ah...okay....just remember if we're stranded on a desert island together you sit over there ------------------->
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 3:24:51 PM EDT
[#42]
Quoted:
Make love with out the aid of a woman


You don't mean prison love do you!?

Link Posted: 4/5/2006 3:25:21 PM EDT
[#43]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Make love with out the aid of a woman


If I were you, I would rephrase that to "by yourself".




guess I didnt even consider that option. I was thinking from a survival ponit of view.


ah...okay....just remember if we're stranded on a desert island together you sit over there ------------------->


What, no hug?
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 3:27:16 PM EDT
[#44]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Make love with out the aid of a woman


If I were you, I would rephrase that to "by yourself".




guess I didnt even consider that option. I was thinking from a survival ponit of view.


ah...okay....just remember if we're stranded on a desert island together you sit over there ------------------->


What, no hug?


If it was cold we could cuddle.
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 3:27:34 PM EDT
[#45]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Make love with out the aid of a woman


If I were you, I would rephrase that to "by yourself".




guess I didnt even consider that option. I was thinking from a survival ponit of view.


ah...okay....just remember if we're stranded on a desert island together you sit over there ------------------->


What, no hug?


You both know in no time it'll be:
"Okay, who's turn is it to be Pamela Anderson?"

Link Posted: 4/5/2006 3:28:30 PM EDT
[#46]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Make love with out the aid of a woman


If I were you, I would rephrase that to "by yourself".




guess I didnt even consider that option. I was thinking from a survival ponit of view.


ah...okay....just remember if we're stranded on a desert island together you sit over there ------------------->


What, no hug?


You both know in no time it'll be:
"Okay, who's turn is it to be Pamela Anderson?"



Hey now, I'll always be the bitch with the boobs.
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 3:29:21 PM EDT
[#47]
Quoted:
pray.


Amen.


I would add CPR and basic life-saving/first aid, for both adults and children/infants (very significant differences in some cases).
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 3:31:17 PM EDT
[#48]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Make love with out the aid of a woman


If I were you, I would rephrase that to "by yourself".




guess I didnt even consider that option. I was thinking from a survival ponit of view.


ah...okay....just remember if we're stranded on a desert island together you sit over there ------------------->


What, no hug?


You both know in no time it'll be:
"Okay, who's turn is it to be Pamela Anderson?"



Hey now, I'll always be the bitch with the boobs.


Improvised strap-on.

Link Posted: 4/5/2006 3:31:55 PM EDT
[#49]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Make love with out the aid of a woman


If I were you, I would rephrase that to "by yourself".




guess I didnt even consider that option. I was thinking from a survival ponit of view.


ah...okay....just remember if we're stranded on a desert island together you sit over there ------------------->


What, no hug?


You both know in no time it'll be:
"Okay, who's turn is it to be Pamela Anderson?"



Hey now, I'll always be the bitch with the boobs.

Thank you darling.
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 3:38:55 PM EDT
[#50]
Play Chess
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