Would you tell your friend?

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Would you tell your friend? (Page 1 of 2)

Posted: 3/28/2006 1:46:05 PM EDT

I found out today that one of my friends wife cheated on him a few months back.

Now before you say yay or nay, let me tell you the whole story, as best I know it.

My friend and his wife have been married a long time, around 20yrs. They have two children, one in high school, and one in middle school. Their sex life has not been good.....like none for 5 years....yup, you heard it right. So, he hires this gal to work with him in the summer. I believe that is where things went bad. He may have cheated on his wife; can't say I blame him. My wife was also of the same opinion.

Anyway, wife found out, and he moved out. They worked it out and eventually he moved back in, and is now under lock and key of his wife.

Today, I found out that someone I know saw his wife at the bar with one of his friends "a while ago". He took her home. My other friend said that she had been drunk many times at this same bar, and was all over every guy in the place.

I believe that this was during their separation. Would you tell him? I am of the opinion that I will just let it go. I don't want things to get ugly again, after they have gotten back together, even if she is a crazy bitch.

Posted: 3/28/2006 1:47:07 PM EDT

[#1]

If they're back together, why try to mess it up for them?

Posted: 3/28/2006 1:47:52 PM EDT

[#2]

No.

Posted: 3/28/2006 1:49:51 PM EDT

[#3]

Yes.

Posted: 3/28/2006 1:50:02 PM EDT

[#4]

He would be nuts to not think his wife was doing someone during the separation.

Posted: 3/28/2006 1:50:04 PM EDT

[#5]

Leave the gossip to the ladies.

Posted: 3/28/2006 1:50:27 PM EDT

[#6]

Let it go!

Telling would only create problems.

If she/he is acting that way then things are already on the downhill slide again and it won't take long for the ride to end....

Posted: 3/28/2006 1:51:44 PM EDT

[#7]

yes. It is his wife. I think that he should let it go because it was during the separation, but the decision should be up to him

Posted: 3/28/2006 1:52:11 PM EDT

[#8]

If it was while they were seperated, let it go.

If it was while they were together, you have to tell him. He is your friend.

Posted: 3/28/2006 1:52:20 PM EDT

[#9]

Not a chance.
Particularly when the evidence is so speculative.

Posted: 3/28/2006 1:53:07 PM EDT

[#10]

Quoted:
Leave the gossip to the ladies.

Well put.

Posted: 3/28/2006 1:54:43 PM EDT

[#11]

I would probably tell him, but hell, I just told a guy that I had slept with his wife. (Didn't know she was married at the time)

Posted: 3/28/2006 1:55:55 PM EDT

[#12]

Quoted:
I would probably tell him, but hell, I just told a guy that I had slept with his wife. (Didn't know she was married at the time)

So, how'd that go over?

Posted: 3/28/2006 1:58:19 PM EDT

[#13]

Sounds like they are following a self destructive path. Leave it alone. One or both of them will decide it's not worth it soon enough. Don't put yourself in the middle of it.

Posted: 3/28/2006 1:59:47 PM EDT

[#14]

I'd stay out of it.

Posted: 3/28/2006 2:00:23 PM EDT

[#15]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Leave the gossip to the ladies.

Well put.

Agreed, OTOH if it was me, I would like to know

Posted: 3/28/2006 2:00:48 PM EDT

[#16]

Let sleeping dog lay.

Posted: 3/28/2006 2:02:37 PM EDT

[#17]

Leave it alone.

Posted: 3/28/2006 2:04:09 PM EDT

[#18]

Stay out of it.

Posted: 3/28/2006 2:05:11 PM EDT

[#19]

I would say nothing.
Sounds like this is stuff in the past...not your place to dredge it up.
Nothing good will come of it if you do.

Posted: 3/28/2006 2:11:53 PM EDT

[#20]

You wouldn't be a good friend if you hid this from him.

Posted: 3/28/2006 2:12:06 PM EDT

[#21]

Dont say a damn word, let them work it out.

Posted: 3/28/2006 2:13:19 PM EDT

[#22]

Quoted:
No.

+1

Posted: 3/28/2006 2:18:45 PM EDT

[#23]

Quoted:
Quoted:
I would probably tell him, but hell, I just told a guy that I had slept with his wife. (Didn't know she was married at the time)

So, how'd that go over?

He thanked me for being truthful...Said we could never be friends, but he would buy me a beer if he ever saw me out....

Posted: 3/28/2006 2:21:19 PM EDT

[#24]

Quoted:
If it was while they were seperated, let it go.

If it was while they were together, you have to tell him. He is your friend.

+1 If it was after they patched things up I'd tell him, otherwise let it slide

Posted: 3/28/2006 2:21:22 PM EDT

[#25]

Quoted:
Their sex life has not been good.....like none for 5 years....yup, you heard it right.

...

He may have cheated on his wife; can't say I blame him. My wife was also of the same opinion.

What did she expect?

As Tater Salad once said: If you don't rub my belly once in a while, it's hard to keep me on the porch.

ETA: If he's a good friend, you'll tell him. I've been the one to let friends know twice before. It wasn't pleasant either time, but they deserved to know.

Posted: 3/28/2006 2:21:28 PM EDT

[#26]

The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.

He cheated on their marriage, she cheated while they were seperated. Trust me, if you get involved, nothing good will come of it.

Posted: 3/28/2006 2:24:28 PM EDT

[#27]

i didnt read the whole thread, but i say

NO WAY NO WAY NO WAY!

especially if you are friends with both of them. fucking up their relationship is one thing, but then being caught in the middle will be even worse. stay out of this shit!

Posted: 3/28/2006 2:26:17 PM EDT

[#28]

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

What would you want if it was you in his shoes.

Then do it.

Posted: 3/28/2006 2:27:02 PM EDT

[#29]

On the other hand .......

She knows he cheated on her. He doesn't know what happened while they were seperated. (assuming that he wasn't up to the same thing

) If she was any sort of woman, she should come clean and be totally honest with him about what happened while they were apart. Complete honesty is the only way forwards. It's not your place to tell him; it's hers.

Posted: 3/28/2006 2:31:51 PM EDT

[#30]

I'd find out exactly when "a while ago" is. If it's while they were together....he deserves to know. That said, your friend is fucked anyway. If they had a good relationship they wouldn't go five years without having sex and he wouldn't be bangin' other women. Doesn't sound like there's much left for them to salvage anyway.

Posted: 3/28/2006 2:31:52 PM EDT

[#31]

Quoted:
Dont say a damn word, let them work it out.

+1

He's a grown up, in a relationship of his choosing, and must deal with the consequences of his choices and his spouses. Friends should stay out of each other's marriages....even when it appears one person is the victim. That's seldom the whole case.

Posted: 3/28/2006 2:33:57 PM EDT

[#32]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Dont say a damn word, let them work it out.

+1

He's a grown up, in a relationship of his choosing, and must deal with the consequences of his choices and his spouses. Friends should stay out of each other's marriages....even when it appears one person is the victim. That's seldom the whole case.

If someone is exhibiting the beahvior described in the thread.....hanging on/making out with multiple guys and generally being a dirty bar slut.....the dude deserves to know. BEFORE she brings home the AIDS....not after.

Other than that, I agree with you.

Posted: 3/28/2006 2:42:59 PM EDT

[#33]

Yes, then set back with the popcorn!

Posted: 3/28/2006 3:08:19 PM EDT

[#34]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Dont say a damn word, let them work it out.

+1

He's a grown up, in a relationship of his choosing, and must deal with the consequences of his choices and his spouses. Friends should stay out of each other's marriages....even when it appears one person is the victim. That's seldom the whole case.

If someone is exhibiting the beahvior described in the thread.....hanging on/making out with multiple guys and generally being a dirty bar slut.....the dude deserves to know. BEFORE she brings home the AIDS....not after.

Other than that, I agree with you.

You should tell him and both should get tested for AIDs.

Posted: 3/28/2006 3:18:27 PM EDT

[#35]

~~Who~~ What was the guy doing during the separation?

Posted: 3/28/2006 3:19:20 PM EDT

[#36]

Yep and drive him to a lawyers office.

Life's to short.

Posted: 3/28/2006 4:25:22 PM EDT

[#37]

Buy them some porn.

Posted: 3/28/2006 4:28:46 PM EDT

[#38]

not only would i, i have.

i caught a buddies ex in the middle of banging a guy she met on the internet and had fly in from Cali. for a booty call.

Posted: 3/28/2006 4:54:10 PM EDT

[#39]

Yes...Tell on the lying, cheating, scank whore!!!

He deserves to know. Not just have his friends talk about it behind his back.
If you found out...you can bet somebody else knows and sooner or later it'll get back to him.
And if she has'nt been putting out for 5 years she's been cheating for 5 years...WORD!!

I don't even know the bitch but she deserves to be stoned. In front of her children. Why should he give a shit if the children know or not it's apparent she didn't give a rats ass or she would have keep her ass home making sammichs and fucking her 'ol man. Or better yet she should have divorced his ass...{edit for i don't want all of ARFCOM to know my true feelings on the subject}

Fucking Whores!!!!

Posted: 3/28/2006 5:06:11 PM EDT

[#40]

Quoted:
If it was while they were seperated, let it go.

If it was while they were together, you have to tell him. He is your friend.

+a gilzillion

Posted: 3/28/2006 5:08:15 PM EDT

[#41]

thats really disgusting what a whore.

Posted: 3/28/2006 5:12:39 PM EDT

[#42]

What happens in "Vegas" stays in Vegas.

At least as far as you are concerned.

GM

Posted: 3/28/2006 5:13:51 PM EDT

[#43]

Ive had a best friend tell me once that my girlfriend cheated on me. And HE was the one she messed around with. We are still friends 20 years later.

Amazing how one guy can sleep with another guys GF and still stay friends but heaven forbid two women wear the same dress at a function and they will NEVER speak to each other again.

Here is the deal... I am gonna offer you two bits of advice.. one PRO and one CON.

YOU SHOULD TELL HIM: Because if she is keeping him under "lock and key" then at least this will give him some freedom.

YOU SHOULD NOT TELL HIM: Because chances are he already knows and if he doesnt know. YOU will end up being the bad guy and you wont be able to hang with him because you done pissed off the queen.

See? I added NOTHING.... sorry.

Posted: 3/28/2006 5:21:39 PM EDT

[#44]

What would he think if he finds out, and finds out you knew and didn't tell him ?

Posted: 3/28/2006 5:23:15 PM EDT

[#45]

Only if he asks you. Otherwise, keep it to yourself.

Posted: 3/28/2006 5:26:28 PM EDT

[#46]

tag

Posted: 3/28/2006 5:29:30 PM EDT

[#47]

Quoted:
What would he think if he finds out, and finds out you knew and didn't tell him ?

+1

Posted: 3/28/2006 5:37:23 PM EDT

[#48]

Quoted:
Yes...Tell on the lying, cheating, scank whore!!!

I don't even know the bitch but she deserves to be stoned. In front of her children. Why should he give a shit if the children know or not it's apparent she didn't give a rats ass or she would have keep her ass home making sammichs and fucking her 'ol man. Or better yet she should have divorced his ass...{edit for i don't want all of ARFCOM to know my true feelings on the subject}

Fucking Whores!!!!

I'm scared to even know what was there before the edit. I think it's time for your medication dude.

Posted: 3/28/2006 5:43:19 PM EDT

[#49]

Quoted:
You wouldn't be a good friend if you hid this from him.

Yeah, how would you feel if everyone knew your marriage was a lie and your friends didn't tell you. Wouldn't be very good friends would they?

Of course plenty of those saying you should shut up probably screwed other guys wives themselves. Just a thought.

You better be sure you are right though. That's all I'd say about it.

Posted: 3/28/2006 5:48:41 PM EDT

[#50]

Honesty is best. He will have to deal with it some day. Might as well be now. Get it all out. Don't say it in front of her or when she is within a 1 hour drive.

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Would you tell your friend? (Page 1 of 2)

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