1) "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole
> relationships." (Sharon Stone)
>
>  2) "Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that,
> you're in."
> (Courtney Cox, Monica on Friends)
>
> 3) "I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live
> in
> poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are
> apparently
> doing quite well for themselves." (Jerry Garcia, Grateful Dead)
>
> 4) "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he
> lives, but
> he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." (Barbara Bush,
> former
> US First Lady)
>
> 5) "Ah, yes, divorce...from the Latin word meaning to rip out a
> man's
> genitals through his wallet." (Robin Williams)
>
> 6) "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." (Billy
> Crystal)
>
>  7) "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I
> don't
> like and just give her a house." (Rod Stewart)
>
>  8) "On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the
> other hand,
> we can open all our own jars." (Bruce Willis, on the difference
> between men
> and women)
>
> 9) "And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame
> everything on
> me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on
> Satan."
> (George Burns)
>
> > 11) "There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an
> airplane:
> Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do."
> (Henry
> Kissenger, former US Secretary of State)
>
> > 13) "My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee -
> the
> natural enemy of a tightrope walker." (Dan Rather, news anchorman)
>
> 14) "I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,
> 'Thyroid
> problem?'" (Arnold Schwarzenegger)
>
> 15) "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for
> black men.
> Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." (Tiger
> Woods)
>

> 17) "Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But
> imprisonment
> turns the state into a gay dungeon-master." (Rev. Jesse Jackson)
>
> 18) "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
> (Jack
> Nicholson)
>
> [b] 19) "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it
> as the
> only time of the month that I can be myself." (Roseanne) [/b]
>
> 20) "According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable
> undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other
> women.
> They say that women are too judgmental, whereas, of course, men are
> just
>  grateful." (Robert De Niro)
>
> > 22) "There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many
> men are
> having allergic reactions to latex  condoms. They say they cause
> severe
> swelling. So what's the problem?" (Dustin Hoffman)
>
> 23) "When the sun comes up, I have morals again." (Elizabeth Taylor)
>
> >
> 25) "See, the problem is that God gives men a
> brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
> (Robin
> Williams)

"If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten."
--George Carlin

"If winning isn't everything then why do we keep score?"
--Vince Lombardi

“Happiness is interlocking fields of fire.”
--J.D. Smith (Jarhead_22)

[smoke] 4,5,7,18 QUINELLA[smoke]

SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND! [scarface]
BUBBA IS MY BEST GOOD FRIEND. [forrest gump]
I FEEL THE NEED ,THE NEED FOR SPEED. [TOP GUN]
DO YOU FEEL LUCKY,WELL DO YA PUNK? [clint]

"Happiness is a belt fed weapon" - some lucky sucker.

[b]If your attack is going particularly well, it's probabally and ambush.[/b]
--Unknown



[b]We own the day, Charlie rules the night[/b]
--Unknown

Sorry, that was Hangfires quote..[:P]

"If it's got tits or tires, it's going to cost you a lot of money" (anonymous)
         

"Shit Happens"
Author unknown.

"Eat Shit and Die!"
Author (also) unknown.

"My rifle is capable of winning this match.  I just won't let it."  - anonymous competitor at Perry this year.

[b]There is no such thing as FRIENDLY fire![/b]

"If I can't eat it, drink it, fire it, or f*ck it... I ain't interested" --Michael Keaton.

"Well, You gonna pull them pistols or whistle Dixie?"- Josey Whales

Edited because I couldn't find the other quote I wanted to post from the book "Flags of our Fathers".   It went something like this:

quoted from a marine-
"the Army is sometimes tolerable,  the Navy Indifferent, and the Airforce is barely even on our side!"

The world is filled with violence. Because criminals carry guns, we decent law-abiding citizens should also have guns. Otherwise they will win and the decent people will lose.
-- James Earl Jones

All right, they're on our left, they're on our right, they're in front of us, they're behind us... they can't get away this time.
-- Chesty Puller, Gen. USMC, on being surrounded

"Nothing is more exhilarating than to be shot at without result." -Winston Churchill

"The most frightening sound I've ever heard? A click, when I expected a bang." -Unknown

"If it eats or shits we've got enough of 'em"

My response when the kids talk about additional
siblings or more pets.

[b]"The more I read, the more I meditate;
and the more I acquire, the more certain
I am that I know nothing."[/b]

An often-used statement attributed to Voltaire is,
                             
[b]"I disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."[/b]


          —Voltaire 1694 - 1778

If it bleeds we can kill it! [arnold in predator]

[b]"All universal moral principles are idle fantasies.
Any enjoyment is weakened when shared.
There is a kind of pleasure which comes from sacrilege or the profanation of the objects offered us for worship.
I respect tastes, fantasies. However baroque they may be, I find them all respectable, both because one is not their master and because the most unusual and bizarre of all, if well analyzed, can always be traced back to a principle of delicacy."[/b]

[b]He used to like to slap a whore's face; as a mature man, he twists her head around until it faces backward. When so adjusted, one may simultaneously look at her face and at her buttocks.[/b]

Marquis De Sade

"Don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die." - anonymous

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety."
Benjamin Franklin
[%(]

"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and I'm all out of bubblegum"
Rowdy Roddy Piper(they live)
[:D]

"If you give me any of that Juris-my-diction crap, you can cram it up your ass"
- Lieutenant from the Matrix to Agent Smith

The early bird may get the worm, but the 2nd mouse get's the cheese.


If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you

Unknown...

"It is in vain to hope to please all alike.  Let a man stand with his face in what direction he will...he must necessarily turn his back on one half of the world."
-- George D. Prentice


"I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  No man comes to the Father but by me."
-- Author who wants you to know Him

Gun control. Endorsed by tyrants, supported by fools.  - Mike Gaddy 08.11.01

- CD

"There are only 2 kinds of people on the street, criminals and victims." - a police officer from the show "COPS"

"I hate quotations."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Oh Lisa, you and your stories.  Bart is a vampire, Beer kills brain cells.  Now let's go back to that... building...thingy... where our... beds and TVs... is."

Homer Simpson sarcastically mocking Lisa when she brings bad news.

"It's hot as hell in here"  "Yeah man, but it's a dry heat!"

Bill Paxton in "Aliens" putting a better spin on things.

"I was just trying to find the other half of this bottle.  Oh here is some of it.  Oh, and a little more over here."

Adam Sandler in "Happy Gilmore" getting caught acting like a hockey player at a golf resort.

"No man ever won a war by dieing for his country.  He won by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his!" -Patton

"live by the sword, trip and fall on your sword die by the sword" unknown

"5 days but im mad now" homer simpson

And my favorite:

The Constitution may not be the greatest work ever set to paper, but it beats the hell out of what they're using these days.

"No wait! Cancel that, I guess it says 'HELF'"  The Far Side

"That is NOT your Daddy's shotgun!"  FMJ

"Ives, Flying Officer Ives.  Cooler Ives"  The Great Escape

``There is no doubt in my mind that millions of lives could have been saved if the [German] people were not brainwashed about gun ownership and had been well armed. ... Gun haters always want to forget the Warsaw Ghetto uprising, which is a perfect example of how a ragtag, half-starved group of Jews took 10 handguns and made asses out of the Nazis.'' -Theodore Haas, Dachau Survivor

``The possession of arms is the distinction between a freeman and a slave. He, who has nothing, and who himself belongs to another, must be defended by him, whose property he is, and needs no arms. But he, who thinks he is his own master, and has what he can call his own, ought to have arms to defend himself and what he possesses; else he lives precariously, and at discretion.'' -Andrew Fletcher (1655-1716)

"The tank, the B-52, the fighter-bomber,  the state-controlled police and military are the weapons of dictatorship. The rifle is the weapon democracy. If guns are outlawed, only the government will have guns. Only the police, the secret police, the military. The hired servants of our rulers. Only the government -- and a few outlaws. I intend to be among  the outlaws." - Edward Abbey "The Right  to Arms" (New York, 1979)

And one for comic relief for any fellow techs in the house--

"I'm the take apart guy, the put back together guy will be here later." --Roy 'Don't call it a Xerox--it's a copy'

" Poor bastards, they have us surrounded"  Unknown

"It's better to have it than need it, and need it and not have it." - (My Wife, God bless her.)

"Don't show up at a gunfight with a knife"- Anon

"It's hard to remember your there to drain the
swamp when your up to your ass in alligators"-Anon

I think it goes like this.

"What have you done for us this day Mr. Franklin?"

Ben Franklin: "We have given you a republic if you can hang onto it"

"It's only after we have lost everything that we are free to do anything."

"Fuck Martha Stewart!"

"You are not your clothes. You are not your job. You are not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the contents of your wallet. You are not your fucking kakis. You are the all-seeing all-dancing crap of the world."

Tyler Durden / Fight Club

*amen*

I got another good one! [:D]

[b]"Can't we all get along?..."[/b]

Rodney King.

The ideal citizen of a tyrannical state is the man or woman who bows in silent obedience for the status of a well cared for heard animal.  - Unknown author.  

If anyone know who is attributed with this saying, please post it.