To a person she met from church no less.


I havent talked to her much this last year, since I moved off to college. The last I talked to her was on my birthday (Nov. 6th) on the phone. My dad emailed me 2 weeks ago saying she was engaged to this guy she met at church and they had been living together for awhile. Then when I go to my dads house for spring break to build my 12 y.o. brother a batting cage I find out she's getting married in April!

I dont even know what to say. My parents have joint custody, but my mom keeps leaving FL to look for a place to buy with this dude. She made out with half of the value of my dadshouse in cash(90K cash) , plus half of his Navy retirement alimony and child support. Plus, she just became a nurse a couple years ago and has a good paying job. Practically destroyed all my dads done the last 20 years. Then, skims him a thousand bucks on joint debt she was ordered to pay by the courts. And is now taking him to court for taking 100 dollars off alimony each month for the 1K she didnt give him.

Fuckin A. Sorry for the rant guy, im just losing my damn mind.

Sorry to hear it buddy, sounds like your mom needs counselling.

And as usual, dad is getting the high hard one.

I hate this shit...

Damn dude, I been following the threads about your Mom lately.

I can see why you have such resentment towards her.

Like most women, she sounds fucked up.

With the ink from the divorce barely dry, she's getting remarried?

She's shacking up with some dude she met at church? Religion is such a twistable and manipulative belief. I think some people go to church just to rub shit in God's face.

Oh ye of little faith. Only God can judge me.

HS1

Right now, I'll bet you a box of ammo that your pop needs... and appreciates... your loyalty  and concern more than anything your mom's taken.

Not to say you should take sides.  Just keep the faith with the ones you love.

Be glad that you're not "in the middle of it" since you're off at college, but realize that you will be your little brothers equilibrium through all this for awhile.  If your parents have lost sight of the best interests of their kids (in particular you little bro), you'll have to be there for him.  Don't worry about your Dad, he'll be fine (child support only lasts for 7 years at the outside, and your little bro deserves it regardless of your mothers actions).  As for mom..not sure what to say other than Wow....mine did something similar but I was only 5 at the time.  That was a messy divorce and I wish I'd had a big brother to keep me afloat during all of it.   Welcome to the real world of human shittyness.

If she gets remarried doesn't that at least get your dad off the hook for the alimony ?

Well if she gets married, call it a blessing for your dad.  No more alimony for her.

That sucks...


87

Tell your new dad your used to $200 a week in allowance.


Edit: Break our foot off in your moms ass, and slap some reality into her.

Also, how old are you?

you need to bitch slap your mom and get her ass in check


+ 1 on being there for your brother, right now he needss you more than you know

So... Who gets the trailer?

Quoted: If she gets remarried doesn't that at least get your dad off the hook for the alimony ?

+1

hmmm....  it sounds like she was seeing the guy from church on the side while she was still married to your father


i'm sorry to hear about what you have to go through.  i couldn't imagine what it would be like to have to deal with that kind of bullshit...

double tap

Quoted: hmmm....  it sounds like she was seeing the guy from church on the side while she was still married to your father

+1

Quoted: hmmm....  it sounds like she was seeing the guy from church on the side while she was still married to your father i'm sorry to hear about what you have to go through.  i couldn't imagine what it would be like to have to deal with that kind of bullshit...

my thoughts exactly

dude she is marrying could be playing a con on her as well.
it happens,con artist will case people just like burglars case a house.

To make the story even better, this is this dudes 4th marriage, his last divorce was only a year or so ago, and my mom knew his ex-wife from church.

I'm half convinced this guys a freakin con-artist.

The thing that really pisses me off, is the way she treats my little brothers. Makes my blood boil  She'll have them stuck at her house all day while they're both at work, then make them meals that consist of frozen food and shit that is just unhealthy. Then walks around like she's a role model mom. Doesnt help them with school work at all either.

One of my bro's turns 16 in august, and my dads gonna try to get him a little truck so they dont have to stay at their moms house when she isnt there. Which makes me hopeful. I try to call them as often as possible, the older one like to play guitars and is doin good. The youngest has kinda the same interests as me, actually he thinks im like a God. Im going into the Marines (PLC/OCS)and he thinks im the coolest, so I keep in touch with him pretty good.

This whole thing gave me a whole new perspective on the "Justice System." In HS I took some dual enrolled law classes, but this experiance has really killed all faith I had in judges being "fair."

Uh feiro, im 19.

ETA: JarheadPatriot's child support thread got pissed, so i needed to rant

I think Axel Rose said it best: "I used to love her, but I had to kill her.  Now she is burried in my backyard."

Sorry to here,sounds pretty fucked up.

Sounds like your mom may be getting played,I'm sure Johnny Carson knows all about that 90 grand cash pay out  

This is a rough one on your Dad, yourself and little brother. People can sure mess things up!!!

1BMF: I am sorry to hear that, at best it is no fun.

I agree, the guy your mom is marrying sure sounds like a con artist.  Remember your mom is flush with money.

I hope things get better for everyone in your family.

Hang tough man. Pain will pass....

She will get hers, one way or another.

She is still your mom...Even though she violated the family trust.

Quoted: To a person she met from church no less. I havent talked to her much this last year, since I moved off to college. The last I talked to her was on my birthday (Nov. 6th) on the phone. My dad emailed me 2 weeks ago saying she was engaged to this guy she met at church and they had been living together for awhile. Then when I go to my dads house for spring break to build my 12 y.o. brother a batting cage I find out she's getting married in April! I dont even know what to say. My parents have joint custody, but my mom keeps leaving FL to look for a place to buy with this dude. She made out with half of the value of my dadshouse in cash(90K cash) , plus half of his Navy retirement alimony and child support. Plus, she just became a nurse a couple years ago and has a good paying job. Practically destroyed all my dads done the last 20 years. Then, skims him a thousand bucks on joint debt she was ordered to pay by the courts. And is now taking him to court for taking 100 dollars off alimony each month for the 1K she didnt give him. Fuckin A. Sorry for the rant guy, im just losing my damn mind.

Keep supporting your father.

And you can still love your mom while being mad as hell at her. Sometime when everything is calm you just need to tell her flat out:

Mom, I love you, but what you are doing isn't right.

Sucks when you realise a parent isn't who you thought they were.

My mother moved a guy in barely a few months after my dad died, I hated her for that. She'd been seeing this guy on the side for years. The only thing I ever really learned from her is how NOT to be.

It's a crappy time for your family, just make sure you're there for your brother through all of it and realise that it's all right to be angry with your mother. Like someone said, these things have a way of coming back and biting those concerned on the ass. God pays his debts.

You're 19, it sounds like you're the oldest. Grow up. Make a conscious decision to hold on to what is good and important, and to put the bad shit down ... don't carry it around. You'll be a better son, a better brother, and a better man because of it. Do it for EVERYONE in you family and especially for yourself.  Good luck, man.  Stay safe

Quoted: Sucks when you realise a parent isn't who you thought they were. My mother moved a guy in barely a few months after my dad died, I hated her for that. She'd been seeing this guy on the side for years. The only thing I ever really learned from her is how NOT to be. It's a crappy time for your family, just make sure you're there for your brother through all of it and realise that it's all right to be angry with your mother. Like someone said, these things have a way of coming back and biting those concerned on the ass. God pays his debts.

Hun...we were OBVIOUSLY seperated at birth! My mom's a HUGE disappointment for the same reasons you've listed above.
Hell, mine called me on FATHER's day, 10 mos AFTER my dad's passing to tell me SHE's ENGAGED.
I hung up on her.
My freaken FIRST Father's day without my Dad and she does THAT???  



1BMF: hang tough...be there for your brothers and dad. That's really all you can do, hun.
ETA: What SP1grrl said about biting her in the ass? It WILL: Mom's fiance died the following fall: On what would have been Dad's 60th birthday.
Karma's a bitch.

Support your dad and brother, write mom off.

Quoted: Keep supporting your father. And you can still love your mom while being mad as hell at her. Sometime when everything is calm you just need to tell her flat out: Mom, I love you, but what you are doing isn't right.

+1 all the way around. Also, it sounds like your mom has found a guy who makes a habit out of playing house with women & milking them til they catch on and kick him out. She's still your mom, watch her back.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Quoted: hmmm....  it sounds like she was seeing the guy from church on the side while she was still married to your father

____________________________________________________________________________________

+1

No doubt about that.

Why would your dad be shelling out vagina-mony when you say your mom works as a nurse ?

When she re-marries he should be off the hook for that immediately.

Be there for your dad to lend support & your younger brother will need you more than ever also ( he is even more wrapped up in all of it than you are - plus faces an impending re-location ).

best of luck

Sorry it's your mom.
Seems like most women are just fucked up anymore.
The men I know have the morals and scruples to never fuck someone over like that. The women, not so much.

Quoted: Hun...we were OBVIOUSLY seperated at birth! My mom's a HUGE disappointment for the same reasons you've listed above. Hell, mine called me on FATHER's day, 10 mos AFTER my dad's passing to tell me SHE's ENGAGED. I hung up on her. My freaken FIRST Father's day without my Dad and she does THAT???

Oh jeeze....

For the longest time I ran after my mother like a little kid, desperate for my mommy. But then I grew up and realised that she's never going to be what I need her to be and moved on with my life. It was liberating. (and I didn't even need therapy)

Karma's a bitch.

Yes it is.


BTW, it's not just women, there are assholes on both sides of the gender divide.

Quoted: BTW, it's not just women, there are assholes on both sides of the gender divide.

You're right of course.

But the COURTS are on the womens' side, and there's no denying that.

Quoted: Right now, I'll bet you a box of ammo that your pop needs... and appreciates... your loyalty  and concern more than anything your mom's taken. Not to say you should take sides.  Just keep the faith with the ones you love.

A big +1

How does a trained nurse qualify for alimony?

Quoted: Sorry it's your mom. Seems like most women are just fucked up anymore. The men I know have the morals and scruples to never fuck someone over like that. The women, not so much.

Stop hanging in titty bars and you'll meet a better class of woman

Quoted: Quoted: BTW, it's not just women, there are assholes on both sides of the gender divide. You're right of course. But the COURTS are on the womens' side, and there's no denying that.

Deb Lafave anyone???

Quoted: Quoted: Right now, I'll bet you a box of ammo that your pop needs... and appreciates... your loyalty  and concern more than anything your mom's taken. Not to say you should take sides.  Just keep the faith with the ones you love. A big +1 How does a trained nurse qualify for alimony?

I think he meant that she is entitled to half of his military retirement check. If you are married to someone for more than 10 years of your military career and then get divorced they are legally entitled to 50% of your retirement benefit. Not sure if that goes away if they get remarried or it is permanent. I might not have the details right but that is the general idea.

You do not know all that has happened between your Mom and Dad and it's none of your business. You are the child of your mother and father as an adult you should continue to love them and support them both. People have faults make mistakes and their actions can be painful to others, it's the human condition learn it now and enjoy your lifewithout bitterness.

Sorry to hear, but most women don't move on unless they have something else to go to.

Quoted: To a person she met from church no less.

Ah yes.  The Christianity as a license to sin church.  I know people who go to that church.

04-05 was the worst, before I moved out and both parents were still in the same house.

I used to say it must be something in the water lol, because my best friend who lived down the street, his mom did that same shit, pretty much at the same time. Me and my buddy helped each other our, but damn it was tough.

She was brutal in the divorce. Even singled me out, saying bad fathering skills let me own "those kinds of guns at his age, and keep them in his room under his control" - When I turned 18, I got one of those walmart gunsafes for my birthday, and bought an AR15 I'd saved up for, for 2 years.

After 20 years, she was more than willing to use scorched earth policy. Went after my dad's enheritence, got $1k a month in alimony, child support, a check for half of the house to go with her high demand job and couple hundred thousand $ worth of stock she got from her aunt who had just passed. Is ordered to sell the diamond ring she got for her 20th ann. and split the $, it was valued at over 10k, she sold it for 3 just to stick it to my dad once again.

I could write a god-damned book on this shit. Yet, people wonder why I have 0 respect for alot of things.

Ive been trying to not let it bother me, but being back in town and listening to some of the shit that happened really stuck a nerve.

I'm going to the gym, gonna relieve some built up anger.

It's her life, and her choice.  And I feel your pain.  She is still your mother, and if the dude she is marrying is not a scumbag, then don't bother creating a beef over it.  I know it hurts to see that.  You can be a better man if you learn to swollow your pride.

When my father died, my mother was banging some dude before my dad was in the ground for a month.

It really hurts, and I bet you have a lot of questions in your head.  Stick it out, and since you still have your father I sugest you support him too, and don't fuel any negitive feelings he may have toward your mother and her new husband.  

As time passes, your going have good days and bad days about this situation.  The best thing to do is to be a good son to your mother and your father.   As far as having a new step father, accept him, even though it may be hard.  Take comfort in the fact that you did not create this situation, and after the fact blaming either parent or the new husband for the divorce will be futile.

If you play it right, you'll be a better man after it.

The only thing that will make you feel better about this is the passage of time.  Try not to carry to much bagage over this.

Quoted: To a person she met from church no less. I havent talked to her much this last year, since I moved off to college. The last I talked to her was on my birthday (Nov. 6th) on the phone. My dad emailed me 2 weeks ago saying she was engaged to this guy she met at church and they had been living together for awhile. Then when I go to my dads house for spring break to build my 12 y.o. brother a batting cage I find out she's getting married in April! I dont even know what to say. My parents have joint custody, but my mom keeps leaving FL to look for a place to buy with this dude. She made out with half of the value of my dadshouse in cash(90K cash) , plus half of his Navy retirement alimony and child support. Plus, she just became a nurse a couple years ago and has a good paying job. Practically destroyed all my dads done the last 20 years. Then, skims him a thousand bucks on joint debt she was ordered to pay by the courts. And is now taking him to court for taking 100 dollars off alimony each month for the 1K she didnt give him. Fuckin A. Sorry for the rant guy, im just losing my damn mind.

Just remember that you have control over your own life not the lives of others even parents. I am sure your Dad is happy she is getting married because it lets him off the hook for alimony. When you get married, and I am sure you see marriage now as phony you will appreciate the person more and especially would not want to hurt your kids the way your parents are making you feel. Things that make real character and things that your parents are teaching you and they don't even know your are getting a wealth of wisdom.

your dad gets off the hook for spousal support if she gets married.

Sounds like a win win for him.

Quoted: your dad gets off the hook for spousal support if she gets married.

Not necessarily. That's a common misconception. Some divorce stipulations do indeed have a cohabitation clause, but others have a time limit instead. Some women even get lifetime alimony.

1BMF, sounds like she did your dad a favor in the long run. Even her scorched-earth policy has a silver-lining: It will help your dad get over her and any guilt he's feeling. If he can rise from the ashes with wisdom instead of bitterness, his life will be better without her than it ever was with her.

As for your mom and her new husband: The Oracle of Rodent predicts that they will be punishing each other nicely within a couple years.

So your a victim too?  Welcome to the club.  We're the ones who couldn't save the marriage.

Family/relatives are the people you normally would not select to have any type of relationships with, if they had not been pre-assigned to you.

Do what YOU want - to stay sane.   One or both of your parents put you into this position, and you need not hold back.  Be pissed, be angry, and vow never to let that happen to you.  Don't try to justify Mom or Dad's actions as acceptable behavior.  Then get on with your life.

Some background -
I came home from school on my 16th birthday to find Mom packed and gone.  She had planned the event - kissed me goodbye for school, and then executed her plan while I was at school and Dad was at work.  She left a note for me, saying that at 16 I could now deal with the fact there was no love left between her and Dad.   I was betrayed, hurt, and as the youngest I was alone.  In my mind, every thing she ever did after that point was wrong, and she could never correct the damage done.  I tried to give her slack and normalize what happened in my mind (that will drive you crazy as they continue to let you down over and over in life), but the fact is my parents fucked up thier opportunity and I could either learn from it or repeat the process.

I adopted a healthy family's ways and values that lived down the street from me as what a happy, normal family would be like.  Now as an adult - that is the family I now have, and if you knew more you would say the simularities are just too weird.  I am blessed, and thankful that I let Mom and Dad go - and the further behind they get, the clearer I can think about my own problems ands less about thiers.

Be your own person.  Keep an open mind.  Be happy.  Adopt characters like Mr. & Mrs. Cunninham from Happy Days as examples of a loving set of parents should be like - not who you were assigned.  Be pissed, you earned that right, but take that energy and funnel it into a real loving marriage.

Don't ever let your kids feel that pain.

Your Mom needs companionship. Good for her, let her get married, let her go on her way - there is no reason for you to have to be happy about it.  Face the fact that she's going to be more someone else's wife - than your mother.  She didn't even have you in the loop.

My Mom was/is selfish and stupid - in that order.  Its been several years since I let her go, and I am more healed than ever.  All I have to do is call her or visit and I'll feel like shit for months.  

I often wonder if my marriage would have turned out so good, if I wasn't reminded of my parents disaster.  On the other hand, I think that my "adopting" a real set of loving parents as the "ones I should have had" was a good move.  You tend to get what you want in this world.

I just hate divorces.

Best of luck with your life!

Quoted: You do not know all that has happened between your Mom and Dad and it's none of your business.

WTF???? His parents are his family and his  family IS his business! When parents start fucking up their kids lives it is definitely their business.

Divorced only 3 months and now engaged to a guy from church???  Well, how very "Christian" of her. So when does she appear on Jerry Springer?