Out of fairness and fear of diabolical chickens I present the other side:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY"

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN"

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS"

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION"

5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS"

6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL"

7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION"

8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY"

9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED"

10. He is not "#####" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED"

11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE"

 miss you. bob