Chuck Norris is an old man!

General » General Discussion

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Chuck Norris is an old man!

Posted: 3/10/2006 3:04:28 AM EDT

and he turned 66 today. He'd still kick all your sorry asses. He'd throw gertiol at you and you'd die from the vitamens

Posted: 3/10/2006 3:32:31 AM EDT

[#1]

Chuck Norris can beat you in connect-4, in three turns.

Posted: 3/10/2006 4:29:06 AM EDT

[#2]

When faced with a difficult situation, Jesus asks himself, "What would Chuck Norris do?"

Posted: 3/10/2006 4:34:31 AM EDT

[#3]

When Chuck Norris is doing push ups,he isn't pushing himself up, he is pushing the earth down.

Posted: 3/10/2006 4:35:35 AM EDT

[#4]

Posted: 3/10/2006 4:36:53 AM EDT

[#5]

Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Posted: 3/10/2006 4:40:10 AM EDT

[#6]

Chuck Norris is like so cool, he brings out the high school cheerleader in grown men on the internet.

Posted: 3/10/2006 4:59:35 AM EDT

[#7]

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep.....................he waits!

Posted: 3/10/2006 5:06:32 AM EDT

[#8]

Chuck Norris wasn't born like a normal child. He round house kicked his way out of his mothers womb.

Posted: 3/10/2006 5:07:53 AM EDT

[#9]

He could still kick your sorry ass in a game of Twister.

Posted: 3/10/2006 5:11:59 AM EDT

[#10]

Chuck Norris once tried to roundhouse kick the city of New Orleans off welfare, while he failed the event has come to be known as Hurricane Katrina

Posted: 3/10/2006 5:22:33 AM EDT

[#11]

Posted: 3/10/2006 5:31:55 AM EDT

[#12]

• When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

Posted: 3/10/2006 5:34:32 AM EDT

[#13]

Charlie Norris is a homo.

Posted: 3/10/2006 6:16:19 AM EDT

[#14]

If a train leaves L.A. at 10 AM, accellerating at 5 ft / second until it is traveling 70 mph and another train leaves D.C. at 11 AM, traveling at 75 MPH towards the first train, Chuck Norris can be on both trains at the same time.

Posted: 3/10/2006 6:21:48 AM EDT

[#15]

Around 6:30 AM today, he was on TWO TV channels at once. A Totalgym infomercial AND Walker: Texas Ranger!

Posted: 3/10/2006 6:23:26 AM EDT

[#16]

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

Time Waits For No Man. But It Hesitates Around Chuck Norris

Posted: 3/10/2006 6:26:22 AM EDT

[#17]

Posted: 3/10/2006 6:28:07 AM EDT

[#18]

WTF is gertiol?

Posted: 3/10/2006 6:28:55 AM EDT

[#19]

Helen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Chuck Norris!

Posted: 3/10/2006 7:49:20 AM EDT

[#20]

Chuck Norris played shuffle board on a cruise ship and sank a battleship.

With apologies to Mojo Nixon:

Chuck Norris is everywhere
Chuck Norris is everything
Chuck Norris is everybody
Chuck Norris is still the king

Man o man
What I want you to see
Is that the big C's
Inside of you and me
<chorus>

Chuck Norris is everywhere, man!
He's in everything.
He's in everybody...

Chuck Norris is in your jeans.
He's in your cheeseburgers
Chuck Norris is in Nutty Buddies!
Chuck Norris is in your mom!

He's in everybody.
He's in the young, the old,
the fat, the skinny,
the white, the black
the brown and the blue
people got Chuck Norris in 'em too

Chuck Norris is in everybody out there.
Everybody's got Chuck Norris in them!
Everybody except one person that is...
Yeah, one person!
The evil opposite of Chuck Norris.
The Anti-Chuck Norris

Anti-Chuck Norris got no Chuck Norris in 'em,
lemme tell ya.

Michael J. Fox has no Chuck Norris in him.

And Chuck Norris is in Joan Rivers
but he's trying to get out, man!
He's trying to get out!
Listen up Joanie Baby!

<chorus>

Man, there's a lot of unexplained phenomenon
out there in the world.
Lot of things people say
What the heck's going on?

Let me tell ya!

Who built the pyramids?
CHUCK NORRIS!
Who built Stonehenge?
CHUCK NORRIS!

Yeah, man you see guys
walking down the street
pushing shopping carts
and you think they're talking to Allah,
they're talking to themselves.
Man, no they're talking to CHUCK NORRIS!
CHUCK NORRIS! CHUCK NORRIS!

You know what’s going on in that Bermuda Triangle?
Down in the Bermuda Triangle
Chuck Norris needs boats.
Chuck Norris needs boats.
Chuck Norris Chuck Norris Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris Chuck Norris Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris needs boats.

Aahh! The Sailing Chuck Norris!
Captain Chuck Norris!
Commodore Chuck Norris it is.

Yeah man, you know people from outer space,
people from outer space they come up to me.
They don't look like Doctor Spock.
They don't look like Klingons,
all that Star Trek jive.

They look like Chuck Norris.
CHUCK NORRIS!
Everybody in outer space looks like Chuck Norris.
Cause Chuck Norris is a perfect being.
We are all moving in perfect peace and harmony towards Chuck Norris-ness

Soon all will become Chuck Norris.
Everything everywhere will be Chuck Norris.
Why do you think they call it evolution anyway?
It's really Chuck Norris-lution!
Chuck Norris-lution!

<chorus>

That's right ladies and gentlemen,
The time has come!
Time has come to talk
To that little bit of Chuck Norris inside of you.

Talk to it! Call it up!
Say "Chuck Norris, heal me!"
"Save me, Chuck Norris!"
"Make me be born again
in the perfect Chuck Norris light"

That's right!
You've got that Chuck Norris inside of ya
and he's talkin to ya
He says he wants you to sing!
Everybody's got to sing like the king!

Like the king
Get that leg going now
Get your lip too.
Not no fool Bruce Lee lips either
Everybody!
Yeah, we're rockin’ now!

Chuck Norris is with us.
He's with us and he's speaking to us.
He says "Peoples!"
"Peoples!"
"Everybody!"
"Everybody got to sing!"

<chorus>

Chuck Norris!

Posted: 3/10/2006 7:58:50 AM EDT

[#21]

What's a way to a lady's heart?
a Chuck Norris pearl necklace.

Posted: 3/10/2006 4:20:22 PM EDT

[#22]

Quoted:
What's a way to a lady's heart?
a Chuck Norris pearl necklace.

You nasty bastard.

Posted: 3/10/2006 4:27:04 PM EDT

[#23]

Quoted:
Chuck Norris once tried to roundhouse kick the city of New Orleans off welfare, while he failed the event has come to be known as Hurricane Katrina

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Chuck Norris is an old man!

General » General Discussion

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