Just got this in the ole' inbox:
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Become a certified Kung Fu Blackbelt in five easy moves for just $499.00 !!

Do you want the prestige of becoming a Certified Kung Fu Blackbelt?? Call (352) xxx-xxxx

Can you handle the respect that comes with the rank of Blackbelt??

IF YOU ANSWERED, "YES" TO BOTH OF THESE QUESTIONS, YOU ARE ONLY ONE PHONE CALL AWAY FROM ACHIEVING THE RANK OF KUNG FU BLACKBELT. CALL (352) xxx-xxxx!!

Hi, my name is Sifu Edwards, and I am a 3rd degree Blackbelt Sifu Instructor. I have been a martial arts instructor my entire adult life. I am a decorated combat Vietnam Veteran and I received a purple heart for wounds received in combat. I currently own and operate a professional bodyguard agency for wealthy clients outside Orlando, Florida.

After years of study, I have developed a unique, easy to learn home study program. All you need to perform are the following stances:

1. Crane
2. Leopard
3. Praying Mantis
4. Dragon
5. Serpent

After performing the five animal stances and your fees processed, you will be awarded:

1. A FIRST DEGREE BLACKBELT in Kung Fu.
2. An official BLACKBELT CERTIFICATE with authentic seal with my original signature and the original signatures of two other Blackbelts.
3. A notarized certificate of authenticity.
4. A copy of my 3rd Degree BLACKBELT SIFU INSTRUCTOR CERTIFICATE, signed by a World Champion Grand Master, authorizing me, to certify you.

Simply purchase my course, learn five moves, and verify you can perform these stances by emailing me (ON YOUR HONOR) that you have completed the course and I WILL CERTIFY YOU AS FIRST DEGREE BLACKBELT...

For more information call (352) xxx-xxxx. We will answer any questions you have personally; we also offer Kung Fu uniforms, Blackbelt sashes, dragon patches and other martial arts supplies. Our web page will be up soon. Hopefully when you call, we will have the site available for you to view.

You are only one call away from being a Kung Fu Blackbelt...
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So now you too can have the same kind of black belt that elvis had!

If I buy this tape, will I have to register myself as a lethal weapon, or a complete sucker??

Gee, maybe I'll do this and put it up with my mail order PhD, MD, and multifaith ordination certificates.  Just call me Doctor, Reverend, Doctor, Sensei.  Oh, I just noticed I'm already wearing a "black belt" today.  Perhaps I'll let this one pass.

All I ever get in my E-mail is "Fix your bad credit", "Buy a home now", "Enlarge your slong", "Let's get it on" and "Authentic college diplomas by mail".

No one's offered to make me a Black Belt in Kung-Fu before.  You're lucky.

How are we supposed to take him serious if he's not a drunken master?

C'mon...  stop teasing us  ------> POST THE PHONE NUMBER!!!

I need to get certified by the weekend.

Here's the one I got tonight:


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You mean I wasted all those years training and sweating for nothing! Doh!  Now I can get my blackbelt in 5 easy to learn steps.  Post the number please, I must have a blackbelt now!

(352) 307-3821

Note: By calling this number, you release me from any liability for any injuries you cause to yourself or others with your new-found kung-fu powers.

I don't want the weight of being partly responsible for creating a band of super kung fu warriors.