i got talking with a couple guys this morning about the just plain mean things we've done in the past, and it got me thinking about two stories in particular:

1) met a *gorgeous* chick one night at the bar while i was still in college. we got to drinking and talking, and the shots started to flow. we walked back to her place and made some crazy drunken-monkey sex all over her apartment. after thoroughly wearing eachother out, we hit the sack (i had every intention of actually learning her name and hanging out with her again...) well, sure as $#!+ i woke up in a spin at about 3:30 AM. i bounced out of bed, ran for the bathroom, threw the door open, and unleashed the vomit-hounds of alchohol-poisoned hell. unfortunately, what i though was the toilet in the bathroom, was actually a hall closet with her shoes in it...

i beat feet out of there shortly after. i never saw her again.

2) after a particularly awakward evening in the city with my good buddy and his girlfriend arguing straight through, we decided to head back to her place and "relax" with a few drinks. a few drinks ended up turning into a drunken argument, and a sweet break-up that contained racial epithets that did not actually apply to either party. so my now angry and broken-hearted friend and i leave the new X's apartment, only to encounter her new SUV parked out front where we had left it earlier. so, quick like a rabbit, my buddy climbs into the pasenger side with trou dropped, and proceeded to pinch a loaf on the seat. the coup de gras was a quick wipe of the 'ol stink-hole with the X's suction cupped elmo, and we were outta' there!

oddly enough, i never saw her again either...

so let's hear your evil stories, but please, don't admit anything that might bring in the man.

guess i don't live on the edge like you do  

Quoted: guess i don't live on the edge like you do

ha haha! that's not on the edge. that's just the crazy stuff you do when you are young, dumb, and full of __________.

it's usually the stuff that teaches you some-sort of lesson too.

Amateur.

I had a roommate in the Marines that was a huge dickhead. He tried to rip off everyone he knew, and constantly fucked people over. He used to buy a pack of cigarettes on payday, smoke them, and then bum cigarettes off of everyone else until the next payday.

He spent weeks beging for a ride to the airport, when he was going on leave. I gave him a ride, and helped him carry his shit to the terminal. I also dropped a handful of 9mm bullets and a picture of Osama Bin Laden in his carryon bag while he was in the bathroom. Then I walked him to the TSA checkpoint, turned around and left. This was November, 2001.

I asked my secretarty to pull my finger.

Quoted: I had a roommate in the Marines that was a huge dickhead. He tried to rip off everyone he knew, and constantly fucked people over. He used to buy a pack of cigarettes on payday, smoke them, and then bum cigarettes off of everyone else until the next payday. He spent weeks beging for a ride to the airport, when he was going on leave. I gave him a ride, and helped him carry his shit to the terminal. I also dropped a handful of 9mm bullets and a picture of Osama Bin Laden in his carryon bag while he was in the bathroom. Then I walked him to the TSA checkpoint, turned around and left. This was November, 2001.

OUCH!!

Quoted: I had a roommate in the Marines that was a huge dickhead. He tried to rip off everyone he knew, and constantly fucked people over. He used to buy a pack of cigarettes on payday, smoke them, and then bum cigarettes off of everyone else until the next payday. He spent weeks beging for a ride to the airport, when he was going on leave. I gave him a ride, and helped him carry his shit to the terminal. I also dropped a handful of 9mm bullets and a picture of Osama Bin Laden in his carryon bag while he was in the bathroom. Then I walked him to the TSA checkpoint, turned around and left. This was November, 2001.

Oh man.....you sadistic bastard!

Not the worst here but if you really want to ruin a friends day gain access to there car somehow when they are taking a dump.  Make sure the car is off turn the A/C blower to high then dump multicolored confetti and sparkles into the Vents a Paper funnel helps.

When the get in and turn the car on it's like a instant Snow Globe.

GPK...out

If you want to be mean stick a dead fish in the A/C vent if it's the kind you can remove.

Quoted: I had a roommate in the Marines that was a huge dickhead. He tried to rip off everyone he knew, and constantly fucked people over. He used to buy a pack of cigarettes on payday, smoke them, and then bum cigarettes off of everyone else until the next payday. He spent weeks beging for a ride to the airport, when he was going on leave. I gave him a ride, and helped him carry his shit to the terminal. I also dropped a handful of 9mm bullets and a picture of Osama Bin Laden in his carryon bag while he was in the bathroom. Then I walked him to the TSA checkpoint, turned around and left. This was November, 2001.

OH MY GOD!!!!!

I had a room mate on the USS Constellation one cruse that was a leech and a scum bag.  He would take my uniforms, smokes and booze.  He never bought a round, paid for a cab or anything else.  He was shitty to his men and just a general ass.  The last straw was when I found out he was wearing my underwear.  The next time the laundry came back I filled the crotch of his with insulation.  It caused him to acquire a rash and in the heat of the Indian Ocean it got bad.  He was supposed to meet his wife in Hong Kong for Christmas but figured he had caught something in the PI from one of his hookers so he canceled his leave .  


____________________________________________________________
A warriors greatest joy it to drive his enemies before him and slay them.  Burn his fields and sack his villages, then gather his wives and daughters as his own.

One trick I have heard of is a section of 48" square drain culvert, up-ended on someone's driveway.  Then it gets filled with 2 yards of concrete.

Expensive but a real bitch to deal with...its a three ton block of worthless concrete.

Buddy of mine pissed his GF off then left town for a week to work. SHE told me they broke up.  Trust me with your life but not your money or wife.  Screen door in a 'nado baby.  Best 'tang I ever had.  The girl I was dating at the time was fucking him.  I was pissed off .  So I decided to say fuck it, I'll just hook up with the little slut girl and he could have my woman.  Well he got her.  Infact, they ended up getting married and are going on 6 good years.  Little slut girl I wanted to hook up, joined the Navy

We had someone stealing lunches at work . After several weeks I made 5 choclate chip cookies w/ 5 adult doses of Exlax in each cookie . I left two up in sight w/3 more in veg keeper .

The next morning they were gone all 5 ........25 adult doses !

One of the janators called in sick with stomach trouble . He got fired .

Of course these days I'd be the one up shit creek

Quoted: We had someone stealing lunches at work . After several weeks I made 5 choclate chip cookies w/ 5 adult doses of Exlax in each cookie . I left two up in sight w/3 more in veg keeper . The next morning they were gone all 5 ........25 adult doses ! One of the janators called in sick with stomach trouble . He got fired . Of course these days I'd be the one up shit creek

AWESOME!! we have a couple "community" coffee pots around the office here. i've always wanted to powder-up some viagra and drop it in with the coffee grounds right after someone starts up the pot.

i'll never do it though. with my luck, someone would end up having a heart-attack.

Tag.

Quoted: Quoted: We had someone stealing lunches at work . After several weeks I made 5 choclate chip cookies w/ 5 adult doses of Exlax in each cookie . I left two up in sight w/3 more in veg keeper . The next morning they were gone all 5 ........25 adult doses ! One of the janators called in sick with stomach trouble . He got fired . Of course these days I'd be the one up shit creek AWESOME!! we have a couple "community" coffee pots around the office here. i've always wanted to powder-up some viagra and drop it in with the coffee grounds right after someone starts up the pot. i'll never do it though. with my luck, someone would end up having a heart-attack.

We also has an asshole put a poison rodent tablet up inside the coffee vending machine so the coffe flowed right over it . That person would have had a bad accedent if we found him .

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: We had someone stealing lunches at work . After several weeks I made 5 choclate chip cookies w/ 5 adult doses of Exlax in each cookie . I left two up in sight w/3 more in veg keeper . The next morning they were gone all 5 ........25 adult doses ! One of the janators called in sick with stomach trouble . He got fired . Of course these days I'd be the one up shit creek AWESOME!! we have a couple "community" coffee pots around the office here. i've always wanted to powder-up some viagra and drop it in with the coffee grounds right after someone starts up the pot. i'll never do it though. with my luck, someone would end up having a heart-attack. We also has an asshole put a poison rodent tablet up inside the coffee vending machine so the coffe flowed right over it . That person would have had a bad accedent if we found him .

WTF!!?? that person should have had a bad "accident" just for trying...

When I was in college we were always pulling stupid pranks on each other. Here's a couple:

-The Mexican Antenna Bandits:
One morning I walked out of the dorm and into the parking lot. When I arrived at my truck I noticed that some of my 'buddies' had skewered all the ingredients needed to make fajitas over my antenna. They also put vaseline under the door handles. They did the tailgate too, but I didn't discover that till about a month later...so it was vaseline and road sludge. And they sprayed expanding foam up the tailpipes.

After finding out who did it, I waied a few days. Talked to the guys like nothing even happened, didn't bring it up, nothing. Then Sunday night I got another friend and we headed out for revenge. We had the plan, we just needed the 'supplies'. After inspecting a few possibilities, we found the 'one'. It was a construction site. It only had one port-o-potty. It was heavy. With construction worker. We lifted the blue box of horror into the bed of my truck, carefully, evenly. We tied it down so that it was unable to move, slide, tip etc. We drove to the house of the ring leader of the 'Mexican Antenna bandit'. We unloaded the port-o-potty and placed it on the guy's front porch. Port-o-potty door to his front door.

Monday, lunchtime in the cafeteria, I get alot of laughs and one pissed off guy that wants to tell me he had to leave through his back door, and how is he supposed to get rid of a stolen port-o-potty.

-Diving for license plates:
One of my friends put blue crystal light powder in my shower head in the bathroom of our dorm. I was stained blue for a couple days. I found out who did it, and on a friday night in December, the guy was having a party at his apartment. While he was distracted doing shots with a few guys, I went out to the parking lot and removed his license plate. I was by the pool having a smoke hen he came out and asked for a light. I gave him a light. He asked what I was holding. I read him the numbers on the plate. 'That's Mine!' he suddenly realizes. It was in the 30's that evening. I threw the license plate in the pool 'That's for turning me blue asshole!'. We both laughed, then I ran away very fast so that I could not be forced to go get the plate from the bottom of the pool. His plate was back on that evening, he was wet, and pissed off.

-Doorknob, Superglue, Blowtorch, oops
We used to mess with this one guy on the hall of our dorm relentlessly. We'd tie his dorknob to the one across the hall and then call him and invite down to play smash bros. He would get excited and and say "Sweet, I'm on my way!'. Then we'd hear the door open an inch and hear him yell and then he'd cuss at us from the open sliver of his doorway. We'd let him out the next day. Promise. Then the guy goes and ruins a perfectly funny running gag by spraying silicone oil on the linoleum floor outside of our doors. We all busted ass that morning. We found out it was tied doorknob guy. I filled his doorknob with superglue.

Three weeks later...we all came to the realization that, yes we should have realized that filling the doorknob with superglue would mean that you wouldn't be able to lock your dorm room, leaving it vulnerable to a bunch of other crap we pulled during those weeks. Also, his bitching about the unlockable door became unbearable. I said I would fix it. I tried goo gone, I tried a few other solvents, I tried muratic acid. Superglue is actually pretty permanent. After some thought, I decided to try heat. I returned with a Burnz-o-matic butane torch. I then inserted my pencil thin blue flame into the keyhole. I held the torch on the keyhole for about half an hour. I was listening to Less Than Jake on my portable CD player while I did this. So I didn't hear anything when I saw the doorknob turn. Apparently tied doorknob guy was in his room, had I known I would have let him know 'Hey, I'm gonna heat your brass doorknob to about 1200 degrees, don't touch it.'

So, I took him to the campus infirmary and explained how we had gotten to this state of the relationship. Starting with the door knob tying, and ending at the badly burned right hand.

That one was an official backfire.

That was the fourth time I had to go see the Dean of residence life that semester to 'discuss' my behavior/shenanigans.  

These friends of mine were roomates. They used to play practical jokes on each other all the time. One day while I was over playing video games, we realized that the bathroom door opened outwards, and it locked. So while one of them was out we switched the doorknob around so it locked from the outside. We hung a phone in the bathroom so he would see it when he closed the door, and a note that said call when you want out.

Well it was around midnight when he got back, and we sat up till like 2 am waiting for him to take a piss. Never happend. I went home, and the other guy waited another hour before he finally went to bed.

About 4 am he gets woken up to someone whispering his name and pouring ice water on his chest.

The guy got locked in but was too stubborn to call for help. He took dental floss and got the door open from the inside and got him back.

I hooked  a jumper wire from the brake switch to the horn relay wire  on a supervisor of mine's work truck (he was always pulling jokes on people) once while it was in  for  maintenance , & was going to hang around to see how he reacted , but we had to make a run , by the time we had gotten back the fella had literally unbolted half of the dash board trying to find the short that was causing his horn to blow every time he hit his brakes ...lol

If you want to fuck with someone,  add on a bunch of wheel weights to their front wheels. The car will shake like hell.  Most likely  they'll have to pay a mechanic to find the problem.  

Back in high school, I had a so called friend who stole from me. While what he stole (pocket knife) wasn't a very expensive item, it was a gift from my Grandfather. I had a party at my house one night, and the next day I found it missing.

I bitched about the knife for several weeks, while he played dumb. I was over at his place, when I had to use the can. I found it on top of the little dresser that had in there. I took it back, and never said a word. While I formulated revenge, he was making plans for a party. The night of the party, I fucked his girlfriend on his bed; after she left I took a shit in his pillow case.



Haven't seen him since.

Quoted: I had a roommate in the Marines that was a huge dickhead. He tried to rip off everyone he knew, and constantly fucked people over. He used to buy a pack of cigarettes on payday, smoke them, and then bum cigarettes off of everyone else until the next payday. He spent weeks beging for a ride to the airport, when he was going on leave. I gave him a ride, and helped him carry his shit to the terminal. I also dropped a handful of 9mm bullets and a picture of Osama Bin Laden in his carryon bag while he was in the bathroom. Then I walked him to the TSA checkpoint, turned around and left. This was November, 2001.

Thats what I'm talking about!!!!

Quoted: When I was in college we were always pulling stupid pranks on each other. Here's a couple: -The Mexican Antenna Bandits: One morning I walked out of the dorm and into the parking lot. When I arrived at my truck I noticed that some of my 'buddies' had skewered all the ingredients needed to make fajitas over my antenna. They also put vaseline under the door handles. They did the tailgate too, but I didn't discover that till about a month later...so it was vaseline and road sludge. And they sprayed expanding foam up the tailpipes. After finding out who did it, I waied a few days. Talked to the guys like nothing even happened, didn't bring it up, nothing. Then Sunday night I got another friend and we headed out for revenge. We had the plan, we just needed the 'supplies'. After inspecting a few possibilities, we found the 'one'. It was a construction site. It only had one port-o-potty. It was heavy. With construction worker. We lifted the blue box of horror into the bed of my truck, carefully, evenly. We tied it down so that it was unable to move, slide, tip etc. We drove to the house of the ring leader of the 'Mexican Antenna bandit'. We unloaded the port-o-potty and placed it on the guy's front porch. Port-o-potty door to his front door. Monday, lunchtime in the cafeteria, I get alot of laughs and one pissed off guy that wants to tell me he had to leave through his back door, and how is he supposed to get rid of a stolen port-o-potty. -Diving for license plates: One of my friends put blue crystal light powder in my shower head in the bathroom of our dorm. I was stained blue for a couple days. I found out who did it, and on a friday night in December, the guy was having a party at his apartment. While he was distracted doing shots with a few guys, I went out to the parking lot and removed his license plate. I was by the pool having a smoke hen he came out and asked for a light. I gave him a light. He asked what I was holding. I read him the numbers on the plate. 'That's Mine!' he suddenly realizes. It was in the 30's that evening. I threw the license plate in the pool 'That's for turning me blue asshole!'. We both laughed, then I ran away very fast so that I could not be forced to go get the plate from the bottom of the pool. His plate was back on that evening, he was wet, and pissed off. -Doorknob, Superglue, Blowtorch, oops We used to mess with this one guy on the hall of our dorm relentlessly. We'd tie his dorknob to the one across the hall and then call him and invite down to play smash bros. He would get excited and and say "Sweet, I'm on my way!'. Then we'd hear the door open an inch and hear him yell and then he'd cuss at us from the open sliver of his doorway. We'd let him out the next day. Promise. Then the guy goes and ruins a perfectly funny running gag by spraying silicone oil on the linoleum floor outside of our doors. We all busted ass that morning. We found out it was tied doorknob guy. I filled his doorknob with superglue. Three weeks later...we all came to the realization that, yes we should have realized that filling the doorknob with superglue would mean that you wouldn't be able to lock your dorm room, leaving it vulnerable to a bunch of other crap we pulled during those weeks. Also, his bitching about the unlockable door became unbearable. I said I would fix it. I tried goo gone, I tried a few other solvents, I tried muratic acid. Superglue is actually pretty permanent. After some thought, I decided to try heat. I returned with a Burnz-o-matic butane torch. I then inserted my pencil thin blue flame into the keyhole. I held the torch on the keyhole for about half an hour. I was listening to Less Than Jake on my portable CD player while I did this. So I didn't hear anything when I saw the doorknob turn. Apparently tied doorknob guy was in his room, had I known I would have let him know 'Hey, I'm gonna heat your brass doorknob to about 1200 degrees, don't touch it.' So, I took him to the campus infirmary and explained how we had gotten to this state of the relationship. Starting with the door knob tying, and ending at the badly burned right hand. That one was an official backfire. That was the fourth time I had to go see the Dean of residence life that semester to 'discuss' my behavior/shenanigans.

I swear to god I'll pistol whip the next motherfucker that says shenanigans!

shenanigans.

Was pulling CQ one night and had a guy going around spraying that canned fart stuff.  I waited for him to go to sleep and took a bottle of Tinks #9, soaked a few cotton balls and stuffed them under his door.  Then took a towel and plugged the gap under the door.  By the next morning, his whole room and everything in it reeked of tinks....

Got messed over by an E-6 that had a saab 900 turbo.  Took micropulverized CS and poured it into the intake vents for the cabin air.  (enough said)

Was on TDY and had some performance parts for a T-bird I was rebuilding.  The parts stolen by roomates NCOIC for his bronco.  Called SF buddy and got some AP 7.62 ammo.  Hopped on bike in middle of night and rode to his trailer.  5 rounds 7.62 AP through the engine block....

Same room mate messed up bike while on same TDY (had repaired it before above was done).  Waited for him to get in fight with his wife.  He always walked out for several hours when they fought.  Then fucked the hell out of her.  I wonder if they are still married??????

Best friends sisters ex boyfriend was threatening their family.  Film canister full of micro CS.  Friend sees A'holes pickup parked at public pool with windows down.  throws entire opened canister into pickup.  Windy day, pool closed, fire dept called, police called, NG called and feds end up investigating.  Friend was a parachute rigger and didn't hafe access to CS so they deadended.  I feel bad for all the kids at the pool, but DAMN it was funny.  Anyway, pickup was totaled by insurance.

An old roommate of mine, many years ago, moved out and stole a bunch of my stuff.  Primarily CD's and videos.  I knew where he moved.  It was the middle of summer, so I doused myself in deet, and went out to the woods with a jar.  It took me a couple of days to do this, but I searched and found a bunch of ticks, that I collected in the jar.  Everytime I would see one on a leaf, I would turn the leaf over and see several more.  Since it was summer, I knew he would leave his windows open when he parked his car while he was home.  I emptied the jar in his car.


I can be VERY evil when I want to be.

?

One day, one of the guys at work, Lance, stuck a sign "Honk, I'm Gay", on the back another guys' truck. This other guy, Pete, had some serious temper problems when he was younger, used to be a DI, had to take anger management 3 times etc etc.

So the next morning, we're all showing up for work, and Pete didn't show. 8.30 rolls around, and his wife calls in: appearantly, on the way home from work, at a traffic light, some guy yelled something at Pete, he got out of the truck, they duked it out in the median, Guy in the Hospital, Pete got arrested, wife couln't make bail."

Lance about pissed himself, actually started crying, and then was called into to the boss's office, closed door.
A minute later, Pete sneaks in through the backdoor, big smile.....

One of the best things I ever saw....

I had a college student ask me for some revenge ideas when his room and computer were vandalized with gay porn.

Many ideas were brainstormed.  Some were funny, some were borderline illegal.  The final ultimate revenge that was perfectly legal, and a money maker to boot.  Here were the steps:
1) File a campus safety report.
2) File a police report.
3) Press criminal charges.
4) File civil case for damages.  Pain & Suffering, Emotional Distress, etc.  $1 million sound about right.  One of three outcomes: Settle out of court, Settle in court and you loose, Settle in court and you win.

I worked at a coed camp during the summers in high school. There was this guy that was a year older than me, and was always razzing me about how poor my family was, etc. while he was surrounded by a large group of his preppie friends. Any, this guy ends up working at the same camp as me, and I decided it was time for some revenge...
I had one of my buddys that was recently 21, go out and buy alot of beer, and he proceeded to get this preppie kid really drunk. I snuck into preppie boys tent, took his car keys, and with a friend following me in his Jeep, drove his really distinctive red SAAB out to the main gate. In route, I filled the front dashboard and all of the seats with empty and full beer cans in a haphazard manner. Alchol was a big no-no at this camp. Once I had driven his red SAAB to the main gate, I parked his car sideways in the middle of the road. I made sure to wipe down any fingerprints of mine, locked all the car doors, rolled up the windows, and broke off the ignition/door key in the ignition. I chucked the rest of his keys into the lake after my buddy drove me back to the staff area in his Jeep. The next morning was check in for the camp, and over 300 cars full of kids wanting to go to camp had to drive around this guys red SAAB full of beer cans. This guy was fired immediately, but had to wait around for 6 hours while his car was broken into and the broken key removed to get the car able to be towed. All the while, he was getting razzed on and made fun of by everyone for getting fired. As he was leaving and crying, I walked up to him and told him that I was the one behind the pranks, and that I hoped that he would think twice about making fun of the not rich kids that didn't receive a car for free from mommy and daddy. I was never caught.

I have a few. All from the same previous employer.


THE ALL-THREAD SANDWICH
When I first started working there, I was fresh out of school, and pretty green. I used to pack a nice lunch, a put it in the cafeteria refrigerator. The first week I worked there, someone took my entire lunch 2 days, and took things from my lunch 1 day. I told another guy about it, and he said "Yeah, the janitor is always in the refrigerator. They caught him taking lunches, but they wont fire him".
So, I get an idea. On my way home that afternoon, I stop at the hardware store and bought a piece of 5/16" all-thread. I cut off a piece about 4" long, and put it in my car for the mext day.
On my way to work, I stopped at a Sheetz (convenience store) and bought one of their made-to-order subs, the cheapest one on the fucking menu. I took it to my car, opened the wrapper, and stuck the all-thread into the sub so that it wasn't visible from either end. I put it in my lunch box, and made sure the guy saw me walk in with the box and put it in the fridge. At lunch time, the sub wasnt there, and was laying in the garbage can in the bathroom. On the top, it broke his left front tooth off, and severely chipped his right tooth. On the bottom, it broke his middle front teeth off about halfway.
He never stole anything from my lunch box again.

THE VARI-AC
I worked in an Electronics troubleshooting shop, where products were returned from customers for upgrades and repair. The equipment made by the company used a wide variation of AC voltage for power. To troubleshoot them on the bench, we used a Variable AC supply, called a Vari-Ac. A frequent problem was shorted power supplies, which would blow the fuse in the Vari-Ac. Well, I put a screw in one guy's Vari-Ac while he was at lunch one day. He came back, turned it on, and it jumped about 18" off the workbench, and caught on fire.

THE WHEELCHAIR
I should say up front that I dont have anything against disabled people. This guy was just an asshole, and I probably would have done it if he wasnt in a wheelchair. He had a big chip on his shoulder about it. Everything was "No one likes me because of my wheelchair", and "I didnt get the promotion because Im handicapped".
Well, one day he was sleeping at his workbench at lunchtime. This is in the late '90s, the peak of "workplace ergonomics" and the like. All workbenches were equipped with an adjustable footrest. In the shop, we used Electric fence wire to repair blown wire traces on power supply circuit boards. While he was sleeping, I snuck under his desk from the other side and wired his whhelchair to the footrest on his bench.
I almost got fired for that.    

I got fucked over by this one bitch for reasons I wont get into. Coincidently her boss was also a dick and fucked me over in an unrelated incident.
I typed up a letter the president of the Fortune 500 company they worked for. In that letter I pretended to be that bitch and accused the boss of sexual harrasement. I said he forced me to have sex with him in order to keep my job and I made a big elaborate story of how my life was ruined and traumatized and I even caught VD from him raping me and even got an abortion.
I signed it with her name and mailed it off with her return address and everything.

I dont know what happened to either of them after that.

When I was working at a surplus store there was a newer guy they had just hired who was a real know it all, stuck up Libtard prick who didnt know shit. He decides to pick a fight(verbal) with me one day and I had finally had it with his BS, I couldnt put up with it anymore. I told him if he knows whats best he'd find another job or I was going to "Get rid of him".

He tells the boss that one of his right wing gun nut employees(me) was threatening him and thought I should be fired because I was "crazy" and might "hurt" him. The boss tells him not to mess with me and go back to work.

Well he kept being a PITA so i took home a dummy grenade and painted it up to look like the real deal and not a practice one. the next day he was being his typical jack ass self as he was folding BDU's in the back (I was at the cash stand in the front) and when he looked at me I pulled the grenade out of my pocket and gave him my best insane look and told him  today was his last day and pulled the pin.

Right about then he was turning different shades of pale and wasn't sure what to do. I chucked the dummy down the aisle toward him and watched him panick and look for cover and screaming like a bitch as I was "Diving" behind the cash stand. he layed their for like 10-15 seconds after I (and my co-workers) bust out laughing at him. He decided he had had enough and quit right then.



Yes it was stupid on my half and could have caused a LOT of legal problems, but I was a teenager and didnt think about that, the boss kinda sorta reprimanded me (between laughs after he found out what happened). Was it worth it-

Hell YEAH

Back in my college days I got asked to be an usher in a wedding for a guy I hardly knew and could barely stand.  I didn't understand it until I started asking around and found out that this guy was such an asshole he was having problems getting four people to fill out the wedding party.  It was the same story with the other three ushers, so we decided to have some fun.

The night before the wedding we took the groom out for his bachelor party - basically we went to a few strip joints and kept feeding him drinks until he finally passed out.  One of the ushers was a med student doing his internship at the local county hospital.  We carried the groom in, cut off his pant leg, and set his right leg in a cast from his crotch down to his ankle.

When he woke up on the wedding day we told him he got drunk, fell down some stairs, broke his leg, and we had to take him to the hospital.  He said he couldn't remember anything about it.  We all kept our mouths shut and let him hobble down the aisle on crutches, wear the cast on his wedding night, and kept it up as we gave him and his bride a ride to the airport the next day for their 2-week Hawaiian honeymoon.

After he got back from Hawaii we took him back to the hospital and MD cut off his cast and we told him his leg was never broken.  And then we ran.  

Quoted: If you want to fuck with someone,  add on a bunch of wheel weights to their front wheels. The car will shake like hell.  Most likely  they'll have to pay a mechanic to find the problem.

+1
rocks in hubcaps make a heck of a lot of noise too

Quoted: Quoted: If you want to fuck with someone,  add on a bunch of wheel weights to their front wheels. The car will shake like hell.  Most likely  they'll have to pay a mechanic to find the problem.   +1 rocks in hubcaps make a heck of a lot of noise too

Another good one for a car...

Squire JB Weld into all the door locks, including the trunk.  Let harden.  I did this to a guy when I was an alignment tech, after he poured a quart of trans fluid into my toolbox.

Another fun one... if you can get under the hood, wire the horn to the windshield wipers.

my favorite ones I came up with in high school:

1. SAND PAPER fed through copy machine!
2. ALLIGATOR CLIPS connected to the brushes in the automatic car wash! (easy to do in the drive through ones at the gas station - I got the idea once when the car wash was closed for the day because of ice on the brushes from freezing weather)

Quoted: my favorite ones I came up with in high school: 1. SAND PAPER fed through copy machine! 2. ALLIGATOR CLIPS connected to the brushes in the automatic car wash! (easy to do in the drive through ones at the gas station - I got the idea once when the car wash was closed for the day because of ice on the brushes from freezing weather)

what the fuck is funny about that?  wouldn't that fuck up someone's paint?  

Quoted: Quoted: my favorite ones I came up with in high school: 1. SAND PAPER fed through copy machine! 2. ALLIGATOR CLIPS connected to the brushes in the automatic car wash! (easy to do in the drive through ones at the gas station - I got the idea once when the car wash was closed for the day because of ice on the brushes from freezing weather) what the fuck is funny about that?  wouldn't that fuck up someone's paint?

not funny - this thread is about EVIL stories of revenge, etc... and yes it will fuck up the car, just like sandpaper will scratch the hell of of the copy machine & window as the autofeeder feeds...

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: my favorite ones I came up with in high school: 1. SAND PAPER fed through copy machine! 2. ALLIGATOR CLIPS connected to the brushes in the automatic car wash! (easy to do in the drive through ones at the gas station - I got the idea once when the car wash was closed for the day because of ice on the brushes from freezing weather) what the fuck is funny about that?  wouldn't that fuck up someone's paint?   not funny - this thread is about EVIL stories of revenge, etc... and yes it will fuck up the car, just like sandpaper will scratch the hell of of the copy machine & window as the autofeeder feeds...

This is about evil REVENGE things and practical jokes.  BOTH the things you mentioned are vadalism and if you fucked up my car, or my copy machine, you'd have to hope the police got you first.

Dusty_C- why are you not bitching about this post too?  and the others?

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: If you want to fuck with someone,  add on a bunch of wheel weights to their front wheels. The car will shake like hell.  Most likely  they'll have to pay a mechanic to find the problem.   +1 rocks in hubcaps make a heck of a lot of noise too Another good one for a car... Squire JB Weld into all the door locks, including the trunk.  Let harden.  I did this to a guy when I was an alignment tech, after he poured a quart of trans fluid into my toolbox. Another fun one... if you can get under the hood, wire the horn to the windshield wipers.

wow

edit-
My fav's from this thread:

Quoted: THE ALL-THREAD SANDWICH

Quoted: I dont know what happened to either of them after that.

Quoted: After he got back from Hawaii we took him back to the hospital and MD cut off his cast and we told him his leg was never broken.  And then we ran.

I was in a half US, half Korean unit in Korea.  The n00bie KATUSAs would get together and get drunk on our off time and sing till 4 in the moring in our barracks.  On top of that, they thought that they were the direct progeny of Bruce Lee and would begin to kick everything that would not kick back.

One night after getting really pissed, my barracks roommate and 2 other guys decided that enough was enough.  We went to an empty barracks room, wet the floor in the hall with about 1/4 inch of water, donned ski masks/balaclavas, went down to their community room and proceeded to wail the shit out of these guys with axe handles.

We took off down the hall, ran into the room and shut the door/locked it.  When the "Shimyunngs" came to get us, they all piled up in their sock feet against the steel door with a brass doorknob.  To which we instantly applied the exposed ends of a sliced electical cord plugged into the wall.

To see the doorknob shake like an out-of-balanced washing machine was a sight to behold.  We laid it on em for about 10-15 seconds and then took off through the window to another guys room where we came out asking "Whats all this shit on the floor?  What's going on?"  When they told us to perform sex acts upon ourselves (the ones that could speak, that is) we woke all the other US Soldiers up and proceeded to have an early moring en masse axe handle ass whooping with the KATUSAs.

To see all those bastards shaking and holding numb parts of their bodies was pure pleasure.

Quoted: Dusty_C- why are you not bitching about this post too?  and the others? Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: If you want to fuck with someone,  add on a bunch of wheel weights to their front wheels. The car will shake like hell.  Most likely  they'll have to pay a mechanic to find the problem.   +1 rocks in hubcaps make a heck of a lot of noise too Another good one for a car... Squire JB Weld into all the door locks, including the trunk.  Let harden.  I did this to a guy when I was an alignment tech, after he poured a quart of trans fluid into my toolbox. Another fun one... if you can get under the hood, wire the horn to the windshield wipers.

Those are not permanent.  And if you have half a brain you can figure all that out really quick.  By the time you realize some cock put alligator clips on the carwash pads your fucked.

Yankee Go Home!

My wife and I went to this Itialan restraunt for dinner with friends and I put down a few beers. She decided to drive home because I was pretty hammered. She was driving this Miata convertable at the time. Anyway we were geting on the entrance ramp to the interstate and this mini van comes all the way over from the left lane and runs us on to the side of the road. I get pissed off and tell the wife the run up behind them and do the brights. She does and they slam on breaks. I tell her to pull around them and they swerve over into our lane. When we were passing them I noticed they had a NJ license plate. I start looking around the car for shit to throw at them (the top was down). There wasn't much trash, but there was a box of Moon Pies (I have no idea WTF they came from) and started tossing them at the van. They were hitting the wind shield, sticking in the grill etc. Anyway the guido in the mini van gets pissed and started tailgating us and speeding up. Now by this time I am REALLY pissed and decided to PAY IT FORWARD, the only thing that was left in the car was come of my wifes CD's and the remains of the spaghetti in a styro foam box from dinner. I looked at my wife smilled and through the whole deal up in the air! I watched in the rear view mirror as the spaghetti sepreated from the box in the air and splattered across the wind shield! The mini van slammed on breaks and pulled over to the side of the road. I watched the big fat guy driving get out and flick us off as we drove away! I couldn't stop laughing until we got home! FU*&ing carpet bagger!!

Quoted:  To which we instantly applied the exposed ends of a sliced electical cord plugged into the wall.

umm that's not funny or cool dude

Quoted: Quoted:  To which we instantly applied the exposed ends of a sliced electical cord plugged into the wall. umm that's not funny or cool dude

I agree that was not funny or cool it was AWESOME!!!

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted:  To which we instantly applied the exposed ends of a sliced electical cord plugged into the wall. umm that's not funny or cool dude I agree that was not funny or cool it was AWESOME!!!

that's too dangerous to be a pratical joke, killing people by electrocuting them from a socket is not funny