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Posted: 1/14/2006 10:47:14 PM EDT
[#1]
A lot of numbers, but I'll give it a try.
The train heading towards pittsburgh is traveling at 85 MPH. What do I win if I'm right? |
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Posted: 1/14/2006 10:47:24 PM EDT
[#2]
Work elsewhere? |
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Posted: 1/14/2006 10:47:48 PM EDT
[#3]
There's too many numbers in the post...
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Posted: 1/14/2006 10:50:40 PM EDT
[#4]
I would have made sure that I filmed it and showed it to the principal to cover my ass. If the students do not do the work, then they dont deserve the grades. And I would tell the principal that, and if he/she didn't understand that, resign.
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Posted: 1/14/2006 10:54:14 PM EDT
[#5]
Shoot myself?
 Math wasnt my thing. Edit: Or the whole school thing for that matter..... |
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Posted: 1/14/2006 10:56:30 PM EDT
[#6]
beat them, and continue to beat them until they quit fucking around and start paying attention!
Of course that's why I could never be a teacher. Too many kids are too sensitive, I'd have to choose my words carefully so as not to hurt anyone's feelings. So instead of saying SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU GODDAMN FUCKTARD! I'd say; Please be quiet...[whisper]or else I will fucking kill you[/whisper]...okay? |
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Posted: 1/14/2006 10:57:39 PM EDT
[#7]
Oops, forgot,
the principal was the worst assistant principal, with respect to discipline, before becoming principal. Right, the superintendant and board choose the least able, not the most able. Hmmmm. she always blames the teacher, never the student. (Lower case sometimes used to show extreme disrespect.) |
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Posted: 1/14/2006 10:57:45 PM EDT
[#8]
How about: Not be a fucking teacher!!!
What did I win? |
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Posted: 1/14/2006 10:57:52 PM EDT
[#9]
Draw down!
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Posted: 1/14/2006 10:58:46 PM EDT
[#10]
Draw down!
Just kidding. MoparMike has a pretty good idea. Dunno about cameras in the class room, but.... What about keeping all of their home work and papers? At least that way you have hard proof that they arent keeping up to par on their studies. Sorry to hear about your situation, none the less. My sister is a 1st grade teacher, and I know she has her hands full. Sorry dude! EDT: Damn it Tomislav! I was trying to type something to help the guy out and got nailed by like 40 seconds. Ill let the top percentage of students figure out how many seconds I got beat by. I cant do it. |
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Posted: 1/14/2006 11:03:48 PM EDT
[#11]
go work some where else
if i was a teacher i would either have a break down kill a student get killed by a student get fired for smacking a student now for the scary part.... i had a 167 iq at age 17 which equals 98 percentile, and i can't spell worth a fuck and i have never used my brains with the exception of about 5 or 6 times, other wise i let common sense guide me |
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Posted: 1/14/2006 11:04:57 PM EDT
[#12]
Hire a detective and dig up some dirt on whoever it is with the power to fire you.
If the detective can't find anything, then hire some teeny bopper chick who'll swear she was groped by that person in charge. |
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Posted: 1/14/2006 11:05:19 PM EDT
[#13]
Gotta be quick on the draw!  My sister also teaches (little ankle-biters, 2nd or 3rd grade I think), and she passed by quite a few jobs in not-so-nice districts. She says the lack of caring from the kids is one thing, but the apathy she got from parents in those districts sickened her. I'd bring back corporal punishment, for starters. |
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Posted: 1/14/2006 11:06:53 PM EDT
[#14]
Impossible situation.
Simply put you have to teach one year's worth of chemistry that requires an IQ of 120 to understand, to uncooperative students with an average IQ of 65 in 8 months. Umm.. since I have no practical answers, I'll type out some probably effective but unpractical solutions. A. Shoot a few to make an example then hope that the rest of the kids improve. or B. If you set the tests, tell the students the answers beforehand. or C. I assume that you get to keep the job if the average IQ of the test is over IQ 120. There hopefully should be at least one brilliant or at least promising student. Shoot the rest and focus all of your effort in teaching that student. D. Change jobs or students. Is this related to a real life situation 
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Posted: 1/14/2006 11:12:12 PM EDT
[#15]
"Your job, house payment, car payment, food, clothing, etc depends on your students mastering college material."
Well, maybe not. Anybody with enough brain cells to teach/understand high school chemistry and physics stands a good chance of getting another job making more money and dealing with less $h1t. Probably won't get as many holidays though. This is all hypothetical, right? |
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Posted: 1/14/2006 11:17:37 PM EDT
[#16]
 Ya know my sister says the exact same thing. The kids are bad, but the parents are fucking atrocious. And in all actuallity, if the parents gave a shit, the kids wouldnt be the disassociated little psychos that they are. |
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Posted: 1/17/2006 11:00:21 PM EDT
[#17]
I retired.
That fixed the situation. None of the teachers want to be there any more. The root of the evil is decisions by liberal courts. The parent is often busy trying to find a guy at a club or bar so she can suck his _ _ _ _. The 'kids' are left to do whatever they want. The parent is afraid her little cash cow will call the police on her and do what its friends tell it to do....scream child abuse. The parent needs the lil cash cow because she gets welfare money for it and her drug addiction requires a lot of money, as does clubbing to find someone new to use her tongue stud on. "Imagine all the people, living for today" john lennon sang it and it has come true. "If it feels good, do it".........herpes and crack consequenses be dammed. It's a brave new democrat world. |
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Posted: 1/17/2006 11:13:05 PM EDT
[#18]
Give them a big test tomorrow. No warning, no studying. Make it really easy. Like shit they whould already know. Check the scores. If they actually have decent scores, try to work with them. Make fun of the lowest scorer. If the average is deplorable, launch into a tyrade. Get real loud and make it very clear that they are never gonna amount to a goddamn thing. Tell them to move to NJ cause pumping gas is about all they will be qualified for. Tell them you'll be damned if you have to pay taxes to support their stupid asses when they get out of school and can't get a job. Apologise to the ones who got better than a C on the test (throw the tests into the air in the center of the room), and storm out. Go straight to the principal and submit your resignation.
You might wanna have a new job already lined up... |
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Posted: 1/17/2006 11:14:48 PM EDT
[#19]
That about sums up my high school math class. However, the school did not provide calculators. |
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Posted: 1/17/2006 11:18:28 PM EDT
[#20]
Quit being a teacher and attend that blackwater contractor course and go to interesting forign lands and kill interesting people with the same IQ (or lower) as the retarded students that you taught.
That way, you still get to teach sombody a lesson, but in a manner that tends to settle the argument rather shortly. Little haji not preforming up to par? BLAMM!!! Little haji just failed life...er...the lesson....  Chris |
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Posted: 1/17/2006 11:30:56 PM EDT
[#21]
Seek out the hottest looking girl in class, offer her a ride on rainy day, and bang the bejesus out of her. Tell her if she ever says a word, they'll find her face down in a drainage ditch. This works clear down to 4nd grade classrooms. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 12:06:35 AM EDT
[#22]
Dude!?! These are like...... TEENAGERS!!! IBTL
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Posted: 1/18/2006 12:14:33 AM EDT
[#23]
Yeah, so? Is there supposed to be a downside?? |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 12:26:55 AM EDT
[#24]
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Posted: 1/18/2006 12:27:37 AM EDT
[#25]
it's simple.. you find a way to reach them by adapting to their culture. you become a mentor to the children, and show them that they are able to achieve greatness despite their meager upbringings. the kids all go on to pass your class with flying colors... even the troubled kid with an abusive father. you then write a book about your expreiences, sell the rights to the story, and retire early. in 6 months, a movie will be made. your part will be played by an aging, but slightly attractive female actress, and the film will be mediocre at best.
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Posted: 1/18/2006 12:36:33 AM EDT
[#26]
The beatings will continue until morale increases.
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Posted: 1/18/2006 12:45:55 AM EDT
[#27]
Pay Sargeant Hartman out of my own pocket to be my substute teacher while I take an extended leave of absense
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Posted: 1/18/2006 12:51:15 AM EDT
[#28]
Leave and let 'em sink. Get a job where you're teaching people who want to be taught.
GL tired of the stupidity in the world |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 1:02:28 AM EDT
[#29]
#1 Post your situation on ARFCOM. Read replies.
#2 Three days later, post what you decided to do to fix the situation. #3 Laugh at the boneheads still answering #1 after you posted #2.  Seriously, good luck. There is only so much you can do.
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Posted: 1/18/2006 1:15:58 AM EDT
[#30]
Mike, this is the answer.
You want fries with that?  |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:02:15 AM EDT
[#31]
You're not exercising your higher IQ to it's best advantage. Adapt/improvise/overcome. Training to pass this test is a simple exercise. Two words....
Electric Shock 50KV wired to the seat of each desk and a nice shock collar locked around each neck will provide the negative reinforcement so essential to catching and holding the attention of todays students. For positive reinforcement, a simple 10 second clip of the latest hip-hop 'music' of their choice should be more than adaquate. A couple of weeks of this and these little kids will display levels of performance you'd never expect...though they may twitch uncontrollably every time they hear a bell ring.. 
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:04:23 AM EDT
[#32]
sad scenerio. Try to motivate them, make it fun.
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:05:31 AM EDT
[#33]
I'd send Karl Rove an email and have him destroy the school on the eve of the test.
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:10:26 AM EDT
[#34]
The answer as to what a lot of teachers do in the circumstance you described above is to CHEAT. After they collect tests, they change students' answers so that the class will have a much higher score than it otherwise would - thus meeting the standards they are being held accoutnable for. An economist recently showed that is EXACTLY what happens.  Good for you that you left, because that is prefereable to (1) going insane or (2) selling out your integrity. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:13:45 AM EDT
[#35]
This is well described in the book Freakonomics . The examples were from Chicago,and were caught during regression analysis of standardized test scores. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 3:14:35 PM EDT
[#36]
I really don't know, but since you are in the top 1% of human intelligence I'm sure something will come to you.
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Posted: 1/18/2006 3:20:24 PM EDT
[#37]
Use a blow torch and some ducttape.
Get creative, its suppose to be fun.
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Posted: 1/18/2006 3:21:19 PM EDT
[#38]
Swingset... dude
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Posted: 1/18/2006 3:59:11 PM EDT
[#39]
YES! That's where I saw it - thanks! It was very clever, looking for blocks of correct answers in tests with otherwise lots of wrong answers. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 4:05:18 PM EDT
[#40]
Sounds like a lot of kids who don't belong in class, but the district is legally obligated to teach them and wont be very willing to foot the bill for a private tutor if they are expelled from school.So they'll just keep them in class regardless of how disruptive they are to the rest of the class. As a final answer, what would I do as teacher? Fail them. They aren't passing or doing the expected level of work.
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Posted: 1/18/2006 4:17:38 PM EDT
[#41]
Id do some investigation to id those students who are performing below grade but are capable of better if given a chance. I would immediately separated them from their nonperforming 'friends'. Once id'ed Id do almost exceptional feats to captive their attention and make it clear that performing like a box of rocks has a down side and that learning (while difficult sometimes) gives a good result. I didnt think this up but my HS chem teacher did. He was very good at drawing kids in and giving them all they needed to succeed. He'd never road block someone interested in learning and really went well out of his way to facilitate a student who was showing interest. I loved it and almost made chemistry my career as a result. That was the first time in school that I saw learning as fun and that year I missed no days b/c I wanted to be there. OTOH he had no time for the box of rock crowd. If they didnt at least try he'd fail them. I think eventually it got him in trouble and he moved on to teach college.
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Posted: 1/18/2006 4:34:31 PM EDT
[#42]
I'm pretty sure chemistry or physics isn't a requirement to graduate high school (at least not here in Ohio). So if the students sign up for it, they better learn the shit or go back to the minimum required science.
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Posted: 1/18/2006 4:39:46 PM EDT
[#43]
ETA I am glad I am not the one who has to teach electron energy levels to a bunch of idiots. Hard enough to understand when you are smart. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 4:44:21 PM EDT
[#44]
Realistically? Make attendance part of their grade. Make them turn in their notes at the end of the year as part of their grade. Dumb down the tests.... I don't think Chemistry and Physics are hard at all, if you put the time in. One hour of class, three hours of work outside. Students are lazy. If I wouldn't be repremanded I'd just teach and if they didn't try, screw them. If everyone gets C's D's and F's then so be it. No curving. That said I do think Chem and Phy courses do tend to cram in stuff. I'd rather have a teacher skip over unimportant concepts than blindly go through every chapter per week. Some chapters are harder than others. Throw out the unimportant chapters and give more time for the harder concepts. Not giving a cumlative final also helps scores. I got A's in both my college level physics and chemistry classes 
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Posted: 1/18/2006 4:47:22 PM EDT
[#45]
Day 1: Hire a stunt-student.
Find a kid, same age, who doesn't go to that school. Give him some $$ to attend the first period of class. When you start talking, have him do something stupid--rock back in his chair, throw something in the garbage and miss, etc. Blow up. Big time. Scream, shout, have spit coming out of your mouth. Physically grab him, haul him out the door, throw his ass out in the hallway, and scream "AND DON'T EVER COME BACK!!!" Turn back to the class and continue in a normal voice as if nothing had happened. Kid will never return, kids will talk about it and live in fear of your every move and eye twitch. (True story, told to me by a middle school teacher in Nebraska. Did it his first day, never had a problem the next 15 years of teaching at that school.) Also day 1: Challenge the kids. "This is tough work. Only the strong survive." One of the reasons the Marines do so well in recruiting is because they actually present a challenge--"You MAY be good enough to be a Marine. We'll see." Set high standards, continually push them to meet them. Day 1.5: Blow something up in class. The surest way to get the kids attention is to make it interesting, so do so. Do magic tricks with chemistry. Show the kids WHY they need to know chemistry. Don't make every day a circus, but promise them that if they learn the material, they can do the cool stuff to. BTW, my mom is a teacher, some of the best teachers I've ever had did #2 and 3, and I'm considering a teaching career after my tour in the AF is over. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 4:51:22 PM EDT
[#46]
I work in a high school where the majority of students are hispanic and many speak very little English.
Thanks to the new standards for education every one of these kids is required to complete what used to be a college prep level curriculum to graduate. And people wonder why we only have 150 seniors out of 1450 students.
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Posted: 1/18/2006 4:56:30 PM EDT
[#47]
Give them the test answers and buy them cookies & ice cream if they pass.
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Posted: 1/18/2006 5:01:31 PM EDT
[#48]
 Cause it's still happening. I'd have said he should teach them how mixing "certain" chemicals creates explosive reactions. Leave a "large amount" of these chemicals sitting out on the lab desk, while taking a long, fast walk to the opposite end of the school. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 5:10:56 PM EDT
[#49]
You're kidding right?
You have to connect with the lil darlins' interests. For crying out loud, you've got a chemistry lab. First, you show them how to search the internet for recipes, then how to measure and cook common lab ingredients, then sell their useful products in the local market. It' the perfect class combining computer skilz, redding, home ec, manual skilz, math, chemistry, economics, marketing and bidness. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 5:23:48 PM EDT
[#50]
MikeSSS finaly offered his own solution:
I retired. That fixed the situation. None of the teachers want to be there any more. The root of the evil is decisions by liberal courts. The parent is often busy trying to find a guy at a club or bar so she can suck his _ _ _ _. The 'kids' are left to do whatever they want. The parent is afraid her little cash cow will call the police on her and do what its friends tell it to do....scream child abuse. The parent needs the lil cash cow because she gets welfare money for it and her drug addiction requires a lot of money, as does clubbing to find someone new to use her tongue stud on. "Imagine all the people, living for today" john lennon sang it and it has come true. "If it feels good, do it".........herpes and crack consequenses be dammed. It's a brave new democrat world. ================================= Seriously, I cannot for the life of me understand why some teachers continue to piss in the ocean, waiting for it to warm up. A friend of mine complains about her teaching job in the Cincinnati Public Schools, and it sounds very f---ed up. Why would anyone want that resume stain on thier record, not to mention the daily threats of bodily harm, slashed tires, keyed cars, drugs, guns, knives, etc. Find a job where kids (and their parents) want the school to succeed. I notice that HER kid goes to a suburban school, so at least she got that part right. Mike, best wishes in retirement, and maybe you can find some kid to tutor part time and make a difference that way. |
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