NEWS FLASH - REPORTED 5 DAYS LATER....  Friday, Jan 13, 2006

SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE  Jaxon Van Derbeken, Chronicle Staff Writer
San Francisco authorities struggled to explain Thursday how they concluded that an object left in a Starbucks bathroom was a bomb, when tests revealed it was nothing more than a flashlight with corroded batteries.

"This appeared, by itself, to be a bomb,'' said police spokesman Sgt. Neville Gittens, who was the first to relay word from bomb squad investigators Monday afternoon that the object was an "improvised explosive device." The news quickly went national, and at one point CNN was broadcasting developments.

Gittens would not specify what about the device was so convincing, other than to say that all the people who saw it described it as a "tube-shaped cylinder with a fuse.''

The original story below.... hahahahaha
SAN FRANCISCO - Police defused an explosive device found in the bathroom of a Starbucks on Monday. No one was injured.  (thank goodness, those flashlights can be nasty somobitches)

Authorities were called around 1:15 p.m., after an employee reported finding something suspicious in the store's bathroom. About 100 people were evacuated from the store and apartments above it, and the street was closed to traffic, said Sgt. Neville Gittens.

"This was a good device. If it had exploded, it would have caused injuries or damage," said Gittens, who would not describe its size. Hahahahahahaha - it was a "good device" hahahahaha.

And now, this just in....

Immediately following this potentially devestating event, Californian lawmaker Diane Swienfien held a press conference to denounce the radical right which if not directly responsible, certainly fosters and enables such evil.    "We need a new Law", said Sweinfien, "that will make it illegal to enter a Starbucks with a destructive device"   "Once we have a law, evil doers will realize that we are serious about this and they are really really super really going to be in trouble.   Only then will the public be safe from such wanton acts of violence".      

The lawmaker was cheered on by scores of supporters including Gay Pride Marchers for peace, Womans right to Abort,  the Anti Christmas league for a God-free country and the very Rev. Jessie Jackson.  All cheered her words and proposal for new laws that will insure a safer San Franciso and a more enlightened Country.

Stay tuned for developments to follow...

NEW DEVELOPMENT - THIS JUST IN!!

D.S. has just Proposed Legislation to the Chairman of the California State Assembly.   SAN FRANCISCO  name must be changed to Francisco.  In a shocking revelation from "Lupita" her Mexican housekeeper, the lawmaker just learned that "SAN" is Spanish for "Saint" and that the Great City of S.F. was actually named after not only a SAINT but even worse, a CATHOLIC Saint at that!  "This vile concoction of Religion and the City name cannot be tollerated or condoned in our  enlightened society.  This is a clear violation of the separation of Religion and Goverment.  You just have to believe the radical right is behind this", said Sweinfien.    "Our new city 'Fancisco' eliminates this unconstitutional city name and more fairly represents and unites all of our citizens".

The lawmaker was cheered on by scores of supporters including Gay Pride Marchers for peace, Womans right to Abort,  the Anti Christmas league for a God-free country and the very Rev. Jessie Jackson.  All cheered her words and proposal for new laws that will insure a united Franciso and a more enlightened Country.

In other news, Katie Currie of NBC's Goodmorning show requests an explanation from the Republican majority leader as to why the Republican party hasn't taken notice of these issues and actively supported the democratic Senator of California.   Clearly the Republican Party is bent on an agenda of dividing this country and their insensitivity to these important issues is hurting all of America implied Currie.  

The handgun ban will prevent all future bombings.  

Heck hippies threw rocks and bricks through a starbucks near me

really really really super really!

btt with latest news announcement

More laws, the answer to everything.

And I thought it was about that pigswill they call coffee.  Actually, Starbucks is good for space rental.  You buy a cup, sit there for two hours and conduct bizness for the price of two cups of coffee.  

Damn, I thought the cops was to "Protect & Serve" they should of left the device and invite
Sweinstien to come to the party.

bbt - new headline

Will they ever learn?

Max

Quoted: Will they ever learn? Max

In CA, no...

Quoted: The handgun ban will prevent all future bombings.

yep, and if they ban all firearms, the bird flu will cease to exist

Heh heh.... after they've gone through the rigamarole of changing everything from San Francisco to Francisco, someone should let them know that "Francisco" (which we all know comes from San Francisco), was the given name of Saint Francis, whom the Franciscan order of monks is "descended" from.  

Then, because of the dual handgun bans, they could just be called "Washington of the West" (as in DC, not State).  Then someone should tell them that Washington was just an oppressive male slave owner, and they will eventually change their name to VPCville.

P.S. Fark or Onion?

Quoted: "Once we have a law, evil doers will realize that we are serious about this and they are really really super really going to be in trouble.

The anti-religionists have their work cut out for them in CA.  If you can take a cross off the LA City Seal (and the Redlands City Logo)you can certainly remove the San, or Santa (wow, that's double evil) from all these cities (except Sanger) for referring to a Catholic personage.  New letterheads, new paint for the city vehicles, and of course, fines for using the old names in public.  I'm starting to really like this idea, it's pretty damn chaotic.

San           Anselmo - Marin           County - Map           --- ?        
San Ardo -Monterey           County - Map           --- ?        
San Bernardino - San           Bernardino County - Map           --- ?        
San           Bruno - San           Mateo County - Map           --- ?        
San Buenaventura - Ventura           County - Map           --- ?        
San           Carlos - San           Mateo County - Map           --- ?        
San           Clemente - Orange           County - Map           --- ?        
San           Diego - San           Diego County - Map           --- ?        
San           Dimas - Los           Angeles County - Map           --- ?        
San Fernando - Los           Angeles County  - Map                      --- ?        
San           Francisco -San           Francisco County  -  San           Mateo County - Map           --- ?        
San           Gabriel -Los           Angeles County - Map           --- ?        
San Geronimo - Marin           County - Map           --- ?        
San Gregorio - San           Mateo County - Map           --- ?        
San           Jacinto -Riverside           County - Map           --- ?        
San Joaquin - Fresno           County - Map           --- ?        
San           Jose -Santa           Clara County - Map           --- ?        
San Juan Bautista - San           Benito County - Map           --- ?        
San Juan Capistrano - Orange           County - Map           --- ?        
San           Leandro - Alameda           County - Map           --- ?        
San Lorenzo - Alameda           County - Map           --- ?        
San Lucas - Monterey           County - Map           --- ?        
San           Luis Obispo --- San           Luis Obispo County - Map           --- ?        
San Luis Rey - San           Diego County - Map           --- ?        
San           Marcos - San           Diego County - Map           --- ?        
San           Marino - Los           Angeles County - Map           --- ?        
San           Martin - Santa           Clara County - Map           --- ?        
San           Mateo - San           Mateo County - Map           --- ?        
San Miguel - San           Luis Obispo County - Map           --- ?        
San Onofre - San           Diego County - Map           --- ?        
San           Pablo - Contra           Costa County - Map           --- ?        
San Pedro - Los           Angeles County - Map           --- ?        
San Quentin - Marin           County - Map           --- ?        
San           Rafael - Marin           County - Map           --- ?        
San           Ramon - Contra           Costa County - Map           --- ?        
San Simeon - San           Luis Obispo County - Map           --- ?        
San Ysidro - San           Diego County - Map           --- ?        
Sand           City - Monterey           County - Map           --- ?        
Sanger - Fresno           County -           Map           --- ?        
Santa           Ana - Orange           County - Map           --- ?        
Santa Ana Heights - Orange           County - Map           --- ?        
Santa           Barbara - Santa           Barbara County - Map           --- ?        
Santa           Clara - Santa           Clara County -           Map           --- ?        
Santa           Clarita -Los           Angeles County - Map           --- ?        
Santa           Cruz - Santa           Cruz County - Map           --- ?        
Santa           Fe Springs - Los           Angeles County - Map           --- ?        
Santa Margarita - San           Luis Obispo County - Map           --- ?        
Santa           Maria - Santa           Barbara County - Map           --- ?        
Santa Monica - Los           Angeles County - Map           --- ?        
Santa Nella -Merced           County - Map           --- ?        
Santa Paula - Ventura           County - Map           --- ?        
Santa Rita Park -Merced           County - Map           --- ?        
Santa           Rosa - Sonoma           County -           Map           --- ?        
Santa Susana - Ventura           County - Map           --- ?        
Santa Ynez - Santa           Barbara County - Map           --- ?        
Santa Ysabel - San           Diego County - Map           --- ?        

I am certain it is already illegal to build a bomb under Federal, State, and local laws.

Quoted: Quoted: "Once we have a law, evil doers will realize that we are serious about this and they are really really super really going to be in trouble.

Double-secret probation........ just the threat of it stops 'em dead in their tracks every time.

Quoted: I am certain it is already illegal to build a bomb under Federal, State, and local laws.

The good Senatrix has no use for your common sense.  Outta the way, please.  Make way for the Dog and Pony Show.

Quoted: I am certain it is already illegal to build a bomb under Federal, State, and local laws.

Wrong. Bombs are legal under Federal law and are destructive devices regulated by the NFA.

State and local laws may vary.

Some of you guys need to get a clue. I know some of you are joking, but some of you are also taking this seriously. It's called... wait for it...



SATIRE

The part after the bomb story about the Senator is SATIRE.

Well Done!  

Quoted: What they really need are signs. Lots and Lots of signs. NO BOMBS ALLOWED!

+1, or a sign that reads

This is a bomb free zone

Ok, this is the final bump.  Enjoy - it IS satire you goofs!   But hey, it is so close to what we have come to expect from Diane and the wackos of the left I'm not really surprised a few believe she would say anything so silly.  

"Adios" or as Diana would say "that's Housekeeper talk for, 'your dinner is ready I'll be back in the morning to do the laundry'."

I certainly hope she doesn't monitor this board; what if she were 'annoyed'?

Don't forget: she has a gun

Gun Control is about Control not Guns.

.

Quoted: Gun Control is about Control not Guns.

+1

Quick Flash vid link:

www.flashbunny.org/content/whatguns.html

Too Funny.

It's friday, Updated with NEW NEWS, see page one.

A flashlight.

If the "bomb" had gone off, would it have gone "boom" or "t*nk"?