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Posted: 1/7/2006 9:39:27 PM EDT
Was with a girl for over six years starting back in college. She was 17 I was 19 when we started. We had four to five good years then we just hit some rough times and she eventually dumped me for another guy who had cheated on his wife and left her and their two kids. It hit me hard, took me about a year or two to move on but I did. That was 1991. She married him, had two kids then he cheated on her (big surprise) and then up and left her. She is remarried now and has another baby. 14 years and then out of the blue she calls me at work to say hi and see how I'm doing. I was close in her family while we were together and she said her father died last year and she promised him she wouldn't leave things "unfinished" in her life and would make amends for things and people she feels she needs to. She says she thinks about me and hopes I can forgive her for how we ended. Now I know it was not all her fault, we were both going through changes and rough times and we just couldn't stick it out together, I guess we were just young. She asks me if I ever wonder if we could have worked it out or "what if" kinds of things. 14 years later. It was good to talk with her. We talked for about an hour. I know things won't go anywhere. I'm happily married and have a family now but it does brings back bittersweet memories of being a couple of young college kids growing up together. But it also gives me pause that she seemed pretty reminiscent of our good times together and the "what ifs". I'm just still so surprised she called. 14 years. And I have mixed feelings. 
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Posted: 1/7/2006 9:42:16 PM EDT
[#1]
Although 14 year make-up sex would probably be great, I assume it's out of the question.
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Posted: 1/7/2006 9:44:28 PM EDT
[#2]
I've been in those shoes before.
Its a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for a few days. My best advice would be let the past lie. Its good she called, leave it at that. Continued contact just keeps bringing up those old wounds, and leads to nothing good. My experience anyways. |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 9:45:33 PM EDT
[#3]
GOOOOOO For IT!!!!
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Posted: 1/7/2006 9:48:02 PM EDT
[#4]
Tell her she's forgiven and to never call you again. |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 9:48:14 PM EDT
[#5]
Kind of been in those shoes a little bit I wouldnt take her calls, she started calling right before my wife and I got married. I really really loved her and she had a power over me that no woman ever has. I love my wife more than I ever did this girl but if she put me through 1/4 of the shit she did I would walk out. It still freaks me out what kind of hold she had on me and I still do not know why. I wouldl have liked to talked to her but I am not going to go there ever again so why even open a door?
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Posted: 1/7/2006 9:49:22 PM EDT
[#6]
I know you're right. But what do my mixed feelings mean? |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 9:50:12 PM EDT
[#7]
"Dear Penthouse Forum, I never thought it would happen to me but......"
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Posted: 1/7/2006 9:51:48 PM EDT
[#8]
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Posted: 1/7/2006 9:52:05 PM EDT
[#9]
it means you're thinking about being dragged down to the same level as her. ignore it - move on with life. |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 9:52:08 PM EDT
[#10]
Dont worry shes about 300 lbs now.. tell her thanks and move on..
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Posted: 1/7/2006 9:53:39 PM EDT
[#11]
That's good advice. |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 9:54:27 PM EDT
[#12]
lol she wasnt Italian but yeah
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Posted: 1/7/2006 9:55:25 PM EDT
[#13]
They mean you are remembering the good times with her and thinking about what you have now. Enjoy the good times in the past, but leave them there. |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 9:56:32 PM EDT
[#14]
My ex-wife and I have been divorced for 6 years. She cheated on me at least 3 times, and left me with nothing. I don't want her back, and wouldn't take her back...but I'm convinced she was my soulmate. I've remarried and am happier than I ever was with her.
Just thinking about the possibility got my heart racing. I imagine if she ever called me I'd probably fall over dead of a heart attack - not kidding at all. Good luck whatever you decide to do. If it were me, I'd just leave it alone now. |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 9:58:28 PM EDT
[#15]
The reason you have mixed feelings is because you want to have the same great sex you used to have with her.
And that's probably about it. Let it go, and don't talk to her again. |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 9:59:28 PM EDT
[#16]
Go listen to "Unanswered Prayers" by Garth Brooks (No Fences album). Jim |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 10:00:44 PM EDT
[#17]
Where is that "Run, Forrest" picture when you need it? |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 10:03:02 PM EDT
[#18]
Trap.
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Posted: 1/7/2006 10:14:25 PM EDT
[#19]
Run, she'll do it to you again. |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 10:16:43 PM EDT
[#20]
Now that thar's funny, I don't care who you are! Woody |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 10:27:12 PM EDT
[#21]
Perfectly normal to have those feelings. "Glory Days" Everyone has them and misses them at times.
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Posted: 1/7/2006 10:31:12 PM EDT
[#22]
Yep. You have to admit it was a pretty good fellin' after the bile rose in ya for a minute,
that she remembered ya..A lot of us should be so lucky..Now it's all chill and you won. She's safe, and you're good.. |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 10:32:59 PM EDT
[#23]
I should also add; It also means she realizes she f-ed up in not staying with you.
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Posted: 1/7/2006 10:34:26 PM EDT
[#24]
Or, she is bored in her current relationship, and wants a little more chaos in her life. |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 10:34:53 PM EDT
[#25]
Go hug your wife and be very glad you have her. The past is dead for a good reason.
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Posted: 1/7/2006 10:43:36 PM EDT
[#26]
I was gonna say she has come back hoping he is dumb enough to fall for her again. I personally would feel vindicated tell her I have changed and walk away after thanking her for doing me the favor of showing me what a shallow person she was long ago, before we had kids together. |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 10:51:48 PM EDT
[#27]
You must have hit bottom on that one!
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Posted: 1/7/2006 11:13:39 PM EDT
[#28]
Go look at some pR0n and rub one out..... you'll feel better.Everybody thinks about the 'What If's" if they encounter an old flame.... It's normal. Only a problem if you FORGET you're happily married, bud. Just make sure SHE knows you're happily married, and move along. Besides..... do YOU want to raise two other dude's three kids ?  Nostalgia is fun for a little bit..... Just remind yourself why you're happy NOW, you'll be ok. 
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Posted: 1/7/2006 11:17:35 PM EDT
[#29]
+1 on the chaos, Its like HEROIN to women.... Lets see what I can get men to do over me!! |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 11:22:00 PM EDT
[#30]
Ask her if she is watching that Earl show.
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Posted: 1/7/2006 11:22:28 PM EDT
[#31]
+1 |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 11:51:34 PM EDT
[#32]
Yep, past is the past!
A few years back I received a rather inviting letter and photo from a girl I knew before. She was a friend of mine's wife and back then when I became aware she had interest in me, I made myself scarce. That was my buddies wife! So many years later she contacts me and informs me they have been divorced for several years and she wants to see me. Very tempting, believe me, what I was even more surprised about was that my wife (who actually got the letter while I was out of town) read the letter and saw the photo and still gave them to me! I talked to the other girl and told her the situation and still with the Mrs :) |
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Posted: 1/8/2006 12:00:19 AM EDT
[#33]
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Posted: 1/8/2006 12:25:35 AM EDT
[#34]
Jeebus....did you not get the memo?
There is a procedure for these situations that must be followed each and every time. 1) Let her talk. She just wants to make sure that you do not hate her. Make sure that she knows that you do. 2) Let her know how successful and happy you are, how lovely your children are, and how awesome your wife is. (embellish if necessary) Tell her your wife looks like Eva Longoria and has a nigh-superhuman ability to pump out kids with the greatest of ease and still gives regular head after years of marriage. 3) Make it clear that Every bit of success that you have achieved from the day of the break up was meant to spite her. 4) Let her know that the feeling you had that day she broke up with you are still fresh and burn with greater intensity every day and that it is most likely that every rotten thing that happened in her life is God's punishment for what she did to you and she deserves all of her suffering. Okay, I got issues, I know....but other than the kids thing, I did this to my ex. Leave me $20,000 in the hole  . Ain't told her about the kids yet. Sooner or later I'll run into her with them tagging behind, that should be enough. Get over the mixed feeling thing, what you are feeling now is the gut reaction we all get when someone other than our spouses wants us to do them. |
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Posted: 1/8/2006 12:30:21 AM EDT
[#35]
Give your wife a big hug and listen to the song "unanswered prayers" by Garth Brooks..
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Posted: 1/8/2006 12:38:06 AM EDT
[#36]
There are times when a man has to choose not to feel. This one of those times.
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Posted: 1/8/2006 12:38:38 AM EDT
[#37]
They mean you're human. Everyone has a bond to their past, and old emotions come back when people disturb your life with a dose of dead feelings. But, look at the reality - she wasn't a very good person to you, made poor choices, and now wants to reconnect with you. What kind of choice do you think that is? Healthy? Of course not. Let her live with the consequences of making those poor choices, instead of potentially hurting you again. Tell her no hard feelings, and that you're happy now, have a nice life, goodbye. |
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Posted: 1/8/2006 12:47:40 AM EDT
[#38]
^^^ And it means she realised she messed up and is tring to get rid of her guilt. It's been 14 years, life is too short to dwell on bullshit. Tell her you have some fine memories and let her in that you are happily married now. Thank her for comming clean and wish her luck on finding the one for her. After that, sit and smile and tell you wife you love her. |
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Posted: 1/8/2006 1:09:27 AM EDT
[#39]
Here's to hoping it doesn't mean you are considering destroying your family. At the very least starting some sort of even platonic relationship with her will only hurt your wife and screw you up emotionally. You're feelings are emotions and lust. They are two of the biggest liars humankind had ever known. Most women listen to feelings, to their detriment. Men are advised to use their brain. "Thanks for calling. It was nice talking to you. If there is anything to forgive, I do. Please never call me again." |
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Posted: 1/8/2006 2:28:47 AM EDT
[#40]
Shes older and starting to reflect on events in her past. It happens as you get some years under your belt.
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Posted: 1/8/2006 3:00:42 AM EDT
[#41]
Run dude... Run away. She's got regret written all over this. She obviously knows she fucked up by dumping you, I am sure she isn't happy in her current situation and She is trying to relieve the guilt that most women carry around in their guts until they die.. Let her suffer her own mistakes.
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Posted: 1/8/2006 3:18:08 AM EDT
[#42]
Sounds as though she attempting to achieve what psychologists term as "closure". Guess I'd agree with the commentary relative to "staying away" from any type of an on-going relationship there.
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Posted: 1/8/2006 3:25:39 AM EDT
[#43]
Don't even think about it.
 Or her.  FAWK. This has train wreck written all over it. 
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Posted: 1/8/2006 3:29:38 AM EDT
[#44]
Best. Advice. Ever. Take Stealth's advice, then go tell your wife you love her, and count your blessings. |
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Posted: 1/8/2006 3:30:15 AM EDT
[#45]
Closure? She's regretful and wants to try and alleviate her guilt of fucking her life all up by dumping a good man for a shitbag that cheated on her. Classic move. Women want the bad eggs, the rebel, etc when they are young. Then they hit a point where they realize that these shitbag types are not good for them after all. Such is happening here. |
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Posted: 1/8/2006 3:36:04 AM EDT
[#46]
Kick her to the curb. Subjigate your yearnings and good feelings for her. Don't call her at all. In fact, tell the wife about her call. Be totally honest in your marriage. You never know how far the old flame will go to fuck you up if you refuse her advances.
Forget her...she is POISON! She has ruined her life by making terrible decisions and now she wants to return to the "Good Old Days". Run Forrest! |
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Posted: 1/8/2006 3:36:33 AM EDT
[#47]
I was the other way around. There was a breakup I lamented for many years. At one point I finally tracked her down, called her up to make amends. It wasn't a big deal to her, she had a baby, the father/boyfriend was in jail. I can't believe I wasted so much time thinking about it.
Leave the past behind you, don't waste mental energy thinking about what if cause you didn't and it ain't. |
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Posted: 1/8/2006 3:39:13 AM EDT
[#48]
Second that. She's just looking for another sugar daddy to take care of her. You have your family now, so don't fuck that up. |
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Posted: 1/8/2006 3:40:14 AM EDT
[#49]
LOL, I was wondering that myself. "Karmaaaaa, Karmaaaaa..." |
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Posted: 1/8/2006 3:47:25 AM EDT
[#50]
I was pretty hurt over a screwball that dumped me last year. I post this to show you how fucked up some women really are. Anyway during the whole break up she actually says, "I already regret what I am doing and someday we will be able to sit down, and make a life together but not right now.". She even says occasionally to friends that someday she will be able to see me again I would never go back to that... Ever. I wish her the best, and I know that she is not where she wants to be, we have many mutual friends. But she made her decisions, she has to live with them. She knows I am doing well, that I have more going for me than any douche bag she has ever dated, and admitted I would have made a great husband for her.. But she's fucked in the head. Her loss. |
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