Deer Santa:
> >  I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy
> >  all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy
> >
> >  Dear Billy,
> >  Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care.
> >  How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read
> >  and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At
> >  least HE can spell! Santa
> >
> >  eTTTeTTTeTTTeTTT
> >
> >  Dear Santa,
> >  I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for
> >  is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah
> >
> >  Dear Sarah,
> >  Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
> >  Santa
> >
> >  eTTTeTTTeTTTeTTT
> >
> >  Dear Santa,
> >  I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like
> >  for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what
> >  you can do. Love, Teddy
> >
> >  Dear Teddy,
> >  Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in
> >  a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back
> >  to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's
> >  time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos
> >  instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those? Sa
> >
> >  eTTTeTTTeTTTeTTT
> >
> >  Dear Santa,
> >  I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left
> >  carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan
> >
> >  Dear Susan,
> >  Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my
> >  face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two
> >  words, Jim Beam. Santa
> >
> >  eTTTeTTTeTTTeTTT
> >
> >  Dear Santa,
> >  What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy
> >  making toys? Your friend, Thomas
> >
> >  Dear Thomas,
> >  All the toys are made by little kids like you in China. Every
> >  year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have
> >  a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making
> >  low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and
> >  squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money.
> >
> >  P.S.
> >  Tell your mom she got the part.
> >
> >  eTTTeTTTeTTTeTTT
> >
> >  Dear Santa,
> >  Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when
> >  we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica
> >
> >  Dear Jessica,
> >  Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do.
> >  I'm skipping your house. Santa
> >
> >  eTTTeTTTeTTTeTTT
> >
> >  Dear Santa,
> >  I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please
> >  PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? Timmy
> >
> >  Timmy,
> >  That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that
> >  crap doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.
> Santa
> >
> >  eTTTeTTTeTTTeTTT
> >
> >  Dearest Santa,
> >  We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our
> >  home? Love, Marky
> >
> >  Mark,
> >  First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're
> >  getting your ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a
> >  house, you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex.
> >  Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do,
> >  through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams, Santa