The Rules: Homosexuality (warning - graphic language)

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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - The Rules: Homosexuality (warning - graphic language)

Posted: 10/5/2005 6:36:17 PM EDT

With all of the threads recently about homosexuality (Backrub, Gay ninjas, Epsilon = Lambda) I thought I would offer a little sage advice from Rev. Marilyn Manson on the matter. If anyone knows where to draw those boundary lines I think it would be him. Actually, he is probably good at all doing all kinds of lines . . .

Marilyn Manson:

My philosophy about sexuality is that I don't have a problem with anything anyone does in any way. All I ask is that you know the rules. I've sucked the dicks of several men, which a lot of straight guys won't admit to having done or wanting to do. But just like kissing a girl can't get her pregnant, sucking a guy's dick doesn't make you gay (Unless you break rule #3). It's not that i'm against being gay - I just want to clarify what makes you gay. Please note this list only pertains to guys: All women are by nature lesbians. So let's get things straight (no pun intended) - if you meet any of the qualifications below, you are gay.

1 - IF YOU GET SOMEONE ELSE'S SPERM ON YOU.

2- IF YOU'VE EVER OWNED A SMITHS ALBUM.

3- IF YOU GET HARD WHILE SUCKING ANOTHER GUY'S DICK. IF YOU DON'T, YOU'RE STRAIGHT - UNLESS HE GETS SPERM ON YOU.

4 - IF MICHAEL STIPE IS IN THE ROOM WITH YOU AND YOU'RE HAVING SEX WITH A WOMAN, YOU'RE BISEXUAL.

5 - IF YOU'RE AT A GAY BAR, YOU'RE NOT GAY. BUT IF YOU'RE AT A STRAIGHT BAR AND YOU TALK TO ANOTHER GUY LONGER THAN YOU TALK TO A GIRL, YOU'RE GAY.

6 - IF YOU TAP YOUR FEET TO A SMITHS SONG.

7 - IF YOU DISCUSS ART FOR MORE THAN 45 MINUTES.

8 - IF YOU'VE EVER WORN A BERET.

9 - IF YOU KISS A GUY AND HE HAS A HARD-ON, YOU'RE NOT GAY UNLESS YOU HAVE A HARD-ON TOO.

10 - IF YOU HAVE ANY KIND OF SEX - WITH A MALE OR A FEMALE - TO THE SMITHS, YOU'RE GAY.

11- IF YOUR ONLY PURPOSE IN LIFE IS TO GET GIRLS PREGNANT SO THEY CAN HAVE MORE GIRLS TO HAVE LESBIAN SEX TOGETHER.

12 - IF YOU JACK OFF AND GET CUM ON YOURSELF.

13 - IF YOU GET A BONER WATCHING GILLIGAN'S ISLAND.

14 - IF YOU DON'T GET A BONER WATCHING BEWITCHED.

15 - IF THERE'S A SMITHS SONG ON IN A BAR AND YOU'RE IN THE BATHROOM WITH YOUR DICK IN YOUR HAND.

16 - IF YOUR NAME IS RICHARD AND YOU GO BY DICK.

17 - IF YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH ANYONE NAMED DICK.

18 - IF YOU DON'T CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE, YOU'RE ONLY USING HER AS A PROP TO MAKE PEOPLE THINK YOU'RE NOT GAY.

19 - IF YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH A MODEL.

20 - IF YOU FUCK A GIRL WHO LIKES THE SMITHS.

21 - IF YOU DON'T EAT MEAT BECAUSE THE SMITHS ALBUM MEAT IS MURDER HAD AN IMPACT ON YOUR LIFE.

22 - IF YOU DO ANYTHING SPIRITUAL.

23 - IF YOU FUCK A PREGNANT WOMAN AND SHE'S CARRYING A BOY, YOU'RE GAY. IF YOU GET SPERM ON THE AMNIOTIC SAC, THE BABY WILL GROW UP TO BE GAY TOO.

24 - IF YOU'VE EVER HAD A HAIRCUT LIKE MORRISSEY.

25 - IF YOU'VE EVER HAS A HAIRCUT WHILE A MORRISSEY OR SMITHS ALBUM WAS PLAYING IN THE ROOM.

26 - IF YOU'VE EVER TALKED ABOUT OF OWNED A CRYSTAL - ESPECIALLY IF IT'S CRYSTAL METH.

27 - IF YOU'VE EVER PUT BAND AIDS ON YOUR NIPPLES AS A FASHION STATEMENT.

28 - IF YOU'VE EVER SPENT MORE THAN A WEEK ON SOUTH BEACH.

29 - IF YOU'RE NOT THINKING ABOUT TITS RIGHT NOW.

30 - IF YOU STILL LIKED JUDAS PRIEST AFTER YOU HEARD THE RUMOUR THAT ROB HALFORD WAS GAY.

31 - IF YOU GET A HARD-ON WHILE TAKING A SHIT.

32 - IF YOU KNOW WHAT SPERM TASTES LIKE (ESPECIALLY IF IT'S YOUR OWN).

33 - IF YOU KISS A GIRL WITH TONGUE AFTER SHE'S SWALLOWED YOUR CUM.

34 - IF YOU GET HARD WHILE READING THIS.

35 - IF YOU KNOW THE NAMES OF ANYONE WHO'S EVER BEEN IN THE SMITHS BESIDES MORRISSEY OR JOHNNY MARR.

36 - IF YOU'RE A MALE MODEL

37 - IF YOU GET CHOKED UP LISTENING TO BOYS DON'T CRY BY THE CURE.

38 - IF YOU'RE A CLOTHING DESIGNER.

39 - IF YOUR FIRST, MIDDLE, OR LAST NAME IS MORRISSEY

Posted: 10/5/2005 6:39:47 PM EDT

[#1]

I want my 3 minutes back.

Posted: 10/5/2005 6:40:57 PM EDT

[#2]

Ok, I don't even know who the smiths are.

Posted: 10/5/2005 6:41:34 PM EDT

[#3]

What a fucked up individual.

Posted: 10/5/2005 6:42:46 PM EDT

[#4]

Quoted:
13 - IF YOU GET A BONER WATCHING GILLIGAN'S ISLAND.

Damn you Mary-Ann!!!

Posted: 10/5/2005 6:43:57 PM EDT

[#5]

That was funny. Where did you get that from?

Posted: 10/5/2005 6:48:54 PM EDT

[#6]

Marilyn Manson is probably bent because Morrissey won't toss his salad. The Rev also forgot to say:

- If you make a living by wear makeups and fishnet stocking, you are gay.

Posted: 10/5/2005 6:49:09 PM EDT

[#7]

Quoted:
Ok, I don't even know who the smiths are.

+1

Posted: 10/5/2005 6:49:14 PM EDT

[#8]

Quoted:
8 - IF YOU'VE EVER WORN A BERET.

So does that make the military gay?

Posted: 10/5/2005 6:52:42 PM EDT

[#9]

Those rules came from his autobiography.

There are also Rules for telling if you are cheating on your girlfriend and if you are a drug addict.

Maybe I'm odd but I think #23 is hilarious.

By the way, The Smiths are an old New Wave English band for which Morrissey was the lead vocalist.

Posted: 10/5/2005 6:59:11 PM EDT

[#10]

I've sucked the dicks of several men...

on my list this makes you gay; but i guess i'm just oldfashioned

Posted: 10/5/2005 7:03:24 PM EDT

[#11]

I've heard several women say "He is a VERY smart man."

Believe what you want. The only smart thing he has is that he realized people would buy into his stupid bullshit, just like Howard Stern's audience.

Posted: 10/5/2005 7:03:30 PM EDT

[#12]

k

Posted: 10/5/2005 7:05:46 PM EDT

[#13]

how do you know if your roommate is a fag? his dick tastes like shit

Posted: 10/5/2005 7:06:23 PM EDT

[#14]

Posted: 10/5/2005 7:06:49 PM EDT

[#15]

Quoted:
I've sucked the dicks of several men...

on my list this makes you gay; but i guess i'm just oldfashioned

Suck one dick, you are a cocksucker for life. If you are happy about it, you are gay, if you are sad, you are a cocksucker.

Posted: 10/5/2005 7:07:40 PM EDT

[#16]

Marilyn Manson must know, he is the biggest switch hitter in the world

Posted: 10/5/2005 7:09:22 PM EDT

[#17]

Quoted:
Quoted:
I've sucked the dicks of several men...

on my list this makes you gay; but i guess i'm just oldfashioned

Suck one dick, you are a cocksucker for life. If you are happy about it, you are gay, if you are sad, you are a cocksucker.

well stated

Posted: 10/5/2005 7:13:04 PM EDT

[#18]

I thought it was pretty funny.

Marilyn Manson...there's some great rock and roll there. But mostly, he (Brian's his name, IIRC) is
a smart guy and knows how to be a real showman. Clearly it's working for him because he's rich
and famous and we're not.

What he does is an act. A show. A freak show, but a show nonetheless. When he gets off stage
and out of the public eye, he's reported to be disturbingly normal if not actually BORING.

CJ

Posted: 10/5/2005 7:14:43 PM EDT

[#19]

Ill add # 40 IT makes you gay if you give a shit about what some idiot thinks.

Posted: 10/5/2005 7:15:53 PM EDT

[#20]

What if you got laid after taking a girl to see The Craft, which has the Smiths in the soundtrack? Split the difference?

Posted: 10/5/2005 7:33:40 PM EDT

[#21]

Haha that Manson is a nut!

Posted: 10/5/2005 8:02:18 PM EDT

[#22]

and besides being a nut hes a fucking freak of nature, heard once he got breast implants and sucked his own dick... amazing what the stars do, thank god he aint my neighbor

Posted: 10/6/2005 4:27:23 AM EDT

[#23]

The Smiths are one of the most influential bands to come out of the 1980's. Along with Joy Division (later to become New Order), The Cure, and Depeche Mode, these English bands have had a huge influence on people including Blink 182, Moby, and others.

If you are a product of the 80's, which I am at 35, all the John Hughes movies (pretty in Pink, 16 Candles, Breakfast Club, etc), have these songs in their soundtrack.

For those of you unfamiliar with these bands because of age (25 and under), it's probably a good idea to at least check them out to see the history of "alternative" and "progressive" music.

As for Marilyn Manson, I do like his song "The Beautiful People" with the Full Metal Jacket soundtrack mixed in...it's pretty funny to hear F. Lee Ermey (or whatever his name is, you know, the Glock dude).

I'm married now, but back in the late 80's and early 90's, dance clubs that played music from the above bands were hopping with hot chicks.

Posted: 10/6/2005 4:33:14 AM EDT

[#24]

Quoted:
The Smiths are one of the most influential bands to come out of the 1980's. Along with Joy Division (later to become New Order), The Cure, and Depeche Mode, these English bands have had a huge influence on people including Blink 182, Moby, and others.

If you are a product of the 80's, which I am at 35, all the John Hughes movies (pretty in Pink, 16 Candles, Breakfast Club, etc), have these songs in their soundtrack.

For those of you unfamiliar with these bands because of age (25 and under), it's probably a good idea to at least check them out to see the history of "alternative" and "progressive" music.

As for Marilyn Manson, I do like his song "The Beautiful People" with the Full Metal Jacket soundtrack mixed in...it's pretty funny to hear F. Lee Ermey (or whatever his name is, you know, the Glock dude).

I'm married now, but back in the late 80's and early 90's, dance clubs that played music from the above bands were hopping with hot chicks.

So, you're gay and married? I'm 43 and I did'nt want to know about that shit in the 80's and I sure
as hell don't want to know about it in 2005.

Posted: 10/6/2005 4:42:28 AM EDT

[#25]

Quoted:
and besides being a nut hes a fucking freak of nature, heard once he got breast implants and sucked his own dick... amazing what the stars do, thank god he aint my neighbor

I can't say much about the breast implants, but face it...anyone who can suck his own dick is a very lucky man! Whether he's particularly limber or just hung like a horse, either way, you sort of wish it was you...but then you'd never get ANY work done!

CJ

Posted: 10/6/2005 4:52:25 AM EDT

[#26]

Quoted:
I thought it was pretty funny.

Marilyn Manson...there's some great rock and roll there. But mostly, he (Brian's his name, IIRC) is
a smart guy and knows how to be a real showman. Clearly it's working for him because he's rich
and famous and we're not.

Big deal, I would not trade places with this asshole for all the money in the world.

What he does is an act. A show. A freak show, but a show nonetheless. When he gets off stage
and out of the public eye, he's reported to be disturbingly normal if not actually BORING.

CJ

It is amazing the depths that people will sink to.

Is this supposed to be clever or funny? This list looks like it was written by a 14 year old.

Once you become a "famous celebrity", virtually anything you do is applauded by the great unwashed masses.

I feel sorry for the children out there who have this poisonous shit dumped into their minds.

Posted: 10/6/2005 5:09:27 AM EDT

[#27]

It's not having sex with another man that makes you gay, it's enjoying sex with another man that makes you gay. Right? Because..... like... this guy I know.... well..... HE has sex with other guys all the time. As long as ....uh.... he doesn't like it, it's okay. Right? Huh? Isn't that right?

Posted: 10/6/2005 5:51:12 AM EDT

[#28]

Gunner, if that kind of music isnt your style, that's ok. Back in the 80's there was heavy metal, pop, and all kinds of other types of music that I didnt listen to.

To this day, country music in all it's forms seems useless to me. I do like classic rock and southern rock though, go figure.

Posted: 10/6/2005 5:55:38 AM EDT

[#29]

I'm sorry...but any guy that puts another guys dick in his mouth?

gay. gay. gay.

did I say gay?

gay. oh. and queer, too.

Posted: 10/6/2005 5:57:53 AM EDT

[#30]

This from a guy who dresses up as a androginous being. And where latex body suits, and bondage gear. Howe about if you listen to Marylin Manson you're gay.

Posted: 10/6/2005 6:02:35 AM EDT

[#31]

On my drive in, I was just listening (and singing along) to "There is a Light That Never Goes Out" (probably the gayest Smiths song ever recorded). I also have the Spanish language version of this song somewhere.

It's on a mp3 mix CD which I labled "Wuss Rock".

I pulled it out out of the glove box this morning and right next to it was the latest CD from Bob Mould.

But I'm not gay. I know this because right now I'm wearing a black belt and brown shoes (with white socks).

Also, this morning I had to fight the urge to rub one out watching Denise Austin's morning workout on cable (because I was running late).

Let me know if this is TMI - because I'm still on my first cup of caffeine here.

Posted: 10/6/2005 6:11:56 AM EDT

[#32]

Quoted:
On my drive in, I was just listening (and singing along) to "There is a Light That Never Goes Out" (probably the gayest Smiths song ever recorded). I also have the Spanish language version of this song somewhere.

It's on a mp3 mix CD which I labled "Wuss Rock".

I pulled it out out of the glove box this morning and right next to it was the latest CD from Bob Mould.

But I'm not gay. I know this because right now I'm wearing a black belt and brown shoes (with white socks).

Also, this morning I had to fight the urge to rub one out watching Denise Austin's morning workout on cable (because I was running late).

Let me know if this is TMI - because I'm still on my first cup of caffeine here.

Not TMI, Dolomite. I just wish you could post pics!!!!

Posted: 10/6/2005 7:18:55 AM EDT

[#33]

"rub one out"....is it just me, is that the funniest term referring to masturbation that there is?

You know, there's PROBABLY a site on the internet that consists entirely of people sending in
videos of themselves "working up a batch", along the lines of one of those "rate my body part" sites.

I choose not to go out and try to find it, though.

CJ

Posted: 10/6/2005 7:29:36 AM EDT

[#34]

Quoted:
It's not having sex with another man that makes you gay, it's enjoying sex with another man that makes you gay. Right? Because..... like... this guy I know.... well..... HE has sex with other guys all the time. As long as ....uh.... he doesn't like it, it's okay. Right? Huh? Isn't that right?

Yes that's correct...it's called the "I'm not gay,but my boyfriend is" Clause

We even have it on tee shirts now

Posted: 10/6/2005 7:34:31 AM EDT

[#35]

I loved seeing everyone get so worked up for his concert here in OKC.

I met the guy, is about as down to earth and "cool" a guy as you could find.

He was a bigger nerd back then though,

It would also surprise you to know that ICE-T is also incredibly nice, and eloquent.

Posted: 10/6/2005 7:39:57 AM EDT

[#36]

Quoted:
But I'm not gay. I know this because right now I'm wearing a black belt and brown shoes (with white socks).

I would never do that. Also, I like argyle socks.

Posted: 10/6/2005 7:57:48 AM EDT

[#37]

8 - IF YOU'VE EVER WORN A BERET.

That is exactly why I retired from the Guard. Those fucking berets. Wouldn't be caught dead in one.

When freinds in uniform would stop by I would give them shit. "Nice hat Frenchy!"

Posted: 10/6/2005 8:02:29 AM EDT

[#38]

All those who think MM is some sort of genius need to re-read "The Rules" again. HE's a cocksucker.

The Rules: (boiled down to the only one that has any real meaning)

~~29.~~1. IF YOU'RE NOT THINKING ABOUT TITS RIGHT NOW. - yer gay.

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - The Rules: Homosexuality (warning - graphic language)

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