I got divorced 3 months ago and have moved on with my life.  How ever I do want to maintain some kind of tolerable relationship with my X.  Mostly because of the contacts she has that could benefit me in the future.  How ever, she says she wants to be friends, but she acts like I'm a stranger.  We have no kids and no alimony or any thing, we just split.  Communication is sparse, just an e-mail once every 3 weeks and a dinner last week where we talked for the first time since the split.  For you guys that have been divorced for awhile, the question is does time heal or do you never see them again?

I miss my ex
but my aim's getting better!

lol...j/k....

I'm remarried, it's 5 years later, and I haven't spoken with my ex since the divorce.  But I miss her terribly (thank God the current wife dosen't read this board).  I can't deal with her, don't even know where in the country she's living.

I'd say be happy with the fact that you two can maintain some type of communication...it's better than nothing.

I haven't seen the whore in a year, then it was only passing in wal mart and before that it was a couple of years, she's been my ex for 8 years and I thank god to this day she isn't my wife now

You claim to have moved on with YOUR life, if you are divorced she should no longer be a part of YOUR life, break away and get on with YOUR life!!

Quoted: You claim to have moved on with YOUR life, if you are divorced she should no longer be a part of YOUR life, break away and get on with YOUR life!!

+1 , there's a reason she's your ex, mine beat my kids

If you have no kids there isn't any reason to be seeing her anymore. There will be no such thing as a tolerable relationship, she will date other people and then you will be obsessing over that. She's acting like your a stranger because she has moved on and it sounds like you can't. No kids means you never have to see her again, be happy

Finanually through a lawyer.

I wouldn't communicate with my ex if it wasn't for our 5 year old son.  Actually she'd probably be in jail right now for domestic violence, credit fraud and identity theft it wasn't for my son ....  

I say move on ....  you ain't still banging her are you?

I have a new girl friend and have not even had sex with my exwife for the last year of our marriage.  I would rather just get away from her and have nothing to do with her.  The thing is she knows people that will be usefull to me.  I want to keep the contacts with out dealing with her.  Plus she has things like previous tax records etc. that I may need.  So keeping it friendly is in my best interest.  

I haven't heard from my exhusband in 10 years.  Its rather nice actually.  Its bad for our kids but easier for me.

Patty

I say move on .... you ain't still banging her are you?

I made that mistake. Paid for it.

How ever I do want to maintain some kind of tolerable relationship with my X. Mostly because of the contacts she has that could benefit me in the future.

I made that mistake, too. Still paying for it.

My 2 cents: The quicker you distance yourself from her the quicker you will move on.

Quoted: You claim to have moved on with YOUR life, if you are divorced she should no longer be a part of YOUR life, break away and get on with YOUR life!!

+10,000

the only reason I deal with my ex is because of my kids.  If she want the mother of my 2 boys, she would not exist to me.

Quoted: I got divorced 3 months ago and have moved on with my life.  How ever I do want to maintain some kind of tolerable relationship with my X.

Same here, we split about 3 months ago.  It hurt really bad a first, but then I realized the things I didn't miss about her FAR outweighed the things I did miss about her.  I've been torn between wanting to know how she's doing, but I'm not torn about living with her again (reconcile), so I'm content with our not keeping contact.  Besides, no-contact helps things move along better.  I suggest a no-contact policy for you too.

Haven't seen her since the day the papers were signed two decades ago.

Never have to deal with her in any way shape or form.

Quoted: I got divorced 3 months ago and have moved on with my life.  How ever I do want to maintain some kind of tolerable relationship with my X.  Mostly because of the contacts she has that could benefit me in the future.  How ever, she says she wants to be friends, but she acts like I'm a stranger.  We have no kids and no alimony or any thing, we just split.  Communication is sparse, just an e-mail once every 3 weeks and a dinner last week where we talked for the first time since the split.  For you guys that have been divorced for awhile, the question is does time heal or do you never see them again?

I found it best to just make a clean break.  Good luck.

Quoted: I miss my ex but my aim's getting better! lol...j/k....

Mine cheated on me and her boyfriend tried to kill me, we no longer talk.

Mine cheated and her boyfriend threatened to kill me.

He's fat now.

She's fatter now.  Maybe pregnant.

And I can't make a clean break because of my son.  Have to see 10 days/month when she picks him up.

MAKE A CLEAN BREAK.  You'll be glad you did.  

Now, go find a younger, smarter, more attractive one.  Do it right this time.

i fuk mine all the time, easier i guess

Quoted: Haven't seen her since the day the papers were signed two decades ago.

fuk dude that is coolio G....nice job im impressed.

I wouldn't have any contact with my ex if it weren't for my daughter.  But we are cordial and polite because we both want our daughter to have the best childhood possible.  Heck, my wife and ex-wife are friends.  (suits me, I don't have to talk to her that way.)

no kids?  Then, "well, see ya later!"  You will be better off.  You aren't gonna get ANY pussy with an ex-wife hanging around.  And if you don't make a clean break you are just postponing the pain.  

It only hurts for about a year.

Thats easy ............


I dont

Ive' been re-married for 9 years and divorced from my first wife for, ohhh 13 years? Haven't seen, nor had the desire to see her, this whole time. Every now and then I wonder what happend to her, but, in all honesty, I don't care.

Dude, bang her for the last time and then let it go for good.  

Only the rarest of communication, and I cannot recall the last time I saw her


She will be fine, and so will I

I would recommend you move on Section-Leader.


Then again a (very) small percentage of divorcées re-marry


I guess they just love the punishment---

Mine took up with hubby#3 back in June of 2004, and life has been much better since the worthless hag left for Knoxville.............

Quoted: I have a new girl friend and have not even had sex with my exwife for the last year of our marriage.  I would rather just get away from her and have nothing to do with her.  The thing is she knows people that will be usefull to me.  I want to keep the contacts with out dealing with her.  Plus she has things like previous tax records etc. that I may need.  So keeping it friendly is in my best interest.

I hear they make machines that copy pieces of paper nowadays.

I don't see or hear from my ex. As far as I'm concerned she can rot/burn/decompose/ in the tenth level of Dantes Inferno.

Quoted: I have a new girl friend and have not even had sex with my exwife for the last year of our marriage.  I would rather just get away from her and have nothing to do with her.  The thing is she knows people that will be usefull to me.  I want to keep the contacts with out dealing with her.  Plus she has things like previous tax records etc. that I may need.  So keeping it friendly is in my best interest.

SL,

Sounds to me like you really have not gotten beyond the divorce yet.  You will probabaly realize this after about a year goes by.    

I would find a way to break everything off completely and rethink the part about her contacts being useful to you... you guys are divorced, and you can't rule out the likelyhood she will stab you in the back when you least expect it.  Get all your records back and close any joint accounts if you have any.  It may sound harsh, but she is no longer to be trusted.

tag

I have custody of a daughter from it. I am HAPPYILY remarried and have only ONE wife. Period. My daughter has her mother, but I only have one wife. It is a mental distinction that I have to make in order to treat my wife with the respect she deserves.

Unfortunately, the reasons that I got custody are the same reasons that I cannot deal with my daughters mother. She is irrational, self-indulged, an alcohol and prescription drug addict, and overly selfish. I avoid her like the plague unless I absolutely HAVE to talk to her.

My daughter talks to her regularly, but not me. It seems to work out best for everyone that way. Of course, 3000 miles of seperation help.

My first wife and I divorced around 1991. We both got remarried the next year. I have seen her exactly once since then; a random meeting in the grocery store parking lot. No kids together, so thats not an issue. Everyone should have an ex-spouse to appreciate the one they are with that much more, and every first marriage should come with a coupon for 50 % off the divorce costs.

I divorced 3 1/2 years ago and I haven't seen her or heard anything from her since.

Honestly I would tell her to fuck off and pound sand.  There is no reason for you all to stay friends or stay close.  It will only get in the way of future relationships.  No good can come of it.

Got divorced in 1991, she moved back to Texas (where she belongs)The only bad thing about my ex being 1100 miles away, is that it isn't 1200.

No kids = this should be an EASY no brainer for you.  Stay away.  Fortunately, I didn't reproduce with my ex, and there is simply NO reason to have her in my life at all.  

Get photocopies of your tax records.  That will take all of about 3 minutes.  Stay away.

No "contact," unless it's the Pope or Yoda, is worth keeping her near.  Establish a relationship with these contacts you speak of that do not involve her in any context.  Stay away.

Quoted: Got divorced in 1991, she moved back to Texas (where she belongs)The only bad thing about my ex being 1100 miles away, is that it isn't 1200.

 Last I heard, my ex had movied to Ohio. I feel bad for people in Ohio.

divorce not final, but since I have 2 kids, it seems we will be in each others lives for another 18 years

TXL

Not a guy...but do yourself a favor, and cut the cord.  Any new relationship you have, the woman will be completely unhinged by the fact that you're still friends with your ex.  If you have no kids, there's no reason to keep up the communication.  

As for me, all I can say is THANK GOD FOR EMAIL.  I have a 13 year old son with my ex, and we're able to keep things civil for his sake, and we communicate via email almost exclusively.
Unfortunately, I have to see him, but he's remarried now, and we get along fine, albeit for some minor snags here and there.  For the most part, it's good.  But if not for our son, I'd have nothing whatsoever to do with him.

Send her a letter like this:


Dear Connie,

I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore.

The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does.

Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says: "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close.

Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation.

She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little.

Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Gosh, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us.

And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is.

So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry.

And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you?

It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out
all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can.

If you feel the same please, please, please let me know.

Otherwise, can you let me know where the remote is?

Love,

Chuck

I've been divorced for five years and I still hate the bitch ...
On the bright side, I met my fiance online around the time I was getting divorced and I like her as much five years later as I did the day I met her(I say "like" because you can love someone and still hate their guts). We'd get married but we figure why ruin a good thing, LOL ...
We've since moved 1600 miles to the edge of the world where I can hunt, fish, chop firewood and simply "live", my ex would have never dreamed of moving here ...
Life has a funny way of turning out for the better ...

To answer your question "Does time heal", Yes it does ...

Quoted: Haven't seen her since the day the papers were signed two decades ago.

Three decades for me.

Quoted: I got divorced 3 months ago and have moved on with my life.  How ever I do want to maintain some kind of tolerable relationship with my X.  Mostly because of the contacts she has that could benefit me in the future.  How ever, she says she wants to be friends, but she acts like I'm a stranger.  We have no kids and no alimony or any thing, we just split.  Communication is sparse, just an e-mail once every 3 weeks and a dinner last week where we talked for the first time since the split.  For you guys that have been divorced for awhile, the question is does time heal or do you never see them again?

A lot of divorced people with no kids maintain this attitude and I just don't understand it.

I divorced my wife five years ago because I did not want to spend any time with her any more, period.  After we were divorced, I did talk to her just a handful of times immediately afterwards to handle "paperwork" type issues, but that's it.  I cut off all contact with her just as soon as I possibly could.  

Quoted: Send her a letter like this: Dear Connie, I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says: "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Gosh, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy." Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is. So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know. Otherwise, can you let me know where the remote is? Love, Chuck

 This is going out in mass e-mail.

Quoted: Not a guy...but do yourself a favor, and cut the cord.  Any new relationship you have, the woman will be completely unhinged by the fact that you're still friends with your ex.  If you have no kids, there's no reason to keep up the communication.

I wish I could drill this into my guy's head.  He can't stand it when I talk to my ex, which has happened about twice in the last six months, but I'm not supposed to be bothered by the fact that he talks to his ex probably two or three times a day, still has keys to her house, goes to her house when he is supposed to be "on duty", blah, blah, etc, etc.  They were never married, own no property, no joint finances, no kids - but they have "joint custody" of a dog.

Quoted: Send her a letter like this: Dear Connie, I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says: "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Gosh, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy." Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is. So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know. Otherwise, can you let me know where the remote is? Love, Chuck

I had to copy this.  It is probably the funniest thing I have ever read.  I was laughing so hard I had to stop several times.  Iwish I had sent this to my ex about six months after the divorce.  It would have put her into a killing frenzy.  TacticalStrat, you are the man

I split up from my ex in March 2001, and divorced in July 2002. I was the one who was wrong (very wrong), but she harbors no hard feelings. We have both since remarried, and remain on civil terms, but there is almost no contact between us. She still calls my Mom and my sister once in awhile. There were no kids involved, so it was pretty much a clean break.