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Posted: 9/24/2005 4:56:03 AM EDT
[#1]
"Son, don't let your mouth write a check that your body can't cash."
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Posted: 9/24/2005 5:11:29 AM EDT
[#2]
If you make another thread like this you'll be cleaning Hillary Clinton's ass with a spoon.
How's that? 
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Posted: 9/24/2005 5:14:52 AM EDT
[#3]
Maybe not the best, but definitely the sickest. 
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Posted: 9/24/2005 5:25:12 AM EDT
[#4]
"You better shut that bitch up before I come over there and fuck start her head!"
-Way of the Gun |
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Posted: 9/24/2005 5:28:08 AM EDT
[#5]
How bout I put my boot all up in ya ass, or something like that from House of 1,000 corpses.
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Posted: 9/24/2005 5:32:54 AM EDT
[#6]
When my sister (who was BORN a shopper) was little, her favorite threat when angry was, "I'm going to buy you something for your birthday thst you AREN'T going to like!"
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Posted: 9/24/2005 5:42:12 AM EDT
[#7]
"You had best un-fuck yourself, or I will rip off your head and shit down your neck!"
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Posted: 9/24/2005 5:44:48 AM EDT
[#8]
I pay your salary
I'll see you in court If it weren't for these bars I'd kick your ass 
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Posted: 9/24/2005 5:46:49 AM EDT
[#9]
"Keep that crap up and we'll both be going to the hospital..
You to get my boot out of your ass, me to get my boot back!" 
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Posted: 9/24/2005 5:50:35 AM EDT
[#10]
"Don't screw with me or I'll fuck your old lady up the ass and bitch slap your kids at your funeral"
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Posted: 9/24/2005 6:56:32 AM EDT
[#11]
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Posted: 9/24/2005 7:00:41 AM EDT
[#12]
Nobody has more creative and colorful threats than the master:
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Posted: 9/24/2005 7:04:28 AM EDT
[#13]
I'll leave you standing in a puddle of piss with a snot bubble coming out of your nose.
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Posted: 9/24/2005 7:08:00 AM EDT
[#14]
If you open those Gates of Hell you refer to as a mouth in my direction again, I'm going to snap your arms off like dry twigs and feed them to you at gunpoint.
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Posted: 9/24/2005 7:18:35 AM EDT
[#15]
not exactly a threat but still one of my favorites.
"who said that? who the fuck said that? which one of you slimey cocksuckers just signed his own death warant?" |
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Posted: 9/24/2005 7:21:20 AM EDT
[#16]
"See you next thursday"
?? |
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Posted: 9/24/2005 7:22:54 AM EDT
[#17]
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Posted: 9/24/2005 7:23:28 AM EDT
[#18]
"Come over here so I can rip out your eye and skull fuck you."
or "If you take a swing at me, you better kill me. Because if you don't, you're a dead man." They work at school. 
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Posted: 9/24/2005 7:23:39 AM EDT
[#19]
"Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastard. Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off."
The Black Knight Monty Python and the Holy Grail |
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Posted: 9/24/2005 7:24:05 AM EDT
[#20]
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Posted: 9/24/2005 7:24:13 AM EDT
[#21]
LOL! Is that from http://www.ebolamonkeyman.com/ ??? |
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Posted: 9/24/2005 7:29:16 AM EDT
[#22]
No, is from the guy who actually got these threats, "theFAILURE". Go read it, it is some funny shit. I was in tears. http://www.thescambaiter.com/forum/showthread.php?t=109&page=1&pp=25 |
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Posted: 9/24/2005 7:46:32 AM EDT
[#23]
One of the funniest scenes ever in a movie. Never saw it coming either. 
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Posted: 9/24/2005 7:50:07 AM EDT
[#24]
" I will hit you so hard your MOM will feel it!"
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Posted: 9/24/2005 8:03:26 AM EDT
[#25]
I'll punch you so hard you'll be crapping teeth for a month!
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Posted: 9/24/2005 8:13:13 AM EDT
[#26]
kill you? I'm not gonna kill you.
I'm gonna kill your whole family, then I am gonna make sure you live a very long time and remind you often, it was all your fault.... 
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Posted: 9/24/2005 8:19:56 AM EDT
[#27]
"Keep that shit up, and I'll sell you to the Mexicans!"
My mom, to my little brother and I when were acting up a bit. Ok, maybe a lot--we started a bottle rocket fight IN the motorhome..... See also, "Just wait until your dad gets home" and ssssssssssssssssllllllllllllllllllllllliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipppppppp! (the sound of a belt clearing beltloops... |
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Posted: 9/24/2005 8:23:59 AM EDT
[#28]
last week i was told by a member "my time here is limited" and "people are watching me"
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Posted: 9/24/2005 8:31:44 AM EDT
[#29]
You look at me one more time I am going to put my fist through the back of your skull...
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Posted: 9/24/2005 8:35:45 AM EDT
[#30]
This wasn't so funny at the time but it sure amuses me now. When I was about 10 or so, my friends and I decided to sneek over to the neighbors yard and steal the grapes from his grapevine. We took a garbage bag and went at it. We came back to our yard with the bag full and just as we were examining our take, the neighbor appears from around the corner of the garage and very angrily grabs the bag, and says "if I ever catch you doing that again, I'll kick your ass in so far, that you won't be able to sit down for a week." That was 30 some years ago, but I still remember that clear as day.
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Posted: 9/24/2005 8:36:18 AM EDT
[#31]
TBS, they probably are watching you, but only out of morbid curiosity. 
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Posted: 9/24/2005 8:39:32 AM EDT
[#32]
Al Capone in The Untouchables: I want this guy dead! I want his family dead! I want his house burned to the ground! I want to go there in the middle of the night and piss on his ashes!
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Posted: 9/24/2005 8:41:09 AM EDT
[#33]
I once told a shipmate of mine that was hard of hearing that I would short circuit his hearing aid.
I also told an Asian (a REAL neat guy)"Do that again and I'll make you build a bridge and eat potatoes. I'm known for my non PC good natured threats. |
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Posted: 9/24/2005 8:42:18 AM EDT
[#34]
Over the phone:
"Hear this you f-ing c^nt, (click, snap, click, snap, +4, metal whine spin-snap) When you think you're safe, your dead. I am planting one right between your eyes." Worked on me!!  Unless you meant funny threats, how bout, "I'll rip your arm off and beat you with the bloody stump." |
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Posted: 9/24/2005 8:52:49 AM EDT
[#35]
"All right now, I'm comin' out. Any man I see out there, I'm gonna shoot him. Any sumb*tch takes a shot at me, I'm not only gonna kill him, but I'm gonna kill his wife. All his friends. Burn his damn house down."
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Posted: 9/24/2005 8:59:44 AM EDT
[#36]
I'll hit you so hard and fast you'll think you're in a hail storm.
I'll hit you with so many rights you'll be begging for a left. |
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Posted: 9/24/2005 9:09:08 AM EDT
[#37]
This one's true....
My own mother said it. "If you don't behave, I'm gonna tell President Johnson to lower the draft age to 5 and send you off to the army!" for those that are mathmatically challenged....1965
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Posted: 9/24/2005 9:09:24 AM EDT
[#38]
Unforgiven was a damn good movie... and Eastwood is one of the best at delivering threats... "Do you feel lucky punk? Well do ya? BANG!!! |
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Posted: 9/24/2005 9:10:42 AM EDT
[#39]
one of my buddies said that in a theatre because a child was crying :O |
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Posted: 9/24/2005 9:15:41 AM EDT
[#40]
"When I'm done with you, you'll be eatin' corn on the cob through a tennis racket"
"Why don't you go practice falling down, I'll be there in a minute" "When I'm done you'll be looking up to tie your shoes" |
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Posted: 9/24/2005 9:19:53 AM EDT
[#41]
 That sound still makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. |
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Posted: 9/24/2005 9:26:44 AM EDT
[#42]
The sound of incoming mortar rounds are a pretty good threat.
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Posted: 9/24/2005 9:28:00 AM EDT
[#43]
"i'll punch you in the neck till lottery tickets come out of your ass "
<Russ Martin / Dallas,Tx area radio DJ> |
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Posted: 9/24/2005 9:30:47 AM EDT
[#44]
Yeah!  Chuck Norris used that line in "Invasion USA." I like that movie. Scott |
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Posted: 9/24/2005 9:37:16 AM EDT
[#45]
.
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Posted: 9/24/2005 9:42:05 AM EDT
[#46]
Yeah, my mom used to run 440 meter hurdles in high school (she actually made it to the olympic time trials) and I thought it would be a good idea to try to outrun her to avoid a well deserved ass whuppin'. I made 3 blocks with the kind of speed that only an 8 year old has before I started getting winded. Thinking I had gone far enough, I looked over my shoulder, and here comes mom with a handfull of wooden spoons. She wasn't even winded when she caught me, and she busted every one of them spoons on my ass on the way back to the house. Then I got the "Just wait till your dad gets home" bit. I heard dad come home, and heard them talking, but dad never showed up to administer the whuppin' that night. He yanked me outta bed when he got up for work at 0500. Yep, the sound of a belt clearing loops is far scarier than a shotgun being racked....
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Posted: 9/24/2005 9:43:16 AM EDT
[#47]
My Dad " I'll hit you so hard you'll starve to death before you stop rollin'"
M |
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Posted: 9/24/2005 9:44:25 AM EDT
[#48]
"I'll marry you"
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Posted: 9/24/2005 5:47:21 PM EDT
[#49]
"I'll come over to your house and flush your dog's head down the toilet"
-Repo Man |
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Posted: 9/24/2005 6:04:02 PM EDT
[#50]
I'm gonna rip your arm off And Batter you to death with the soggy end  Taffy |
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