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Posted: 9/23/2005 1:11:33 PM EDT
Lemme set this up. I'm nearly 36, single, a workaholic and a college student. The first few years of my single life ( which started when I was about 31 ) were really decent. I got my head together. Accomplished a lot of goals that I had set out for myself, etc. Well, for the past two years I have been BORED to DEATH. With being single...and since the last spat of dating I went on just over a year ago ended rather badly ( turns out she LOVED prescription drugs ) I have been just cuising in the single mode, hoping like hell I run into someone great.
Well, at the end o one of my classes today I notice a buddy of mine helping out a couple of cute college girls. One young lady's 1979 Camaro ( Rally Sport ) was just failing to start. He tried nearly everything but couldn't get it running. I hop up and we share info and I go ahead and go through everything he did. Nada. He leaves. Okay, the young lady in question is just as cute as a button....probably 19 at the most. Nice as hell, and really cool. Here is the odd ( yet strangely cool ) thing. The young Ms's Camaro ( and the young Miss ) are decked out in late seventies Star Wars stuff. She has a classic SW t-shirt, her back window has a bunch of classic 70's SW stickers...etc. Now, NORMALLY, I'd think this a bit too damn odd for my tastes...but on this young lady......IT WORKED. Well, poor young Miss is frazzled to beat the band...but not panicky...just pissed. Says I, "Well, there is one other trick I could try....since we have solid power EVERYWHERE and everything seems to be in pretty good shape for this age of car....I am gonna try an old trick...do you mind?" "Hell no", says she....I gotta get to work. Do what it takes! "Okay....".....so I worm my fattening ass under the front passenger side of the car and I smack the shit out of the starter with the ass end of a wrench. After working out my frustrations on the starter I wiggle back out, jump in the driver seat and kick that ol Camaro over!!! Started right up!!!!!! Sigh.....it was so awesome to see a young lady so thrilled with me....even if it was just so that I could get her to work. After numerous thanks and smiles....off she drove...her tan and gold 79 rally sport lightly smoking into the sunset....... Sighhhhhh.....oh cruel, cruel Fate....why do I have to be so old and fat and bald??? |
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<Glengarry Glen Ross>
A ... B ... C! Always Be Closing! </Glengarry Glen Ross> You're not THAT old. Maybe you're fat, maybe not. I don't know. As for bald, well, big fucking deal. Some times God decides that he doesn't want a guy's head to have hair. You have a confidence problem, and it has nothing to with being old, fat or bald. You had skills at a time of need for Princess Leia. You were Han Solo for that moment. You could have capitalized, in the very least to meet her for coffee sometime. Do yourself a favor. Next time, use such a golden opportunity to strike up a conversation. Your confidence in yourself and your skills and your knowledge will go a long way. Girls love a man with confidence to be a man. Look, I'm no oil painting. I'm older than you, in horrible shape and scarred from head to toe. Regardless, I have pretty good luck with the ladies. Why? Confidence. I'm not afraid to be shot down, but more to the point: nothing ventured, nothing gained. The worst she can do is say no and Mace me - again! |
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Ok, here is what you do, lose some weight, its not that hard all it takes is will power. Once that is done head off to Wal Mart and spend 20 bucks on a pair of hair clippers then go home and shave your head. Chicks dig bald guys, or at least a great many do. Bingo, problems solved. |
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I like your style and would have enjoyed reading your newsletter... when I was in high school |
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How you doin'? Oh wait...I forgot... I'm married. Crap. Nevermind. ABC dies hard. |
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LOL...thanks for the votes of confidence gang!!!!
Ah, yeah, to be 21 and have a modifed Mauser strapped to my tool belt. Gotta admit....Han Solo was the shit!!!! |
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MCC.....Mesa Community College.... |
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Han Solo also got the ladies numbers....he knew how to close the deal. You need to learn the ways of the Solo |
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The sooner you decide that you are "happy" being single; the sooner your luck will change with the ladies. Quit being "Bored", and be happy. I know, not the easiest advice, but it's true.
Dive into one of your hobbies, art, guns, whatever, and be content. Women will flock to a content, happy man, and it won't matter if you need to lose weight and have no hair. Your boredom with being single, and feeling sorry for yourself are driving the women away! They don't want a desperate man, they want a content one. |
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Patty |
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w00t! I'll check it out and see if I see her around. If I do then I'll put in a good word for ya... ETA: Oh yeah.. look at the double your dating stuff and learn the ladder theory. Also, be careful picking up on ladies that young lest the thin pink line bash you for being a dirty old man. |
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ha ha...the "thin pink line" ..... I love it.
and now it is time for my favorite Star Wars Line Ever: from "The Empire Strikes Back" Princess Leia: " I love you!" Han Solo: " I know....." That was sweeeet. |
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A: What program are you in at MCC??? B: Feel free to put in a good word for me! ( hee hee ) but I am sure the good Miss is most likely attached....and at 19 I am sure SHE would think I was a dirty minded bastard. I am not so sure she would be wrong..... Sigh...if this was the Twelfth Centruy I wouldn't feel so damn bad about it!!!! BRING BACK THE CRUSADES!!!!! |
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Just remember that Han Solo, who was in his early 30s, wound up with Princess Leia, who was like, 20. That should be a lesson to you, young Padawan...
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Sayyyyy.....this is true...... Not to mention that I treated the Camaro EXACTLY the way I would have treated the Millenium Falcon.....just grab a wrench and bang on whatever might be the problem till she starts!!!! Where the hell is my modified Mauser Pistola???? errrr....BLASTER....yeah, BLASTER!!! |
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HEY!!!! That's a pic of the sacred "I NEED ANOTHER CIGARETTE/CHECK OUT THIS CAMP FIRE STICK/JEHEEESUES THAT'S A HUGE BLAZE/ WHAT CATASTROPHE I SHOULD PERFORM NEXT?" dance......
isn't that SACRELIGIOUS???? |
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At MCC I'm doing GS to pick up some pre-reqs until I transfer to Gateway. |
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Yer on the other side of the campus from me most likely. I am on the South Side hanging in the Technical Sciences building. |
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AND THEN SOME!!!! Needless to say, that is why I am whining so loudy....it's just wrong that I am such an old bastard!!! |
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Just tooling around getting some lunch today I noticed 3 women checking me out today, made a quick light convo with one just to see if I remembered how.
For me what works is a I don't give a damn attitude, it breaks down to I don't care what they think about me, I'm just doing my thing. I must be fairly charming cause I get damn near every woman I chat with smiling in just a couple of seconds. Or maybe it was my " Of course I love you, my dick is hard " T shirt that I was wearing today. |
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"I go for younger women, lived with several awhile
Though I ran ’em away, they’d come back one day Still could manage to smile Just takes a while, just takes a while" GM |
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[Dennis from Monty Python & The Holy Grail] "I'm thirty-seven. I'm not 'old'! [/Dennis from Monty Python & The Holy Grail] Take heart mon - 36 is still a damn fine age to be from where I'm sitting. |
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OK, first of all, it ain't a bald spot, it's a solar panel for a super charged sex machine.
Second, it ain't a beer gut... it is a storage tank for a super charged sex machine. And lastly, it ain't the age of the engine it's the transmission that counts! Now, with those three things in mind, go fetch some trim. I'll bill you later for the advice. |
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THAT WAS A STAR WARS LINE????? I wonder if that's where I got it??? |
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Man up, put on your shiny shirt, give Joe Ortiz a ring, and hit Myst!
Oh wait, that's the fat red man. |
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Irony. I got this email today:
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Thats great. |
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Granted 35 YO's miight have a hard time getting a 19 YO, but old, fat and bald???? those chicks on "desperate housewives" are older than you! and they are hot! freakin Brooke sheilds is like 41! are you really 35? nobody i know who's 35 would be considered old or bald. fat maybe! are you like an alcoholic or at a superstessing job? I only wonder cause I'm getting up there and don't want to consider myself Old at 35!
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Bald is beautiful, but only if you're bald by choice. |
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but what if I'm fat against my will????? |
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+1 I'm sorry...what were we talking about? |
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Get a grip.! 36 isn't old. I met my wife when I was 36. She was 22. :)
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Dude. When I was 36 I dated a 19 year old. Age was never an issue. Buy the book called the game. Look it up on google. Your life will change.........
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Welding? All I'm taking this semester is math and geology. w00t |
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