I'm sure I actually have quite a list but for some reason I just happened to remember this one and can't stop laughing.

I would have been about 11 or 12. I woke up one night about 1am and pissed in my closet.

I have absolutely no idea why.

I wasn't sleepwalking or anything. I can remember not wanting to walk down the hall to the bathroom. I can remember something about not wanting to wake my parents up by flushing the toilet (kids bathroom was near the parents bedroom).

So through some natural progression of "kid logic" I decided the reasonable thing to do was to piss in the closet.

I guess it beats wetting the bed. But maybe not by much.

Still laughing. God I hope my kids are smarter.

So what was your crowning achievement of youthful stupidity?

Tied a rope across the drive way...called my little bro on his bike to come see me.............................he hit the rope and came off the bike!!..............Dad came home my ass was red .....Mom was very pizzzzed......Bro was dusty and crying........my ass was red for a loong time.....never did that again!!!!

You don't have enough time.

Super-glued my little brother's eye shut. That was almost 25 years ago and he is still pissed at me about it It was an accident of course.

Grew up............that is the most dumbass thing I did as a kid.

I had a pretty healthy fascination with fire once.

A particular incident, taking place on base housing at an undisclosed AFB in the western region, comes to mind.

Gasoline for the mower got spilled.  I didn't want to wash out the garage, I feared it would stain the cement.  I decided to burn it off, which I did without incident.

My "spills" got progressivly worse, culminating in an Exon Valdez level masterpiece.

Upon ignition, the fire seemed more agressive than the smaller spills, and soon, the mower was engulfed.

I rolled the mower to safety, igniting a nearby plastic bag full of dried grass.

Flames danced perilously close to the gas tank on the Capriced Classic parked in the garage.

Somehow, I used the already flaming grass bag to smother the flames, and the mower was doused with a hose before I git THAT gas tank to burn.

Now, I'm not saying this was the stupidest thing I've done, but it was stupid.      

I have to add the time I was eight and jumped onto the back bumper of the Pakastani ice cream truck. Next thing I know we are going about 30 mph down the road getting farther and farther from the house and I jumped off. That hurt, no broken bones but some nice road rash (OUCH)

2-year-old...



Tweezers...



Light socket...



PHZZZZZZZT!

playing bb gun fights with no goggle and taking one 1/4" below the eyeball - im still thanking god

burning down an abandoned car and spending a weekend in juvi

Shot a street light out behind my house with a 30-30.  First and last time I did that. I cannot begin to discribe the noise and resulting paranoia from that one shot. (yes I hit the light)

BTW this was over 30 years ago.

Quoted: playing bb gun fights with no goggle and taking one 1/4" below the eyeball - im still thanking god burning down an abandoned car and spending a weekend in juvi

HOLY CRAP.

You just reminded me.

My eyeball hit was so close that my eye swelled up and I couldn't see.

THE NEXT DAY, I was rubbing my lower lid and the BB popped out, all covered in eye gunk.

It must have literally ricocheted off my lowere eyeball and got caught by my lower lid.

OK, I am changing my answer above.

Hopefully, no one else here triggers a memory....  

I ate light bulbs when I was 2 to 4, and lit off 35 gallons of diesel fuel when I was seven and a half  took out about 4 acres.

When i was 3 or 4, i lived with my mom, older sister(6) and my dad in a small apartment. My dad was still in flight training in the Navy. Well, in our apartment we had sliding mirror doors for the closets, so when i was playing around one day, i fell asleep in the closet under some toys/clothes. My dad was at work, and my mom couldnt find me for hours. She was freaking out at this point, my sister didnt know where i was either. She called the police and had them searching the local area, when i finally woke up walked downstairs. LOL they were pissed, but i didnt really do anything wrong so i didnt get in trouble

Quoted: playing bb gun fights with no goggle and taking one 1/4" below the eyeball - im still thanking god burning down an abandoned car and spending a weekend in juvi

I had forgot about BB gun wars, I caught one from my 2 o'clock about 1/8" from the corner of my right eye. Scary stuff for sure.

Played with bottle rockets.  One flew into a dumpster near the church set it alight.  We didnt have any water so we climbed up onto the dumpster and started pissing on the fire. The cops pulled in just as we got done pissing.  The cops were laughing off their asses.  They just told us to go home.

convinced my brother a bottle of tabasco was jello one day. My all-time idiot dumb luck highlight was when I threw a pen at the wall when I was mad and it came back and cut my eyeball open, fun stuff....

Several years ago in a county far far away.....

Some kids were having a fireworks battle at a creek. Half the kids on one side of a railroad bridge, half on the other side. The brush by the bridge caught fire, and then the cerroste(?) on the ties followed. The kid took their shirts and soaked them in the creek and beat the flames out. The fire was out and the kids were gone before any police showed up.

One of the kids came home smelling like smoke and his dad asked him what happened. After hearing the story dad had only two questions:

Are you certian the fire was out? yes
Are you certian no one saw you? yep

Quoted: 2-year-old... Tweezers... Light socket... PHZZZZZZZT!

Me too, except it was an electric socket. Those two prongs went in to well. When I was two as well. Its my first memory.

The first thing that comes to mind is....For some reason my parents bought me a bow when I was about 8. One of those little 15 lb cheap  ones.  We lived in the city and nobody in the family hunted or anything....I don't even remember asking for one.........
Anyway, a friend and I thought it would be a good idea to see how far up an arrow would go. So ,being "little", to get more power, I laid on my back and used my feet to hold the bow and pulled back as far as it would go....up, up,....gone.
It seemed like it took forever to come down.....right through the windshield of the car that beloned to the old lady that lived on the second floor of my friends house.


Didn't do that again.

I wouldn't know where to start.  It seems that as a child and a teen my goal in life was to set new standards in stupidity.

2 things come to mind:

I was playing with a balloon in the kitchen and my mom told me to quit becuase the oven burner was hot (electric stove).  Since I knew everything, I knew that it was only hot if it was glowing red, so I told my mom "no it's not" and put my hand on the burner.  Uh, it was hot.  I had that spiral shape burned into my hand for a week or so.

Another time I had the bright idea to throw a lawn dart up into the air and try to catch it on the way down. Remember those big-assed lawn darts, called "Jarts" I think?  Well, I missed and it stuck me through that hunk of meat between the thumb and next finger.  

Oh, and then there was the cheap neighborhood entertainment of running behind the mosquito spraying truck.  Anyone remember that?  The damn things sprayed out this huge white cloud of some kind of shit that was about 99% DDT.  We used to run a jumb behind the truck in the big cloud of that stuff.  Well back then, who knew about the bad shit that stuff would do?

I was about 10, my little brother was 5 or so. We were in the swimming pool, and had some of the plastic stars you throw in that sank and you swam down to get them. My little brother was sitting on the stairs to the pool, I was at the other end out of the pool throwing the stars in. My little brother asks if he can play with one of the stars. No problem, I had like 10 of them, so I figured I'd just throw it to him So this plastic star goes flying across the pool ninja star style, and catches him right underneath his eye. He ended up getting 3 stitches for that one.

We lived at the bottom of a steep hill about a quarter of a mile long. I remember one summer getting bored and stretching some rope between the gate and the fence, leaving a rope stretched across the drive way. Then I'd go to the top of the hill in my Radio Flyer wagon, attach a bungee cord to the back axle with the hook dragging on the ground, then pretend I was landing on a carrier, letting the hook of the bungee catch the rope across the driveway. I had to get up to 30 mph or so going down that hill, and I didn't even wear a helmet . I don't know what I would have done if the hook never caught. Guess I'd have put a big damn hole in the garage door or back wall of the garage

Started smoking at 16, what a dumbass thing to do...

Some of you might like this, when I was three, I took a fresh litter of 3 kittens, put them in a backpack and I forgot about them.

Quoted: We lived at the bottom of a steep hill about a quarter of a mile long. I remember one summer getting bored and stretching some rope between the gate and the fence, leaving a rope stretched across the drive way. Then I'd go to the top of the hill in my Radio Flyer wagon, attach a bungee cord to the back axle with the hook dragging on the ground, then pretend I was landing on a carrier, letting the hook of the bungee catch the rope across the driveway. I had to get up to 30 mph or so going down that hill, and I didn't even wear a helmet . I don't know what I would have done if the hook never caught. Guess I'd have put a big damn hole in the garage door or back wall of the garage

The sad thing is when I read this I thought to myself:

Damn! Thats a neat idea.  Some kids don't grow up, they just get older

Take one concrete floor of a front porch, one roll of paper caps, and one hammer, add one kid that don't know any better, and you have one big boom!!!! I don't know how long my ears rang from that one.  Also I had this toy flintlock that used paper caps, well you could add a finish nail to where the hammer came down and you could put plastic caps on it like a real muzzle loader nipple, if you think those plastic caps are loud in a cap gun, you should hear them on a finish nail!

God, I don't even know where to start.

Mixing chlorine, gasoline and bleach and any assorted other chemicals we could find in a tin can and watching it boil and then throwing lizards, frogs etc into the mix.

Sticking 22 shells into the mud and then placing the end of our BB gun barrels on them and using the BB as a firing pin.

Starting a fire and trying to burn a 1/4 roll of left over roofing tar. It wasn't burning enough for me,
so I reached under the tar roll to move it into the center of the fire. What I didn't see was the
bottom was melted. I had to run to the nearest water hose and peel flaming tar off my hand. Back
in the day, we didn't go to the emergency room unless a bone was broken. I had to leave my hand
in a bowl of ice water for two days before the pain stopped.

But I think this probably wins #1.
Drinking Southern Comfort for the first time at age 13, getting so drunk I almost drowned in 3 feet
of water at the apartment swimming pool. Some kids pulled me out by my t-shirt. My mom had to
watch me all night to keep me from choking on my puke.

Quoted: Played with bottle rockets.  One flew into a dumpster near the church set it alight.  We didnt have any water so we climbed up onto the dumpster and started pissing on the fire. The cops pulled in just as we got done pissing.  The cops were laughing off their asses.  They just told us to go home.

LMFAO, I can see it.

Quoted: Quoted: 2-year-old... Tweezers... Light socket... PHZZZZZZZT! Me too, except it was an electric socket. Those two prongs went in to well. When I was two as well. Its my first memory.

Bobby pin. Only did it once.

Watched a burning porta pottie go up in flames and then ran from the cops.

I was about 16..

arrested for a felony arson charge but never sent to court or charged...

I'm currently sorting that out so I can get my AK47 and SKS out of my FFL's gunsafe. hs
Definately the dumbest thing I ever did..

When I was a pre-teen I started reading the book Jane's Fighting Ships. There was a section about electronic counter measures used by ships or something. I learned that chaff was used to confuse radar, and chaff was made out of pieces of mylar film.

To make a long story short I went to the local party store and purchased a crapload of mylar party baloons. I cut them up into little strips and started loading the mylar into the payload sections of Estes model rockets. One weekend a buddy and I rode our bikes to Pease AFB and started shooting the rockets out over the runway. A passing KC-135 or FB-111 must have seen us while they were on final approach, because a few minutes later our "launch sight" was swarming with AF policemen

That was probably the dumbest thing I've ever done. Hopefully the statute of limitations is up-we were never caught.

The second dumbest thing I've ever done was turn an old truck oil filter into a bomb. I used two pounds of Pyrodex black rifle powder and a bunch of lead shot from my Dad's reloading bench. I mixed the powder and shot together, filled the oil filter, and then sealed the top with duct tape. I used an Estes rocket igniter, 50ft of lamp cord, and an old car battery as the "trigger". I buried the filter under an old tree stump in the back yard and blew it up

To this day there is still lead shot stuck in the siding of my Mother's house. Fortunately no windows were hit.

When I was about 4 I decided to stick a small key in an electrical outlet... OUCH.  

I guess I was about the same age when my dad woke me up at night (as he usually did to make sure I didn't wet the bed) but instead took me down to the kitchen to give me my medicine where I (still asleep) proceeded to piss in the trash can.

At about age 8 I got mad and threw one of those little rubber balls at a wall and it came back at my right eye.  No damage just a little pain.

When my brother was maybe 9 my grandmother bought him one of those confetti guns that uses little .44 mag size plastic shells filled w/ confetti w/ a cap as a primer.  He was in the car playing with it and looked down the barrel and pulled the trigger... Major eye damage.  He can still see though.  This after being taught gun safety too.

Combine:

- Many .25 cal blanks from the guns that use blanks to fire nails into concrete
- A gallon or so of gasoline
- One pack of matches
- Two bored adolescents
- Top of the septic tank in the back yard

Result:

- Brass shrapnel in little brother's leg
- FIRE!
- Oh, shit, we almost blew upt he septic tank!

I can't decide which one was dumber.
Putting a BB into my hand while loading a Daisy pump or nearly cutting my finger off with a razor blade while making arrows.

at age 4, I enjoyed playing with matches.  I ditched a church service, went downstairs to the youth group area....I nearly burned down the church--the basement classrooms were a total loss, but thankfully, nobody got hurt.


A year later, at kindergarten (parochial school), I kicked the head penguin in the face....she tried to put me on the wrong bus and wouldn't listen to me.




Judging from my life since, I can honestly say that I believe God forgives all sins.

Stupidest? Definately cutting of ALL of the hair of a kid that my mom was babysitting. I was like 4 or 5 and the other kid was the same age. Then grabbing mommy and daddy and bringing them to the scene telling them to "look at what I did"


...fuck I thought it looked great.

Had a little LEGO Electric train, running of a 5v transformer, with 5V being the fastest the train went. So as a 10 year old, did the math, figured that instead of 5VDC putting 230VAC (2 phase, this was in Europe) would make that thing go faster guaranteed!.

I can still remember putting those little 28 gauge wires simultaneously into that extensioncord.
That's the last thing I saw, until my dad figured out that half the house was out of power because of me. Light came back on, my dad came storming in, saw that I was OK, en then saw the giant burnmark in my carpet, and the smoldering train-engine 4 feet away from the track.

My mom was more upset about it than me and my dad.

At 17 I failed to ask my beautiful neighbor girl out on a date even once.

But things are looking up and all is not lost - I hooked up with her at our 30-year high school class reunion this summer.

Mine was Boredom+Blackpowder+a short firecracker fuse=no eyebrows, no eyelashes and most of the front part of my hair being burnt to a nice pleasant aromatic mess.  At the time it happened I reached up to my face a bunch of black stuff flaked off.  I thought it was my skin, it turned out to be soot or powder residue.  Luckily for me my father was in Nevada on a crash investigation so It did not turn out as bad as it could have.  

Walked across the missouri river on floating ice chunks in the spring.

A smoke bomb and a snap cap in my bedroom, what the hell, I was already grounded for something I didnt do.  

A 3' sky rocket and a open car window, didnt stick around for that one.

Tonka truck, second story window and the neighborhood bully just minding his own bussiness.

2 girls from downstairs apartment and spin the bottle, got caught with my pants down.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: 2-year-old... Tweezers... Light socket... PHZZZZZZZT! Me too, except it was an electric socket. Those two prongs went in to well. When I was two as well. Its my first memory. Bobby pin. Only did it once.

Mine was pulling the plug for a lamp halfway out and then dropping a penny onto the prongs and pushing it back in. My mom says it knocked me on my ass. 7 years old.

I got into a power substation and fried a whole bunch of shit in Highland Village, TX, causing the Great Lewisville Blackout of 1983.

Living in the country I did plenty of things that were dangerous but the one that STILL gives me chills 20 years later was this:  

We had 40 acres that had formerly been soybean, winter wheat, cotton but then the guy stopped renting it for farming so weeds started growing. My job as a lad of 15-16 was to use the tractor and bushhog the place.

My dad had a Long 45 hp tractor with about an 8ft bushhog drug behind it, definitely the real deal not some yuppie lawn-care toy.

The wheels were the standard size tractor tires 5ft in diameter (or thereabouts) fully exposed with a half rusted cover barely hanging on.

I was in the lower part of the field one weekday, no one was home and I was cuttting through 4 foot tall brush. Things were very uneventful until I backed the bushhog over a nest of yellow jackets.

Now remember that I'm slowly backing the tractor up when all of a sudden it was like an explosion of HIGHLY pissed off yellow jackets that come blasting out of every opening of the bushhog. The back of the bushhog was covered in them and they were flying all over the place.

I knew immediately what had happened and struggled to get the tractor into a forward gear. Tractors aren't known for particularly slick-shifting transmissions and I slammed it into 3rd from a dead stop.

By now the yellow jackets are spreading out with surprisingly few casualties due to a trip underneath the busshog. Realizing I only had a few more seconds before getting swarmed I dropped the clutch and the tractor began moving forward but not fast enough for my tastes.

Here's where I did the second most dangerous thing iin this particular tale.....


.....I jumped off the tractor.


This by itself probably wasn't particularly dangerous except that this was into 4 ft brush.

And at that moment of hitting the ground I had the shocking realization that I had just jumped off my dad's tractor.....


.....AND it was in 3rd gear and quickly gathering speed......




.....AND IT WAS HEADED TOWARDS THE CREEK!!!!!....................




.......BUT FIRST IT WOULD HAVE A 10 FT VERTICAL DROP OVER THE EDGE AND INTO THE WATER!!!!!!  



OH FUKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Forgetting all about the yellow jackets, here's where I did the dumbest thing in this story.


Through the brush and weeds I RAN alongside this tractor  which was rapidly gaining speed with the 5 ft wheel spinning madly and a whirling, limb-severing busshog bouncing along behind it. I was barely keeping up with and I realized that it was soon going to be going faster than I could run....

Then I jumped.
Without conscious thought I aimed for a handhold on the hard, cracked plastic of the steering wheel and for my foot to land on the rusted footrest behind the clutchpedal.

Surprisingly I made it and quickly gained control of the tractor.




All of this happened in probably less time than it took to read the last two sentences.


Only after it was over did I think about what I had done and how close it was.

This was one of those moments as a teenager where I realized that I had just been in imminent danger of dying in that field, right then. And I had only narrowly escaped


I can't think of any other near-death experience that I've had (and there have been a handful) which affected me like that summer day alone in a field in Alabama.

It's so strange but the feelings I always get just by retelling this story make me virtually 100% certain that in some parallel universe I DIDN'T make it that day.


It's a very weird feeling.

-Observer

Tried really hard to be like Dad and fart when I was about 6. Tried so hard I shit all over myself and the bathroom floor.

Quoted: I'm sure I actually have quite a list but for some reason I just happened to remember this one and can't stop laughing. I would have been about 11 or 12. I woke up one night about 1am and pissed in my closet. I have absolutely no idea why. I wasn't sleepwalking or anything. I can remember not wanting to walk down the hall to the bathroom. I can remember something about not wanting to wake my parents up by flushing the toilet (kids bathroom was near the parents bedroom). So through some natural progression of "kid logic" I decided the reasonable thing to do was to piss in the closet. I guess it beats wetting the bed. But maybe not by much. Still laughing. God I hope my kids are smarter. So what was your crowning achievement of youthful stupidity?

I did the same sort of thing when I was god knows how young.

I vividly remember waking up and having to go pee. I started to walk downstairs and couldn't hold it anymore, so I dropped drawers and commenced to piss. Problem was I still was hell-bent on getting to the bathroom, so I ended up walking a good 30 feet through the house pissing the entire time in every which direction.

Parents weren't too thrilled about that one

Quoted: Take one concrete floor of a front porch, one roll of paper caps, and one hammer, add one kid that don't know any better, and you have one big boom!!!! I don't know how long my ears rang from that one.  Also I had this toy flintlock that used paper caps, well you could add a finish nail to where the hammer came down and you could put plastic caps on it like a real muzzle loader nipple, if you think those plastic caps are loud in a cap gun, you should hear them on a finish nail!

"WHAT!!!"

done the roll of caps with a hammer thing to. you know how caps come in rolls of five  little rolls on one long roll in the box and you break off a roll to fit into your gun? well one day i decided to take the back of my dads ax and hit a whole box in wack well "BOOOM!" my mom comes outside to see what the bang was  and im  "WHATTTTT! HUH MOM I CANT HEAR YOU NO IM OK "

amazing i can still hear after that one.

I think I musta knocked myself out in the process, cause I don't remember doing anything THAT stupid.....

Apple I had half finnished down the tiolet.  Hey everything else you put in there goes away just fine.  I figured it was a perfectly good substitute for a garbage can.

Don't know how old I was... young as I only have broken memorise of it.

Like the tiolet out on the front lawn.  None of us could figure out what was wrong with it including me untill they pulled the apple out.  My parents couldn't figure out which of the 3 brothers had done it.  few years back I told them it was me.

Since 12-14 years had passed it was definatly past the point of punishment.

These stories are pure "FICTION" -- I tell them in the "first person" because its more fun that way.  Ahem.

1.   I made a bottle rocket pistol.   Had a real "trigger" that utilized an electronic (piezo) cigarette lighter.   The "idea" was to cut the bottle rocket's stick off about half way, add a little weight to it to make up the difference, and use the gun to fire it.   (We also used barbed fish hooks straightened with pliars as "nose" elements for our bottle rocket fights, so they would stick better in skin, clothing, eyeballs, etc., but that's a different story).   Aneay, one night I was testing this thing for "feeding" etc., issues and out of some weird instinct, I pulled the "trigger."   So this whistling bottle rocket is shooting around my bedroom with my parents in the next room and, of course, it ends with a nice "report" (explosion).   My parents burst into the room and are met with a haze of smoke, a smoldering set of curtains, and one very apologetic 13 year old.


2.    A cousin's dad owned some undeveloped property in the "neighborhood" where we would go and light off blackcats.   Well, one day a neighboring property owner (he owned a half acre that he didn't maintain, and on which people dumped junk and on which he parked a mobile home) came up and threatened us with a gun.   Turns out he worked nights and our fireworks, on OUR property, were pissing him off.  So his solution was to trespass on my cousin's dad's land, and threaten to kill us.   He came up behind us, fired a round into the air, and then recocked his rusty old .38 and covered us with the muzzle with his finger on the trigger.  He was all fucking agitated, and I was sure he was going to squeeze as he was screaming at aus (turns out he was busted within a few weeks for cocain use, so connect the dots there).   Well, as 13 year olds can tell you, that is the sort of affront that does not get let off lightly.   We decided that since he was pissed off at our lighting off black cats, a suitable response would be to wait until he returned home from work, give him a couple hours to fall into a nice deep sleep, and then light off a volley of M-80s and our own home brew "M-500s" within a few feet of his trailer.  (We made the later in the garage with kits of stuff we ordered from some magazine).    The event went off with only one hitch.   We set up the packages in plastic buckets (they fit in with the junk all over this guy's property), and used the cigarette trick to buy us enough time to get the fuck out of dodge.   Nine of the 10 little explosives did exactly as they were supposed to, exploding mightily and turning this guy's slumber into a war zone.  But the 10th was a dud.   Now, when an M-80 fails to detonate, it usually will simply deflagrate, and that's what this one did.   It unleahed a "fountain" of sparks and fire, which caught the grass on this guy's property, and well, eventually burned two acres.  Three fucking fire trucks had to put out our mess.   We had our asses puckered for a month on that one, but no one ever found out.

3.   At age 15 I was sneaking a young lady of the same age out of her house for some recreational activities.   On our way down the latticework, it gave way, and dropped me at an angle.   Right into her parent's window.   I mean I literally bust THROUGH the fucking window into their bedroom.  Her father, who know we were seeing each other and had his suspicion about late night activities shook his head and said:  "Aw, fuck it.  Just use the fucking door next time."

When i was like 12 or 13 me and a neighbor were making mud bombs in his back yard but, when we threw them over the fence at a car one went in the window and hit a lady and her baby that she wes holding in the face.  When she started screaming we ran as fast as we could into my yard and washed our hand off at the hose.  We then ran in the house soaking wet and covered in mud and ran to my room.  His mom called my house asking if we were there and told my mom what happened.  We both got grounded for 2 weeks.  That sucked but funny as hell.