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Posted: 9/13/2005 8:30:52 PM EDT
I'll leave out all the salacious details, but here goes...
A good friend of mine recently walked in on his wife having sex with another man, & I happened to be there for the whole damn mess! They both freaked out, with him threatening divorce & her spending a brief stint in the nut house because she was "distraught & suicidal" (sympathy stunt if you ask me). Some time passes... Tonight, I got word that they are going to stay together & "work things out"  . Now while I care for & respect my friend (it's his life after all), I absolutely DESPISE his cheating cunt whore of a wife (never really cared for her much in the first place to be honest), and I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to act civilly toward her again.WTF do I do when I inevitably socialize with them again??? I simply can't go back to kissing her hello & goodbye, and making small talk with her when what I really want to do is go upside her head with an Aluminum baseball bat!!! How do I get through this anger? How do I pretend that everything is just peachy and that I'm fine with her??? Seriously, I'm eaten up with bile right now & I need some advice. Thanks. |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 8:34:35 PM EDT
[#1]
Be yourself, if they can't handle that then you should find "better" friends.
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Posted: 9/13/2005 8:35:06 PM EDT
[#2]
Only socialize with him. He's YOUR friend. If shes around be social as in say hi and bye beyond that dont give her the time of day.
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Posted: 9/13/2005 8:36:08 PM EDT
[#3]
Bang her sister/mom and make sure she hears about it. Then she'll be pissed at you and you'll have an excuse not to go over to your buddies house
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Posted: 9/13/2005 8:36:40 PM EDT
[#4]
Simply tell the female that you will no longer speak to her at all.
If she doesn't like it... |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 8:38:00 PM EDT
[#5]
Continue to hang out with your buddy and not his wife. Be careful about giving him advice about his cheating whore of a wife.
I'm really lousy about masking how I really feel about some people, so I avoid them. |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 8:38:39 PM EDT
[#6]
I'm stumped.
I'm all for forgiveness, but that's a tough one. 
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Posted: 9/13/2005 8:38:44 PM EDT
[#7]
Then your friendship will not be the same... I KNOW how you feel because my friend has the same dilemna... he is a good guy...she is ...well... another story. I have posted stories about them before.
Anyway, what I do is talk to him on the phone and will meet up with him in "neutral" places or he comes over ALONE... without her. No one is putting a gun to your head to hang out with her BUT YOU DO OWE HIM THIS MUCH!!! Tell him that you despise her and he should understand the reasons for you not wanting to hang with her. BTW... thanks for having moral values not to hang with a cheating wench! Youre a good man. |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 8:39:07 PM EDT
[#8]
time it will take time |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 8:40:07 PM EDT
[#9]
MrMurphy has the right answer +1
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Posted: 9/13/2005 8:41:14 PM EDT
[#10]
Ahh... As the elder Mr. Gustafson would say.."The ol' Coitus Interuptus".
How did you manage to be there while he caught her getting nailed by another guy? And I just have to ask since everyone who is reading this post... Is she hot and did you see any skin! |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 8:42:20 PM EDT
[#11]
You said "A good friend of mine".
If I relate that to me, and my friends, I must accept and respect his decisions. Sometimes being a friend is more than doing just what make you feel good. Sometimes you have to do things you don't like. YMMV |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 8:42:36 PM EDT
[#12]
If your conscience tells you to avoid her company - then follow that instinct. That is no slight towards your friend.
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Posted: 9/13/2005 8:44:44 PM EDT
[#13]
I'd tell my friend flat out that I don't respect his wife, and I WILL NOT respect her. If he can't handle that, then we couldn't hang anymore. Then I'd tell him he needs to drop the bitch, or he's in for more heartache.
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Posted: 9/13/2005 8:45:23 PM EDT
[#14]
Like I said, I don't want to go into all the dirty little details, but suffice it to say that I saw & experienced more than I ever wanted to. |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 8:48:24 PM EDT
[#15]
Suffice to say if she has convinced him not to kick her useless lumpy ass to the curb, then she can easily convince him that his friends (ie YOU) are no good and he should stay away.
You will have little contact with him until she hooks up with someone else and leaves him for good, then your friendship will resume. |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 8:48:28 PM EDT
[#16]
Do they have kids? Patty
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Posted: 9/13/2005 8:49:48 PM EDT
[#17]
NO! Thank God for small favors. |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 8:51:23 PM EDT
[#18]
Details man DETAILS! Come on give us the skinny. But seriously I'd hate to be in that situation.. I had been privy to some real awkward situations with a couple and I never walked in but the whole aftermath was always hard to deal with. Being in the company of either became very difficult/ |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 8:53:43 PM EDT
[#19]
Face the fact that your friendship with this guy is probably over.
If he has made the choice to work things out with his cheap, two-bit whore of a wife....er, I mean "low cost provider" of a wife, then any decision you make that shows your dislike of her such as only hanging out with him, refusing to be around her at all, etc, will reflect poorly on his decision making skills and whether he admits it or not, he will take it as a slight towards himself as well. When this happens, he will have to make a choice between you or her. Either hang out with you without her around which in essence means that you are right about her, which then means that his original decision to stay with her is a bad decision, OR, stop hanging out with you because he can't deal with the fact that you think he is making a bad decision and he has to prove himself right by choosing her over you, regardless of the fact that this decision is made simply out of pride and not logic. If he accepts your view of her, then he would have to agree that his decision to stay is a poor one. Most people simply cannot get over their self imposed ideas of mental superiority and admit that they are making a mistake, so, as history shows us in many, many, many, many, many similar cases, the bitch stays and any friend who disagrees with that decision is history. You sir, are going to be history unless your friend pulls his head out of his ass. Chris |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 8:54:48 PM EDT
[#20]
Yes, that is good. Well my advice is to give them space. When you take a vow of marriage its for better for worse. What's done is done, this is the worst part. Hopefully she'll wake up and figure out the errors of her ways. Not to lighten what she's done but sometimes out of darkness a lesson can be learned that can be good. Give them time, space and watch them both carefully. Patty |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 8:56:59 PM EDT
[#21]
Do you know, beyond any doubt, that your friend is 100% innocent, pure, loving and has done nothing that either aggravated her wandering or himself strayed?
Before you judge her, make sure you know that he is beyond reproach. Myself, I don't stick my knob into anyone's beehive because relationships aren't vacuums. They often involve problems on both sides. The few times in my life I took sides I later learned details which made me reconsider my indignation. Just food for thought.....I'm not excusing the whore, just saying you might not know the full story. Even a close friend can hide a whole lot of bones. |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 8:57:07 PM EDT
[#22]
+1 |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 8:58:24 PM EDT
[#23]
If your reasons for previously disliking this guy's wife were not personal, but, rather, were due to some pattern of past behavior on her part that you found to be distastful, then I would say that maybe this would be a good time to suggest to your friend that maybe the smart thing to do would be to
*gulp* (I hate saying this) Leave. Either way, you can be ASSURED that your friendship with him is OVER if they stay together. Either she won't be comfortable around you, and push him away from you, or she'll feel that you're gonna push him away from her. |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 9:03:33 PM EDT
[#24]
If it were me . I
around either of them . Her for being a cheating low life spew swallowing slut . And him for giving her another chance to cheat on him . Which statistics say she will . I really couldn't look him in the face without thinking what kind of a pathetic pussy whipped fool he is , and telling him so ...... Often Hell , it irritates me just to think about it ... |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 9:05:48 PM EDT
[#25]
I can say with absolute confidence that he did NOTHING to deserve this, other than knowingly marry a certifiable nut job of a woman. In fact, it's a wonder that he did not see something like this coming, because the woman is a real live loon (meds., therapy, drinks alcohol & smokes pot like it's going out of style, can't hold down a job, etc...). Love is truly blind I guess.
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Posted: 9/13/2005 9:06:14 PM EDT
[#26]
I would say that since he has the ability to forgive her then you should have the ability, as a good friend of his, to tolerate his wife. Dont go out of your way to be nice to her but when she is around you just be 'there'...meaning dont engage in unneccessary conversation, dont go out of your way to talk to her.
Im sure your friend is having a hard enough time dealing with the situation, and you being a witness to it all is probably making it 100 times worse. I wouldnt go out of my way to be nice to her but I would be a gentleman and be cordial towards her while your buddy is still with her. |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 9:06:18 PM EDT
[#27]
If you walk in on your spousing fucking someone else, usually you can kill them both and walk. Crime of passion or temporary insanity or something like that. No worries after that.
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Posted: 9/13/2005 9:07:54 PM EDT
[#28]
If it were me, if HE forgave her, I would forgive her .... it is HIS wife after all. She comes with the package. I'm not saying that would be easy, but easier than what he is trying to do.
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Posted: 9/13/2005 9:09:09 PM EDT
[#29]
Tough one but Swingset may be right.......if he took her back then maybe its because he did the same thing and she just doesn't know about it yet, but he does and now feels somewhat guilty........either way a VERY tough situation. If you decide that he is pure in the relationship then I would pull her aside in the next social encounter that you have with them and let her know the situation. Let her know that while your friend has forgiven her, you personally do not, and that you will be somewhat cordial, but never good friends again. Leave it at that and help your friend plot revenge on the guy she was cheating with.....you might have to be the alibi after all......
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Posted: 9/13/2005 9:13:47 PM EDT
[#30]
Nonsense… It ain’t NYPatriots job to ferret out the truth; it ain’t NYPatriots job to be fair. NYPatriot has a friend… it is NYPatriot job to evaluate that and decide if putting up with that cunt is worth the friendship. If NYPatriot decides his friend is worth it need to be quite and live with his friends choice… that is what friends do. |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 9:24:59 PM EDT
[#31]
If they have kids, MAYBE try to work it out. If they don't have kids...  |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 9:27:40 PM EDT
[#32]
 just to piss her off.. but remember, if you show hatred to her, it will do bad things for you and your friend.. just say what u must to her.. and thats that
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Posted: 9/13/2005 9:32:39 PM EDT
[#33]
my thoughts ....
i think that something may be seriously wrong with yer buddy to stay with a girl who would do that to him whats the problem.. is he afraid he cant get another woman who will have respect for him ?????????????????????? |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 9:40:18 PM EDT
[#34]
No... the problem seems to be that he loves her & that he takes his vows of marriage quite seriously (even if she dosen't). |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 10:27:34 PM EDT
[#35]
I guess everyone here would work it out by their own value system – which seems to vary quite a bit.
My personal view is that you really have no business telling your friend how to live his life – unless he specifically shows that he’s open to such advice. He’s an adult – and as bad as his judgment may be, you have to respect his decisions. If you can’t, you should simply terminate your friendship altogether. And I don’t see the point of criticizing his wife, even if she deserves it. To me, bad-mouthing someone else’s spouse is what “catty” women do; men should simply keep their mouths shut. Personally, I’d very simply remain his friend, avoid her as much as possible, and be civil (though just barely) to her when meeting her in deference to the fact that she’s his wife and he stills cares for her. Just my $0.02. |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 10:51:31 PM EDT
[#36]
My thoughts exactly. You don't want to abandon him right now, because right now he needs your friendship and support (note: in this sense, "support" doesn't necessarily mean you agree with his decision to stay with her; it just means being there for him). As for her, like so many have said, your only obligation is to be civil. No more, no less. Good luck to you. Keep in mind that today you're suffering from, understandably, tunnel vision. Tomorrow more will become clear, the day after even more, and soon you'll know exactly what you're doing AND that you're doing the right thing. |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 10:58:46 PM EDT
[#37]
No, sorry. In this case, love isn't blind, it's blind, deaf, mute and hydrocephalic. Really. Really, really.  I'm afraid that until they split up, your friendship as you knew it is over. |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 11:07:47 PM EDT
[#38]
I don't know what to tell you, but I can say this guy sounds way too good for her.
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Posted: 9/13/2005 11:11:35 PM EDT
[#39]
At this point in my life, I am not one who will quickly pass judgement against another person. There were times when I have learned that I have made the same mistakes that other people (whom I condemned) have made. I have learned that we, though we try our best to be, are not perfect, infalliable and indeed have feet of clay. After all, we are only human. That being said, while I know that your loyalty lies with your friend, try to find it in yourself to "forgive" your friends wife. After all, your friend has. And if you truly consider him to be your friend, you would not want to make things more difficult for him (in his trying time) by showing your disgust toward his wife. IMHO |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 11:13:24 PM EDT
[#40]
Avoid other people's life drama.
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Posted: 9/13/2005 11:16:41 PM EDT
[#41]
Yup... |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 11:17:38 PM EDT
[#42]
Best advice for your buddy is to drop her like a bad habit and move on. |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 11:31:03 PM EDT
[#43]
I've been there - My ex had 4 affairs that I know of. I took her back once and then after I found out about the other 3, I left... Yes, we had kids
My advice: Your friend needs a friend right now. He's real confused. People will say anything to get back after they have wronged because they were comfortable in the life they had before they got caught. I believe they have every intention of flying straight. The one that was wronged wants everything to be alright. That person may be all they know and don't have the confidence to leave... (Yet) Be a friend. Tell him how you feel. He sure doesn't want you hating her. Let him know you'll be there through thick and thin and you RESPECT his decision even though you don't like it. Afterall, it is HIS life. |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 11:31:25 PM EDT
[#44]
I like that. I once saw on TV a man ask this woman who was over 100 yrs old what the secret was to living so long. She said, mind your own buisness. |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 11:42:18 PM EDT
[#45]
And yet again, with a remarkable effenciency of words, Lump said what I was going to with paragraphs of sagely wisdom in 5 words. Your friend chose this woman, chooses to stay with her, and I imagine chose to ignore red flags throughout his life that his choice in a lifemate sucks. He's the problem, not the nutjob/whore. When he realizes this, if he ever does, he'll be a better man. Hopefully he won't trudge ahead (like most men) believing it's solely the womans fault. If you choose a 1988 Yugo as a daily driver, and it turns out to be a piece of crap, it's not really the car's fault if you know what I mean. You can convince yourself it's a good car, if you want to bad enough, but it's still your fault you can't pick out a better model. Men need to learn this little nugget sometimes. |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 11:49:50 PM EDT
[#46]
Wise words my friend. Maybe not what I was hoping to hear, but it has the ring of truth to it nonetheless. |
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Posted: 9/13/2005 11:58:33 PM EDT
[#47]
I hate to say it, but some men are just plain fools. She will cheat again. It is analogous to women staying with abusive husbands. There is no rhyme or reason to it at all.
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Posted: 9/14/2005 12:18:49 AM EDT
[#48]
+1. No reason to continue to tell him what a whore his wife is. He knows, and it won't help anyone. I wouldn't ever discuss the situation with him again unless he brings it up. Just stay friends and be there for him, as one day he might change his mind and need some support. |
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Posted: 9/14/2005 2:41:15 AM EDT
[#49]
+1 |
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Posted: 9/14/2005 2:55:57 AM EDT
[#50]
swingers man,, thats what they'll turn into !
 but, really ive never been onthe walking ""in"" deal but have been on the end of the "'walking"" in set up before,,, nto sayin thats what they did,, but if he is willing to over look the fact that he came home and saw someones elese dickinhis wife and take her back he either has issues,,or he liked it... sorry to be blunt about it but thats the only way i see it,, no offnese to yer buddy or you cuz ive had to make a choice between freinds over women and sex and other things , and man those kind of situtations can go from fun to fucked up real fast! just tell the guy ,, listen man, we are good buddies lets keep it that way,i dont really like what yer wife did and i hold a very low opinion of her, id rather not hangout around her if i dont have to.... if he is truly a good friend he will be like Ok,,no problem,, and you two will still be buddies. |
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