User Panel
Posted: 8/31/2005 6:51:53 AM EDT
OK, I'm putting on my man-girdle, baby-blue leisure suit, half-open pink rayon shirt and white shoes. I'm blow drying my hair, got the gold chain, coke spoon, earring, fake Rolex, a tube of Binaca and a fat wad of one dollar bills wrapped up in a few fives and a couple 50's.
Baby, I'm here for you. I'm your knight in shining armor. You are my fantasy girl. A bronze membership to the woman who does the best job of flaming my fat ass. My wife will love judging this contest. |
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what exactly to you mean by "flaming". I'm not a woman and therefore cannot enter, but I thought that needed some clarification. |
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Tagged, like I've never tagged anything before!
I have GOT to see this. |
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That better be armor of +12 Suaveness, 'cause otherwise it won't cancel out your face of +20 Never Gonna Get Laid. Well, I know for a fact you're straight, at least, because no gay man would ever commit such a crime against fashion. How did you convince your mother to make a suit out of your blankie? What's that cologne you're wearing? Eau de Dogcrap? How many socks did you have to stuff in your tighty-whiteys to make yourself an outie? Burn, bitch. (Not a woman, just like insulting people when given the opportunity) |
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Are you trying to tell me you've never been "shot down in flames" by a woman you've approached? You're not trying hard enough. |
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Dayum, you're good, bitch! |
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I tried Googling up a pic, but all I got was Leisure Suit Larry. |
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I was BORN in the seventies...Damn, that cologne is strong enough to clear out my sinuses.
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I was slapped in the middle of a busy hall in high school one time for not getting my banquet pictures made with this chick like I had promised. That's about as close as it comes. Oh, you didn't know that my middle name was Beetle "Sinatra" Bailey? |
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Let's see, I've already got a membership...maybe I can get a t-shirt instead. lol.
YIKES! Who picked out your clothes? Stevie Wonder? I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last man on earth. If you were the last man on earth, I'd ignore you in favor of Golden Girls' reruns. You're so ugly, I'd pack my SHTF gear and you'd be the only bag I'd leave behind! I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission! Speaking of the zoo, they called, and they're missing their JACKASS!!! How did you get out? Did someone leave your cage open? You're so pathetic, I bet you've never even been invited outside! Calling you dull is a gross underestimation of just how tedious you are. You have the personality of a damp sponge and the appeal of a moldy sweat sock. Look at you! Darwin would not be pleased to see how inefficently evolution has worked for you. Maybe you wouldn't be such a pathetic loser if you didn't eat all those paint chips and lead pencils when you were a kid, and if you didn't have a face so ugly that your mom had to get truly drunk before she could breast feed you. No, come to think of it you would. In conclusion, as your clue meter is reading zero, lets see if this registers: Get lost, creep! |
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HEY!! I responded!!!! Let them find it on their own. |
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Oh, by the way, it was hard getting all that to fit in a sig... but YOU, my friend, are worth it.
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I just want to know how you managed to make a shirt out of my grandmother's wall paper? Your cologne really takes me back.... to those summers I spent as a volunteer in the animal shelter. How much spirit gum did you need to hold on that fake chest hair? I think your toupee might still be alive. Breath mints are not a substitute for proper toothbrushing.
Seriously, you'd think natural selection would have taken care of men like you by now, but you must be finding some way to breed. It has to be due to alcohol or sperm banks. |
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my membership ran out 8/20, lemme try for a re-up LOL
What the hell happened to you?? Did you go to the fair and fall into the cotton candy machine? You look like a baby store threw up on a pile of dog puke. And you smell like hot garbage and century old death boiling in the heat of 500 hells. Only you tried to cover it up by jumping into an ocean of cat piss. Nice work. Don't even get me started on your head. What the crap happened to your hair? Did you stick your finger in a light socket? Or did you just get hair plugs made from pubes? You miserable puke of a person! I know you don't think you had a chance with ME! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE. The only fantasy coming true for you tonight is that you actually escaped the crazy house, thinkin you were gonna get some action lookin like that. Oh and a knight in shining armor huh? I WISH it were night, so I wouldn't be blinded by your fake-ass bling bling. If thats what you call SHINING ARMOR, try for REAL jewelry next time. Now move on, LOOOOOOOSERRRRRRR heck, i tried lol |
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There is some truely inspiring work being done here. My wife will be back from the nail salon in an hour or so, I'm looking forward to her reaction....
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I don't need the membership...but
First thing that came to mind was, "Pansy Pimp". I could not even acknowledge a guy as you describe. |
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tagged for later this evening when I get home. My membership was up Aug 13 and I haven't renewed it yet.
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to make things fair - GabbasaurasRex should be given an opprotunity to chime in.
Patty |
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He posted something in the womens forum directing us this way. Finders keepers LOL |
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True, however you have to admit - she can don a flame suit with the best of them! Patty |
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True, however, LOL he gave us all some heads up to find it, and no one should get special attention b/c they are "good at it". Fair game chickadeeee lol |
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My wife may want to give the evening shift an opportunity to have at me. I'm at your mercy, and more importantly, her mercy......
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I think... no, I am positive... that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we've been together, you have demonstrated EVERY loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you're morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell. You're not even interesting enough to make me sick.
Shamelessly stolen from The Witches of Eastwick; I find it serves well on so many occasions. |
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point well made! I am after all a lover not a fighter! Patty *ETA* Could be a case of "You snooze You Loose" |
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That's cheating, you know me from chat. You have an unfair advantage. |
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Ladies, I am AWED (not surprised mind you, just awed), by the creative and descriptive insults you've composed for the presumptions, stuck-in-the-70s, neanderthal-wannabe that is my spouse. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa!
A career wall-flower myself, I've never had the opportunity to either learn or practise the art of the flaming put-down at which you are all so obviously expert. I further encourage other women to indulge their desire to spectacularly insult this pathetic excuse for a man who so obviously deserves it. You all are an inspiration! And further proof of why I'm never nervous when my unaccompanied husband flirts with women........I've seen him try. La B |
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I will say only one thing:
You're an expert on what a faked orgasm sounds like. That's my contribution. I don't need a membership, and for once, I'm not in a mean mood. |
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My dear Sir I would love to imbibe and be subjugated to the aphorism of which you speak. However I postulate the dictum would be too abstruse for you to discern. I am a lady ad nauseam, and would interminably perish should I persevere and captivate your pestilential wit. Good day!
Gee that was fun! what else ya got?????????????? Hi Mrs!!!!! PS- I don't need a membership |
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Wow, and you're his wife... you win. Harsh................ |
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She has a whole cheer squad to help her I'll be getting it all weekend from our friends.......... |
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