A sign in the Bank  Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is  
installing  new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to  
withdraw  cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this  new  
facility  are requested to use the procedures outlined below when  
accessing  their accounts.  
After  months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have  been  
developed.  Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender"  

MALE  PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up  to the cash machine.  
2. Put down  your car window.  
3. Insert  card into machine and enter PIN.  
4. Enter  amount of cash required and withdraw.  
5. Retrieve  card, cash and receipt.  
6. Put  window up.  
7. Drive  off.  
***********************************************************  
FEMALE  PROCEDURE:  
1. Drive up  to cash machine.2. Reverse and back up the required amount to
align  car window with the machine.  
3. Set  parking brake, put the window down.  
4. Find  handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate  card.  
5. Tell  person on cell phone you will call them back and hang  up  
6. Attempt  to insert card into machine.  
7. Open car  door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive
distance from the  car  
8. Insert  card.  
9.  Re-insert card the right way.  
10. Dig  through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside
back  page.  
11. Enter  PIN.  
12. Press  cancel and re-enter correct PIN.  
13. Enter  amount of cash required.  
14. Check  makeup in rear view mirror.  
15.  Retrieve cash and receipt.  
16. Empty  handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.  
17. Write  debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of  
checkbook.  
18. Re-check  makeup.  
19. Drive  forward 2 feet.  
20. Reverse  back to cash machine.  
21.  Retrieve card.  
22.  Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot  
provided.  
23. Give  dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.  
24. Restart  stalled engine and pull off.  
25. Redial  person on cell phone.  
26. Drive  for 2 to 3 miles.  
27. Release  Parking Brake.

Oh come on now for chrisakes........what woman even knows what the parking brake is

Quoted: She forgot to roll up the window.

when she gets home she'll leave the car in the rain, then blame her husband.

What do women need an ATM for?  They write checks for everything.

Quoted: What do women need an ATM for?  They write checks for everything.

..or count out exact change.

Quoted: She forgot to roll up the window.

Won't that mess her hair up


GM

Quoted: Oh come on now for chrisakes........what woman even knows what the parking brake is

+1

17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of
checkbook.

This one is inaccurate.

We toss the receipt, and tell ourselves that we'll write the debit amount down later...

The truth can be really funny sometimes.

I am SO GLAD that "ATM" in this post stood for "Automated Teller Machine."

Quoted: I am SO GLAD that "ATM" in this post stood for "Automated Teller Machine."

I guess I'm not the only dirty minded (and perverted) bastard here!

Quoted: She forgot to roll up the window.

+1.

Very funny!

Quoted: Quoted: I am SO GLAD that "ATM" in this post stood for "Automated Teller Machine." I guess I'm not the only dirt minded (and perverted) bastard here!

Any other term would be a new one for me.

They forgot "remove seatbelt", and "scrape mirror on ATM".

Thank God my wife's not like that....but my girlfriend before her was almost exactly like that.

HH

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I am SO GLAD that "ATM" in this post stood for "Automated Teller Machine." I guess I'm not the only dirt minded (and perverted) bastard here! Any other term would be a new one for me.

"ass to mouth".  I'll let you figure out what exactly it means.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I am SO GLAD that "ATM" in this post stood for "Automated Teller Machine." I guess I'm not the only dirt minded (and perverted) bastard here! Any other term would be a new one for me. "ass to mouth".  I'll let you figure out what exactly it means.

I'm sure Bama could have gone through the rest of his life without knowing that which haunts us.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I am SO GLAD that "ATM" in this post stood for "Automated Teller Machine." I guess I'm not the only dirt minded (and perverted) bastard here! Any other term would be a new one for me. "ass to mouth".  I'll let you figure out what exactly it means. I'm sure Bama could have gone through the rest of his life without knowing that which haunts us.

Well, that term can be interpreted two ways......

... and all of them are disgusting.

Quoted: ... and all of them are disgusting.

I have a friend who loves to give rimjobs to his wife (lick her asshole), but he thinks that shitdick-to-her-mouth is disgusting.  Go figure.  

I suppose this is tame compared to related and much more disgusting fetishes that involve a dark substance...

Quoted: Quoted: She forgot to roll up the window. when she gets home she'll leave the car in the rain with an empty gas tank, then blame her husband.

Ya left a part out.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I am SO GLAD that "ATM" in this post stood for "Automated Teller Machine." I guess I'm not the only dirt minded (and perverted) bastard here! Any other term would be a new one for me. "ass to mouth".  I'll let you figure out what exactly it means. I'm sure Bama could have gone through the rest of his life without knowing that which haunts us.

You're right.

Now you're going to think of that every time you pass a convenience store with the sign "ATM INSIDE!"

MALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Put down your car window. 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6. DRAW-DOWN ON ANYONE THAT IS NEARBY 7. Put window up. 8. Drive off. ***********************************************************

Quoted: Thank God my wife's not like that....but my girlfriend before her was almost exactly like that. HH

I had to reread your confession.



I kept missing the "befor her"

Say, I wonder what the ARFCOMMER instructions are...

1. Park your camo'ed bug-out vehicle half a mile away
2. Deploy your tactical carbine
3. Strap on 10 extra mags
4. Low crawl to the ATM area, taking advantage of cover along the way
5. Perform a tactical recon of the area to asses the threat level
6. Set up a sniping position on the ATM while someone else finishes
7. Low crawl up to the ATM
8. Sling your rifle and draw your tactical pistol in your strong hand
9. Retrieve your ATM card from the second pouch from the right in your tactical vest
10. Insert ATM card
11. Turn and check the area for potential threats
12. Enter PIN number
13. Repeat check for threats
14. Enter withdrawal amount
15. Wait for the money to come out. Get ready to shoot the ATM if it doesn't
16. Retrieve the money, and store in the correct vest pocket
17. Perform rapid tactical retreat
18. Spot a bum waiting by the bug-out vehicle
19. Dump a 30-round mag over his head, then reload
20. Arrive at the vehicle
21. Drive away. Tactically, of course.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I am SO GLAD that "ATM" in this post stood for "Automated Teller Machine." I guess I'm not the only dirt minded (and perverted) bastard here! Any other term would be a new one for me.

Porn term.  Ass To Mouth.

Quite nasty.  

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I am SO GLAD that "ATM" in this post stood for "Automated Teller Machine." I guess I'm not the only dirt minded (and perverted) bastard here! Any other term would be a new one for me. Porn term.  Ass To Mouth. Quite nasty.

Yeah I could have lived the entire rest of my life without knowing that and died perfectly happy...

I'm just pleased to know Alabama finally got ATM's.

Quoted: Say, I wonder what the ARFCOMMER instructions are...

Too funny.

"Is the Parking Brake on?"

Usually when they begin to smell it.

Quoted: Say, I wonder what the ARFCOMMER instructions are... 1. Park your camo'ed bug-out vehicle half a mile away 2. Deploy your tactical carbine 3. Strap on 10 extra mags 4. Low crawl to the ATM area, taking advantage of cover along the way 5. Perform a tactical recon of the area to asses the threat level 6. Set up a sniping position on the ATM while someone else finishes 7. Low crawl up to the ATM 8. Sling your rifle and draw your tactical pistol in your strong hand 9. Retrieve your ATM card from the second pouch from the right in your tactical vest 10. Insert ATM card 11. Turn and check the area for potential threats 12. Enter PIN number 13. Repeat check for threats 14. Enter withdrawal amount 15. Wait for the money to come out. Get ready to shoot the ATM if it doesn't 16. Retrieve the money, and store in the correct vest pocket 17. Perform rapid tactical retreat 18. Spot a bum waiting by the bug-out vehicle 19. Dump a 30-round mag over his head, then reload 20. Arrive at the vehicle 21. Drive away. Tactically, of course.