I work at home, my wife has the day off today. I've been pretty busy all day, so she decided to go out and take the dog for a ride to a nearby pond so he could go swimming. Less than a minute after she left, she called me from her cell and said "Watch out, as I was pulling out of the driveway, I could see a couple of Jehovah's Witnesses coming up the street, you might want to lay low if the doorbell rings."
So, I been working hard all day and can use a little diversion, so I peeped out the window, and sho'nuff, they were coming up the street, about 3 houses down ... Quick thinking, no time to dig a tiger trap, or rig a snare .... I grabbed my laptop, and a pair of speakers, ran out to the living room, and pulled up the raunchiest porno available at the moment, cued it up to a scene where the gal was having a particularly good time and screaming her approval at the manhandling she was receiving. I arranged the speakers just under the windows by the front door and turned the volume up.
Quick check out the window, they were 2 houses down now, I watched them try the next house, and then the next, and just as they were coming up to the end of my front walk I let 'er rip. I was peeking out a side window opposite where the speakers were to see the reaction. The speakers must've been quiet enough to not be heard from the end of the walkway, since they started towards my front door without hesitation ... About halfway up the walk, one of them, slowed and kind of hesitated, as if he were trying to figure out what he was hearing, and then, damned if the both didn't keep right on going to the front door, and rang the doorbell.
So at this point I had NO doubt that they had to be hearing the sounds of Tiffany Rayne romancing the bone, so I turned it up just a hair, then a little more, I couldn't see the front steps from where I was, so I decided to add some more relaism, and started banging the love seat in the living room up and down to the rythm. And then, the doorbell rang AGAIN! Can you believe it? Persistent little buggars aren't they? So I did the only thing I could do and turned the volume up the rest of the way ... It was loud, the couch was bumping, I started kicking shoes and things around the room to make more noise and started worrying on how I was going to wrap this all up ... The actors were coming pretty close to the end of their performance, and I couldn't tell if they were still at the door or not. I decided that if they were still there when the scene came to the end, I'd swing open the door with my shirt off and hair all mussed up, and ask "Hey, any of you guys got a cigarette?" ... Just as things were wrapping up though, I saw them turn the corner out at the end of my front walkway and kept going up the streeet, kind of furtively glancing back over their shoulders.
I only wish I'd had a video camera to capture the whole thing on tape.