Here are some quotes and sayings that I have collected and plagerized over the years. I call them chrisism's:
1. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
2. No, my powers can only be used for good.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
5. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
6. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
7. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
8. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
9. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
10. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
11. Are you a ray of sunshine every day?
12. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
13. It may look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
14. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
15. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
16. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
17. I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
18. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
19. If you don't know what to do during a crisis, grab a manila folder, walk fast and look worried.
20. Sarcasm is just one of the many free services we offer.
21. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
22. Okay, okay, Fine, I take it back! UnF%#k you!
23. Chaos, panic, disorder - my work is done here.
24. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
25. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and then used against you.
26. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk. beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone.
27. It may be that my sole purpose of my life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
28. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
29. Taxation "WITH" representation isn't so hot, either
30. Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
31. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
32. I'm getting tired, why don't YOU try being perfect for a while?
33. I'm too busy to insult you, but your humiliation is important. So please hold.
34. I saw it in a cartoon, but I'm pretty sure I can do it.
35. Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened!
36. If at first you don't succeed, redefine the expectations of success.
37. We put the fun in dysfunctional.
38. Don't take life too seriously. It's not permanent.
39. And now for the moment you've all been waiting for. Oops! Oh, hey there it goes.