It’s coming. I can’t stop it. Every year that day comes and goes but I still feel the pain. I ask God why the pain is still there, but he does not answer. My sadness and pain turns to anger. Hate rages in my once peaceful heart. I think of the friends I have lost on that September day. They are still in my thoughts. I sometimes speak of them, as they are still alive then realize the evil that is Islam took them from me. I dream of fire and death. I dream of those who took up the sword against us. I have no forgiveness in my heart. There is only hate for them. Why is the only word that I can force through the tears. No matter the politics, no matter the indiscressions of days past; what has been done was evil at it’s blackest. As the day draws near, I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t make the pain go away. God can’t make the pain go away. No one can. Only the hate burns away the pain but only for a short time. In my waking dreams I see flames. I see smoke. I see the bodies fall from the towers…….and I start to weep. I cry the tears of mourning even after these few years. The tears stop and my fists ball. Hate consumes me over and over. How can I stop the hate? Will the blood of the enemy be enough? Will the death of an entire people be the end to this horror? I don’t know. There are those who would call me lustful for blood. I was not always that way. Not until I saw what evil can do. What evil minds have devised. I walked the hallowed ground there. A sense of peace crept into my heart. It was them. My friends. They are here. They call to me. I drop to my knees not able to stop the tears. I vow vengeance for them. I voice sooths me and says, “Hush now, all will be at peace soon.” I look into the sky and see them. I see the faces of all of them, yet the pain returns. I am no soldier. I am no hero. I am a simple man. I mourn for them. I support their avengers. I pray to God that justice will be done. Until that day, I will weep every September. Like a storm it comes…..and I just can’t stop it alone.
As September 11th fast approaches I get these feelings that I just had to put to words. As a former firefighter from upstate New York, I share the pain of all those who lost loved ones in the rescue of those trapped in the towers. Many good smoke eaters died that day. I dedicate this to them. My brothers both firefighters and LEOs. This musing is in no way intended to offend anyone so please no flames. Mods please email me if this violates any of the CoC rules. I don’t see myself as a writer but I had to write this in order to relieve some of the sadness I feel around this time of year. It’s the sadness and pain of that day that draws this out of me. I chose to share this with all of you because I will never forget. My soul won’t let me.