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Posted: 8/11/2005 3:42:01 PM EDT
"When vultures get old, they can't eat meat anymore. They have to eat Marshmallows."
 (he's 4 1/2) what weird things have your kids told you ? |
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Posted: 8/11/2005 3:52:38 PM EDT
[#1]
From the mouths of babes.
Did you ask him where the elderly vultures would get the marshmellows? It's not as if there are heards of marshmellows roaming the tundra with a few of them dieing off or being killed by other predators.  Never hurts to challenge children intellectually. It helps them develope. |
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Posted: 8/11/2005 4:10:34 PM EDT
[#2]
As we drove past a huge junk yard one day my kid says, " Hey Dad, are all those cars broken?" I replied, "yes they are kiddo."
He pondered for a minute and stood in the seat looking at them and said," It's gonna take a long time to fix them." 
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Posted: 8/11/2005 4:13:51 PM EDT
[#3]
Good point. |
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Posted: 8/11/2005 4:17:27 PM EDT
[#4]
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Posted: 8/11/2005 4:21:36 PM EDT
[#5]
My 4 yr old asked me if "They were growing the road" when we drove by highway construction.
She asked me what Jesus's middle name was one time to.Had me cracking up!
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Posted: 8/11/2005 4:26:08 PM EDT
[#6]
One Christmas when my nephew just turned 4, he and my sis were walking past a Nativity scene. They stopped to admire it, and Tony turned and asked, "Mommy, just how old IS Baby Jesus, anyway?" As my sister sputtered in search of answer, he put his litle hands on his little hips and said, "It sure seems like He's been a Baby for an awfully long time!"
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Posted: 8/11/2005 4:28:59 PM EDT
[#7]
Too cute !
I love these kinda stories. So wish I had some little ones. They're a hoot. |
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Posted: 8/11/2005 4:29:56 PM EDT
[#8]
 Ya' gotta' love kids! The funniest thing I can think of now is when daughter was 4 & 5 she had a favorite phrase "Back when I was a kid....." HAHAHAaaaa....killed me everytime.  Another time we were driving down the hiway and there was a dead skunk laying in the road. Someone pointed it to the other. She was just learning to spell and could spell her name, daddy, mommy, etc. "How do you spell skunk, daddy?" "R-E-N-E-E" She thought about it. Her eyes got big as saucers "Huh-uh!!!"  Priceless!She's 16 now and it's still a joke of ours everytime we see a dead skunk. Truely priceless. 
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Posted: 8/11/2005 4:34:50 PM EDT
[#9]
When my younger boy was about 4 -5, I was lying in the bed with him. He looked at the ceiling fan and said "My fan has four blades." Me: "Yup." Him: "You know what that means?" Me: "What?" Him: "Our whole family could hang from it like bats. Except [name of dog], but his legs bend the wrong way anyway."
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Posted: 8/11/2005 4:42:46 PM EDT
[#10]
Why is mom such a bitch?
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Posted: 8/11/2005 5:02:57 PM EDT
[#11]
Kid quotes...I LOVE THEM. From my oldest, who is now 6.
After riding Big Thunder Mountain Railroad at Disney @ 4 years old, he said, "That was fun Daddy, but it made my tummy feel funny and my pee pee feel scared." Singing a song to me, "Old MacDonald had a farm, E I G I Joe" Said once over dinner "Dad, did you know people in China eat squid testicles? I told him squid don't have testicles. He then sheepishly said...um, I meant tentacles." Once while playing with his little brother, he yells out that he was just kicked in his tentacles. |
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Posted: 8/11/2005 5:07:08 PM EDT
[#12]
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Posted: 8/11/2005 5:09:43 PM EDT
[#13]
 Duhhhh  |
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Posted: 8/11/2005 5:13:32 PM EDT
[#14]
I taught swimming lessons for years and a little girl once took one look at me and declared that she wanted a girl teacher. Not wanting to be a jerk I asked her very politely if she wanted a girl teacher because I was scary. She said, "No, it's that my Mommy says girls are smarter than boys." At that point I told her to ask her mother if she knew how many women had won the Nobel Prize.
"Life's a laugh and death's a joke." -Monty Python |
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Posted: 8/11/2005 5:36:00 PM EDT
[#15]
This past summer my nephew(who is 5 and just started school) and I were out fishing on one of our many camping trips. He says, Uncle Josh, I am working on getting us cloned so that we can camp and fish all the time and not have to go to work or school.
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Posted: 8/11/2005 5:42:10 PM EDT
[#16]
My son is always surprising me with off the wall stuff, but, the only one I can remember right now:
When he was 5, I was scolding him for doing something ugly to one of his friends. Out of nowhere he states: "Well, Daddy, you know I have anger issues"....
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Posted: 8/11/2005 5:47:41 PM EDT
[#17]
Me and my family were in my Jeep driving down a country road. There was a small graveyard next to the road and some chicken houses back behind the graves. The smell was awful. My 6 year old daughter said, "daddy those dead people sure do stink"! I almost had to pull over, I was laughing so hard.
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Posted: 8/11/2005 5:47:48 PM EDT
[#18]
ok, my Brother in Law's wife was yelling at their 3yr. old son for about 10 minutes because he wasn't paying attention. Well she turned around and walked into the kitchen and he just stands there and says under his breath, "Now your getting on my f*cking nerves!"
His mother looked at him and said "What did you say?" At this point he whispered under his breath "f*cuking a$$hole!" lol. Wish i could have been there.
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Posted: 8/11/2005 5:57:43 PM EDT
[#19]
I've gotten pretty good a spelling curse words when I feel the needs to let one out. I'm in the car with my 4 year old and she's listening to me complain about someone. My daughter said "Daddy is that guy an A-S-S-H-A-T?" You know you've spelled Asshat too much when that happens.
The other thing happend when my daughter was around 32 months. We were in the truck and she was finally facing forward. There was a car in front of us that was waiting to turn and she said, "Well get out of the way . . . you pudknocker." I can't imagine where she ever heard that. R. |
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Posted: 8/11/2005 5:58:46 PM EDT
[#20]
I actually spell better than I type msot of teh tyme. Just wondering, do you have anything better to do than being the AR15.com spellchecker? You know if this were some heated debate like AR15 vs AK47 or 45acp vs 9mm or evolution vs creationism I could almost overlook your anal retentive compulsion but in this particular thread no ones superior intelligence is in question except perhaps for yours. I'm kinda tired, why don't you be perfect for a while. |
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Posted: 8/11/2005 6:16:23 PM EDT
[#21]
passed by a micky d's, and my kids start yelling that they wanted happy meals, I told them we'd eat when we got home cause I didn't have any cash for burgers, and my oldest 6 at the time, says well I guess we'll have to go the the bank so you can buy some money.
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Posted: 8/11/2005 6:27:29 PM EDT
[#22]
Whenever my kids start looking for something they lost, they always come to me looking for it. I always tell them that I'm not responsible for keeping up with their stuff. Of course it came back to bite me in the ass.
When my son was 8, I was looking for one of my hats. He asked what I was looking for, and I told him and asked him if he had seen it. I also got " I'm not responsible for keeping up with your stuff". Damned kids!
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Posted: 8/11/2005 6:29:56 PM EDT
[#23]
Here is a quote from when I was a kid they will not let me live down.
"Hey mom look at that giant chipmunk!" It was a skunk my cousin and I where trying to get near to pet LOL |
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Posted: 8/11/2005 6:37:35 PM EDT
[#24]
Marshmallow is spelled wrong also
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Posted: 8/11/2005 6:39:14 PM EDT
[#25]
Police officer has car pulled over lights on. Four year old son asks what he is doing. I replied that the police officer had probably pulled the car over for going to fast. My son thinks about that for abour 5 seconds and then asks, "So what do they do next, pull them out of the car and shoot them?".
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Posted: 8/11/2005 6:41:09 PM EDT
[#26]
At about 4 my little girl picked up the soccer ball and asked me if I wanted to go outside and play "SoccerBall". I explained that it's called Soccer, not Soccerball.......she just looked at me and said it's not called playing basket is it Daddy?.......kid had a point.....
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Posted: 8/11/2005 6:46:45 PM EDT
[#27]
My mom's favorite story ever was when I was something like 3 and we were eating chicken.
"Mom, can you pass me another piece of chicken?" "Do you want a leg or a wing?" "Leg." "Mom?" "What?" "Is this really a leg?" "Yeah..." "From a chicken???" "Yes." "Then... how's the chicken walking?" |
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Posted: 8/11/2005 6:46:58 PM EDT
[#28]
Heh well I don't have kids yet but heres a story when I was a kid.
When I was laying with my mom and dad before breakfast, my mom asked me if I still wanted to be a police officer when I grew up. "Well, I don't want to be a police officer any more mommy." "Why not? Whos gonna save me when I'm in trouble?" "I might get shot." "But, what if theres no-one else around?" "I might get shot." "But, I mean you'de be the only police officer around right?" "Let me put it in your ear" I grabbed her ear and leaned in "I MIGHT GET SHOT" I was 3. /still want to be a police officer |
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Posted: 8/11/2005 6:49:30 PM EDT
[#29]
When I was that age I thought you could go to kmart and get invisible ink to paint yourslf invisible like on tom and jerry. I also thought florida was a country.
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Posted: 8/11/2005 6:51:58 PM EDT
[#30]
As kids, my brothers and I were experts at making sound effects.
We would play cops-n-robbers or cowboys-n-indians all the time. Whenever we shot our guns at each other, we would yell "DOUCHE !.... DOUCHE...DOUCHE... Got you !!!" For some reason, we thought a gunshot was supposed to sound like "DOUCHE" yelled at the tops of our lungs. Imagine what that must have sounded like to all the nieghbors... I remember our Mom one day, (while we "shot" each other in the car) yelled at us to "Find another word to use" Not knowing why "douche" was a bad word, we argued with her, then continued our gun battle.Amazing...the things you can remember sometimes. 
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Posted: 8/11/2005 6:58:29 PM EDT
[#31]
Another story my mom always tells:
My mom asks my sister who's a year and a half younger than me probably about 2... "Where's boy?" ("boy" whas what she called me because my parents would say "good boy" or "bad boy") "Boy do bugs." My mom went outside and found me in the back yard with half of a caterpillar hanging out of my mouth... and I was looking for more to eat. |
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Posted: 8/11/2005 6:58:35 PM EDT
[#32]
When my niece was little, she called them veltures. The funniest I ever heard was at my dad's funeral. We were at the grave side and they started lowing the casket into the grave. My dad's name, Elmer F. Lastname was on the lid of the casket. This was a moment of extreme grief. People were sobbing and no one was talking. Suddenly, my brother's little guy said in a loud clear voice, "Dad? Is Grandpa's name Elmer Fudd?" I cannot tell you how we all laughed. My dad would have gotten a kick out that! He really loved his little grandson. This was a great ice breaker for a tense moment. |
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Posted: 8/11/2005 7:05:32 PM EDT
[#33]
Okay, here's a story from when I was three. My mother loves telling this one.
My cousin and I, both the same age, were at my grandparent's house visiting. She was in the back yard, I was in the house. Suddenly, she comes running in yelling " 'nake! 'nake! Dere's a 'nake in the yard!" So my grandfather goes outside to find this snake. Nothing out there, even after she showed him where she was. She still insisted there was a snake. I asked her, "Eeh-eeh (because at the time I couldn't pronounce her name, so I called her Eeh-Eeh), did the 'nake have yegs?" "Uh-huh!" My mother then described me as having a disgusted look on my face when I replied, "Eeh-eeh! That not 'nake! That yizzard!" |
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Posted: 8/11/2005 7:10:27 PM EDT
[#34]
I was about 6, my brother was about 4. We're in the back seat of the car when my brother spots a boar hog mounting a sow at a farm we were passing.
Brother asks Mother "Why is that one pig riding the back of that other pig?" Mom, trying to explain as 'wholesomely' as possible to a 6 and a 4 y.o. while still helping us understand says, "That's how God gets them together to have babies." From somewhere out of the blue, I add, "And sometimes they just do it for fun, too!" Mom about wrecked the car because she was laughing so hard & so shocked wondering WHERE I came up with that one. |
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Posted: 8/11/2005 7:28:44 PM EDT
[#35]
A friend of mine once told me when she was about 10 her father had to explain the difference between "twit" and "twat". Being a parent can be tough.
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Posted: 8/11/2005 7:44:39 PM EDT
[#36]
Hmm, where'd he learn that, Bob? |
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Posted: 8/11/2005 7:45:30 PM EDT
[#37]
As with any child, I was fascinated with swear words (the allure of the forbidden). My first exposure to the 'F-word' came about in school when I was about 6. I didn't know what it meant, just that it was really bad to say. So of course, I had to tell my little sister (around 4 at the time) about it. She replies "Fuck? That's just a funny name!" And shouts across the yard "Hey mom! What does FUCK mean!?" My mother was mortified, pissed and amused.
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Posted: 8/11/2005 8:17:44 PM EDT
[#38]
When my son was 3, my brother did the old got your nose trick. My brother says "got your nose" and my son looked directly at him and said "bullshit". How can you get mad about something like that?
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Posted: 8/11/2005 8:23:39 PM EDT
[#39]
My kid once said, "Daddy, a kid at school told me that Glocks are better than HKs"
I slapped the shit out of him for ten minutes then sent him to his room for a week. He'll learn... |
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Posted: 8/11/2005 9:28:23 PM EDT
[#40]
Tagged.
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Posted: 8/11/2005 9:33:49 PM EDT
[#41]
My kids and I were visiting my aunt when my daughter was about 4 and my aunt had a milk cow. She brought my daughter out to watch her milk the first night we were there. The next time she went out to milk her cow my daughter pipes in "Are you going to go pump your cow?"
We still crack up over that. My little sister is 8 years younger than I am and I have two older brothers who are 2 & 3 years older than I am so.....ah.......10 and 11 years older than little sissy. Anyway my parents were taking my brothers and I up to Oregon for the summer via the long drive through the state of Nevada. It was hot and our car didn't have air conditioning and we all got very tired of driving. Finally we were about a hour or so from my grandparent's house and my little sister pipes in [who was about 3 at the time] "Let's go home and get a drink of water and go to Oregon tomorrow." [Its about a 1200 mile trip]. She has yet to live that one down! |
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Posted: 8/11/2005 9:38:04 PM EDT
[#42]
In the car while on vacation....with 5yr old kid in back seat.
Parent: Scotty, look at the view! Scotty: (not looking) Whats the view doing? |
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Posted: 8/11/2005 9:42:46 PM EDT
[#43]
Wifes sister-in-law was driving with her 3 year old daughter in back of her Jimmy and every car that passed going the same way was honking or giving her go to hell looks. She stopped and looked around because she thought something was wrong with the truck. She started driving again and people started honking again so she looked in the rear view and caught the girl flipping people off in the side window.
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Posted: 8/11/2005 9:49:05 PM EDT
[#44]
It was early spring and I was about five years old or so. I went outside with my dad to help clean the old bird nests out of the houses we had put up for them. Anyways my dad pushed up the bottom of one and a mouse jumped on my dads hand and started to run up towards his shoulder. It startled him and he let out a howl and flung his arm into the air. The mouse flew high up into the air then landed in the grass and then ran into the woods.
Me: Dad? Dad: Yes? Me: Was that a bird mouse? Dad: *laughing* Yeah I think it was! -Smalls |
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Posted: 8/11/2005 9:49:20 PM EDT
[#45]
The following was an exchange between my wife and my (then) 4 yr. old son:
Son: Momma, can I go out and play in the mud? Mom: NO! You can't. (forget reason why) Son: Well, it turns out, you're not the right momma for me. |
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Posted: 8/11/2005 9:55:49 PM EDT
[#46]
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Posted: 8/11/2005 10:37:49 PM EDT
[#47]
My wife,daughter and I were taking a drive around the desert on day and ran across a herd of wild Burros, as I was concentrating on driving through a particularly rough passage my daughter who was aroun 4 at the time shouts out "Daddy that donkey is hurt!!!" Not wanting to take my eyes off the trail I asked her what was the matter with it.
She responded by saying that it's guts were 'hanging out', I immeadiatly thought some asshole must have gut shot the burro and I turned to see how badly injured it was. Well something was hanging out all right but it wasn't it's guts, I didn't know quite how to explain to my darling daughter that the donkey was not injured at all, seems the donkey was a 'boy' donkey and was showing off his very large erection. (Morining wood I would guess) So instead of trying to explain that, I just agreed that 'YES' the poor donkey was 'injured'. Things went from bad to worse when she insisted on knowing just how it got hurt. The wife and I nearly busted a gut ourselves from all the laughter!!....... 
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Posted: 8/11/2005 11:23:42 PM EDT
[#48]
My daughter who was 4 at the time... we were driving and she saw a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE long train on the tracks... She says "Daddy look how long that train is" I said yup ...sure is...
then she yells out "HOLY SHIT ITS MOVING!!!"
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Posted: 8/11/2005 11:29:48 PM EDT
[#49]
Funny the stuff they pick up from their parents. Now when someone cuts me off, my 6 year old will say "that guy's an asshole".
I have no idea where he got that from. 
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Posted: 8/11/2005 11:48:02 PM EDT
[#50]
One of my nephews and I were at the park running around the swings in the sand, after about 6 or 7 laps I stopped and rested in the grass.
I say: "Man,...Am I pooped" His responce is: "You POOPED?....Your PANTS?"
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