Hello. this is Jackie at Dell how may I help you.  American accent.

ARDOC, Hi, You accidently cancelled my purchase without notifying me. Can you please reinstate it.

Thats not my department sir please hold.

musac playing

Hello, this is Dell customer service.  Overseas accent now.

ARDOC, Hi, You accidently cancelled my purchase without notifying me. Can you please reinstate it.

What is your customer number and purchase numer.

ARDOC, ################,##############

Yes we cancelled it.

ARDOC, why did you do that?  You didnt even notify me.  

Its says we called your phone but there was no answer.

ARDOC, so you didnt notify me.

Yes, we did, we tried to call you.

ARDOC, I dont consider that notification.  Just reinstate the order please.

Hold please we will have to transfer you to sales and purchasing.

musac playing again and horrible beeping, about 20 min of holding

This is Susan at Dell sales. More overseas accents.

ARDOC, Hi, You accidently cancelled my purchase without notifying me. Can you please reinstate it.

Customer number and purchase number please.

ARDOC, ###############,##############

Yes sir we have that in stock.  But the coupons you used are no longer valid and the camera will now cost you $240 more. $999.

ARDOC, WHAT!  Thats not fair, you didnt contact me.  Please just give me the same price.

Sorry sir we are not allowed to do that.

ARDOC, Why not, please let me talk to your supervisor.

Sorry sir we dont do that.

ARDOC, is now very pissed and tired of the run around.

ARDOC, are you deaf?  I told you I want to talk to your supervisor.

Sorry sir we dont have a supervisor.

ARDOC, of course you do, let me talk to whoever is in charge there.

Sorry sir.

ARDOC, do you understand english?  LET ME TALK TO SOMEONE WITH SOME AUTHORITY.

Sorry sir.

ARDOC, First I really doubt your name is fucking Susan.  GET ME SOMEONE THAT UNDERSTANDS fucking ENGLISH SINCE YOU DO NOT.

I speak english.

ARDOC, Since you dont fucking comprehend what I am saying, you obviously do not.  Get the cocksucker on the line NOW!

I am switching you to customer service.

ARDOC, I just spoke the motherfuckers an hour ago and they switched me to you!

musac playing!

Customer service here, I see that you are having a problem I am switching you to the supervisor.

I get a fax machine instead.

ARDOC redials the original number.

This is Jackie at Dell.

ARDOC, explains to Jackie what has transpired.

Jackie, I am so sorry for all the trouble.  We have had a lot of that lately.  Dell is listen to you and is going to transfer the customer service and sales back to the US.

ARDOC, thank God!

Jackie, let me see what I can do.  I will stay on the line until we can settle this.  

Jackie, Hi Dwayne?  Can you please help ARDOC with this order?  He has been on line for several hours now.

Dwayne, no problem, let me see what I can do.  

Dwayne gives ARDOC $10 more off on his Camera!


I was so aggravated it became a mission.  I was going to get that original price if it killed me. Its the principle!  It was me against this faceless corporation. Its interesting that the only people that truly understood what I was trying to tell were fellow Americans.  I am truly  disappointed in my language and behavior but the holding and getting the run around 2 hours will do that to you.  Especially when you have to explain the matter everytime over and over again.

Prize.  CANON REBEL XT with lens.  $740!  

Is your time really worth $10 an hour?  Reimbursement for OBGYN must have gone down more than I thought.  That's only a little more than resident pay.

Quoted: Is your time really worth $10 an hour?  Reimbursement for OBGYN must have gone down more than I thought.  That's only a little more than resident pay.

 Its not the money but the principle!

Quoted: Hello. this is Jackie at Dell how may I help you.  American accent. ARDOC, Hi, You accidently cancelled my purchase without notifying me. Can you please reinstate it. Thats not my department sir please hold. musac playing Hello, this is Dell customer service.  Overseas accent now. ARDOC, Hi, You accidently cancelled my purchase without notifying me. Can you please reinstate it. What is your customer number and purchase numer. ARDOC, ################,############## Yes we cancelled it. ARDOC, why did you do that?  You didnt even notify me.   Its says we called your phone but there was no answer. ARDOC, so you didnt notify me. Yes, we did, we tried to call you. ARDOC, I dont consider that notification.  Just reinstate the order please. Hold please we will have to transfer you to sales and purchasing. musac playing again and horrible beeping, about 20 min of holding This is Susan at Dell sales. More overseas accents. ARDOC, Hi, You accidently cancelled my purchase without notifying me. Can you please reinstate it. Customer number and purchase number please. ARDOC, ###############,############## Yes sir we have that in stock.  But the coupons you used are no longer valid and the camera will now cost you $240 more. $999. ARDOC, WHAT!  Thats not fair, you didnt contact me.  Please just give me the same price. Sorry sir we are not allowed to do that. ARDOC, Why not, please let me talk to your supervisor. Sorry sir we dont do that. ARDOC, is now very pissed and tired of the run around. ARDOC, are you deaf?  I told you I want to talk to your supervisor. Sorry sir we dont have a supervisor. ARDOC, of course you do, let me talk to whoever is in charge there. Sorry sir. ARDOC, do you understand english?  LET ME TALK TO SOMEONE WITH SOME AUTHORITY. Sorry sir. ARDOC, First I really doubt your name is fucking Susan.  GET ME SOMEONE THAT UNDERSTANDS fucking ENGLISH SINCE YOU DO NOT. I speak english. ARDOC, Since you dont fucking comprehend what I am saying, you obviously do not.  Get the cocksucker on the line NOW! I am switching you to customer service. ARDOC, I just spoke the motherfuckers an hour ago and they switched me to you! musac playing! Customer service here, I see that you are having a problem I am switching you to the supervisor. I get a fax machine instead. ARDOC redials the original number. This is Jackie at Dell. ARDOC, explains to Jackie what has transpired. Jackie, I am so sorry for all the trouble.  We have had a lot of that lately.  Dell is listen to you and is going to transfer the customer service and sales back to the US. ARDOC, thank God! Jackie, let me see what I can do.  I will stay on the line until we can settle this.   Jackie, Hi Dwayne?  Can you please help ARDOC with this order?  He has been on line for several hours now. Dwayne, no problem, let me see what I can do.   Dwayne gives ARDOC $10 more off on his Camera! I was so aggravated it became a mission.  I was going to get that original price if it killed me. Its the principle!  It was me against this faceless corporation. Its interesting that the only people that truly understood what I was trying to tell were fellow Americans.  I am truly  disappointed in my language and behavior but the holding and getting the run around 2 hours will do that to you.  Especially when you have to explain the matter everytime over and over again. Prize.  CANON REBEL XT with lens.  $740!

It sucks when they give you the problems with service.  I won't get into UPS...

Quoted: Is your time really worth $10 an hour?  Reimbursement for OBGYN must have gone down more than I thought.  That's only a little more than resident pay.

Seeing as that's about $100 bucks cheaper than retail for one of the best if not best entry Digital SLR camera I'd say he got a good deal

ARDOC - have fun I set up a friends 20D this morning - Canon's DSLRs are just sweet

BTW-screw Dell!
ETA-ARDOC-don't be ashamed-those butt-holes deserved it sometime!

He got more than $10 off.  He got his discounted price which they tried to take away from him PLUS the $10 off!

That and he put a hurtin on the outsourced people.  Hopefully mgmt at Dell gets the feedback that yet again one more US customer was pissed about the Customer Service.

I ordered a very good deal monitor. The dot head was very helpful and I was VERY patient.
The worst was reading alphs-numerics back and forth because I REFUSE to say "B" as in "boy" ect

You are not alone, ARDOC!

Just last week, I just went through the same [Al Swearingen] fucking bullshit with those heathen cocksucking subcontinent celestials [/Al Swearingen] over at Mike Rowe Soft.  

If I have to pay American prices, I better get American service.

Quoted: I ordered a very good deal monitor. The dot head was very helpful and I was VERY patient. The worst was reading alphs-numerics back and forth because I REFUSE to say "B" as in "boy" ect

I know exactly what you mean.  I was going to cuss at them in that manner.

F as in Frank
U as in underdog

etc......

dee, the UPS guy busted my flower pot today. He left a note he was sorry and that they would replace it.  He left a number to his supervisor.  He has been a real good guy all these years he has been delivering my stuff.  He always hides the stuff so you cant see if from the road.  He also comes late to my house because he knows when I get off work.  

I called UPS customer service and told the lady about the pot.  I could sense apprehension and fear in her voice.  Then I told her I called her because my driver is good guy and that he is honorable for being honest and that they should give him a raise.  She laughed and let out a sigh of relief.  She then said she would make sure his supervisor got the note.

I went through the same thing with expedia last week. We arrived at our hotel for E3 at about 2 a.m. just to be told that the hotel was overbooked and we lost our reservation. I got on the lobby phone with expedia for over an hour of bs and hold and transfers until finally they agreed to pay for a more expensive place for that night.

Quoted: dee, the UPS guy busted my flower pot today. He left a note he was sorry and that they would replace it.  He left a number to his supervisor.  He has been a real good guy all these years he has been delivering my stuff.  He always hides the stuff so you cant see if from the road.  He also comes late to my house because he knows when I get off work.   I called UPS customer service and told the lady about the pot.  I could sense apprehension and fear in her voice.  Then I told her I called her because my driver is good guy and that he is honorable for being honest and that they should give him a raise.  She laughed and let out a sigh of relief.  She then said she would make sure his supervisor got the note.

Okay-here's my experience
December 2004:
Kyocera sends a recall notice for cell phone battery.

UPS sends notice saying they couldn't deliver the package-BS. We were home all week

We go to the depot-they have the battery and they can't do nothing about the fact the battery wasn't delivered.

I call the 800 # for UPS-nothing they can do.

Wait for a supervisor for 10 mins-nothing they can do

Screw UPS-sorry to hear about the flowerpot and the camera.

As far as outsourcing is concerned-I saw on the news a while back that they will outsource McDonald's drive-thrus.  That will be insane.  And stupid.  

I had an experience with Dell that could be read from the same script almost exactly.

I assume by overseas you mean... INDIA.  That's where I believe Dell has outsourced to.  (It's gotten so bad that in the case of American Airlines, the outsourced call people with are actually instructed to lie and say they are in Dallas- I love to ask them "how's the weather over there" while looking it up on www.intellicast.com).

Of course, you have to understand the economics.  You have been classified as a low priority call.  Therefore, you have been bounced to idiots with passable English and detailed scripts that say things like "Have you put the power cord in the socket?"  They are cheap.  If they can solve your problem, then Dell has just saved a few bucks.  If not, it's not much trouble to send you to the far more expensive call center in the U.S.  But... they will fight it tooth and nail.  The secret is to understand the triggers that get you there.  One is, getting the guy in the cheap call center to just give up on you.  If you burn up enough time he gets in trouble because they monitor the average call resolution time.  Extend that by much and he'll suddenly get real anxious to dump you.  Sometimes that means you get hung up on.  Sometimes not.

I've taken to saying "What?  I can't understand you, is there a manager?" to everything they say, minus one or two real answers to make it seem like I'm really trying.  I read numbers back to them wrong over and over again.  Particularly "seven."

(I use equally offensive stereotype names to avoid offending anyone but Indians and Austrians):

Abu: "The number is 800-447"
Franz: "Eight Hundred.  Four Four Eleven..."
Abu: "No, Four Four Seven."
Franz: "Oh, Four Four Eleven Eight Hundred..."

Lather.  Rinse.  Repeat.

Usually, I get back to the U.S. that way.  Alternatively, I just yammer on about something totally beyond comprehension until they "escalate" the call back to the U.S.

That often goes like this:

Abu: "Have you tried plugging in your computer, sir."
Franz: "Well, I can't because the negative power flux coupling is polarized."
Abu: "Uh, ok, sir.  The power plug.  Have you removed it?"
Franz: "How the hell am I supposed to remove it with the negative power flux coupling polarized?  Are you trying to blow the starboard processor nacelle?"
Abu: "Do you know how to remove the hard drive, sir?"
Franz: "Won't that cause neutrino streams?"

Since I only call Dell when I have nothing else to do (my computer is screwed, remember?) I make it a game.  My record of getting Abu to send me to someone in the U.S. is 4 minutes 38 seconds (set last week- yes, I really keep track, originally because I was going to write down the times to complain to a manager with).  See if you can beat it!

Meanwhile, there are a few other neat features of the system.  Often, you can get priority routed to a "real" call center if you've called more than a certain number of times.  Calling Abu 3-5 times and hanging up after less than 20 seconds often gets you right into Cindy, the Time Life operator in Texas on time #6.

Give it a shot.  Also, when you do get a hold of the native speaker, make sure to complain and to TELL them you know it was India (or wherever).  They are usually embarrassed by this and that feedback actually DOES get passed up the chain.  Tell them you know you were a low priority caller, you don't appreciate it and these are the sorts of customer service decisions that prompt you to consider switching your (airline, long distance company, hairdresser).  Make sure you ask them to file a WRITTEN complaint.

Outsourcing is hitting its limits for customer service.  Do your little part to push it out a bit more.  It only takes a few minutes to befuddle Abu.  Go for it!

Quoted:     ....  snip  ....

Priceless.

Thanks for the great tips.  

Austrian, that is the funniest damn post I have read in a long time. Thanks.